Depression is Not a Sign of Weakness

PREFACE: I have been dealing with depression, but there are times when something offsets my emotional stability and I spin out of control. I recently went through a state of massive emotional turmoil due to a conversation I had with a friend. This was not intentional and I told myself that I wouldn't let it get to me, but it did. This is a reminder that depression never really goes away, it is something that I have dealt with on and off for the past 17 years. Depression has no timing, I do not know when to expect it or when it will pass, it can affect me anywhere at anytime. More importantly it prevents me from living my life how I want to live it; happily. I want to shed light onto the stigmas behind depression and also to offer some comfort to those of you dealing with depression, you are not alone.    

Life is like an emotional rollercoaster, there will be ups and downs along the way and there will be bumps that hurt you, unless you become numb to your emotions. But I’m here to tell you, it’s okay. Everyone at one point or another will suffer from depression  but the severity of the depression can vary from person to person. The bottom line is that depression is real and it’s a constant battle that keeps one from living life to the fullest. The worst part about depression is that during these “downs” it’s difficult to ask for help and this leads to being in a state of solitude, which generally doesn't help the situation. In my experience, when I am left alone with my own thoughts, I feel that the situation can turn into a recipe for disaster. There is a moment when being alone can help but if I’m thinking negative thoughts and creating a dark void of sadness, it turns into a downward spiral that becomes impossible to escape. There comes a point where you just need to reach out for help, and that is okay. It’s okay to feel depressed there’s nothing wrong with that it’s an emotion that all living creatures have the capability to feel.

I’ve always lived my life by Friedrich Nietzsche’s quote “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Even when there is a wound so deep, so difficult to heal, trust that it will get better. The scar that is left behind, will be there to remind you of your journey and your victory of overcoming that battle in your life. That being said, for some people, overcoming the battle of depression may be more difficult, they will require guidance to help the transition from being in a “hurt place” to getting to a “better place.” They need assistance so that they can re-jump-start into the rhythm of life. We as a society need to recognize depression as an illness and we should find means of treating depression without the use of drugs. This only fuels the pharmaceutical companies and the drug business, yet they only offer temporary relief and does not solve the problem. The stigma behind depression still exists because we haven’t accepted it as normal. If someone breaks their arm in an accident, everybody wants to sign the cast and send “Get Well” cards, balloons, etc. but If someone is internally hurt and suffering from pain or an injury we can’t see, we tend to steer clear. We as a society are more likely to label that person “crazy” and we do not take the time to understand their story.

If you find yourself down and you think you are alone, know that you’re not. There are multiple outlets you have access to in order to get help. I know you do if you’re reading this, just do a Google search when you are done reading this, look for hotlines, and get the help you need from online chats for depression. You could even talk to a friend or a teacher you trust, there are many resources available. You just have to speak up, chances are you will be helping someone else as well. Life is short, so don’t let your depression take control of your life, control your depression!

If you know someone who is suffering from depression and you want to help, there is lots you can do. Someone who is in emotional pain will simply appreciate the time you give them. You can make a positive change in someone’s life, don’t just turn a blind eye when you sense that there is something wrong. Like I mentioned before, it can be difficult to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with offering to help and making yourself accessible. When someone is going through a rough time in their life they will appreciate a simple “Hey, you doing okay there? Is there anything I can do for you?” Trust me I know, I've been there and just hearing those words of  someone else’s interest in my well being makes me feel as though SOMEONE cares. We can get so busy with other things in our lives that we don’t want to get involved but honestly if you can help someone in their darkest hour whether it be by getting them to laugh, or smile, you will have made such an impact in that persons life. Even a friendly gesture such as a hug will physically reassure that the person is not alone and everything will be alright.

So, laugh, make others laugh, and love.

-Edith

Forgive but NEVER Forget

A few years back I was having a conversation with a friend about the popular phrase “forgive and forget.” She was telling me that she never forgives nor forgets, and I was arguing that you should forgive, but do not forget. I think that no matter the situation, if it is big or small, forgive. My reasoning is a purely selfish one, forgive for your own peace of mind. When it comes to forgetting, don’t, file the incident in the back of your mind.

At the end of the day what really matters is how you feel about yourself. So, if you are busy being mad at someone else, how do you think that will affect your well being? Life is short so why waste your precious time being upset at someone else, just forgive them and move on. Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” By not forgiving someone else you are holding on to something that will only hurt you in the end, if you do not get hurt physically it may be mentally. As for the other person, all you can do is hope they have learned their lesson, you cannot control how how other people think.

Never forget. If this person has wronged you, you do not want to make this mistake 2 times, by allowing them to hurt you. Some will say that you are not truly over an incident until you have forgotten, but I am here to say is not true. Going back to my post on Trust , I say that because this person betrayed me I now know that I cannot trust them in the same way again. I have made peace with what happened, it is no longer bothering me, it’s water under the bridge as they say. However If I forget that this person betrayed my trust, it will only happen again. When someone does something that causes you to rethink your relationship with them, it is hard to bounce back and act as though nothing has happened. With that being said, people do change and learn from their mistakes, it is not right to hold something against someone that happened along time ago. With time comes experience, and as we all get older we learn from our mistakes. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt, because you cannot truly forgive someone unless you can move past the situation.

Another thing that people do not do often enough is forgive themselves. The fact of the matter is that you cannot change the past. Life is SHORT! (Check out my other post in Dying) If you cannot change what happened, deal with it,learn from it and move on. If you need to say you're sorry say it and go back to living your life. You cannot put things on hold, time does not stand still for anyone. Do you want to spend your life holding a grudge? I have never met a single person on this planet who did not want to be happy, so get over it and be happy … and yes it IS that simple. We are only as happy as we allow ourselves to be. SOOOO forgive the asshole (even if that asshole happens to be YOU) and move on!

~Live, Learn. Move on.

Words Whisper, Actions Shout

You do not need words to get a message across. There is a language that is understood across cultures, and that is the language of actions. There have been many times in my life where I have believed someone’s words, but I only get hurt in the end because they do not follow through. Putting too much faith in someone's words can have negative consequences, they could fail to keep their word leaving me only to be disappointed, on the other hand the effort behind doing something for me shows that they are emotionally invested in me as an individual.

The words “I care about you” mean absolutely nothing if the other person doesn’t show it. If you truly care about someone then you need to be able to show the other person so they know it. In this situation it is not important what you say to the person but what IS important is how you make the person feel. Have you made an effort to make this person feel cared for? Simply making an effort to hang out with that person will do the trick.

Where words may whisper, actions will shout. Forming words and saying them does not take much effort, but going out and doing something takes time and effort. For instance, buying flowers for your significant other, yea I agree the flowers will die one day, but it’s the thought that stands out. You could simply tell your significant other that you missed them while you were at work, but if you bring a bouquet of flowers home unexpectedly, it tells your significant other that you have been thinking about them all day, this would get you some serious brownie points my friend! Every time your significant other looks at the flowers or smells them they will be thinking about you, and they too will return the effort.

At the end of the day it only matters how you make the other person feel.

~Peace out.

Friends With Benefits

Friends with benefits, if it isn’t clear what that means here’s my definition. Basically it's a term that is given to "special friends" from who you benefit. The benefits range from different ends of the spectrum, and the term is most commonly known for the "sexual" end of that benefits spectrum. There are the benefits which often times get overlooked such as emotional support, guidance, and educational etc.. I think we all have friends with benefits and it’s important to have them because they add to our experiences. With that being said, this blog post is about the sexual end of the benefits spectrum.

I also want to add that having friends with benefits (the sexual kinds) is risky business for many reasons. One reason is that there are two kinds of relationships at play here, friends and lovers. When you mix anything together you are bound to have a reaction and who knows if it will be a good one or bad one. I learned from a close friend that this is something you have to talk over with the other person because anything can happen even if you don’t plan for them. Well my friend told me that she and her “friend” tried to establish boundaries on the relationship they had embarked upon. The problem was that she started to fall for him and came to me for advice. I gave her my two cents worth of advice based on my experiences with love, I told her that if she didn’t come clean to him and tell him that she started to have emotional feelings beyond that of their friendship, inadvertently, she would get hurt. She decided she was strong enough to withstand any repercussions that came with the risk. A few months go by and she comes to me and tells me that her ‘friend’ was seeing someone else. The pain she was in was unbearable to stomach. I knew that this was definitely not the time to tell her “I told you so,” so I listened to what she had to tell me and it boiled down to this: She fell hard for him without confessing to him the way she felt. He was under the impression that they were not exclusive since this “friends with benefits” agreement was in place, he presumed his freedom to see other people. You can imagine how the story unfolds from this predicament.

I cringe every time I hear “friends with benefits” because I have had my own experiences of this melodramatic scene and it’s not a fun ride. The best advice I can give is to be careful and always protect your feelings. If you love a friend for who they are and you decide to experiment with the affair to see where it takes you, be prepared for a shit ton of drama. Also, the more people you involve in your business, the more your business will be up for judgement by other people you may not even know (though it shouldn’t matter to anyone but the people involved). Be cautious with your feelings and the feelings of the people around you. Don’t bother risking a good friendship over an adventure you may not be able to handle because if things down the road don’t work, there’s a high possibility that you are going to lose that friend. Stay strong.

Love you, be safe. :)