L o V 3

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, no mo’! Hahaha

There are four different types of love. First we have Storge, which is affection for someone within your family, such as a brother. The next type is Philia, which is the type of love you express for a friend, someone you see as your equal. Eros, the more common one, romantic love. Lastly we have Agape, which is unconditional love, the love that a parent feels for their child. With all of that in mind, how often do you say, “I love you,” to the ones you love? Those three little words can make a difference in someone’s life. However, it is not always about what is SAID to one another but how that expression is SHOWN. The truth is we “say” it all the time without even saying it. Actions speak louder than words and we say “I love you” through our actions. When we show people that we care for them it goes a long way, because as Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

How do you know when someone loves you?

Whenever you leave the house and your mom says to you, “drive safe!” Well of course, no one intends to get hurt or to hurt others while on the road. We try to be as safe as we possibly can, we do not NEED another person to tell us to be safe but the road is an unpredictable place and no one can perceive what will happen. Mom knows that whatever happens on the road is out of everyone's hands but that is her way of saying those three little words, I love you. When people in your life ask you if you have eaten or even ask the details of your day, this shows an interest in your life and that they hope you do not have stress. When a friend knows that you are having a crummy day, they will show you that they care and want to see you happy by listening, offering their advice and encouragement to resolve the situation at hand. Only someone who truly loves you will show an interest in your life and care for your well being.

When you were younger and you were sitting in the front seat of your parent’s car chances are you were not paying any attention to the road when all of a sudden your parent slams on his/her breaks. They impulsively throw their hand in front of you to keep you from hurting yourself. Their hand does not actually DO anything, if you are going to fly out the windshield, you WILL fly out whether the arm is there or not. The arm isn’t going to save you, but the fact that they put their arm there in the first place is a gesture that they care about you and your well being. Again, you flying out of the window is out of your parent’s control, but they do what they can to protect you. Putting the arm in front of you is the act of love.  

How do you express your love for someone?

It’s inevitable to feel love for the people in your life whether you call it love or not. The truth is that those feelings are indeed there and they are indicators of how much other people mean to you. Your appreciation and love for someone is expressed through the interactions you have with that person and how you celebrate them. There are many ways to express your love for someone and it doesn’t necessarily have to be by buying them cheesy-ass cards, chocolates, dinner and teddybears one day out of the entire year. What about the other 364 days? You can show your love and appreciation any day of the year by simply being physically and mentally present. If you really wanna buy someone something, then do it! Why do you NEED a “Hallmark Holiday” to buy a  gift for a  loved one?

To read more about our thoughts on Valentine’s day check out our post from last year here.

~L<3VE

If Today was Your Last Day...

We all go through that phase where we think that we are invincible, no one and nothing can harm us. But we will all realize that we are all gonna die one day. So, how do you want to be remembered? How will you leave your mark on this world? Life is short! We are always hearing stories of young people losing their lives before making their mark on the world, and that they had so much to live for … but the truth is that we do not know WHEN we are going to die, and who are we to say that this person did not take full advantage of their life. Death is tragic and unexpected no matter what the case may be, old or young, how do we know what kind of life the person lived? Yes, it is unfortunate if a 16 year old loses his/her life but, it is much worse for those of us who are left to deal with the loss, because they are no longer here. However if it is a 95 year old, we do not think twice about how this person got to live a “full” life, we will still miss them but knowing they lived so many years offers us a better form of closure. The number of years that we live does not determine the quality of life we live. As Abraham Lincoln once said “In the end, it’s not about the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” So whether it be 16 amazing years on this planet or 95 long years, make it count! Tomorrow is not a promise so you have to make the best of it.

I recently found out that someone I knew a while back passed away, and naturally I began to think about how amazing this person was. This person was only in my life for a short while, but they left a mark on my life. Their kindness and positivity motivated me to strive and work for what I want out of life. This person will never know the effect they had on me, because I got the inspiration from ONE conversation we had. I can only imagine how this person affected others … this was the single memory of them that had a lasting impression on me, one memory, one encounter in a sea of people who had also been touched by this person. This has got me thinking about the mark I will leave behind. How will I be remembered? I DO NOT live my life according to what others think. People are going to judge you no matter what you do or say, so I strive to be happy, and as I have said many times before, I want to leave a positive mark on those around me. After I came to this realization, I became more self aware of my actions and of my words. I want to be remembered as a kind hearted person because as Maya Angelou once said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Emotions are powerful! Kindness is key to leaving a lasting impression on someone. If you give time out of your day to just listen and to offer some words of kindness others will remember that.

How you live your life is how people will remember you. However you should not live your life based on how people will view you, it is YOUR life and you only get one, make the most of it, be happy. We all get wrapped up in our lives and we focus on our careers so that we can build ourselves up in order to get that promotion, or to buy that new house or car.  All this is important, but we need to balance our lives. We need those things to live in our society. If you do not have money, you do not have the conventional means of survival, yet you also need to maintain your mental health, and cultivate the real meaning behind life. We need to stop and look at what really matters in life, we need to cultivate the relationships that mean the most. Quality over quantity, focus your energy on something that feeds your soul. Invest your time into parts of your life that make you enjoy living, time is precious! Don’t waste it.

Death is inevitable, you have a choice in how you live and let live, the trick is to be you, and do no harm to others. Leave a positive mark, inspire others to be the best they can be, and they will remember you for that. You never know when you are going to pass away so make sure to always create positive, fruitful memories with the ones you care about. Spend your time carefully, do not let another second pass you by and feed quality moments to your life. Live every day like it’s your last.

~Be happy and don’t dwell on the past, live in the present and welcome the future with open arms.

Cyber Bullying - Bet You Can't Say it to My FACE!!!

There have been countless times where I have gone on Youtube to watch a video and I’ll scroll down to see what others have thought about the video. As I am looking at the comments I almost ALWAYS encounter some type of hate. Why is it that people sitting behind a screen feel it is ok to say whatever they want to someone else, even when it is less than kind? What satisfaction do they receive from inflicting hurt onto others? I was instilled with the value that If what I have to say is not nice then I should not say anything, that value does not go out the window when I am sitting behind a computer screen. Even when giving feedback to others, you have to do it with kind words, individuals receiving the feedback are more likely to be more receptive. Keep your negative comments to yourself, they are not helping anyone and you just look like a dum-dum.  

When you are watching a video on Youtube … guess what? You can exit out of that video if you are not enjoying it. There is no law that says you NEED to leave a hateful comment or a comment at all. If you have beneficial feedback, then by all means leave a comment, however if you have nothing better to do than to hate on others go figure out what YOUR issues is. The hater has the comfort of hiding behind the computer screen, but there has to be some deeper meaning behind why the hater feels compelled to hate on someone else … Why are you spending so much energy on a negative comment? One should try to spread positivity. On top of that, more often than not, the person leaving a hate comment has nothing to offer. Being negative does not help anyone, if anything it just puts everyone in a bad mood. The internet allows people to hide behind a mask so that they do not have to confront their issues head on. They can do and say whatever they want without having to deal with the consequences of their actions. When you break things down, the hater or hate in general, is not a part of the solution, hate is not constructive at all. Edith did a post on being apart of the solution and not the problem, if you have not read it yet please check it out here.

Recently I was watching a music video that a local artist put up and someone went so far as to calling this person, “an idiot.” The artist has the right to express himself however he wants, and I am sure he was not even bothered by the comment … But me? As a third person looking in, I was completely disgusted. What makes this person feel it is ok to say these words to someone? I cannot tolerate when someone throws kindness out of the window and I often think to myself, would they have the nerve to say it to the person’s face? So I decided to go see what the name caller had to offer the world … and wouldn't you know it? This person did not even have a single video up … so what gives them the right to call another person, who is following their passion, an Idiot!?! If the hater has a problem .. then move on … watch another video … YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE A COMMENT … what a concept. :O

When it comes to hate, I do not understand why it exists because we are ALL HUMAN!!!!! We all get cut the same way, and we all bleed the same way! Granted some of us have developed “thick skin” over time, when someone says hate has never affected them they are lying! At one point or another hate has gotten to us, but we have all survived. As a result we all know how sh*ty it can feel when hateful words are used against us, (check out my post on words.) so why is it that some want others to feel just as bad as they did? If you can honestly say you have never experienced hate to the same magnitude, then just think how you would feel if you were in the other person’s shoes? And if you cannot imagine it, then talk to the person, find out how they felt.

If you feel that you absolutely HAVE to say something, then learn how to give feedback! Learning how to give feedback can be used in all aspects of your life, not just on the internet. The first step is trying to figure out exactly “what” it is you are offering your two cents on. Then second and most important is to make sure that the other person is ready and willing to receive feedback. Once that is established move to action, in the last step seek agreement, work toward common grounds or make suggestions. Giving your feedback does not always have to be mean and hateful, there are other positive ways that you can convey your message. Giving feedback using the tips that I have laid out shows the other person that you actually care about their well being and want to see them succeed, which makes them more receptive to your opinion.

So leave hate on the other side of the door …in fact chuck that sh*t in the dumpster! … Where it belongs!

~Love not hate.

Words Don’t Hurt, The People Who Say Them Do

Words have power, only if you allow them to. Not everyone realizes how much their words can affect others. You do not know what someone else has been through in their lifetime, so you do not know exactly how your words will affect them. I believe that actions speak much louder than words If someone just says something to me, I do not waste my time worrying about it until I see some action, but that is just me. For example, flowers versus saying, “I missed you today,” think about the difference in the two scenarios, how would YOU feel? Read more in my post, “Words Whisper, Actions Shout.” There are those incidences when all it takes are a few words to ruin my entire day. Those words feed on my insecurities and when another person points them out it feels like someone punched me in the gut. However I soon realize that at the end of the day I am the only person that I need to worry about, I am the only person that needs to be concerned with my own happiness and not allow the negative words from others affect me in such an extreme. Think about it, do the words alone have power? Or do you give the person saying them the power? Who are the people in your life that have that power over you? Why do they have that power?

Words will have an affect on you in one way or another, depending on who they are coming from. Whether that be someone close to you or a person you rarely, if at all, speak to. I can think of many times when the words of a person close to me have been hurtful, but I have come to learn that I should not let those few words undo my whole day. I know that they have my best interest in mind and they are only saying it to help me out. However, when a person I do not really know says something nasty to me I just chalk it up to them being buttmunches (yes that is a technical term), so I let it roll off my shoulder, like water on a duck’s back.

There are also the words that come in the form of holy scriptures. Those words are relevant because we place value on them and we place value because someone at some point said that we should. I am not saying that holy scriptures are unimportant, they are very important because they help us develop our morals and tells us what is right from wrong. When it comes down to your actions and what morals you have developed as a result of those words you choose what actions to take.

So what are words really? Words are only made up of the meaning WE give them, we define them, therefore we allow them to affect us. It’s like that quote, “Don’t let people’s compliments get to your head, and don't let their criticism get to your heart.” Never let someone else’s words affect how you live your life, or how you want to live it. Be humble when someone pays you a compliment, that just means you are doing something right, and when someone criticizes you learn from it but do not fixate on it for too long. One should strive to only spread positivity, so use only kind words.

~Be kind

Words Whisper, Actions Shout

You do not need words to get a message across. There is a language that is understood across cultures, and that is the language of actions. There have been many times in my life where I have believed someone’s words, but I only get hurt in the end because they do not follow through. Putting too much faith in someone's words can have negative consequences, they could fail to keep their word leaving me only to be disappointed, on the other hand the effort behind doing something for me shows that they are emotionally invested in me as an individual.

The words “I care about you” mean absolutely nothing if the other person doesn’t show it. If you truly care about someone then you need to be able to show the other person so they know it. In this situation it is not important what you say to the person but what IS important is how you make the person feel. Have you made an effort to make this person feel cared for? Simply making an effort to hang out with that person will do the trick.

Where words may whisper, actions will shout. Forming words and saying them does not take much effort, but going out and doing something takes time and effort. For instance, buying flowers for your significant other, yea I agree the flowers will die one day, but it’s the thought that stands out. You could simply tell your significant other that you missed them while you were at work, but if you bring a bouquet of flowers home unexpectedly, it tells your significant other that you have been thinking about them all day, this would get you some serious brownie points my friend! Every time your significant other looks at the flowers or smells them they will be thinking about you, and they too will return the effort.

At the end of the day it only matters how you make the other person feel.

~Peace out.