When You Point One Finger, There are Always Three Pointing Back!

Play the victim, go ahead, try it. When you point a finger at others, you are too busy concerning yourself with the flaws of others, when you have flaws of your own. You gain nothing from blaming others, you are just trying to shift the blame to someone else. Don’t blame your issues on others, there are so many things that we as individuals can improve on, we should not have time to worry about what is going on with someone else. That constant, “they did this to me,” or “I am like this because..” will not help anyone. No one became rich by crying about how poor they were. There comes a point where you have to stop pitying yourself, and expecting pity from others. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, but you can choose to be the victim and cry, or you can rise above your issues and make the best of the situation. There have been so many times when I have wanted to give up and be the victim because it felt like everyone and everything was working against me. Playing the victim is not beneficial to anyone, it would not have gotten me anywhere. You could sit in the corner and wait for your knight in shining armor to come and save you, or you can make your own armor and save yourself.

We all love a good “underdog” story, because the underdog makes their own armor. These stories give us hope and faith; that we too can make it, and that the world is not that bad. Those “underdog” stories would never happen if the underdog was focusing too much on what’s wrong in their life. You can either focus on all the things going wrong or you can look to what can be done better to overcome all the negatives in your life. Playing the victim only works for a little while. What are you going to do when everyone can see right through that? It may work the first few times, but eventually people will stop responding to your call, just like The Boy Who Cried Wolf. When that time comes you are going to have to get your isht together and pave your own way. No one else can deal with YOUR problems other than you. When you point one finger at someone, what are the other three saying to you? They are asking YOU, what YOU are going to do about it? You have enough energy to blame another, now what’s your plan to do better?

Be independent, do not let what has happened to you in the past define who you are and dictate your future. All you can do is focus on being the best version of yourself, and overcome the obstacles in your path. Wasting your time focusing on negative energy is pointless, it will not get you anywhere. You have to learn not to fixate on the negative and take responsibility for your own situation. So the next time you find yourself pointing the finger, look at the many things that you could do to transform that situation into a fruitful experience. Don’t blame others for something that you have the ability to fix.

Attacked: Not Just A Woman’s Issue

This is a story about a young lady who was walking back home from a late study group on the Berkeley campus. It was about 11 pm when suddenly in the distance she saw a suspicious person, he was wearing all black and white shoes, he was lurking in the darkness behind a big tree. He popped out behind her and began to touch her inappropriately. The woman was in shock and tried to fight him off, and tried to draw attention to the situation but there was no one around this late. He didn’t want to get caught so he fled the scene. Still in shock the young woman did not know what to do or who to turn to. Should she report what just happened  to the proper authorities? Will anything ever come of what she had to say? The fact of the matter is that this could happen to anyone anywhere, male or female.

Constantly hearing about sexual assaults has got me enraged beyond belief. Just Monday, May 12th, a woman was sexually assaulted, her attacker was detained, but only to be released a few hours later. Authorities found there wasn’t enough evidence to keep him in custody. The attacker did not comply to register as a sex offender and was only ordered to stay away from the campus for seven days… This “slap on the wrist” is a poor attempt to fix the problem, in my opinion. This guy only had to stay away for 7 days, whereas the young woman has to live with what happened for the rest of her life.

There is a stigma that is attached with sexual assault, and that is placing the blame on the victim, but that is NEVER the case. Placing the blame on what the victim was wearing or how much they had to drink, how they are walking, even how they speak, does not make sexual assault okay.This makes me sick. A woman should not have to feel that she is the one to blame for being assaulted. Wearing provocative clothing does not grant permission to sexual abuse. Let’s not forget who the bad person is. The one committing the crime should be held accountable for his or her actions. Everyone should be free to wear whatever they want, drink as much as they want and dance however they want, and not feel unsafe. It’s in human nature to point the finger and blame others, and it is easier to blame the person you know (victim) than the person you don’t know(attacker).

The policies that we have in place can favor the attacker, like the one in the article. There was not enough evidence so he was free to go while the victim was left emotionally scarred. This is a terrible system to go through because the victim has to relive the pain over and over again throughout the process, only to find that it’s a waste of time and effort. It would be worse to not say anything about it regardless of the outcome. It’s important to raise awareness so that others can take safety measures to avoid or minimize being attacked. Unfortunately our society focuses on how to not get attacked instead of teaching not to attack.

The issue is that we live in a patriarchal society, formed and governed primarily by men which does not favor the needs of women. Before Women’s Rights were introduced to the table, women were treated like second class citizens and that still stands true today. The fact that this country has yet to have a female president shows that America is still stuck in the past, and the fight to bring equality for men and women is not fully resolved. Studies have shown that men have better paying salaries than women. It shows that there is room for improvement, not everything is as equal as it should be since the attempts to gain Women’s Rights. I want to stress this is a conversation is about human rights in general.

If there is someone that needs your help, don’t go blaming them for what happened. As Jesse Jackson once said, “Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.” remember that no one asks to get attacked and all we can do is to offer our friendship and support and be understanding.

If you would like to read about Monday’s Assault here is the link:

http://www.contracostatimes.com/news/ci_25757482/uc-berkeley-police-seek-publics-help-sexual-assault

Live, Love, and Let Live