Put Your Blinders On, and Get Sh*t Done!

Don’t let what people say get to you. Compliments and criticisms are different heads on the same coin; they are two different extremes that have the same effect on our personal and professional development. Every now and again it is nice to hear praise from those around you, this lets you know that you are doing something right, but don’t let praise get to your head because where you are in life and what you have accomplished is not over. You must continue to grow and move on to bigger and better things. Those who instead critique you on what you are doing will only create friction, don’t open a window for them to dismantle your hard work and how far you have come. There is a time and place to receive such feedback and you have to be the one that decides when and where it is received and who gives it. Listen to the compliments and listen to the criticisms, and do not let them get to you. Find the balance between them so that you can move forward in a positive light. At the end of the day it is you that has to live with how you live your life. Take what you can and keep your focus. Others have the right to express how they feel, but it is your responsibility to keep your head above the water and not drown in the criticisms or compliments.

Compliments should be taken as a congratulatory formality. They should be seen as milestones, it’s only the end of one battle in a series of battles that make up a bigger war known as LIFE. Do not become overconfident, egotistical, narcissistic, or douchebaggy when receiving compliments because the war is not over. When you let compliments get to your head you stop learning and think that you have it made. It disables you to continue to work even harder by letting your guard down. Life is not going to stop so why should you? The clock is going to tick the same way it always has. Just because someone has acknowledged your hard work does not mean it’s the end of your journey. The compliments are just the beginning of what else you have in store to offer the world. It’s rewarding when people compliment you on your hard work and your accomplishments but this only means that you are doing well and must continue to push forward on your endeavors and not give up. Don’t stop there!

If you let yourself become influenced by criticism, you are giving up your power to be who you want to be. Everyone has gone through countless insecurities in their lifetime, and many of those insecurities continue to stick with us. I am an Indian woman, as you may or may not know we tend to be quite hairy. Yet we are fixated on trying to get rid of all this hair. When I was growing up I never felt insecure about my hair however, there have been countless times in my life where I have been told to “fix it.” They have all said I need to do x, y or z to my hair so that ”it would look better.” In my mind I have never been pretty enough, so when people would point out my frizzy, puffy, untamed hair, it would bring out my insecurities. I actively chose not to let it get me down. I decided that the people I want to keep in my life are those who love me for me, and it won't matter what my hair looks like. At the end of the day, if you're doing what you need to be doing and you're content with yourself, other people's opinions don't matter unless you are looking for their opinion. You have the power to be in control at all times, never forget that.

We may not realize this but when we critique others on what they need to do or how they look, it may be a sign that we are unhappy with ourselves. We are the ones who have an issue with ourselves and see those flaws in others. The only reason we are critical of others is because we are critical of ourselves. If we want to tell someone that they need to change something about THEIR persona, we need to take a second glance at ourselves, let the other person be and find peace within ourselves. One can offer suggestions but ultimately it is up to each individual to decide for themselves what advice they apply to their life at any point. We must remember that everyday that passes is a chance for us to grow and become something new. It takes a lifetime to become the people we want to be, and it is not always a walk in the park. So when you are busy critiquing others you are not focused on your own life and getting to where you should be. You are also adding unnecessary stress and judging what is out of your control, when you should be focused on your own life goals and achievements.

Over the years I have learned that what people have to say does not offer any insight as to what kind of person I am. Never let what people say, good or bad, affect your life. Keep your eyes on the prize, and only stop to pick up the things that are going to help you.“Do not let other people’s compliments go to your head nor their criticisms to your heart.”

To Control, or Not Control?

There are many aspects in your life that you can control such as your own happiness, who you talk to, where you go, what you feed yourself, what you do in your day-to-day life and the list goes on. However, there are many other things that you do not have control over, such as other people’s happiness, time, death or what other people’s opinions are.The things out of our control are the ones we tend to stress about the most, we are fearful that the outcome will not be a favorable one. I have found myself on countless occasions fixating on a situation that I do not have control over, but for what? I cannot change the outcome, so, why waste my energy? If you know there is nothing in your power to impact the result then move on, there is no point in wasting your time and energy. Do not fixate on things that are out of your control, it will only affect your wellbeing and cause chaos in your life.

It is in human nature to want to be in control of all aspects of life, we want to make sure the outcome is favorable for us. Naturally, we want to “fix” things or be in control of what is happening around us. We hate feeling helpless so we gravitate toward controlling the situations in our lives. We need to realize that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome, and that nothing needs to be “fixed.” Whether it be through divine intervention, or the universe working to maintain the flow, things are as they should be and we need to accept that. Trying to be in control causes unnecessary stress and anxiety, it causes us to hurt ourselves in more ways than we realize. Stressing does not change the result, it is useless and we cannot do anything with it. Sometimes we need to trust that the universe will take care of our problems, and shift our perspective and use that energy constructively.

When I was very young I realized that people are going to judge me, no matter what. Everyone will formulate an opinion whether it be good, or bad. I cannot control what they think of me, the only thing I can do is try to be the best person possible. Ultimately, I cannot control the thoughts of others, and I do not want to burden my mind worrying about what someone else thinks of me. This is an unnecessary stress. If I am happy being me, what does it matter what another person thinks? In the end I can’t control their opinion of me, but I can control how it affects me. Take control of the things that are within your reach.

We have all wished at some point in our lives that we could control time, but we can’t. There are countless movies that build their foundation on the concept of time travel. We as an audience hope and wish that these movies will one day become our reality. Sorry to break it to you, but it will NOT happen, because if it will, it would have already happened … if that makes any sense … Well if it doesn't that’s ok it, time travel is a completely different can of worms (by worms I mean blog post). The plain and simple point is that you cannot change the past or control the future. The past has already happened and whatever you say or do will not change the effect of what has already came to pass. We cannot predict the future nor can we control it, however we can influence our future by working on our present. All you need to do is be the best person you can possibly be NOW, and hope that your actions result in the best possible outcome.

Stressing about things out of our control is a worthless use of energy. That energy can be better used on hard work, or being someone’s friend, encouraging someone, or spreading kindness. Use that energy to make the world a better place, don’t be distracted by something that is out of your control.

Perspective: It’s All In How You See Things

Everyone gets busy in their own lives, there are everyday stresses that we simply cannot avoid. Paying the bills on time, affording gas ... how will you get around? Taking the kids to school, cleaning the house, walking the dog, the list goes on and on, and the list of responsibilities never stops growing. There are also the unexpected stresses that take up much more energy such as dealing with an new illness, or the death of a loved one, or even the end of a relationship. Some of these issues may make you feel as though your life is over and you will not be able to see yourself out of the mess. We talked about depression in a past post, and in that post we talked about how it is important to be left alone for a while so that one can gather one’s thoughts. The main goal is to not let the stress take over our lives; the stress will always be there. Stress is never gonna go away, we have to learn how to change our perspective about the situation at hand.

Reevaluating our perspective on something may sound a lot harder than it actually is. This is important because it helps you realize that you are not the only one that has troubles. The trick is being able to step out of yourself once in a while, and realizing JUST how small you are. Look at the night sky and just contemplate how many stars are shining back at you, and how many other planets there are … and JUST let your mind spin out from there. Another great way to reevaluate your perspective is to look out at a vast body of water, and allow yourself to feel small next to the ocean. Watch as the waves meet the land for a tiny instant only to be ripped away again in this never ending process. Think about all of the other people on this planet. Trust me, once you look out into the unknown; the infinite universe, your problems will not seem so troubling any more. You will be able to clear up your mind and there is a likelihood that when you come back to your dilemma with fresh eyes, it won’t seem so complicated.

Keep in mind that not everything is black and white, you won’t be able to control each and every factor in the situation. Be grateful and always trust that things will workout. You have to realize that you are small, the oceans and the skies will have that effect on you. Trusting the infinite, and the unknown will allow you to let go because the universe has a funny way of solving your problems. There is a point when you come to terms with whatever is bothering you and when you realize that it is no longer in your control, you will stop stressing about it. Your stress will not change the outcome, it will only take a toll on you and those around you. Chances are, someone else on this planet has it a lot worse than you do, after all there are more than seven billion people on this this rock we call home.  

We lose our perspective when we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but we can regain it by making ourselves small. Becoming small allows us to look beyond our own thoughts and realize that we are stressing over something that can’t change. Everything that we are going through is not really as big as we think it is, it all seems important until it does not anymore.

~ Become small. Worry less.

Depression is Not a Sign of Weakness

PREFACE: I have been dealing with depression, but there are times when something offsets my emotional stability and I spin out of control. I recently went through a state of massive emotional turmoil due to a conversation I had with a friend. This was not intentional and I told myself that I wouldn't let it get to me, but it did. This is a reminder that depression never really goes away, it is something that I have dealt with on and off for the past 17 years. Depression has no timing, I do not know when to expect it or when it will pass, it can affect me anywhere at anytime. More importantly it prevents me from living my life how I want to live it; happily. I want to shed light onto the stigmas behind depression and also to offer some comfort to those of you dealing with depression, you are not alone.    

Life is like an emotional rollercoaster, there will be ups and downs along the way and there will be bumps that hurt you, unless you become numb to your emotions. But I’m here to tell you, it’s okay. Everyone at one point or another will suffer from depression  but the severity of the depression can vary from person to person. The bottom line is that depression is real and it’s a constant battle that keeps one from living life to the fullest. The worst part about depression is that during these “downs” it’s difficult to ask for help and this leads to being in a state of solitude, which generally doesn't help the situation. In my experience, when I am left alone with my own thoughts, I feel that the situation can turn into a recipe for disaster. There is a moment when being alone can help but if I’m thinking negative thoughts and creating a dark void of sadness, it turns into a downward spiral that becomes impossible to escape. There comes a point where you just need to reach out for help, and that is okay. It’s okay to feel depressed there’s nothing wrong with that it’s an emotion that all living creatures have the capability to feel.

I’ve always lived my life by Friedrich Nietzsche’s quote “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Even when there is a wound so deep, so difficult to heal, trust that it will get better. The scar that is left behind, will be there to remind you of your journey and your victory of overcoming that battle in your life. That being said, for some people, overcoming the battle of depression may be more difficult, they will require guidance to help the transition from being in a “hurt place” to getting to a “better place.” They need assistance so that they can re-jump-start into the rhythm of life. We as a society need to recognize depression as an illness and we should find means of treating depression without the use of drugs. This only fuels the pharmaceutical companies and the drug business, yet they only offer temporary relief and does not solve the problem. The stigma behind depression still exists because we haven’t accepted it as normal. If someone breaks their arm in an accident, everybody wants to sign the cast and send “Get Well” cards, balloons, etc. but If someone is internally hurt and suffering from pain or an injury we can’t see, we tend to steer clear. We as a society are more likely to label that person “crazy” and we do not take the time to understand their story.

If you find yourself down and you think you are alone, know that you’re not. There are multiple outlets you have access to in order to get help. I know you do if you’re reading this, just do a Google search when you are done reading this, look for hotlines, and get the help you need from online chats for depression. You could even talk to a friend or a teacher you trust, there are many resources available. You just have to speak up, chances are you will be helping someone else as well. Life is short, so don’t let your depression take control of your life, control your depression!

If you know someone who is suffering from depression and you want to help, there is lots you can do. Someone who is in emotional pain will simply appreciate the time you give them. You can make a positive change in someone’s life, don’t just turn a blind eye when you sense that there is something wrong. Like I mentioned before, it can be difficult to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with offering to help and making yourself accessible. When someone is going through a rough time in their life they will appreciate a simple “Hey, you doing okay there? Is there anything I can do for you?” Trust me I know, I've been there and just hearing those words of  someone else’s interest in my well being makes me feel as though SOMEONE cares. We can get so busy with other things in our lives that we don’t want to get involved but honestly if you can help someone in their darkest hour whether it be by getting them to laugh, or smile, you will have made such an impact in that persons life. Even a friendly gesture such as a hug will physically reassure that the person is not alone and everything will be alright.

So, laugh, make others laugh, and love.

-Edith

If You Aren’t Part of the Solution, You’re Part of the Problem

We live in a world where arguments arise over who is right and who is wrong. Some people stand up for what they believe in, while some turn a blind eye depending on the topic. It’s probably no surprise that whenever there is a massive issue or problem to be solved nothing seems to get done. I have witnessed when people constantly fail to be part of the solution by not acting or participating to find answers. This passivity leads to the prolonging of the issue itself. In this particular post I want to talk about the lack of participation in general as being part of the issue.

Take voting in the US for example. When elections come around it is crucial to participate. Despite people losing hope by saying that their vote does not matter, the fact still remains that their vote in deed does count. There are always groups of people with similar missions to better the world around them who are actively seeking solutions, and then there are people who are making it difficult to progress. To those who say that “one vote will not make a difference,” just think, if the rest of us say the same thing, how will this affect everyone? What progress will be made? NONE!!! And at the end of the day the conclusion affects everyone.

Your voice and participation is important, don’t let others trick you into thinking it’s not. Never give up your chance to speak up about anything in life because it’s best to contribute positively than to sit back and watch everything unfold without your say. If you say nothing you are not helping anyone, not even yourself! Do not just sit there and let life happen to you, take control of your life! You determine your outcome! So get up off your lazy arse!  

So, as my good friend David Berry would say, “If you’re not part of the solution, get your useless ass out the way!”

XenaWarrior

A.K.A Edith

A.K.A Former Mosquito

$Money$

What does it mean to have lots of money? Happiness? Success? How do we view money? I fear that people have forgotten the value of other things in life, and have made everything about what is in their bank accounts. It is hard to live in this world without worrying about money, because money is so essential for our well being. Some young people only worry about how they are going to make more money, but they do not worry so much about how they are going to keep their family together, how they can become a better person, or how they can be happy.

We talked about appreciating the people around us in our post about family, you should value those who love you. If you are working too much and finding that you are not valuing the people around you, you have to stop and think if it is worth it. I have watched the families of those who work too much fall apart simply because they do not make time between their job and family. Is all of that money worth it if you do not have anyone to spend it with?

I feel that everyone’s financial goals should be to live comfortably, so that their families never have a “need.” Living in poverty can lead to unnecessary stress, and a whole number of things that I will not get into (that’s a whole ‘nother post), and having too much money can (but not always) lead to greed. The question is, will you ever have enough money? Then the question becomes, why should I stop making money? A few weeks back there was a person that was going around San Francisco, leaving envelopes of cash, and leaving clues on twitter. You don't believe me? Well check out this article from the Huffington Post. This one person started a nationwide trend, people have begun to do the same thing in different cities around the U.S. These “random acts of kindness,” as the media is calling it, has gotten a lot of attention because who does not like free money? (if you hate it comment below and tell me about your issues with free money) This one person in SF has so much money that they had no clue what to do with it, so they are just giving it away. Perhaps this person in SF got to a point where he/she realized that all of the money they had was not making them happy, so why not give it to people who could use it? (or some great media stunt … we will never know!)

I’m not trying to say that money is bad, I am saying that it is important to not let it control your life. There are many more important things in our lives like being a happy person. We also talked about doing whatever makes you happy in our graduation post, you can read about it here. If you are letting money control your life, then it will be difficult to be in the state of happiness; you are living for your money and you stop living for yourself. If you are not happy now what is the point? We are all going to die one day soon, and we cannot take any of our worldly possessions with us and that includes money (unless you are an Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh, and if you are comment below, I would love to hear about your rise from the dead!).

With all this swimming in my head, I have been facing the question of what job will be fulfilling to me in the long run. I will be satisfied when I know that I am helping people and making a difference in the world. I do not want to be tied down to a regular 9-5 job, where I am only there for the moollah. I want to live a comfortable life, but not at the expense of my happiness and the happiness of those around me. Take time out and think about what makes you happy, other than money, and make THAT your priority. In doing this you can ensure that money is not controlling you.

~Ta Ta

Freedom to be Independent: Through a Story of Emotional Abuse

Since we are on the topic of freedom I want to address more specifically the freedom to be independent as a necessity for a healthy and stable life.The word freedom itself carries a certain weight, and that weight varies between person to person because the idea of freedom is different for everyone. To me, the freedom to be independant means that you can be whomever you want to be, without holding back and without being apologetic for the things you do. You should always have the ability to take matters into your own hands and do as you please because as a human being you have the right to be YOU, don’t let anyone take it away.The moment you don’t have control over your life, someone or something is ruling it, and that is a form of captivity.

In this blog I want to share something that not a lot of people know about me in particular. A long time ago I used to date a guy whom I thought was the only thing missing in my life, I was young and didn’t know better. I thought he would be the prince charming that came with every fairy tale; sweet, smart, kind and everything I dreamt of. Well, he was, for a while, but then after a few months he changed and became a completely different person or I should say, his true colors were showing. He would call my house asking for me, and if I was asleep he would demand that I be woken up only to tell me that I was wasting my time and sleeping my life away. I appreciated that he was concerned for my time management and life management, but I was not okay with the way in which he showed his concern by belittling everything I did. He became very possessive and jealous. Naturally, I started to feel restrained and intimidated by his attitude and episodes of rage and discontent. There were moments where I thought I wasn’t good enough because my way of life was not up to par with his standards, leading me to fully believe that I wasn’t good enough as a person.

I started to dissect our relationship for my own understanding because I was still unsure of how we grew apart so fast. Finally I gave up trying to make things work. I realized that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way he treated me, this realization came with pain and frustration. I fled from that chapter in my life as fast as I could, I knew that if I let him continue to treat me the way he did I would not be in control of my life. The onset of his controlling personality was very real. I was trapped and I felt that every effort I made to be ME was dragged through a war zone with no way out. I didn’t know how important MY freedom to be independent was, until I was no longer in control of my life. Needless to say, that guy is out of my life and I’m out of his reach. He no longer has power over me because I know I’m worth it and I don’t need him to give me an approval for the things I do.

When you sense that you are not free in your environment, figure out what is tampering with your freedom and stop feeding it or them the power to rule over you. This life you have is entirely yours to choose what you want for yourself. Be careful of your freedom to be independent and don’t let anyone mess with it.

Best Wishes.

Trust

Have you ever told anyone something in confidence, and the next thing you know everyone and they momma knows? Well my trust was broken recently, and after I found out I was angry. How could this person do this to me? But I soon realized that this is what happens when you trust someone, it’s risky. You cannot control what other people say or do, you just have to have faith that the person you trusted has enough respect for you to not tell others about your business.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, trust is defined as the belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, etc.. The key word that I would like to zone in on is “belief.” Just because we made the judgement that someone can be trusted does not mean that it is true. As a result, the only person that you can trust is yourself because you are the only one in control of your actions. I feel that I should be mad at is myself. I believed that this person was trustworthy. I made the wrong judgment and I was the one to get hurt in the end.

Looking back at this experience I have a better grasp on what trust is. I know that I cannot control what other people say or do, and I cannot go back in time and stop myself from telling this person, because at the time this is exactly what I wanted to do. As for that person, I now know I cannot tell them anything anymore, they did not have enough respect for me to keep this conversation between the two of us. They will never know I found out that they betrayed me, they will never know because this person is simply not worth my breath.

With that being said learning to trust someone is important in any relationship if it is meant to last, but it takes a long time to get to the point where people can trust one another. When you say that you trust someone it says many things about the other person’s character. Just knowing that you can trust someone says that you are familiar with their values and you know that this person would never do anything that would hurt you. As the writer George MacDonald said, “to be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”

~Love is hard to come by, but trust is harder