Failure OR Success? Who Decides?

We all want to succeed in life and that means something different to everyone. The dictionary definition of the word failure is the lack of success. So what does success mean? I thought you would never ask ... Success is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. With all of this in mind, why is it that in human nature we think that our success is measured by the people around us? We look at people that are in similar situations as us and we think that we have failed somehow because we do not have our sh*t as together as it would SEEM. The truth is that we all need to NOT worry about other people because they have an idea of success that is much different than our own. We are unique individuals and we are on our own unique path, looking at others will not help us. Success is relative. Only YOU truly know what your aim and purpose are therefore, only YOU can determine if you have succeeded or not. People will always formulate an opinion but your opinion is the only one that matters. Keep your eyes on the prize, do not let yourself be bothered by outsiders. If you are too busy looking at others it will do more harm than good. When you compare yourself to others you will always find the ways in which they are better than you. We fixate on their success and do not take into consideration what the person has overcome. Don’t focus on others, if you do, you are spending less time working on your own SH*TUFF.

We have adopted a misconception of what success actually means and our notion of success has also shaped what we believe failure is. Our notion is socially constructed and has trickled into our educational system, making it extremely difficult for people to truly explore their passions. This stops people from walking on their own path because they have a fear of failing, they take the “safest” path because it guarantees success or they are too busy doing what is expected of them. If you are walking down a path that is not meant for you, that will affect your level of happiness which is directly connected to how successful you will become. We want to make the people in our lives happy, but we have to keep our own happiness in mind when we are walking our path. Our parents have influenced how we think and we always want to make the people who raised us proud, as a result we will define our own success based on what THEY want for us. Take time to figure out what it is that YOU want and not what others want for you.

Many people think that success is defined by the amount of money you got in the bank. However, if we treat money as the ONLY component to our success we will learn that it is not everything. Having money is great, but if you are not happy with your life, have you truly succeeded? There is more to life than what kind of car you drive or how big your house is, all of that is nothing if you are not living a fulfilling life. Measuring your success according to your bank account, will result in a depressing existence. You will constantly be trying to get more and never be satisfied. Nothing in life is guaranteed including success and ESPECIALLY the number in your bank account. Do not make “money” your main focus when you are trying to measure your level of success.

When do we fail? When we give up. There is nothing worse than setting out on a journey and not crossing the finish line. Nothing is impossible to accomplish. We make our own restrictions and convince ourselves that we cannot do something. As long as we are still actively working towards our goal we are succeeding, but the moment we stop BELIEVING that we can do it, we have failed. There are moments in life where we may fail at our goals regardless of how hard we have worked but there is a lot to gain from the experience altogether. We need to look at the glass as half full, focus on what you have and where you need to go. At the end of the day your accomplishments are always much greater than your failures. When working towards your goal, stick to it, achieve your full potential and figure out where you need to improve. Always try your best, so that at the end of the day you can say with full confidence that you gave it all that you had.

~Go be a success.

If I Knew Then What I Know Now: A Letter to Edith's Past Self

Dear,

You... Me... Us …

I know you think you don’t have your life together. News flash kiddo, at 25 you will still be trying to piece it together! Ten years into your future you will have learned a lot, but I want to use the opportunity to share some important life lessons that if applied sooner will come in handy.

Not knowing everything is not a bad thing. Life is about making mistakes and figuring out how to cope. Whenever you have doubt, you should ask questions even if you think you sound  stupid. Chances are that a lot of people around you feel the same way and have the same questions. When you choose to keep quiet, you deprive yourself from learning something new and sharing the knowledge with those around you.

You are young and smart, you shouldn’t be wasting your time on pointless things. You have so much to look forward to... you have no idea. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you can’t make decisions for yourself. That guy that made you feel like you were HIS property, is still an asshole. But who cares about his A$$!? I know you were afraid to lose him, but guess what? There are plenty of people in your life to love and who will love you back. These people will support you and help you become more independent. When you realize that your life is in YOUR hands, you can make decisions for yourself to create your own path. Don’t waste time with bittersweet people, you won’t get that time back. You have much learning to do and no time fo’ mahfuck@s. It is worth your while to spend time thinking about more important things such as school and your artistic and spiritual development; focus on these aspects of your life and you will continue to add more meaning to it.

You don’t realize it now but when you place your self-worth in the hands of someone who doesn’t appreciate and love you for who you are, it really wounds your self esteem. Don’t worry about what others will think, you don’t owe them anything. Just remember that you have to love yourself for who you are and don’t be ashamed of what you need and what makes you happy. It’s not up to anyone to determine what happiness is for you. Happiness is relative to each person. If you take care of yourself and work to keep YOU happy, you’ll be much more grateful and at peace with yourself. Don’t create an inner war with yourself to the point of no return, learn to cope with your surroundings. Afterall life is a game of push and pull. There will always be things to learn and unlearn. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Dream BIG. Dreams don’t cost you anything. You don’t have a lot of people who expect much of you other than your teachers and your parents. YOUR life is about YOU. You have the opportunity to dream big and work hard towards making those dreams come true. It’s ok if right now you don’t have the funds to travel, you don’t need it. Get lost in a new culture, visit a temple you’ve never been to before, eat food from another origin, follow the sunset until the edge of the world. Write down a list of places you want to go to and things you want to accomplish. It is especially important to write things down so that you can visualize what you want to do and you can work towards that goal. Once you’ve seen those goals through, crossing them off your bucket-list will feel satisfying! You will have the feeling of accomplishment and will want to work towards more goals and challenge yourself along the way!

Yo, get your isht together. You have a whole life ahead of you, don’t let the moment pass you by and live!

Much love and best wishes,

Edith P.

Happiness From Within

Are you happy? What makes you happy? Is it the big things or small things? Or perhaps they are not things at all, but moments. Moments with the ones that you love. Happiness is defined as the state of being happy, and happy is defined as feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Both of these definitions are set in the present tense, the NOW. However, people often times think about their happiness as something to be achieved in the future, “If I do this I will be happy.” I too am guilty of this. I find myself saying that once I reach a goal I will be happy, but the truth is once I reach that goal there will be another goal to chase. We will never be happy if we are stuck chasing that happiness. Happiness is something to be felt in the present moment.

There are lots of people in my life who I would like to see happy, but their happiness is not the center of my happiness. I know people that weight their happiness heavily on that of others, but you cannot control if another person is happy. There are many other factors in people’s lives that we do not have knowledge or control over. We all have our own idea of what happiness looks and feels like, so whatever makes us feel good is not the same thing for another person. Happiness is relative not universal, it is not a “one size fits all” type of deal. Everyone’s mind arrives at the idea is happiness differently. What makes me happy is not necessarily the same thing for you. Happiness is so simple yet we make it complex. I love how Aristotle put it, “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” WE have the power to be happy or not, Happiness is a choice and we must CHOOSE to wake up every morning and be happy.

I have always said that you should do whatever makes you happy, but this statement is not entirely true. One should do what makes them happy, as long as they do not bring harm to those around them. A lot of our own happiness is a direct result from the environment that we come from. So if the people in your life are not happy then you are not, you too are being exposed to their unhappiness. Chances are that the people you keep in your life are people you care about, and you show compassion toward these people. Your actions or the lack there of will always affect those around you whether you intend to or not. I have been around so many people that do what is right for them, but they do not stop to think about how their actions will affect the people they love. While they themselves have a favorable outcome, they do not take into account how it will affect others around them. If the people in your life are negatively affected by a decision that YOU have made, this will affect YOUR level of happiness, and lets face it, moods are contagious, so what do you want in your life? I am not saying that you should completely sacrifice your happiness for that of those around you, that is counterproductive, but you do need to weigh your options and ask yourself if the outcome is favorable for everyone. You have to be an active participant when it comes to your own happiness, do not just idly stand there waiting for something to happen, you have to make life happen and take charge. The Dalai Lama once said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” You have to make sure that your actions do not bring harm to the ones you love, because their happiness is connected to your’s.

For many people losing weight is tied to their happiness, but guess what? If we never learn to accept ourselves the way we are, we will never be skinny enough. People have a misconception of how to gain happiness, it is a state of mind. Losing weight is external, and being genuinely happy comes from within. You have to learn to be happy with the skin you are in, and realize that what we LOOK like on the outside is not the same as how we feel on the inside. Happiness is something that we feel, and we arrive at the feeling through our mind set. Ever hear of “mind over matter?” Well happiness is the same concept. Objects outside of us do not get to decide what happiness is, our minds have to arrive at that conclusion all on its own. Our minds are more powerful than we give them credit for. It is important to work towards a realistic goal, but all that work will have been for not if you do not know how to love yourself today. Imagine waking up every morning being happy and loving the skin you are in, and being grateful to live another day. You will one day accomplish that weight goal, but imagine the level of satisfaction you will achieve if you feel good while you are working toward that goal. You may even reach that goal faster. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” When you are working toward a goal and you want to reach it with every fiber of your being, every little progress will make you feel happy causing all of the pieces to naturally fall into place.

I know you must be thinking that is easier said than done … which is true, but there is no way you can change your mindset in the snap of a finger. It will take time and you will have to work hard at it. You have to make it a point to be happy NOW. There are techniques that you can learn to train your mind to become what you want it to be. In his TED talk, Matthieu Ricard, talks about “The Habits of Happiness.” Ricard mentions that there are studies that have been done in regards to happiness, and they have found that the same parts of the brain are active when a person is expressing kindness and compassion. Expressing kindness and compassion is key when it comes to being happy, knowing that you have had a positive impact on someone else’s life will make you feel fulfilled. Furthermore, not expecting or seeking a reward in return for being kind and compassionate, leads to a deep feeling of serenity and satisfaction. Being a better person goes hand-in-hand with your level of happiness, almost everything we do is dependent on our own happiness or the happiness of the people we care for in our lives the most. Ricard also talks about the Buddhist view of happiness as being the same as “well being,” it is not just a “pleasurable sensation” as defined above, it is a deep sense of serenity and fulfillment. This concept takes the idea of happiness to another level. Happiness then has a sense of peacefulness, longevity, and is infinite, it is no longer just a moment in time but it is a series of moments that you can look back on and know that you have experienced a sense of fulfilment.  

The next time you are finding it difficult to be happy, I hope that you will remember this post. When all seems lost and feels hopeless, just remember that you and only you alone have control over your thoughts. Think of all to positives in your life, and list all of the things you are grateful for, reach out to a friend. Edith talked about all of these things and more in her last post, Snap Out of it! Most importantly remember that you are not alone, everyone is on this journey to finding happiness.

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To Control, or Not Control?

There are many aspects in your life that you can control such as your own happiness, who you talk to, where you go, what you feed yourself, what you do in your day-to-day life and the list goes on. However, there are many other things that you do not have control over, such as other people’s happiness, time, death or what other people’s opinions are.The things out of our control are the ones we tend to stress about the most, we are fearful that the outcome will not be a favorable one. I have found myself on countless occasions fixating on a situation that I do not have control over, but for what? I cannot change the outcome, so, why waste my energy? If you know there is nothing in your power to impact the result then move on, there is no point in wasting your time and energy. Do not fixate on things that are out of your control, it will only affect your wellbeing and cause chaos in your life.

It is in human nature to want to be in control of all aspects of life, we want to make sure the outcome is favorable for us. Naturally, we want to “fix” things or be in control of what is happening around us. We hate feeling helpless so we gravitate toward controlling the situations in our lives. We need to realize that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome, and that nothing needs to be “fixed.” Whether it be through divine intervention, or the universe working to maintain the flow, things are as they should be and we need to accept that. Trying to be in control causes unnecessary stress and anxiety, it causes us to hurt ourselves in more ways than we realize. Stressing does not change the result, it is useless and we cannot do anything with it. Sometimes we need to trust that the universe will take care of our problems, and shift our perspective and use that energy constructively.

When I was very young I realized that people are going to judge me, no matter what. Everyone will formulate an opinion whether it be good, or bad. I cannot control what they think of me, the only thing I can do is try to be the best person possible. Ultimately, I cannot control the thoughts of others, and I do not want to burden my mind worrying about what someone else thinks of me. This is an unnecessary stress. If I am happy being me, what does it matter what another person thinks? In the end I can’t control their opinion of me, but I can control how it affects me. Take control of the things that are within your reach.

We have all wished at some point in our lives that we could control time, but we can’t. There are countless movies that build their foundation on the concept of time travel. We as an audience hope and wish that these movies will one day become our reality. Sorry to break it to you, but it will NOT happen, because if it will, it would have already happened … if that makes any sense … Well if it doesn't that’s ok it, time travel is a completely different can of worms (by worms I mean blog post). The plain and simple point is that you cannot change the past or control the future. The past has already happened and whatever you say or do will not change the effect of what has already came to pass. We cannot predict the future nor can we control it, however we can influence our future by working on our present. All you need to do is be the best person you can possibly be NOW, and hope that your actions result in the best possible outcome.

Stressing about things out of our control is a worthless use of energy. That energy can be better used on hard work, or being someone’s friend, encouraging someone, or spreading kindness. Use that energy to make the world a better place, don’t be distracted by something that is out of your control.

Words Don’t Hurt, The People Who Say Them Do

Words have power, only if you allow them to. Not everyone realizes how much their words can affect others. You do not know what someone else has been through in their lifetime, so you do not know exactly how your words will affect them. I believe that actions speak much louder than words If someone just says something to me, I do not waste my time worrying about it until I see some action, but that is just me. For example, flowers versus saying, “I missed you today,” think about the difference in the two scenarios, how would YOU feel? Read more in my post, “Words Whisper, Actions Shout.” There are those incidences when all it takes are a few words to ruin my entire day. Those words feed on my insecurities and when another person points them out it feels like someone punched me in the gut. However I soon realize that at the end of the day I am the only person that I need to worry about, I am the only person that needs to be concerned with my own happiness and not allow the negative words from others affect me in such an extreme. Think about it, do the words alone have power? Or do you give the person saying them the power? Who are the people in your life that have that power over you? Why do they have that power?

Words will have an affect on you in one way or another, depending on who they are coming from. Whether that be someone close to you or a person you rarely, if at all, speak to. I can think of many times when the words of a person close to me have been hurtful, but I have come to learn that I should not let those few words undo my whole day. I know that they have my best interest in mind and they are only saying it to help me out. However, when a person I do not really know says something nasty to me I just chalk it up to them being buttmunches (yes that is a technical term), so I let it roll off my shoulder, like water on a duck’s back.

There are also the words that come in the form of holy scriptures. Those words are relevant because we place value on them and we place value because someone at some point said that we should. I am not saying that holy scriptures are unimportant, they are very important because they help us develop our morals and tells us what is right from wrong. When it comes down to your actions and what morals you have developed as a result of those words you choose what actions to take.

So what are words really? Words are only made up of the meaning WE give them, we define them, therefore we allow them to affect us. It’s like that quote, “Don’t let people’s compliments get to your head, and don't let their criticism get to your heart.” Never let someone else’s words affect how you live your life, or how you want to live it. Be humble when someone pays you a compliment, that just means you are doing something right, and when someone criticizes you learn from it but do not fixate on it for too long. One should strive to only spread positivity, so use only kind words.

~Be kind

Stand on Your Own Two Feet!

Independence, self sufficient, doing things on your own. To me Independence is when you do not need to rely on anyone or anything else to make you happy. In order to have a meaningful relationship you need to move past the issues you have with yourself. You have to be in a healthy relationship with yourself before you can expect to be in a happy relationship with someone else. If you are focusing too much of your attention on someone else, and not working on your inner peace then you will go crazy. The only person you have control over in this world is you, so take control and be independent. You have the power to determine your own outcome. When you enter any relationship, romantic or otherwise, and you are not happy with yourself, you will become dependent, you will look to the other person for validation. Let’s face it, we came into this world alone, and we will leave alone, choosing to be in a relationship is great because you determine who you will spend time with, but relationships are like ships passing in the night, they will fade with distance. So we need to be more than “ok” with being alone.

I am not saying that all relationships are bad, when you enter a relationship at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons, it will have a negative results. Don’t let anyone have the power of controlling your happiness. We did a post a while back about Best Interests it is about how everyone is for themselves, we ultimately care about our own well being. So if you are dependent, you will be the one to get hurt in the end, because the person you are dependent on is not always going to be there for you. So, who IS there for you? Guess what? You will ALWAYS be there for you! You cannot run and hide from yourself.

When it comes to romantic relationships, some level of dependency is required so that you can build trust with one another. But what happens when the other person is no longer there for you to fall back on? If something happens to your significant other, universe forbid, how will you take care of yourself? You should be able to say that you will be ok, but for those who are dependent, can you really say the same? When in a relationship, you should never forget who you are. Just because you are with someone you do not lose your individuality. You will never discover who you really are if your main identity is that you are someone else’s significant other. You are not property to be owned, you are a unique individual, and that is to be celebrated.

You do not want to lose yourself in the blur of the people around you, stand apart and define your own lines, stand out among the blur. Once you have established your individuality, no one and nothing will get in the way of your happiness.

~Be independent. Be yourself.

Jealousy; The Green Eyed-Monster.

Jealousy is a bit more complex than we may think. This is not only just an emotion, it is a reaction. There are many different situations in which jealousy can come out. It may be in a relationship, romantic and otherwise, or even in a competitive setting, the workplace, or a social gathering. Whatever the case may be I feel that it is a wasted emotion! We live in a society where we do not take the time to appreciate what we DO have in our lives, we spend too much time and energy worrying about what we want, or what others have. I always tell people that those things we want, materialistic or otherwise, are not always the things that make us happy. Once you look deep within yourself, trust me you will realize you have just wasted your time being jealous.

When it comes to competitive jealousy, it brings to light your level of self confidence. If you feel jealous because of what someone has, that means that you are wasting too much of your time thinking about other people, you really need to think about yourself for a change!!!! One could even say you are lacking self-confidence … and trust me that is not attractive. (Check out our post about confidence right -> HERE.) A person who is jealous because their co worker just bought a brand new BMW, suggests that something is wrong with their 10 year old Civic. The jealous person needs to realize that their Civic has lasted them 10 years and is still running great. This person also has a fear of what others might think of their little ol’ Civic, and last time I checked all cars serve the same purpose, get you from point A to B. So, who cares what the world thinks?!?!?!?! If you are happy and everything is working why you trippen’ for? Be grateful that you own a car, some don’t even have THAT luxury.

ROMANTIC jealousy, this one can be flattering, but still a waste. Some may think that it is cute when their significant other is jealous of another person due to the fear of loss, it shows that they care about the other person enough for this emotion to get in the way. Being jealous in this situation also shows that the other person has trust issues. They do not trust their significant other enough to believe that they will make the right decisions. With romantic jealousy we also get a mixture of other reactions such as possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation. Aside from the lack of trust, there is once again the lack of confidence, this person begins to question what is wrong with themselves; Why would my significant other do what they did? What does the other person have that I do not have? What is wrong with me?

A lot of the time jealousy can be projected by something that isn’t there, it may be your imagination running wild, but it happens if you lack trust in your partner and confidence in yourself.

What all of this boils down to is happiness, jealousy prevents you from being happy. Happiness is a choice, you can choose to be happy for someone or you can choose to be jealous of them. Learn to be happy for people and trust your significant other. Turn the feeling of jealousy into something positive and you will make your life positive.

There are so many issues in the world such as hunger, genocide, war, poverty, etc. so why waste your time and energy being envious of people? Be grateful for what you have and celebrate that with the people who are around you and care about you. You have the power to determine what your life will be like, and as time goes on the harder it will be to make that change. You have the power to determine your outcome.

~Peace

$Money$

What does it mean to have lots of money? Happiness? Success? How do we view money? I fear that people have forgotten the value of other things in life, and have made everything about what is in their bank accounts. It is hard to live in this world without worrying about money, because money is so essential for our well being. Some young people only worry about how they are going to make more money, but they do not worry so much about how they are going to keep their family together, how they can become a better person, or how they can be happy.

We talked about appreciating the people around us in our post about family, you should value those who love you. If you are working too much and finding that you are not valuing the people around you, you have to stop and think if it is worth it. I have watched the families of those who work too much fall apart simply because they do not make time between their job and family. Is all of that money worth it if you do not have anyone to spend it with?

I feel that everyone’s financial goals should be to live comfortably, so that their families never have a “need.” Living in poverty can lead to unnecessary stress, and a whole number of things that I will not get into (that’s a whole ‘nother post), and having too much money can (but not always) lead to greed. The question is, will you ever have enough money? Then the question becomes, why should I stop making money? A few weeks back there was a person that was going around San Francisco, leaving envelopes of cash, and leaving clues on twitter. You don't believe me? Well check out this article from the Huffington Post. This one person started a nationwide trend, people have begun to do the same thing in different cities around the U.S. These “random acts of kindness,” as the media is calling it, has gotten a lot of attention because who does not like free money? (if you hate it comment below and tell me about your issues with free money) This one person in SF has so much money that they had no clue what to do with it, so they are just giving it away. Perhaps this person in SF got to a point where he/she realized that all of the money they had was not making them happy, so why not give it to people who could use it? (or some great media stunt … we will never know!)

I’m not trying to say that money is bad, I am saying that it is important to not let it control your life. There are many more important things in our lives like being a happy person. We also talked about doing whatever makes you happy in our graduation post, you can read about it here. If you are letting money control your life, then it will be difficult to be in the state of happiness; you are living for your money and you stop living for yourself. If you are not happy now what is the point? We are all going to die one day soon, and we cannot take any of our worldly possessions with us and that includes money (unless you are an Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh, and if you are comment below, I would love to hear about your rise from the dead!).

With all this swimming in my head, I have been facing the question of what job will be fulfilling to me in the long run. I will be satisfied when I know that I am helping people and making a difference in the world. I do not want to be tied down to a regular 9-5 job, where I am only there for the moollah. I want to live a comfortable life, but not at the expense of my happiness and the happiness of those around me. Take time out and think about what makes you happy, other than money, and make THAT your priority. In doing this you can ensure that money is not controlling you.

~Ta Ta

Graduation... Now What?

Being that it's graduation/commencement season, we decided to blog about new beginnings. For many of you who are graduating, I would like to congratulate you on your hard work and accomplishments. You have come so far from where you started, I want to remind you this is not the end this is only the beginning of the rest of your life... not to sound dramatic here but it’s the truth hahaha. SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL! FAST AND HARD!

A lot of you will go on to pursue higher education, take up an internship to step foot in  your dream job, others will save up money to move out, buy a car... pay off loans! Whatever the case may be, make sure that you are happy and doing what you want to do in life. For some people, finding a job that is relevant to what they have studied throughout college will come easy, and then there’s the rest of us who are still trying to figure that out. Dont give up, if you try your best and make every effort to achieve your goals, like graduating from college, in the end everything will work itself out. However if for some reason this ends up not working for you, at least you can always say it wasn’t because you didn’t try.

The aspect of new beginnings and simply going forward in life, does not mean that everything and everyone before this point is now unimportant. Remember those who have made a difference in your life during your academic career. Give thanks to those who have been there for you. Celebrate with your loved ones for this is an exciting moment that brings joy and happiness for everyone who cares about you. New beginnings aren’t that new, this moment is only highlighted because of how far you have come. It’s a way of publicly announcing your accomplishments. Beginnings don’t start from scratch there are always strings attached and it’s imperative that you take into account everything you have experienced in your past.  

Life will always test your strength. You will go through failures, dark times, success followed by bad news. But everything happens for a reason. In this lifetime you can make things happen, make things fit into your reality. After walking the stage, shaking some seasoned hands and getting your picture taken, life takes on a different outlook. You have about 6 months to start paying off your student debt. Finding a stepping stone job may be hard for some while easy for others. Being fulfilled with what that job has to offer you in the long run will allow you to evolve. In the mean time try not to give up on your hopes and dreams, if they are meant to be then they will resolve in due time. The fact of the matter is that you never stop learning, every day is a step toward your goal, you graduate everyday.

Dream Big, Aim High

Confidence: Your Best Accessory; Use it, It's Free!

To me being confident is when you do not need to worry about anything or anyone else, and you know that you ultimately have the power to control your outcomes. This is what people pick up on the most, it is when someone can walk into a room and command the attention of the entire room. There was a time in my life when I lacked a lot of confidence, I was a socially awkward, freakishly tall, frizzy hair, and I would wear really weird shoes that were a size too big for my feet, and lets just say that people are not nice about anything that is different to them. Once I got a little older I realized that people’s words only hurt you when you are insecure, so I knew that I needed to gain confidence. If there is something about myself that is less than perfect, and it is in my power to change it I will. As the years went by I realized that in order to move forward with my life I had to become confident in who I am and embrace the person I have become. Once I became happy with who I was people no longer made these comments, because they could not pick up on my insecurities. I realized that the only thing that mattered was my happiness, and if I am happy with who I have become no one can change that.

My sister and I went to the store the other day, and both of us are tall people, as a result it is hard for us to find long clothes that fit us, lucky for us we walked into the right store. The woman that was working at the store was a fellow tall person, and we got to talking about how there simply are not decent clothes for us to wear, then the conversation shifted to how others react to us being tall. Our friends and family are constantly talking about how we need to lower ourselves in photos so that we can “fit in”, or the fact the everyone tells us that we should not wear heels because we are tall enough without them and make them feel short. At the end of the conversation it was not about being “tall” it was about one’s level of confidence, I do not mind when people point out the fact that I’m tall. I love being tall, and I show it when I take pictures, and If I feel like wearing heels I will, deal with it. I am comfortable with my height and in some ways my height has shaped who I am and I will be confident no matter how much I stand out. One quote by Dr. Seuss comes to mind, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” … in my case literally!

I tend to stand out more than others because of my height, but that is not all people will see, there is more to me than being a tall person. People can smell confidence a mile away, it is all about how one carries one’s self. Others are able to pick up on how you feel about yourself just by looking at your self-presentation. Confidence is sexy ;)

Confidence is not something that grows on trees (unfortunately) it is something that each person needs to develop. Every person has different struggles that they need to overcome. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is your personality, and people cannot get to know you unless you let yourself shine through, the only way you can do that is to develop your confidence and allow others to get to know the “real” you.

~Be you.

Freedom: Mind Over Matter

I was having a conversation with a good friend from college, and it had me thinking for a while about my life. They asked me “Do you still live with your parents?” I responded, “Yes, I do.” After I got off the phone with my friend I began to think; “I am not really on my own.” When I was in college, I lived on my own and I had the freedom to do as I pleased. Now that I moved back home with my parents it’s much harder to do whatever I want. As much as I’d like to think that I’m an adult who can fend for myself, I still have to abide by the rules of my parents which limits my freedom.

There are times where I feel trapped in my own home. I can’t stay out as long as I please or stay the night at a friend’s place without getting into an extensively pointless argument with my parents, whereas when I was in college I had the freedom to do so. In the past I have dealt with this in different ways, one way would entail me doing whatever I please and pissing off my mom and dad, (yes, I am rebellious). I would come home and get berated over three hours and still get shit for my “behavior” throughout the rest of the day, week, month or even the rest of the year…(yeah not even kidding you). Anyways, the other way to “deal” with the situation is to avoid confrontation altogether or choose to back down and keep my parents happy. The word deal is in quotations because it’s not really “dealing” with the issue it’s simply choosing to avoid it in order to diffuse any altercation at the cost of my freedom. I have tried both methods and both have left either party unsatisfied.

My freedom suffers when the best interests of others get in the way of mine. In this case I’m looking out for my parents, I love to see them happy and if it means that I stay indoors because they feel I will be safe, I’ll do it. However, it hurts me socially because this takes a toll on my relationships outside the home. To me, it’s worth it because I want them to be happy as much as possible. When you love someone you sacrifice things for them and they have sacrificed being overprotective at times to respect me as an adult.

The only true freedom I have is in my thoughts and in my dreams, no one can restrain me in my own thoughts, I’m in control. Thinking the undoable and imagining the unreal is when I am free to apply my thoughts to something more tangible. I know there will be a time where eventually my actions will speak for me and not my parents. My parents influence my life right now but maybe in the future my freedom will be restrained by another variable for example, my marriage partner, children, or work. Freedom is an illusion, it all depends on how you look at it and what restrains it. Just make sure that if you sacrifice something it is worth it.

Love and peace,

Edith

Marriage

 

Marriage can be scary for many reasons, which will leave many individuals waiting and contemplating what's to come. None of us know what our life has in store for us, much less do we know what it will be like with a life partner, because lets face it (at least in my religion/culture) when you get married to someone it is forever. And this, for many people is nerve wrecking, but it doesn't have to be.

As human beings we are skeptical, fearful, and maybe, even these doubts are totally unnecessary. Sometimes these doubts may lead you to think that your significant other is not the right person for you, and maybe destiny has someone else for you to be with and we insist on doubting and this alone can set us up for failure before we even start. I know that when I think about marriage my mind is going at 100mps with no concrete substance for which to alleviate my doubts and fears, but this does not have to be the case. We have been raised to think that this is something that we have to do at this precise moment in time, but marriage is a step that should not be taken with a light heart. Marriage is a life changing step and it should only be taken when you feel that you are truly ready to take it.

Often I do consider the happiness of my parents surrounded by grandchildren but I need to stop and think am I ready for this? And the answer is no. No I am not ready because when I think about becoming someone’s wife and then later on someone’s mother the feelings of skepticism, and fear begin to settle in my mind once more, I know that I want this in my life, but now is simply not the time for me. In the future when I can think of marriage and no longer feel fearful, I know I am ready.