My Friend: The Living Martyr

If you don't know what a martyr is, Merriam Webster says that it is a person who suffers constantly. Now, I know I’m probably far fetched from the original definition but the word that would more closely describe this friend of mine. There are many different kinds of people, who fall into the spectrum between those who are selfish to the bone and people who think of everything but themselves. I consider the selfless people to have characteristics of martyrs. They go through so much pain and suffer through some messed up situations for others. Usually they bear the suffering for the people they consider loved ones. Although, in some cases, the people they suffer for aren’t even worth it, in my opinion. I arrive to this conclusion from my own observations where the person they suffer for does not put in the same amount of effort into the relationship. However, the selfless being believes their commitment to the relationship is worth it. I just wish I could slap some sense into them but I also find myself in that situation at times so I know exactly what it’s like. Everyone is different, all I know is that I have to respect their wishes as I hope they do mine.

The purpose of this post is to shed light on the folks who give it all and expect nothing in return. While this is the highest form of humility in my opinion, it’s easy for many to overlook the acts of selflessness, and that’s unfortunate. There is nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe is important, despite the consequences. However, I feel there is a point in time where the line needs to be drawn. The selfless person needs to figure out for themselves where that line gets placed. Hopefully they can realize when the people they support unconditionally do not meet those same standards in return. Know your limits and come to terms when you see that the other person doesn’t appreciate your commitment. They don’t see the value in all you do for them, so why waste your time if you’re getting nothing in return? Don’t forget that you are also important and deserve to be around those who appreciate you to the same extent. It’s completely fine to be a little selfish every once in a while. In making others happy you should remember that you need to come first. When you go to bed, you’re left with your own thoughts naturally you are  alone so you need to love yourself unconditionally. Ernest Hemingway once said, “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

It’s great if you go out of your way to make others happy but you must not forget that you are also very important. You should always take care of yourself first if you want to help others. You can’t expect to patch someone up if you’re hurt as well. And you must always remember that you should spend your precious time on those who are worth it, i.e. those who will equally go out of their way for you as you do for them. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

$Money$

What does it mean to have lots of money? Happiness? Success? How do we view money? I fear that people have forgotten the value of other things in life, and have made everything about what is in their bank accounts. It is hard to live in this world without worrying about money, because money is so essential for our well being. Some young people only worry about how they are going to make more money, but they do not worry so much about how they are going to keep their family together, how they can become a better person, or how they can be happy.

We talked about appreciating the people around us in our post about family, you should value those who love you. If you are working too much and finding that you are not valuing the people around you, you have to stop and think if it is worth it. I have watched the families of those who work too much fall apart simply because they do not make time between their job and family. Is all of that money worth it if you do not have anyone to spend it with?

I feel that everyone’s financial goals should be to live comfortably, so that their families never have a “need.” Living in poverty can lead to unnecessary stress, and a whole number of things that I will not get into (that’s a whole ‘nother post), and having too much money can (but not always) lead to greed. The question is, will you ever have enough money? Then the question becomes, why should I stop making money? A few weeks back there was a person that was going around San Francisco, leaving envelopes of cash, and leaving clues on twitter. You don't believe me? Well check out this article from the Huffington Post. This one person started a nationwide trend, people have begun to do the same thing in different cities around the U.S. These “random acts of kindness,” as the media is calling it, has gotten a lot of attention because who does not like free money? (if you hate it comment below and tell me about your issues with free money) This one person in SF has so much money that they had no clue what to do with it, so they are just giving it away. Perhaps this person in SF got to a point where he/she realized that all of the money they had was not making them happy, so why not give it to people who could use it? (or some great media stunt … we will never know!)

I’m not trying to say that money is bad, I am saying that it is important to not let it control your life. There are many more important things in our lives like being a happy person. We also talked about doing whatever makes you happy in our graduation post, you can read about it here. If you are letting money control your life, then it will be difficult to be in the state of happiness; you are living for your money and you stop living for yourself. If you are not happy now what is the point? We are all going to die one day soon, and we cannot take any of our worldly possessions with us and that includes money (unless you are an Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh, and if you are comment below, I would love to hear about your rise from the dead!).

With all this swimming in my head, I have been facing the question of what job will be fulfilling to me in the long run. I will be satisfied when I know that I am helping people and making a difference in the world. I do not want to be tied down to a regular 9-5 job, where I am only there for the moollah. I want to live a comfortable life, but not at the expense of my happiness and the happiness of those around me. Take time out and think about what makes you happy, other than money, and make THAT your priority. In doing this you can ensure that money is not controlling you.

~Ta Ta

Family Appreciation

Family… what about family? They are important, let me tell you why. Family is everything, you may not agree with me but first let me make my definition clear. Family is just a term used to define a selection of people that you consider to be important in your life. I’m using the word ‘family’ as a loose term so that I may include the important people that aren't genetically linked to you. The people whom you grew up with, though you may not think so, have shaped you in some way and therefore are a part of you and your family.

For as long as I can remember I have always had my family by my side, and I can’t imagine living without them. We all need family, it’s part of a survival mechanism. Family will always be there for you in victory or defeat. The point is that your family is essential and you should take the time to tell each person that they are special. Although YOU may be aware that each member of the family is special in their own way, they may not. The simplest gesture of appreciation goes a long way.

There are countless stories of people who have lost someone before getting the chance to say: “I love you,” “you mean a great deal to me,” “ I appreciate you…” the list can go on. No one is  exempt from misfortune so regardless of the drama and heavy heartedness that tends to happen every once in a while, don’t forget that family comes first. Take it from me, I've lost a number of dear friends and family who I didn't appreciate vocally and I feel like those are loose ends that I cannot mend. Make things right with the ones you love, and you will be much happier for it. Don’t wait to love and appreciate your loved ones for a tomorrow that isn't promised.

Peace out, love you all.

Valentine’s Day ... Let Me Count the Ways I Hate Thee

St.Valentine's Day … today this is a celebration of the love between two people. I hate this holiday!

I don’t hate it because I am in fact single … but because everyday should have the potential to be “Valentine’s Day” when you appreciate your significant other and make them feel special.  

There are 365 days in a year and this is the only day on the calendar that formally recognizes the love between two people. You should not need a holiday to remind you that you need to appreciate your significant other, they should be special every single day. This person is not there because they have to be, they choose to be, they choose to tolerate all of your flaws and support your endeavors because they love you.  

The fact of the matter is that we are all going to die one day; life is too short. If you appreciate someone then you should tell them. Valentine’s Day should celebrate all Love, not just the love of a significant other, but the love of a child, parent, or a really good friend. When it comes to this holiday we tend not to recognize the other types of love that exist. We go through our lives not showing other’s that we appreciate what they have done for us. We do not know what tomorrow holds, when will you have another opportunity to express your gratitude? The smallest bit of appreciation can go a long way.

I was watching a TED Talk a while back by Drew Dudley, on leadership. Dudley talks about how we as people are leaders without even knowing it, and we need to let the people around us know that they have made a positive impact on our lives. Dudley calls this point in time the “Lollipop moment,” this is the exact moment in time when the other person made the impact. We should apply this same idea to the ones we love.

After watching Dudley’s talk, I stepped out of my comfort zone and made more of an effort to let people know that I am grateful for that “lollipop moment” they have given me. As a result I have found it has made my relationships with those people stronger.Thinking back on my life, I do not know how often I have actually thanked people for the “lollipop moments”. If we treat every relationship in our lives with such appreciation just imagine how much value it would add to our lives. Give it a try!

You don’t need Valentine’s Day to show your appreciation.

Thanks for reading!

peace&love.