Failure OR Success? Who Decides?

We all want to succeed in life and that means something different to everyone. The dictionary definition of the word failure is the lack of success. So what does success mean? I thought you would never ask ... Success is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. With all of this in mind, why is it that in human nature we think that our success is measured by the people around us? We look at people that are in similar situations as us and we think that we have failed somehow because we do not have our sh*t as together as it would SEEM. The truth is that we all need to NOT worry about other people because they have an idea of success that is much different than our own. We are unique individuals and we are on our own unique path, looking at others will not help us. Success is relative. Only YOU truly know what your aim and purpose are therefore, only YOU can determine if you have succeeded or not. People will always formulate an opinion but your opinion is the only one that matters. Keep your eyes on the prize, do not let yourself be bothered by outsiders. If you are too busy looking at others it will do more harm than good. When you compare yourself to others you will always find the ways in which they are better than you. We fixate on their success and do not take into consideration what the person has overcome. Don’t focus on others, if you do, you are spending less time working on your own SH*TUFF.

We have adopted a misconception of what success actually means and our notion of success has also shaped what we believe failure is. Our notion is socially constructed and has trickled into our educational system, making it extremely difficult for people to truly explore their passions. This stops people from walking on their own path because they have a fear of failing, they take the “safest” path because it guarantees success or they are too busy doing what is expected of them. If you are walking down a path that is not meant for you, that will affect your level of happiness which is directly connected to how successful you will become. We want to make the people in our lives happy, but we have to keep our own happiness in mind when we are walking our path. Our parents have influenced how we think and we always want to make the people who raised us proud, as a result we will define our own success based on what THEY want for us. Take time to figure out what it is that YOU want and not what others want for you.

Many people think that success is defined by the amount of money you got in the bank. However, if we treat money as the ONLY component to our success we will learn that it is not everything. Having money is great, but if you are not happy with your life, have you truly succeeded? There is more to life than what kind of car you drive or how big your house is, all of that is nothing if you are not living a fulfilling life. Measuring your success according to your bank account, will result in a depressing existence. You will constantly be trying to get more and never be satisfied. Nothing in life is guaranteed including success and ESPECIALLY the number in your bank account. Do not make “money” your main focus when you are trying to measure your level of success.

When do we fail? When we give up. There is nothing worse than setting out on a journey and not crossing the finish line. Nothing is impossible to accomplish. We make our own restrictions and convince ourselves that we cannot do something. As long as we are still actively working towards our goal we are succeeding, but the moment we stop BELIEVING that we can do it, we have failed. There are moments in life where we may fail at our goals regardless of how hard we have worked but there is a lot to gain from the experience altogether. We need to look at the glass as half full, focus on what you have and where you need to go. At the end of the day your accomplishments are always much greater than your failures. When working towards your goal, stick to it, achieve your full potential and figure out where you need to improve. Always try your best, so that at the end of the day you can say with full confidence that you gave it all that you had.

~Go be a success.

It’s About: TIME

There are 365 days in a year, that is 8760 hours, or 525,600 minutes, or 31,536,000 seconds… in whatever terms you wish to think of it. How will you spend that time? Time is a valuable concept, once it is gone you can NEVER get it back, you have to make the best of it while you can. Many people, including myself, take time for granted. We put things off until tomorrow, but why put things off when they can be conquered today? We do not realize how valuable time is until it has run out. Lets face it, we are all going to die one day and we do not know when, so lets make the best of it. We all get busy in our lives because we have schedules that we need to keep and we lose sight of what matters most, we forget how to LIVE! With the schedules that we keep we become creatures of habit. We develop a routine and with each passing day breaking that routine becomes harder. We need to step away from our schedules once in a while to create new experiences and spend time with the people we love and care about. Time is not a promise, you do not know how much you actually have. So don’t waste it and do not waste that of others’. Life is too short to be wasted by sitting on your a$$ for too long, get up and go DO something! After all we are only here for a short time.

Cut the crap! Start doing what you want to do life is too short to be making excuses all the time. You have to live the experiences you want to have, because before you know it your window of opportunity will be nailed shut. New responsibilities will arise and doing things on a whim will be much harder. Responsibilities and excuses are not the same, responsibilities are the things in life that you HAVE to do and have no control over whereas excuses are things you intentionally put in your way. We cannot run from time nor can we run from our responsibilities, but we can make the most of it. Why sit idle when there is something more fulfilling that you could be doing? Where there is a will there is a way, all of those excuses will no longer matter and will fade away.

When we give people our time, we are giving them a part of ourselves that we will never get back. When there is a friend in need or we decide to go to a family gathering we are saying that those people are worth a portion of our life, we are willing to give up that time for these people. I always feel grateful when someone takes time out of their day to simply say, “hello,” because they do not HAVE to but it lets me know that I am worth the time and effort. However, there have been many moments in my life where I have felt that MY time has not been valued by others. There was one incident where I was waiting for someone for about an hour. There was not a single text message, or a mere phone call to let me know they were running late. Once the person did show up, I was astonished to see that they did not even show a single thread of remorse about wasting my valuable time. My time did not matter to them, the only thing that mattered to them was themselves and THEIR own time. I was angry beyond words and I realized that if I was not worth this person’s time, why should I bother wasting more time on this person? From that day forward, I limit my interactions with this person and do not rely on them for anything, because they simply do not value me. Remember, when someone takes their time out for you they do not have to, they do not owe you anything. I can only hope that the person who took my time for granted learns from what happened, because I learned that I cannot rely on them.

The only thing we have is time, but we never have enough simply because we are spending our lives doing things we do not want to do. The power of choice is an amazing thing. We can choose to do what we want with our time, so why not CHOOSE to do what makes us happy and fulfilled and count our blessings for the people in our lives? As Benjamin Franklin said, “Lost time is never found again.” Use your time doing what makes you happy, and spend your time with people that matter and show those people they matter.

~Value time.

Happiness From Within

Are you happy? What makes you happy? Is it the big things or small things? Or perhaps they are not things at all, but moments. Moments with the ones that you love. Happiness is defined as the state of being happy, and happy is defined as feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Both of these definitions are set in the present tense, the NOW. However, people often times think about their happiness as something to be achieved in the future, “If I do this I will be happy.” I too am guilty of this. I find myself saying that once I reach a goal I will be happy, but the truth is once I reach that goal there will be another goal to chase. We will never be happy if we are stuck chasing that happiness. Happiness is something to be felt in the present moment.

There are lots of people in my life who I would like to see happy, but their happiness is not the center of my happiness. I know people that weight their happiness heavily on that of others, but you cannot control if another person is happy. There are many other factors in people’s lives that we do not have knowledge or control over. We all have our own idea of what happiness looks and feels like, so whatever makes us feel good is not the same thing for another person. Happiness is relative not universal, it is not a “one size fits all” type of deal. Everyone’s mind arrives at the idea is happiness differently. What makes me happy is not necessarily the same thing for you. Happiness is so simple yet we make it complex. I love how Aristotle put it, “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” WE have the power to be happy or not, Happiness is a choice and we must CHOOSE to wake up every morning and be happy.

I have always said that you should do whatever makes you happy, but this statement is not entirely true. One should do what makes them happy, as long as they do not bring harm to those around them. A lot of our own happiness is a direct result from the environment that we come from. So if the people in your life are not happy then you are not, you too are being exposed to their unhappiness. Chances are that the people you keep in your life are people you care about, and you show compassion toward these people. Your actions or the lack there of will always affect those around you whether you intend to or not. I have been around so many people that do what is right for them, but they do not stop to think about how their actions will affect the people they love. While they themselves have a favorable outcome, they do not take into account how it will affect others around them. If the people in your life are negatively affected by a decision that YOU have made, this will affect YOUR level of happiness, and lets face it, moods are contagious, so what do you want in your life? I am not saying that you should completely sacrifice your happiness for that of those around you, that is counterproductive, but you do need to weigh your options and ask yourself if the outcome is favorable for everyone. You have to be an active participant when it comes to your own happiness, do not just idly stand there waiting for something to happen, you have to make life happen and take charge. The Dalai Lama once said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” You have to make sure that your actions do not bring harm to the ones you love, because their happiness is connected to your’s.

For many people losing weight is tied to their happiness, but guess what? If we never learn to accept ourselves the way we are, we will never be skinny enough. People have a misconception of how to gain happiness, it is a state of mind. Losing weight is external, and being genuinely happy comes from within. You have to learn to be happy with the skin you are in, and realize that what we LOOK like on the outside is not the same as how we feel on the inside. Happiness is something that we feel, and we arrive at the feeling through our mind set. Ever hear of “mind over matter?” Well happiness is the same concept. Objects outside of us do not get to decide what happiness is, our minds have to arrive at that conclusion all on its own. Our minds are more powerful than we give them credit for. It is important to work towards a realistic goal, but all that work will have been for not if you do not know how to love yourself today. Imagine waking up every morning being happy and loving the skin you are in, and being grateful to live another day. You will one day accomplish that weight goal, but imagine the level of satisfaction you will achieve if you feel good while you are working toward that goal. You may even reach that goal faster. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” When you are working toward a goal and you want to reach it with every fiber of your being, every little progress will make you feel happy causing all of the pieces to naturally fall into place.

I know you must be thinking that is easier said than done … which is true, but there is no way you can change your mindset in the snap of a finger. It will take time and you will have to work hard at it. You have to make it a point to be happy NOW. There are techniques that you can learn to train your mind to become what you want it to be. In his TED talk, Matthieu Ricard, talks about “The Habits of Happiness.” Ricard mentions that there are studies that have been done in regards to happiness, and they have found that the same parts of the brain are active when a person is expressing kindness and compassion. Expressing kindness and compassion is key when it comes to being happy, knowing that you have had a positive impact on someone else’s life will make you feel fulfilled. Furthermore, not expecting or seeking a reward in return for being kind and compassionate, leads to a deep feeling of serenity and satisfaction. Being a better person goes hand-in-hand with your level of happiness, almost everything we do is dependent on our own happiness or the happiness of the people we care for in our lives the most. Ricard also talks about the Buddhist view of happiness as being the same as “well being,” it is not just a “pleasurable sensation” as defined above, it is a deep sense of serenity and fulfillment. This concept takes the idea of happiness to another level. Happiness then has a sense of peacefulness, longevity, and is infinite, it is no longer just a moment in time but it is a series of moments that you can look back on and know that you have experienced a sense of fulfilment.  

The next time you are finding it difficult to be happy, I hope that you will remember this post. When all seems lost and feels hopeless, just remember that you and only you alone have control over your thoughts. Think of all to positives in your life, and list all of the things you are grateful for, reach out to a friend. Edith talked about all of these things and more in her last post, Snap Out of it! Most importantly remember that you are not alone, everyone is on this journey to finding happiness.

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Question Everything

Don’t let others have power over you, be informed! Don’t become susceptible to believing what others tell you because YOU are too lazy to go find the information for yourself. There is an infinite amount of information out there, some of it is bullshit and some of it is useful. It can be used to sway people to make important decisions in life such as electing the right officials to office and deciding what life goals to pursue, and the list does not end here. You need to be informed to help make good decisions in life. So don’t take everything you hear at face value, do some research for yourself and be informed as much as possible. In the end there is more good that this will do for you, benefit from your OWN findings. You can be sure that you got the information right at the source instead of trusting that someone else has your interest in mind. When you do the work yourself, you have the power to decide what information is useful to you and the satisfaction of knowing that you went out and got it for yourself.

Voting is one example. Currently there is an extremely important election coming up in my town. Most people I have talked to are questioning the mailers and huge campaign ads that are plastered around town. It’s good to question and doubt what the media is feeding your brain, it’s HIGHLY encouraged. People who are not up to speed with what’s going on in the election have confessed to me that they frankly don’t care one way or the other how the election turns out. This is upsetting to me because, these are the people that complain and nag about how things in our community are nowhere near perfect, and yet they don’t care enough to voice their opinion. They CHOOSE not to vote and they CHOOSE not to care. The reality is that if more people were aware about what is going on in their own communities, they would take it upon themselves to encourage their fellow neighbors to get involved. When the elections are over, people think that they don’t have to do anything until the next election, NO! People need to continue to stay informed so that they know exactly what is going on and see how they can organize to come together and make a difference in the community. This would set the example for future generations. We have to be the change we wish to see so that our descendants know what it takes to change the world around them.

Likewise, people should take it upon themselves to continue to pursue their life goals. It’s not enough to want to be what you wish in terms of your dream career. You need to push through barriers and latch on to what you want for yourself. Don’t let others convince you that it won’t payoff. Prove them wrong, make it work for YOU! Hard work always pays off no matter how long it takes. QUESTION EVERYTHING, Do not leave any stone unturned. This is YOUR life, start living it … take control, because what you decide today will affect you tomorrow. The information is out there, you just need to get up and go find it! :D

In this day and age, we have an abundance of technology at our disposal. People CHOOSE to be ignorant or they CHOOSE to be aware. Dont keep a closed mind. If you want to learn something the best way to find answers is to seek them, and it goes without saying that this won’t happen without a little effort on your part. If someone is telling you one thing and someone else is saying another, who are you going to believe? Question everything; why is this person talking to me now? How do I benefit? How will they benefit? Why are they putting so much emphasis on this? etc. Ask as many questions as you see fit, ask the right questions that will get you to the answers YOU need. Like the post Hareena wrote on Best Interests, everyone is for themselves, we all want what is beneficial for us, even if we don’t realize it.

When you receive information through another person, you’re only getting what THEY want to tell you. However, if you go out and find the information at the source for yourself, you will have the whole picture, which will determine what you find most interesting. My fellow humans, we need to be more aware of our surroundings. Stop for one moment, stop texting, stop doing what you’re doing and open your eyes and ears so that when the time comes, you can open your mouth and voice with what YOU know.  

What is Your Super Power? To Infinity and Beyond.

Become a doctor. Become a lawyer. Become an engineer. Become an Architect. ...the list can go on for days. If you have ever heard this from anyone close to you, you know exactly what I am talking about. For a major chunk of my life I was told that I was going to become a doctor, and for a majority of that chunk I believed it, but as I got older I realized that this was infact NOT what I wanted to be. Just the thought of being in school for a really long time, and all those science classes … no thanks! NOT FOR ME! This is MY life, and only I live with the choices I make. Likewise, YOU are the one who lives with YOUR decisions, so make them worth your while. The trick to being happy and successful, is taking the time to figure out what you are actually good at, your superpower!!! You will only be happy with life if you wake up every morning doing what you love and being surrounded by people you love. So figure out what your super power is, it is never too late.

It is ok if you do not know what you want to do with your life… hell … I am still trying to figure that out (maybe I will ALWAYS be trying to figure that out). The fact of the matter is that we are constantly changing, so why do we seem to think that we cannot change our careers as well? Is it because we have worked so hard to build up our careers in the first place? But how does that help anyone if YOU are not happy? Hard work and determination will ALWAYS pay off no matter what your current situation is, you just need to stay focused and keep your eyes on the prize. Each individual has the power to succeed and if you believe that your environment is holding you back … just think of it as an obstacle that no one else has had to face, and will make you a stronger person because of it! In order to make this work for you, you need to figure out what you are good at and build on those skills rather than spend too much time trying to fix what needs fixing. It is completely fine if your superpower is saving people’s lives in the emergency room, or putting up buildings, just as long as you are not being forced into that profession.

When I was in high school I had a friend who was a well rounded student, and she was good at EVERYTHING. When high school was nearing an end we were talking about what our plans were for the future. Her interests were within the art field. However, her parents wanted her to become a pediatrician. She was to spend the next few years of her life working hard toward THAT goal .. her parent’s dream. I have since lost touch with this friend, but I hope she is happy with the decision she has made … who knows, maybe she is still doing art on the side. This friend of mine made the choice to listen to what her parents wanted of her to do, but she did not take the time to examine her superpower. Her passion was art, not sick little kids! This one story is a reflection of where we can go wrong by trying to pick our superpower and not maximizing on our natural talents.  

So, how do you figure out what your super power is? … You get out there and do things you thought you would NEVER do, live a little and step out of your comfort zone. Even travel to a place you have never been before. I have never met anyone who did not benefit from the experience of venturing into the unknown, there is always something to be gained. A few months back I took a job at a marketing firm, I had NEVER done anything like this before. It was completely new to me, but I soon realized that this was not for me. I am grateful for the experience, I learned a lot and met some great people in the process. In the end, I could not see myself being happy at this job … this fortunately was NOT my superpower. If I did not step out of my comfort zone to take this job, I would not have known that this was NOT my cup of tea. This experience left me room to grow so I could find my strong suit.

You will always be able to come up with excuses as to why you should not do something .. but what if … and only IF, you decide to step out of your reality, you might find something, universe forbid, that you enjoy! :O What if this one thing altered your universe for the better? You will become a happier person and develop a purpose for living, and will be surrounded by people who mean the world to you. SO, do it! No more “what if's” or “but’s.” That is what a SUPERPOWER feels like.

~Find yo’ POWER!