Failure OR Success? Who Decides?

We all want to succeed in life and that means something different to everyone. The dictionary definition of the word failure is the lack of success. So what does success mean? I thought you would never ask ... Success is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. With all of this in mind, why is it that in human nature we think that our success is measured by the people around us? We look at people that are in similar situations as us and we think that we have failed somehow because we do not have our sh*t as together as it would SEEM. The truth is that we all need to NOT worry about other people because they have an idea of success that is much different than our own. We are unique individuals and we are on our own unique path, looking at others will not help us. Success is relative. Only YOU truly know what your aim and purpose are therefore, only YOU can determine if you have succeeded or not. People will always formulate an opinion but your opinion is the only one that matters. Keep your eyes on the prize, do not let yourself be bothered by outsiders. If you are too busy looking at others it will do more harm than good. When you compare yourself to others you will always find the ways in which they are better than you. We fixate on their success and do not take into consideration what the person has overcome. Don’t focus on others, if you do, you are spending less time working on your own SH*TUFF.

We have adopted a misconception of what success actually means and our notion of success has also shaped what we believe failure is. Our notion is socially constructed and has trickled into our educational system, making it extremely difficult for people to truly explore their passions. This stops people from walking on their own path because they have a fear of failing, they take the “safest” path because it guarantees success or they are too busy doing what is expected of them. If you are walking down a path that is not meant for you, that will affect your level of happiness which is directly connected to how successful you will become. We want to make the people in our lives happy, but we have to keep our own happiness in mind when we are walking our path. Our parents have influenced how we think and we always want to make the people who raised us proud, as a result we will define our own success based on what THEY want for us. Take time to figure out what it is that YOU want and not what others want for you.

Many people think that success is defined by the amount of money you got in the bank. However, if we treat money as the ONLY component to our success we will learn that it is not everything. Having money is great, but if you are not happy with your life, have you truly succeeded? There is more to life than what kind of car you drive or how big your house is, all of that is nothing if you are not living a fulfilling life. Measuring your success according to your bank account, will result in a depressing existence. You will constantly be trying to get more and never be satisfied. Nothing in life is guaranteed including success and ESPECIALLY the number in your bank account. Do not make “money” your main focus when you are trying to measure your level of success.

When do we fail? When we give up. There is nothing worse than setting out on a journey and not crossing the finish line. Nothing is impossible to accomplish. We make our own restrictions and convince ourselves that we cannot do something. As long as we are still actively working towards our goal we are succeeding, but the moment we stop BELIEVING that we can do it, we have failed. There are moments in life where we may fail at our goals regardless of how hard we have worked but there is a lot to gain from the experience altogether. We need to look at the glass as half full, focus on what you have and where you need to go. At the end of the day your accomplishments are always much greater than your failures. When working towards your goal, stick to it, achieve your full potential and figure out where you need to improve. Always try your best, so that at the end of the day you can say with full confidence that you gave it all that you had.

~Go be a success.

How to be a Better Person: Stop Lying to Yourself!

No one is perfect. We all can improve in one way or another, but the only way we can begin to think about being a better person is becoming more self aware. We must learn how we react in different situations, what our strengths and weakness are and look at how our actions affect those around us. Once we do that, we have to think about what we can change to become a better person. We are forever changing and there will always be room for improvement. Being a better person is a goal that I am constantly striving toward but there are always hiccups along the way that make it seem difficult to accomplish this goal. I have come across so many people who are not ready to accept the fact that they are not perfect, they have trouble coming to terms with not being right. We live in a culture that when we are less than perfect we are shunned and looked down upon. Accepting your flaws, and realizing that you are not perfect is the highest form of humility that anyone could express and there is nothing wrong with that. When we are put into the category of being a “good” or a “bad” person, that is based on what others think of us. We cannot control what others think, but we can work on being the best person we can be. No matter your age or your walk of life, you can always learn something from someone no matter how young or how old they are. You can only learn something when you are humbled enough to realize that you have room for improvement and listen to those around you.

What are some characteristics that make a person “bad”? Anger? Jealousy? Impatience? Gossip? Being mean? Just being plain RUDE? These characteristics live in all of us, we need to take notice of these characteristics in our lives so that we can address them and become better people. The trick is not to ignore them but we need to learn how to control these emotions. Do not suppress them, they will find another way to get out when you least expect it. To address these emotions in a constructive way you need to find another outlet. For some, the perfect outlet is meditation, journaling, going for a walking or working out. Everyone has their own way of coping with things and your job is to figure out what your coping mechanism is. Channel that energy into something productive. In order to be a good person you need to make it a priority to spread positive energy to everyone, (even people you don’t like) because what you put out in the world is what you get back.

What are some characteristics that make a  person “good”? Kindness? Compassion? Empathy? Helping others? Trustworthiness? Humility? All of these also live within each and everyone of us, but what matters is what we chose to cultivate and feed. The only thing we can do is to offer the world and those in it the very best version of ourselves, and hope that the life choices we make force us to become better people. In order to do this we need to identify where there is room to improve and listen with our whole heart to those around us. For me, I know that I could show more kindness to people that are complete strangers. When I am out, I usually do not talk to folks around me, I keep to myself and do what I have to do. Recently I tried something different, I struck up a conversation with a woman I did not know. We did not talk about anything important, but I hope I made a difference in her day, because I know she made a difference in mine.

Another major component in becoming a better person is listening to others, and be willing to make changes in your life. Granted, people do not always tell us what we want to hear, but it is what we make of the information that is important. When I am confronted in this situation, I reflect and I take the positives and learn from what the other person had to say. When I am approached by a fellow peer about something they find concerning, I sometimes get upset but I remind myself that they are only saying it to better the situation at hand. Once I accept what the other person is saying to me, the next step is to work on my personal development to become better. This personal development can only happen if people around you are willing to give you feedback in a constructive way, and it is crucial that you yourself are willing to receive it. If you are not willing and ready for that feedback it may not end well, causing the process to take much longer.

Being a better person is a never-ending process. You have to listen to yourself through self reflection, journaling, meditation etc.. You will also have to think about the people around you because when you are around positive, happy people, you too will be positive and happy. They feed off of your positivity and happiness, making it a win-win situation for all. When we have this positivity and happiness in our lives it makes it easier to to confront our flaws head on. We are not perfect people, we need to stop lying to ourselves and thinking that we can be. Once we accept this fact, we are able to open our minds to the feedback of those around us and begin to reinvent ourselves for the better.

So if you want to be a better person, listen to your peers with an open mind and the understanding that they want to help you. Reevaluate your person and find where you can improve.

~Be the best.

Compete Less, Support More

Many of us have been raised to only think about ourselves and how we can get ahead in life. Living in a very individualistic society we often put ourselves against one another, we have to work at being happy for others. Not everything has to be a competition where someone wins and the rest lose. In fact everyone has the potential to gain something positive even when they don’t think they got what they wanted. EVERYONE wants to succeed, there is room for everyone in this world to get to where they want to be, with or without your support. However your support will make a difference and it will show them that you care. So, why not be that support? Your support of one another will build lasting relationships. Learn to be genuinely happy for the people around you. It is a little known fact that when people have the support of those around them, they will do better.

Be a support for people in your life to show them that you care, build a community with them where everyone looks out for each other and genuinely cares about their physical and emotional well being. The word "competition," carries the tone for rivalry. If you are stuck in the mindset of competition, you will eventually push everyone away. You will only be left with your OWN achievements and no one to share them with. There is a time and place to be competitive, however being competitive ALL THE TIME is not ok … it makes you come across as a conceded know it all.

Competing with others also prohibits you from being happy for them when they reach THEIR goals. Learn to celebrate others, there is more to life than just YOU and YOUR personal affairs! You are only a tiny speck of stardust on this hunk of rock and there are a million other things that also matter. So don’t become solely fixated on your own goals because you will miss out on the accomplishments of those around you: your kids, your spouse, your siblings and your friends. You don’t want to be so focused on winning to the point that you forget about the people who are important.

Not everything has to be seen in terms of who is winning and who is losing. Putting yourself against others in order to win signifies that someone else has to lose. If you are losing in a situation, then try to be optimistic and see what you can learn from this experience. Dr Seuss once said, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” In every experience there is something to be gained, and sometimes it is difficult to find what that “thing” is. At times you will think that everything is going wrong but you must look for the light at the end of the tunnel because it IS there, you just have to find it. One cannot live a positive life with a negative outlook. A bad experience will leave you with scars, but those scars make you stronger. You wouldn't be stronger if it weren't for THOSE experiences. It is not about winning or losing, it IS about what you gain from the experience. Being too competitive will leave you to think that if you don’t win, you lose. The reality is that no one loses, everyone gains something. When you support others you too are winning.

When you help others succeed, you also succeed. The concept of winning and losing is absurd. Every experience you have, whether it is a good one or a bad one, it always offers you something to be gained. When people reach their goals they will remember how much you supported them and that act will not go unnoticed, you will become a part of their success. Be there for the people around you, become present in their lives. Help bring out the best in them and that will bring out the best in you! A little support goes a long way.

~ Compete less, support more.

If Today was Your Last Day...

We all go through that phase where we think that we are invincible, no one and nothing can harm us. But we will all realize that we are all gonna die one day. So, how do you want to be remembered? How will you leave your mark on this world? Life is short! We are always hearing stories of young people losing their lives before making their mark on the world, and that they had so much to live for … but the truth is that we do not know WHEN we are going to die, and who are we to say that this person did not take full advantage of their life. Death is tragic and unexpected no matter what the case may be, old or young, how do we know what kind of life the person lived? Yes, it is unfortunate if a 16 year old loses his/her life but, it is much worse for those of us who are left to deal with the loss, because they are no longer here. However if it is a 95 year old, we do not think twice about how this person got to live a “full” life, we will still miss them but knowing they lived so many years offers us a better form of closure. The number of years that we live does not determine the quality of life we live. As Abraham Lincoln once said “In the end, it’s not about the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” So whether it be 16 amazing years on this planet or 95 long years, make it count! Tomorrow is not a promise so you have to make the best of it.

I recently found out that someone I knew a while back passed away, and naturally I began to think about how amazing this person was. This person was only in my life for a short while, but they left a mark on my life. Their kindness and positivity motivated me to strive and work for what I want out of life. This person will never know the effect they had on me, because I got the inspiration from ONE conversation we had. I can only imagine how this person affected others … this was the single memory of them that had a lasting impression on me, one memory, one encounter in a sea of people who had also been touched by this person. This has got me thinking about the mark I will leave behind. How will I be remembered? I DO NOT live my life according to what others think. People are going to judge you no matter what you do or say, so I strive to be happy, and as I have said many times before, I want to leave a positive mark on those around me. After I came to this realization, I became more self aware of my actions and of my words. I want to be remembered as a kind hearted person because as Maya Angelou once said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Emotions are powerful! Kindness is key to leaving a lasting impression on someone. If you give time out of your day to just listen and to offer some words of kindness others will remember that.

How you live your life is how people will remember you. However you should not live your life based on how people will view you, it is YOUR life and you only get one, make the most of it, be happy. We all get wrapped up in our lives and we focus on our careers so that we can build ourselves up in order to get that promotion, or to buy that new house or car.  All this is important, but we need to balance our lives. We need those things to live in our society. If you do not have money, you do not have the conventional means of survival, yet you also need to maintain your mental health, and cultivate the real meaning behind life. We need to stop and look at what really matters in life, we need to cultivate the relationships that mean the most. Quality over quantity, focus your energy on something that feeds your soul. Invest your time into parts of your life that make you enjoy living, time is precious! Don’t waste it.

Death is inevitable, you have a choice in how you live and let live, the trick is to be you, and do no harm to others. Leave a positive mark, inspire others to be the best they can be, and they will remember you for that. You never know when you are going to pass away so make sure to always create positive, fruitful memories with the ones you care about. Spend your time carefully, do not let another second pass you by and feed quality moments to your life. Live every day like it’s your last.

~Be happy and don’t dwell on the past, live in the present and welcome the future with open arms.

Beauty For Sale: Pageants

How many of us look in the mirror each morning and are happy with every inch of who we are? I can honestly say that I do not, and I know why; the media is always telling us that we are not skinny or pretty enough or our skin is not the right tone … but let me tell you this -> no one is perfect, yet knowing this we still let the media cloud our judgement. At the end of EVERY summer we Americans turn on the TV to watch the Miss America Beauty Pageant (it came on this past weekend). I personally do not watch it, but I know that there are people out there that plan out their day to make sure they can, but what for? What purpose does this beauty pageant serve? I know that this particular pageant is to help the girls further their education by offering them a scholarship and they must also do community service. I am sure that the pageant opens up many doors of opportunity for the contestants as well, but how do they even pick Miss America? It should not be about how you look! If anyone wants to further their education they should be offered the opportunity! Beauty is only skin deep, you will only get to know someone if you dig beneath the surface. You do not know someone’s story unless you take the time to ask AND take the time to listen.

That is NOT what an average woman looks like! Those women in the pageants are a misrepresentation of who the American woman is. Granted that there are variations among women, we all come in different shapes and sizes but that is not reflected in the pageant’s contestants. There comes a point when all the contestants LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME, they all have that SAME “cookie cutter” body. What message do these images send to our children? I'll tell you: to some degree the young girls watching this will start to internalize those images and start to believe that they too need to look like that. We should be telling our kids to celebrate who they are and to love their uniqueness. Beauty is what WE make it!

So how in the world do they actually pick the pageant winner?!?! Well I decided to take a look at how they score the girls. The composite score is 30%. Next we have a whole 20% in the “Lifestyle and fitness in swimsuit” and a 20% in “evening wear,” sorry to break it to you but … how you look in a swimsuit does not tell me much about your lifestyle or fitness, and ANYONE looks good in an evening gown, so what does this prove? Then there is a whole 30% for the “Talent” portion, now looking at the talents that the girls decide to display are mostly singing or some form of dancing, but occasionally you will get the out of the norm talent. However I fail to see how this shows that the contestant deserves the scholarship or is capable of serving the community.

I want to make it clear that I am not hating on the girls that are competing in these types of competitions. I am well aware that there is more to a person than meets the eye, if you have not read my past post about Eye Candy check it out. Which brings me to my next point, the girls are asked one question on stage… only ONE question. Most of the time these questions are generic, and do not allow the contestant to display the full extent of their intelligence. This scholarship is for the women to further their education. How are we supposed to learn about the contestant if the question does not challenge them? Not to mention that the onstage question is not even a part of the final score, so what is the point?!?! Please tell me because I don’t have a clue!

The only reason these types of competitions exists is because they need money to do whatever it is they do, so they put on a big show. Why is it that we have to put on a “show” to raise the funds for a scholarship, and community service? Everyone has the obligation to go out and do something for their town. Companies should be willing to donate money to help out their community, unfortunately this is not the case and sex sells! The companies that give the money up want something in return, so they get a show. Furthermore, is beauty something that can be measured and defined? Who decides? You decide, every morning when YOU wake up you have the choice to love what you see or hate it.

I have learned to love myself no matter what. I may not be happy with every inch of myself when I wake up, but I make it a point to love myself before I go to bed. Beauty is not about what you can change about yourself, however, it is about how you embrace the person you are in the inside as well as the outside.

~Be beautiful.

What is Your Super Power? To Infinity and Beyond.

Become a doctor. Become a lawyer. Become an engineer. Become an Architect. ...the list can go on for days. If you have ever heard this from anyone close to you, you know exactly what I am talking about. For a major chunk of my life I was told that I was going to become a doctor, and for a majority of that chunk I believed it, but as I got older I realized that this was infact NOT what I wanted to be. Just the thought of being in school for a really long time, and all those science classes … no thanks! NOT FOR ME! This is MY life, and only I live with the choices I make. Likewise, YOU are the one who lives with YOUR decisions, so make them worth your while. The trick to being happy and successful, is taking the time to figure out what you are actually good at, your superpower!!! You will only be happy with life if you wake up every morning doing what you love and being surrounded by people you love. So figure out what your super power is, it is never too late.

It is ok if you do not know what you want to do with your life… hell … I am still trying to figure that out (maybe I will ALWAYS be trying to figure that out). The fact of the matter is that we are constantly changing, so why do we seem to think that we cannot change our careers as well? Is it because we have worked so hard to build up our careers in the first place? But how does that help anyone if YOU are not happy? Hard work and determination will ALWAYS pay off no matter what your current situation is, you just need to stay focused and keep your eyes on the prize. Each individual has the power to succeed and if you believe that your environment is holding you back … just think of it as an obstacle that no one else has had to face, and will make you a stronger person because of it! In order to make this work for you, you need to figure out what you are good at and build on those skills rather than spend too much time trying to fix what needs fixing. It is completely fine if your superpower is saving people’s lives in the emergency room, or putting up buildings, just as long as you are not being forced into that profession.

When I was in high school I had a friend who was a well rounded student, and she was good at EVERYTHING. When high school was nearing an end we were talking about what our plans were for the future. Her interests were within the art field. However, her parents wanted her to become a pediatrician. She was to spend the next few years of her life working hard toward THAT goal .. her parent’s dream. I have since lost touch with this friend, but I hope she is happy with the decision she has made … who knows, maybe she is still doing art on the side. This friend of mine made the choice to listen to what her parents wanted of her to do, but she did not take the time to examine her superpower. Her passion was art, not sick little kids! This one story is a reflection of where we can go wrong by trying to pick our superpower and not maximizing on our natural talents.  

So, how do you figure out what your super power is? … You get out there and do things you thought you would NEVER do, live a little and step out of your comfort zone. Even travel to a place you have never been before. I have never met anyone who did not benefit from the experience of venturing into the unknown, there is always something to be gained. A few months back I took a job at a marketing firm, I had NEVER done anything like this before. It was completely new to me, but I soon realized that this was not for me. I am grateful for the experience, I learned a lot and met some great people in the process. In the end, I could not see myself being happy at this job … this fortunately was NOT my superpower. If I did not step out of my comfort zone to take this job, I would not have known that this was NOT my cup of tea. This experience left me room to grow so I could find my strong suit.

You will always be able to come up with excuses as to why you should not do something .. but what if … and only IF, you decide to step out of your reality, you might find something, universe forbid, that you enjoy! :O What if this one thing altered your universe for the better? You will become a happier person and develop a purpose for living, and will be surrounded by people who mean the world to you. SO, do it! No more “what if's” or “but’s.” That is what a SUPERPOWER feels like.

~Find yo’ POWER!

Depression is Not a Sign of Weakness

PREFACE: I have been dealing with depression, but there are times when something offsets my emotional stability and I spin out of control. I recently went through a state of massive emotional turmoil due to a conversation I had with a friend. This was not intentional and I told myself that I wouldn't let it get to me, but it did. This is a reminder that depression never really goes away, it is something that I have dealt with on and off for the past 17 years. Depression has no timing, I do not know when to expect it or when it will pass, it can affect me anywhere at anytime. More importantly it prevents me from living my life how I want to live it; happily. I want to shed light onto the stigmas behind depression and also to offer some comfort to those of you dealing with depression, you are not alone.    

Life is like an emotional rollercoaster, there will be ups and downs along the way and there will be bumps that hurt you, unless you become numb to your emotions. But I’m here to tell you, it’s okay. Everyone at one point or another will suffer from depression  but the severity of the depression can vary from person to person. The bottom line is that depression is real and it’s a constant battle that keeps one from living life to the fullest. The worst part about depression is that during these “downs” it’s difficult to ask for help and this leads to being in a state of solitude, which generally doesn't help the situation. In my experience, when I am left alone with my own thoughts, I feel that the situation can turn into a recipe for disaster. There is a moment when being alone can help but if I’m thinking negative thoughts and creating a dark void of sadness, it turns into a downward spiral that becomes impossible to escape. There comes a point where you just need to reach out for help, and that is okay. It’s okay to feel depressed there’s nothing wrong with that it’s an emotion that all living creatures have the capability to feel.

I’ve always lived my life by Friedrich Nietzsche’s quote “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Even when there is a wound so deep, so difficult to heal, trust that it will get better. The scar that is left behind, will be there to remind you of your journey and your victory of overcoming that battle in your life. That being said, for some people, overcoming the battle of depression may be more difficult, they will require guidance to help the transition from being in a “hurt place” to getting to a “better place.” They need assistance so that they can re-jump-start into the rhythm of life. We as a society need to recognize depression as an illness and we should find means of treating depression without the use of drugs. This only fuels the pharmaceutical companies and the drug business, yet they only offer temporary relief and does not solve the problem. The stigma behind depression still exists because we haven’t accepted it as normal. If someone breaks their arm in an accident, everybody wants to sign the cast and send “Get Well” cards, balloons, etc. but If someone is internally hurt and suffering from pain or an injury we can’t see, we tend to steer clear. We as a society are more likely to label that person “crazy” and we do not take the time to understand their story.

If you find yourself down and you think you are alone, know that you’re not. There are multiple outlets you have access to in order to get help. I know you do if you’re reading this, just do a Google search when you are done reading this, look for hotlines, and get the help you need from online chats for depression. You could even talk to a friend or a teacher you trust, there are many resources available. You just have to speak up, chances are you will be helping someone else as well. Life is short, so don’t let your depression take control of your life, control your depression!

If you know someone who is suffering from depression and you want to help, there is lots you can do. Someone who is in emotional pain will simply appreciate the time you give them. You can make a positive change in someone’s life, don’t just turn a blind eye when you sense that there is something wrong. Like I mentioned before, it can be difficult to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with offering to help and making yourself accessible. When someone is going through a rough time in their life they will appreciate a simple “Hey, you doing okay there? Is there anything I can do for you?” Trust me I know, I've been there and just hearing those words of  someone else’s interest in my well being makes me feel as though SOMEONE cares. We can get so busy with other things in our lives that we don’t want to get involved but honestly if you can help someone in their darkest hour whether it be by getting them to laugh, or smile, you will have made such an impact in that persons life. Even a friendly gesture such as a hug will physically reassure that the person is not alone and everything will be alright.

So, laugh, make others laugh, and love.

-Edith

Stand on Your Own Two Feet!

Independence, self sufficient, doing things on your own. To me Independence is when you do not need to rely on anyone or anything else to make you happy. In order to have a meaningful relationship you need to move past the issues you have with yourself. You have to be in a healthy relationship with yourself before you can expect to be in a happy relationship with someone else. If you are focusing too much of your attention on someone else, and not working on your inner peace then you will go crazy. The only person you have control over in this world is you, so take control and be independent. You have the power to determine your own outcome. When you enter any relationship, romantic or otherwise, and you are not happy with yourself, you will become dependent, you will look to the other person for validation. Let’s face it, we came into this world alone, and we will leave alone, choosing to be in a relationship is great because you determine who you will spend time with, but relationships are like ships passing in the night, they will fade with distance. So we need to be more than “ok” with being alone.

I am not saying that all relationships are bad, when you enter a relationship at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons, it will have a negative results. Don’t let anyone have the power of controlling your happiness. We did a post a while back about Best Interests it is about how everyone is for themselves, we ultimately care about our own well being. So if you are dependent, you will be the one to get hurt in the end, because the person you are dependent on is not always going to be there for you. So, who IS there for you? Guess what? You will ALWAYS be there for you! You cannot run and hide from yourself.

When it comes to romantic relationships, some level of dependency is required so that you can build trust with one another. But what happens when the other person is no longer there for you to fall back on? If something happens to your significant other, universe forbid, how will you take care of yourself? You should be able to say that you will be ok, but for those who are dependent, can you really say the same? When in a relationship, you should never forget who you are. Just because you are with someone you do not lose your individuality. You will never discover who you really are if your main identity is that you are someone else’s significant other. You are not property to be owned, you are a unique individual, and that is to be celebrated.

You do not want to lose yourself in the blur of the people around you, stand apart and define your own lines, stand out among the blur. Once you have established your individuality, no one and nothing will get in the way of your happiness.

~Be independent. Be yourself.

Jealousy; The Green Eyed-Monster.

Jealousy is a bit more complex than we may think. This is not only just an emotion, it is a reaction. There are many different situations in which jealousy can come out. It may be in a relationship, romantic and otherwise, or even in a competitive setting, the workplace, or a social gathering. Whatever the case may be I feel that it is a wasted emotion! We live in a society where we do not take the time to appreciate what we DO have in our lives, we spend too much time and energy worrying about what we want, or what others have. I always tell people that those things we want, materialistic or otherwise, are not always the things that make us happy. Once you look deep within yourself, trust me you will realize you have just wasted your time being jealous.

When it comes to competitive jealousy, it brings to light your level of self confidence. If you feel jealous because of what someone has, that means that you are wasting too much of your time thinking about other people, you really need to think about yourself for a change!!!! One could even say you are lacking self-confidence … and trust me that is not attractive. (Check out our post about confidence right -> HERE.) A person who is jealous because their co worker just bought a brand new BMW, suggests that something is wrong with their 10 year old Civic. The jealous person needs to realize that their Civic has lasted them 10 years and is still running great. This person also has a fear of what others might think of their little ol’ Civic, and last time I checked all cars serve the same purpose, get you from point A to B. So, who cares what the world thinks?!?!?!?! If you are happy and everything is working why you trippen’ for? Be grateful that you own a car, some don’t even have THAT luxury.

ROMANTIC jealousy, this one can be flattering, but still a waste. Some may think that it is cute when their significant other is jealous of another person due to the fear of loss, it shows that they care about the other person enough for this emotion to get in the way. Being jealous in this situation also shows that the other person has trust issues. They do not trust their significant other enough to believe that they will make the right decisions. With romantic jealousy we also get a mixture of other reactions such as possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation. Aside from the lack of trust, there is once again the lack of confidence, this person begins to question what is wrong with themselves; Why would my significant other do what they did? What does the other person have that I do not have? What is wrong with me?

A lot of the time jealousy can be projected by something that isn’t there, it may be your imagination running wild, but it happens if you lack trust in your partner and confidence in yourself.

What all of this boils down to is happiness, jealousy prevents you from being happy. Happiness is a choice, you can choose to be happy for someone or you can choose to be jealous of them. Learn to be happy for people and trust your significant other. Turn the feeling of jealousy into something positive and you will make your life positive.

There are so many issues in the world such as hunger, genocide, war, poverty, etc. so why waste your time and energy being envious of people? Be grateful for what you have and celebrate that with the people who are around you and care about you. You have the power to determine what your life will be like, and as time goes on the harder it will be to make that change. You have the power to determine your outcome.

~Peace

$Money$

What does it mean to have lots of money? Happiness? Success? How do we view money? I fear that people have forgotten the value of other things in life, and have made everything about what is in their bank accounts. It is hard to live in this world without worrying about money, because money is so essential for our well being. Some young people only worry about how they are going to make more money, but they do not worry so much about how they are going to keep their family together, how they can become a better person, or how they can be happy.

We talked about appreciating the people around us in our post about family, you should value those who love you. If you are working too much and finding that you are not valuing the people around you, you have to stop and think if it is worth it. I have watched the families of those who work too much fall apart simply because they do not make time between their job and family. Is all of that money worth it if you do not have anyone to spend it with?

I feel that everyone’s financial goals should be to live comfortably, so that their families never have a “need.” Living in poverty can lead to unnecessary stress, and a whole number of things that I will not get into (that’s a whole ‘nother post), and having too much money can (but not always) lead to greed. The question is, will you ever have enough money? Then the question becomes, why should I stop making money? A few weeks back there was a person that was going around San Francisco, leaving envelopes of cash, and leaving clues on twitter. You don't believe me? Well check out this article from the Huffington Post. This one person started a nationwide trend, people have begun to do the same thing in different cities around the U.S. These “random acts of kindness,” as the media is calling it, has gotten a lot of attention because who does not like free money? (if you hate it comment below and tell me about your issues with free money) This one person in SF has so much money that they had no clue what to do with it, so they are just giving it away. Perhaps this person in SF got to a point where he/she realized that all of the money they had was not making them happy, so why not give it to people who could use it? (or some great media stunt … we will never know!)

I’m not trying to say that money is bad, I am saying that it is important to not let it control your life. There are many more important things in our lives like being a happy person. We also talked about doing whatever makes you happy in our graduation post, you can read about it here. If you are letting money control your life, then it will be difficult to be in the state of happiness; you are living for your money and you stop living for yourself. If you are not happy now what is the point? We are all going to die one day soon, and we cannot take any of our worldly possessions with us and that includes money (unless you are an Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh, and if you are comment below, I would love to hear about your rise from the dead!).

With all this swimming in my head, I have been facing the question of what job will be fulfilling to me in the long run. I will be satisfied when I know that I am helping people and making a difference in the world. I do not want to be tied down to a regular 9-5 job, where I am only there for the moollah. I want to live a comfortable life, but not at the expense of my happiness and the happiness of those around me. Take time out and think about what makes you happy, other than money, and make THAT your priority. In doing this you can ensure that money is not controlling you.

~Ta Ta

The Power of a Smile

Staring … its normal, we all do it. Human beings are social animals, therefore we are naturally curious.  I am aware that in some cultures around the world looking at others is the norm and no one minds it. I don’t like when people stare at me, but I know I do it too. The breaking point for me is when the “looker” is aware that I have caught them staring and they don’t stop. Some people immediately turn away in discomfort or give a friendly smile or if they are in earshot range just say a friendly “hello.” How do you react when you catch the person glaring at you or if you’re the one to get caught? The simple hello and/or smile breaks the ice and lets you know that the other person meant no harm.

Which brings me to my recent staring encounter. I was on the BART (rapid train) this weekend and I caught a couple staring at me, they would exchange a word or two and revert their attention to me. Mind you, I am not the only person on the train so I don’t know what was so intriguing to them. I’m not one to care unless I get a bad vibe, but I wanted to see what they would do if I focused my gaze back in their direction. It seemed to do nothing and I think it was because they were engaged in conversation, making my attempts of outstaring them futile. However, in most occasions the gaze is an invitation to engage with another soul and display your energy. This can be a beautiful experience and it shouldn’t be wasted.

When you smile you automatically neutralize any misconception of your personality or mood. Smiling at somebody allows them to feel comfortable. It’s something you do when you want to show that you are happy. But how do you handle a cold response? The way I handled the situation on the BART was to not mind, in the end I know I shouldn't mind it because the person is just a stranger. Another aspect to think about is the fact that we don’t know how people are feeling. Everyone’s day is different, some might have a bad day while others might have a good one. The point in general is that you shouldn’t feel upset if you don’t get a smile in return. If you smile, at least you offer the friendly invitation for someone to smile back, if they don’t respond it’s not on you. Who knows that person could be the next president or your soulmate?

If YOU are the person that is feeling upset and giving off negative energy, most likely you won’t want to smile. However if someone smiles there is a slight chance that they may help you feel better. It’s important to let positivity into one’s life so one can carry on. Your day is only as positive as you allow it to be. Make the effort to smile even when upset. Doing so will send positive energy into your environment and will bounce back.

The next time someone makes eye contact with you, though it may be a little intimidating, try to at least acknowledge them, it really doesn’t hurt. Step out of your comfort zone a little and try to have a friendly conversation with a complete stranger. Remember, your actions toward others can set off feelings in them and you want to give off positive vibes.

With that being said I will leave you with this TED talk. Enjoy!

:D SMILE :D

Confidence: Your Best Accessory; Use it, It's Free!

To me being confident is when you do not need to worry about anything or anyone else, and you know that you ultimately have the power to control your outcomes. This is what people pick up on the most, it is when someone can walk into a room and command the attention of the entire room. There was a time in my life when I lacked a lot of confidence, I was a socially awkward, freakishly tall, frizzy hair, and I would wear really weird shoes that were a size too big for my feet, and lets just say that people are not nice about anything that is different to them. Once I got a little older I realized that people’s words only hurt you when you are insecure, so I knew that I needed to gain confidence. If there is something about myself that is less than perfect, and it is in my power to change it I will. As the years went by I realized that in order to move forward with my life I had to become confident in who I am and embrace the person I have become. Once I became happy with who I was people no longer made these comments, because they could not pick up on my insecurities. I realized that the only thing that mattered was my happiness, and if I am happy with who I have become no one can change that.

My sister and I went to the store the other day, and both of us are tall people, as a result it is hard for us to find long clothes that fit us, lucky for us we walked into the right store. The woman that was working at the store was a fellow tall person, and we got to talking about how there simply are not decent clothes for us to wear, then the conversation shifted to how others react to us being tall. Our friends and family are constantly talking about how we need to lower ourselves in photos so that we can “fit in”, or the fact the everyone tells us that we should not wear heels because we are tall enough without them and make them feel short. At the end of the conversation it was not about being “tall” it was about one’s level of confidence, I do not mind when people point out the fact that I’m tall. I love being tall, and I show it when I take pictures, and If I feel like wearing heels I will, deal with it. I am comfortable with my height and in some ways my height has shaped who I am and I will be confident no matter how much I stand out. One quote by Dr. Seuss comes to mind, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” … in my case literally!

I tend to stand out more than others because of my height, but that is not all people will see, there is more to me than being a tall person. People can smell confidence a mile away, it is all about how one carries one’s self. Others are able to pick up on how you feel about yourself just by looking at your self-presentation. Confidence is sexy ;)

Confidence is not something that grows on trees (unfortunately) it is something that each person needs to develop. Every person has different struggles that they need to overcome. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is your personality, and people cannot get to know you unless you let yourself shine through, the only way you can do that is to develop your confidence and allow others to get to know the “real” you.

~Be you.