When You Point One Finger, There are Always Three Pointing Back!

Play the victim, go ahead, try it. When you point a finger at others, you are too busy concerning yourself with the flaws of others, when you have flaws of your own. You gain nothing from blaming others, you are just trying to shift the blame to someone else. Don’t blame your issues on others, there are so many things that we as individuals can improve on, we should not have time to worry about what is going on with someone else. That constant, “they did this to me,” or “I am like this because..” will not help anyone. No one became rich by crying about how poor they were. There comes a point where you have to stop pitying yourself, and expecting pity from others. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, but you can choose to be the victim and cry, or you can rise above your issues and make the best of the situation. There have been so many times when I have wanted to give up and be the victim because it felt like everyone and everything was working against me. Playing the victim is not beneficial to anyone, it would not have gotten me anywhere. You could sit in the corner and wait for your knight in shining armor to come and save you, or you can make your own armor and save yourself.

We all love a good “underdog” story, because the underdog makes their own armor. These stories give us hope and faith; that we too can make it, and that the world is not that bad. Those “underdog” stories would never happen if the underdog was focusing too much on what’s wrong in their life. You can either focus on all the things going wrong or you can look to what can be done better to overcome all the negatives in your life. Playing the victim only works for a little while. What are you going to do when everyone can see right through that? It may work the first few times, but eventually people will stop responding to your call, just like The Boy Who Cried Wolf. When that time comes you are going to have to get your isht together and pave your own way. No one else can deal with YOUR problems other than you. When you point one finger at someone, what are the other three saying to you? They are asking YOU, what YOU are going to do about it? You have enough energy to blame another, now what’s your plan to do better?

Be independent, do not let what has happened to you in the past define who you are and dictate your future. All you can do is focus on being the best version of yourself, and overcome the obstacles in your path. Wasting your time focusing on negative energy is pointless, it will not get you anywhere. You have to learn not to fixate on the negative and take responsibility for your own situation. So the next time you find yourself pointing the finger, look at the many things that you could do to transform that situation into a fruitful experience. Don’t blame others for something that you have the ability to fix.

Stand on Your Own Two Feet!

Independence, self sufficient, doing things on your own. To me Independence is when you do not need to rely on anyone or anything else to make you happy. In order to have a meaningful relationship you need to move past the issues you have with yourself. You have to be in a healthy relationship with yourself before you can expect to be in a happy relationship with someone else. If you are focusing too much of your attention on someone else, and not working on your inner peace then you will go crazy. The only person you have control over in this world is you, so take control and be independent. You have the power to determine your own outcome. When you enter any relationship, romantic or otherwise, and you are not happy with yourself, you will become dependent, you will look to the other person for validation. Let’s face it, we came into this world alone, and we will leave alone, choosing to be in a relationship is great because you determine who you will spend time with, but relationships are like ships passing in the night, they will fade with distance. So we need to be more than “ok” with being alone.

I am not saying that all relationships are bad, when you enter a relationship at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons, it will have a negative results. Don’t let anyone have the power of controlling your happiness. We did a post a while back about Best Interests it is about how everyone is for themselves, we ultimately care about our own well being. So if you are dependent, you will be the one to get hurt in the end, because the person you are dependent on is not always going to be there for you. So, who IS there for you? Guess what? You will ALWAYS be there for you! You cannot run and hide from yourself.

When it comes to romantic relationships, some level of dependency is required so that you can build trust with one another. But what happens when the other person is no longer there for you to fall back on? If something happens to your significant other, universe forbid, how will you take care of yourself? You should be able to say that you will be ok, but for those who are dependent, can you really say the same? When in a relationship, you should never forget who you are. Just because you are with someone you do not lose your individuality. You will never discover who you really are if your main identity is that you are someone else’s significant other. You are not property to be owned, you are a unique individual, and that is to be celebrated.

You do not want to lose yourself in the blur of the people around you, stand apart and define your own lines, stand out among the blur. Once you have established your individuality, no one and nothing will get in the way of your happiness.

~Be independent. Be yourself.

I Am American Despite What You See

Independence Day, the 4th of July. I am an American, but there have been too many times where I do not feel that I am such. Is this what the forefathers fought to achieve? This is the “United” States of America, right? If it is so, then why do we still experience racism today? We are too busy looking at one another as being different, that it is impossible to be “united.” I Identify myself as Indian because I have been put into the “other” box too many times. I was born and raised in America, America is all I know yet the way people treat you makes all of the difference.

I cannot count the number of times people (this includes people of  Indian background) have asked me where I was born, or when I came to America, and they are shocked every single time. I was even put in ESL when I was in grade school, but I know It had nothing to do with my ability to read and write, it was because my skin happens to be brown. And that is not even the tip of the iceberg; someone even had the nerve to tell me to go back to India! This incident took place in the year 2012, yes 2012 … I don’t even need to explain how I felt, WE HAVE A COLORED PRESIDENT FOR GOODNESS SAKES! Science shows us we are all the same, when looking at DNA there is no way to tell whether the person is black or green or purple or white or blue or yellow or brown or orange or red or violet or salmon or corral or etc … look at a 64 crayon’s box. Then why are we still wasting time and energy making people feel as though they do not belong. NEWS FLASH: none of us belong!!! Native Americans? .. ringing any bells?

So what are we celebrating independence from? Ourselves? The “other?” They are one in the same. I am not saying don’t celebrate the 4th of july, go out have some fun, BBQ, have a few drinks, watch some fireworks, or light some yourself. The 4th of July 1776 is no small accomplishment, this was the birth of our country, without the events that lead up to this date, we would not be here. All I ask is that you think about this the next time you encounter hate toward another person based on the color of their skin. As Aesop once said, “United we stand, divided we fall.”

~ Red, White, Blue

Freedom to be Independent: Through a Story of Emotional Abuse

Since we are on the topic of freedom I want to address more specifically the freedom to be independent as a necessity for a healthy and stable life.The word freedom itself carries a certain weight, and that weight varies between person to person because the idea of freedom is different for everyone. To me, the freedom to be independant means that you can be whomever you want to be, without holding back and without being apologetic for the things you do. You should always have the ability to take matters into your own hands and do as you please because as a human being you have the right to be YOU, don’t let anyone take it away.The moment you don’t have control over your life, someone or something is ruling it, and that is a form of captivity.

In this blog I want to share something that not a lot of people know about me in particular. A long time ago I used to date a guy whom I thought was the only thing missing in my life, I was young and didn’t know better. I thought he would be the prince charming that came with every fairy tale; sweet, smart, kind and everything I dreamt of. Well, he was, for a while, but then after a few months he changed and became a completely different person or I should say, his true colors were showing. He would call my house asking for me, and if I was asleep he would demand that I be woken up only to tell me that I was wasting my time and sleeping my life away. I appreciated that he was concerned for my time management and life management, but I was not okay with the way in which he showed his concern by belittling everything I did. He became very possessive and jealous. Naturally, I started to feel restrained and intimidated by his attitude and episodes of rage and discontent. There were moments where I thought I wasn’t good enough because my way of life was not up to par with his standards, leading me to fully believe that I wasn’t good enough as a person.

I started to dissect our relationship for my own understanding because I was still unsure of how we grew apart so fast. Finally I gave up trying to make things work. I realized that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way he treated me, this realization came with pain and frustration. I fled from that chapter in my life as fast as I could, I knew that if I let him continue to treat me the way he did I would not be in control of my life. The onset of his controlling personality was very real. I was trapped and I felt that every effort I made to be ME was dragged through a war zone with no way out. I didn’t know how important MY freedom to be independent was, until I was no longer in control of my life. Needless to say, that guy is out of my life and I’m out of his reach. He no longer has power over me because I know I’m worth it and I don’t need him to give me an approval for the things I do.

When you sense that you are not free in your environment, figure out what is tampering with your freedom and stop feeding it or them the power to rule over you. This life you have is entirely yours to choose what you want for yourself. Be careful of your freedom to be independent and don’t let anyone mess with it.

Best Wishes.