Happiness From Within

Are you happy? What makes you happy? Is it the big things or small things? Or perhaps they are not things at all, but moments. Moments with the ones that you love. Happiness is defined as the state of being happy, and happy is defined as feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Both of these definitions are set in the present tense, the NOW. However, people often times think about their happiness as something to be achieved in the future, “If I do this I will be happy.” I too am guilty of this. I find myself saying that once I reach a goal I will be happy, but the truth is once I reach that goal there will be another goal to chase. We will never be happy if we are stuck chasing that happiness. Happiness is something to be felt in the present moment.

There are lots of people in my life who I would like to see happy, but their happiness is not the center of my happiness. I know people that weight their happiness heavily on that of others, but you cannot control if another person is happy. There are many other factors in people’s lives that we do not have knowledge or control over. We all have our own idea of what happiness looks and feels like, so whatever makes us feel good is not the same thing for another person. Happiness is relative not universal, it is not a “one size fits all” type of deal. Everyone’s mind arrives at the idea is happiness differently. What makes me happy is not necessarily the same thing for you. Happiness is so simple yet we make it complex. I love how Aristotle put it, “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” WE have the power to be happy or not, Happiness is a choice and we must CHOOSE to wake up every morning and be happy.

I have always said that you should do whatever makes you happy, but this statement is not entirely true. One should do what makes them happy, as long as they do not bring harm to those around them. A lot of our own happiness is a direct result from the environment that we come from. So if the people in your life are not happy then you are not, you too are being exposed to their unhappiness. Chances are that the people you keep in your life are people you care about, and you show compassion toward these people. Your actions or the lack there of will always affect those around you whether you intend to or not. I have been around so many people that do what is right for them, but they do not stop to think about how their actions will affect the people they love. While they themselves have a favorable outcome, they do not take into account how it will affect others around them. If the people in your life are negatively affected by a decision that YOU have made, this will affect YOUR level of happiness, and lets face it, moods are contagious, so what do you want in your life? I am not saying that you should completely sacrifice your happiness for that of those around you, that is counterproductive, but you do need to weigh your options and ask yourself if the outcome is favorable for everyone. You have to be an active participant when it comes to your own happiness, do not just idly stand there waiting for something to happen, you have to make life happen and take charge. The Dalai Lama once said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” You have to make sure that your actions do not bring harm to the ones you love, because their happiness is connected to your’s.

For many people losing weight is tied to their happiness, but guess what? If we never learn to accept ourselves the way we are, we will never be skinny enough. People have a misconception of how to gain happiness, it is a state of mind. Losing weight is external, and being genuinely happy comes from within. You have to learn to be happy with the skin you are in, and realize that what we LOOK like on the outside is not the same as how we feel on the inside. Happiness is something that we feel, and we arrive at the feeling through our mind set. Ever hear of “mind over matter?” Well happiness is the same concept. Objects outside of us do not get to decide what happiness is, our minds have to arrive at that conclusion all on its own. Our minds are more powerful than we give them credit for. It is important to work towards a realistic goal, but all that work will have been for not if you do not know how to love yourself today. Imagine waking up every morning being happy and loving the skin you are in, and being grateful to live another day. You will one day accomplish that weight goal, but imagine the level of satisfaction you will achieve if you feel good while you are working toward that goal. You may even reach that goal faster. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” When you are working toward a goal and you want to reach it with every fiber of your being, every little progress will make you feel happy causing all of the pieces to naturally fall into place.

I know you must be thinking that is easier said than done … which is true, but there is no way you can change your mindset in the snap of a finger. It will take time and you will have to work hard at it. You have to make it a point to be happy NOW. There are techniques that you can learn to train your mind to become what you want it to be. In his TED talk, Matthieu Ricard, talks about “The Habits of Happiness.” Ricard mentions that there are studies that have been done in regards to happiness, and they have found that the same parts of the brain are active when a person is expressing kindness and compassion. Expressing kindness and compassion is key when it comes to being happy, knowing that you have had a positive impact on someone else’s life will make you feel fulfilled. Furthermore, not expecting or seeking a reward in return for being kind and compassionate, leads to a deep feeling of serenity and satisfaction. Being a better person goes hand-in-hand with your level of happiness, almost everything we do is dependent on our own happiness or the happiness of the people we care for in our lives the most. Ricard also talks about the Buddhist view of happiness as being the same as “well being,” it is not just a “pleasurable sensation” as defined above, it is a deep sense of serenity and fulfillment. This concept takes the idea of happiness to another level. Happiness then has a sense of peacefulness, longevity, and is infinite, it is no longer just a moment in time but it is a series of moments that you can look back on and know that you have experienced a sense of fulfilment.  

The next time you are finding it difficult to be happy, I hope that you will remember this post. When all seems lost and feels hopeless, just remember that you and only you alone have control over your thoughts. Think of all to positives in your life, and list all of the things you are grateful for, reach out to a friend. Edith talked about all of these things and more in her last post, Snap Out of it! Most importantly remember that you are not alone, everyone is on this journey to finding happiness.

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Someone Needs to Hear YOU!

When I was younger, no one ever took the time to listen to me. Naturally, I did not place value on myself. I did not feel that what I had to say was important enough to say it, but as time went on I learned how to break out of my shell and I found my voice. I have also learned that one should use their voice to leave a positive mark on the world. As Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

The first time I remember making a difference in someone’s life was when I was in middle school, and it was actually one of my teachers! At the time I did not realize how this moment would impact the rest of his life. This teacher was in his first year of teaching, and we were a difficult group of kids to work with, and that’s putting it lightly. We used to throw paper across the room and never did the work that was assigned to us. One day after class my teacher was walking around the room picking up all of the trash the students had thrown every which way. I stopped him and asked why he was picking up everyone’s trash and why he did not make everyone else pitch in to clean it up. He proceeded to tell me that we (students) were all “fools” and we cannot even do a simple task such as clean up. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being called a fool. So my response to him was, “We are only fools, because teachers like you do not teach us.” After I said those potentially damaging words to my teacher, I left the room.

I did not understand the gravity of my words, I was just being a “sassy” preteen. The next day the teacher came to me before class, and said, “Hareena, you were right,” and from that day forward the class was run very differently. But all that aside, my teacher, someone I am supposed to look up to as a role model, was telling me that I was right. At the time I still did not understand the weight my words brought to this educator, but all these years later I am aware of how I made a difference. I made him rethink his job, his livelihood.

Many years later I have come to learn that I have a voice, I maybe the youngest in my family, but I too have value, I CAN make a difference. When I became a student at UC Berkeley, I kind of “stumbled” into the Leadership Institute. By the time I got to UC Berkeley, I became the stereotypical quiet Indian girl in the corner of the classroom, but through my leadership experience I found my voice. This new voice was not the same voice of the “sassy” preteen, this voice had a little more understanding, but it still lacked value. I always like to hear what others have to say before I speak up, but I still felt that what I had to say was not helpful. By the time I graduated, I realized that if I do not place value on what I have to say then no one else will either.

When I moved back home after college it was hard. I felt that I was losing that voice that I was so proud of. I am always going to be the youngest in my family, and my voice is always going to be belittled, only because I am still seen as the little girl I was many years ago. This was a test for my voice. I realized that I have the right to express my opinions and if no one is listening to ME that is THEIR loss. Writing blog posts for you all is another way I keep my voice, and I wanna hear your voice … down below!!! You know the DRILL!!!

The main take away is this, TALK!!! You do not know what kind of impression you will leave on someone else, so make it a positive one! Back in the Valentine's day post we wrote about a TED talk by Drew Dudley, on leadership. Dudley talks about how we as people are leaders without even knowing it, and we need to let the people around us know that they have made a positive impact on our lives. Dudley calls this point in time the “Lollipop moment,” this is the exact moment in time when the other person made the impact. My teacher back in middle school had this “Lollipop moment” with me. I encourage you … no, no, I challenge you to give someone a “Lollipop moment” within the next week! Good luck and let me know how It goes.

~The Voice be with you, Always!

The Power of a Smile

Staring … its normal, we all do it. Human beings are social animals, therefore we are naturally curious.  I am aware that in some cultures around the world looking at others is the norm and no one minds it. I don’t like when people stare at me, but I know I do it too. The breaking point for me is when the “looker” is aware that I have caught them staring and they don’t stop. Some people immediately turn away in discomfort or give a friendly smile or if they are in earshot range just say a friendly “hello.” How do you react when you catch the person glaring at you or if you’re the one to get caught? The simple hello and/or smile breaks the ice and lets you know that the other person meant no harm.

Which brings me to my recent staring encounter. I was on the BART (rapid train) this weekend and I caught a couple staring at me, they would exchange a word or two and revert their attention to me. Mind you, I am not the only person on the train so I don’t know what was so intriguing to them. I’m not one to care unless I get a bad vibe, but I wanted to see what they would do if I focused my gaze back in their direction. It seemed to do nothing and I think it was because they were engaged in conversation, making my attempts of outstaring them futile. However, in most occasions the gaze is an invitation to engage with another soul and display your energy. This can be a beautiful experience and it shouldn’t be wasted.

When you smile you automatically neutralize any misconception of your personality or mood. Smiling at somebody allows them to feel comfortable. It’s something you do when you want to show that you are happy. But how do you handle a cold response? The way I handled the situation on the BART was to not mind, in the end I know I shouldn't mind it because the person is just a stranger. Another aspect to think about is the fact that we don’t know how people are feeling. Everyone’s day is different, some might have a bad day while others might have a good one. The point in general is that you shouldn’t feel upset if you don’t get a smile in return. If you smile, at least you offer the friendly invitation for someone to smile back, if they don’t respond it’s not on you. Who knows that person could be the next president or your soulmate?

If YOU are the person that is feeling upset and giving off negative energy, most likely you won’t want to smile. However if someone smiles there is a slight chance that they may help you feel better. It’s important to let positivity into one’s life so one can carry on. Your day is only as positive as you allow it to be. Make the effort to smile even when upset. Doing so will send positive energy into your environment and will bounce back.

The next time someone makes eye contact with you, though it may be a little intimidating, try to at least acknowledge them, it really doesn’t hurt. Step out of your comfort zone a little and try to have a friendly conversation with a complete stranger. Remember, your actions toward others can set off feelings in them and you want to give off positive vibes.

With that being said I will leave you with this TED talk. Enjoy!

:D SMILE :D

Valentine’s Day ... Let Me Count the Ways I Hate Thee

St.Valentine's Day … today this is a celebration of the love between two people. I hate this holiday!

I don’t hate it because I am in fact single … but because everyday should have the potential to be “Valentine’s Day” when you appreciate your significant other and make them feel special.  

There are 365 days in a year and this is the only day on the calendar that formally recognizes the love between two people. You should not need a holiday to remind you that you need to appreciate your significant other, they should be special every single day. This person is not there because they have to be, they choose to be, they choose to tolerate all of your flaws and support your endeavors because they love you.  

The fact of the matter is that we are all going to die one day; life is too short. If you appreciate someone then you should tell them. Valentine’s Day should celebrate all Love, not just the love of a significant other, but the love of a child, parent, or a really good friend. When it comes to this holiday we tend not to recognize the other types of love that exist. We go through our lives not showing other’s that we appreciate what they have done for us. We do not know what tomorrow holds, when will you have another opportunity to express your gratitude? The smallest bit of appreciation can go a long way.

I was watching a TED Talk a while back by Drew Dudley, on leadership. Dudley talks about how we as people are leaders without even knowing it, and we need to let the people around us know that they have made a positive impact on our lives. Dudley calls this point in time the “Lollipop moment,” this is the exact moment in time when the other person made the impact. We should apply this same idea to the ones we love.

After watching Dudley’s talk, I stepped out of my comfort zone and made more of an effort to let people know that I am grateful for that “lollipop moment” they have given me. As a result I have found it has made my relationships with those people stronger.Thinking back on my life, I do not know how often I have actually thanked people for the “lollipop moments”. If we treat every relationship in our lives with such appreciation just imagine how much value it would add to our lives. Give it a try!

You don’t need Valentine’s Day to show your appreciation.

Thanks for reading!

peace&love.