Happiness From Within

Are you happy? What makes you happy? Is it the big things or small things? Or perhaps they are not things at all, but moments. Moments with the ones that you love. Happiness is defined as the state of being happy, and happy is defined as feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Both of these definitions are set in the present tense, the NOW. However, people often times think about their happiness as something to be achieved in the future, “If I do this I will be happy.” I too am guilty of this. I find myself saying that once I reach a goal I will be happy, but the truth is once I reach that goal there will be another goal to chase. We will never be happy if we are stuck chasing that happiness. Happiness is something to be felt in the present moment.

There are lots of people in my life who I would like to see happy, but their happiness is not the center of my happiness. I know people that weight their happiness heavily on that of others, but you cannot control if another person is happy. There are many other factors in people’s lives that we do not have knowledge or control over. We all have our own idea of what happiness looks and feels like, so whatever makes us feel good is not the same thing for another person. Happiness is relative not universal, it is not a “one size fits all” type of deal. Everyone’s mind arrives at the idea is happiness differently. What makes me happy is not necessarily the same thing for you. Happiness is so simple yet we make it complex. I love how Aristotle put it, “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” WE have the power to be happy or not, Happiness is a choice and we must CHOOSE to wake up every morning and be happy.

I have always said that you should do whatever makes you happy, but this statement is not entirely true. One should do what makes them happy, as long as they do not bring harm to those around them. A lot of our own happiness is a direct result from the environment that we come from. So if the people in your life are not happy then you are not, you too are being exposed to their unhappiness. Chances are that the people you keep in your life are people you care about, and you show compassion toward these people. Your actions or the lack there of will always affect those around you whether you intend to or not. I have been around so many people that do what is right for them, but they do not stop to think about how their actions will affect the people they love. While they themselves have a favorable outcome, they do not take into account how it will affect others around them. If the people in your life are negatively affected by a decision that YOU have made, this will affect YOUR level of happiness, and lets face it, moods are contagious, so what do you want in your life? I am not saying that you should completely sacrifice your happiness for that of those around you, that is counterproductive, but you do need to weigh your options and ask yourself if the outcome is favorable for everyone. You have to be an active participant when it comes to your own happiness, do not just idly stand there waiting for something to happen, you have to make life happen and take charge. The Dalai Lama once said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” You have to make sure that your actions do not bring harm to the ones you love, because their happiness is connected to your’s.

For many people losing weight is tied to their happiness, but guess what? If we never learn to accept ourselves the way we are, we will never be skinny enough. People have a misconception of how to gain happiness, it is a state of mind. Losing weight is external, and being genuinely happy comes from within. You have to learn to be happy with the skin you are in, and realize that what we LOOK like on the outside is not the same as how we feel on the inside. Happiness is something that we feel, and we arrive at the feeling through our mind set. Ever hear of “mind over matter?” Well happiness is the same concept. Objects outside of us do not get to decide what happiness is, our minds have to arrive at that conclusion all on its own. Our minds are more powerful than we give them credit for. It is important to work towards a realistic goal, but all that work will have been for not if you do not know how to love yourself today. Imagine waking up every morning being happy and loving the skin you are in, and being grateful to live another day. You will one day accomplish that weight goal, but imagine the level of satisfaction you will achieve if you feel good while you are working toward that goal. You may even reach that goal faster. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” When you are working toward a goal and you want to reach it with every fiber of your being, every little progress will make you feel happy causing all of the pieces to naturally fall into place.

I know you must be thinking that is easier said than done … which is true, but there is no way you can change your mindset in the snap of a finger. It will take time and you will have to work hard at it. You have to make it a point to be happy NOW. There are techniques that you can learn to train your mind to become what you want it to be. In his TED talk, Matthieu Ricard, talks about “The Habits of Happiness.” Ricard mentions that there are studies that have been done in regards to happiness, and they have found that the same parts of the brain are active when a person is expressing kindness and compassion. Expressing kindness and compassion is key when it comes to being happy, knowing that you have had a positive impact on someone else’s life will make you feel fulfilled. Furthermore, not expecting or seeking a reward in return for being kind and compassionate, leads to a deep feeling of serenity and satisfaction. Being a better person goes hand-in-hand with your level of happiness, almost everything we do is dependent on our own happiness or the happiness of the people we care for in our lives the most. Ricard also talks about the Buddhist view of happiness as being the same as “well being,” it is not just a “pleasurable sensation” as defined above, it is a deep sense of serenity and fulfillment. This concept takes the idea of happiness to another level. Happiness then has a sense of peacefulness, longevity, and is infinite, it is no longer just a moment in time but it is a series of moments that you can look back on and know that you have experienced a sense of fulfilment.  

The next time you are finding it difficult to be happy, I hope that you will remember this post. When all seems lost and feels hopeless, just remember that you and only you alone have control over your thoughts. Think of all to positives in your life, and list all of the things you are grateful for, reach out to a friend. Edith talked about all of these things and more in her last post, Snap Out of it! Most importantly remember that you are not alone, everyone is on this journey to finding happiness.

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To Control, or Not Control?

There are many aspects in your life that you can control such as your own happiness, who you talk to, where you go, what you feed yourself, what you do in your day-to-day life and the list goes on. However, there are many other things that you do not have control over, such as other people’s happiness, time, death or what other people’s opinions are.The things out of our control are the ones we tend to stress about the most, we are fearful that the outcome will not be a favorable one. I have found myself on countless occasions fixating on a situation that I do not have control over, but for what? I cannot change the outcome, so, why waste my energy? If you know there is nothing in your power to impact the result then move on, there is no point in wasting your time and energy. Do not fixate on things that are out of your control, it will only affect your wellbeing and cause chaos in your life.

It is in human nature to want to be in control of all aspects of life, we want to make sure the outcome is favorable for us. Naturally, we want to “fix” things or be in control of what is happening around us. We hate feeling helpless so we gravitate toward controlling the situations in our lives. We need to realize that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome, and that nothing needs to be “fixed.” Whether it be through divine intervention, or the universe working to maintain the flow, things are as they should be and we need to accept that. Trying to be in control causes unnecessary stress and anxiety, it causes us to hurt ourselves in more ways than we realize. Stressing does not change the result, it is useless and we cannot do anything with it. Sometimes we need to trust that the universe will take care of our problems, and shift our perspective and use that energy constructively.

When I was very young I realized that people are going to judge me, no matter what. Everyone will formulate an opinion whether it be good, or bad. I cannot control what they think of me, the only thing I can do is try to be the best person possible. Ultimately, I cannot control the thoughts of others, and I do not want to burden my mind worrying about what someone else thinks of me. This is an unnecessary stress. If I am happy being me, what does it matter what another person thinks? In the end I can’t control their opinion of me, but I can control how it affects me. Take control of the things that are within your reach.

We have all wished at some point in our lives that we could control time, but we can’t. There are countless movies that build their foundation on the concept of time travel. We as an audience hope and wish that these movies will one day become our reality. Sorry to break it to you, but it will NOT happen, because if it will, it would have already happened … if that makes any sense … Well if it doesn't that’s ok it, time travel is a completely different can of worms (by worms I mean blog post). The plain and simple point is that you cannot change the past or control the future. The past has already happened and whatever you say or do will not change the effect of what has already came to pass. We cannot predict the future nor can we control it, however we can influence our future by working on our present. All you need to do is be the best person you can possibly be NOW, and hope that your actions result in the best possible outcome.

Stressing about things out of our control is a worthless use of energy. That energy can be better used on hard work, or being someone’s friend, encouraging someone, or spreading kindness. Use that energy to make the world a better place, don’t be distracted by something that is out of your control.

Depression is Not a Sign of Weakness

PREFACE: I have been dealing with depression, but there are times when something offsets my emotional stability and I spin out of control. I recently went through a state of massive emotional turmoil due to a conversation I had with a friend. This was not intentional and I told myself that I wouldn't let it get to me, but it did. This is a reminder that depression never really goes away, it is something that I have dealt with on and off for the past 17 years. Depression has no timing, I do not know when to expect it or when it will pass, it can affect me anywhere at anytime. More importantly it prevents me from living my life how I want to live it; happily. I want to shed light onto the stigmas behind depression and also to offer some comfort to those of you dealing with depression, you are not alone.    

Life is like an emotional rollercoaster, there will be ups and downs along the way and there will be bumps that hurt you, unless you become numb to your emotions. But I’m here to tell you, it’s okay. Everyone at one point or another will suffer from depression  but the severity of the depression can vary from person to person. The bottom line is that depression is real and it’s a constant battle that keeps one from living life to the fullest. The worst part about depression is that during these “downs” it’s difficult to ask for help and this leads to being in a state of solitude, which generally doesn't help the situation. In my experience, when I am left alone with my own thoughts, I feel that the situation can turn into a recipe for disaster. There is a moment when being alone can help but if I’m thinking negative thoughts and creating a dark void of sadness, it turns into a downward spiral that becomes impossible to escape. There comes a point where you just need to reach out for help, and that is okay. It’s okay to feel depressed there’s nothing wrong with that it’s an emotion that all living creatures have the capability to feel.

I’ve always lived my life by Friedrich Nietzsche’s quote “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Even when there is a wound so deep, so difficult to heal, trust that it will get better. The scar that is left behind, will be there to remind you of your journey and your victory of overcoming that battle in your life. That being said, for some people, overcoming the battle of depression may be more difficult, they will require guidance to help the transition from being in a “hurt place” to getting to a “better place.” They need assistance so that they can re-jump-start into the rhythm of life. We as a society need to recognize depression as an illness and we should find means of treating depression without the use of drugs. This only fuels the pharmaceutical companies and the drug business, yet they only offer temporary relief and does not solve the problem. The stigma behind depression still exists because we haven’t accepted it as normal. If someone breaks their arm in an accident, everybody wants to sign the cast and send “Get Well” cards, balloons, etc. but If someone is internally hurt and suffering from pain or an injury we can’t see, we tend to steer clear. We as a society are more likely to label that person “crazy” and we do not take the time to understand their story.

If you find yourself down and you think you are alone, know that you’re not. There are multiple outlets you have access to in order to get help. I know you do if you’re reading this, just do a Google search when you are done reading this, look for hotlines, and get the help you need from online chats for depression. You could even talk to a friend or a teacher you trust, there are many resources available. You just have to speak up, chances are you will be helping someone else as well. Life is short, so don’t let your depression take control of your life, control your depression!

If you know someone who is suffering from depression and you want to help, there is lots you can do. Someone who is in emotional pain will simply appreciate the time you give them. You can make a positive change in someone’s life, don’t just turn a blind eye when you sense that there is something wrong. Like I mentioned before, it can be difficult to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with offering to help and making yourself accessible. When someone is going through a rough time in their life they will appreciate a simple “Hey, you doing okay there? Is there anything I can do for you?” Trust me I know, I've been there and just hearing those words of  someone else’s interest in my well being makes me feel as though SOMEONE cares. We can get so busy with other things in our lives that we don’t want to get involved but honestly if you can help someone in their darkest hour whether it be by getting them to laugh, or smile, you will have made such an impact in that persons life. Even a friendly gesture such as a hug will physically reassure that the person is not alone and everything will be alright.

So, laugh, make others laugh, and love.

-Edith