Compete Less, Support More

Many of us have been raised to only think about ourselves and how we can get ahead in life. Living in a very individualistic society we often put ourselves against one another, we have to work at being happy for others. Not everything has to be a competition where someone wins and the rest lose. In fact everyone has the potential to gain something positive even when they don’t think they got what they wanted. EVERYONE wants to succeed, there is room for everyone in this world to get to where they want to be, with or without your support. However your support will make a difference and it will show them that you care. So, why not be that support? Your support of one another will build lasting relationships. Learn to be genuinely happy for the people around you. It is a little known fact that when people have the support of those around them, they will do better.

Be a support for people in your life to show them that you care, build a community with them where everyone looks out for each other and genuinely cares about their physical and emotional well being. The word "competition," carries the tone for rivalry. If you are stuck in the mindset of competition, you will eventually push everyone away. You will only be left with your OWN achievements and no one to share them with. There is a time and place to be competitive, however being competitive ALL THE TIME is not ok … it makes you come across as a conceded know it all.

Competing with others also prohibits you from being happy for them when they reach THEIR goals. Learn to celebrate others, there is more to life than just YOU and YOUR personal affairs! You are only a tiny speck of stardust on this hunk of rock and there are a million other things that also matter. So don’t become solely fixated on your own goals because you will miss out on the accomplishments of those around you: your kids, your spouse, your siblings and your friends. You don’t want to be so focused on winning to the point that you forget about the people who are important.

Not everything has to be seen in terms of who is winning and who is losing. Putting yourself against others in order to win signifies that someone else has to lose. If you are losing in a situation, then try to be optimistic and see what you can learn from this experience. Dr Seuss once said, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” In every experience there is something to be gained, and sometimes it is difficult to find what that “thing” is. At times you will think that everything is going wrong but you must look for the light at the end of the tunnel because it IS there, you just have to find it. One cannot live a positive life with a negative outlook. A bad experience will leave you with scars, but those scars make you stronger. You wouldn't be stronger if it weren't for THOSE experiences. It is not about winning or losing, it IS about what you gain from the experience. Being too competitive will leave you to think that if you don’t win, you lose. The reality is that no one loses, everyone gains something. When you support others you too are winning.

When you help others succeed, you also succeed. The concept of winning and losing is absurd. Every experience you have, whether it is a good one or a bad one, it always offers you something to be gained. When people reach their goals they will remember how much you supported them and that act will not go unnoticed, you will become a part of their success. Be there for the people around you, become present in their lives. Help bring out the best in them and that will bring out the best in you! A little support goes a long way.

~ Compete less, support more.

My Friend: The Living Martyr

If you don't know what a martyr is, Merriam Webster says that it is a person who suffers constantly. Now, I know I’m probably far fetched from the original definition but the word that would more closely describe this friend of mine. There are many different kinds of people, who fall into the spectrum between those who are selfish to the bone and people who think of everything but themselves. I consider the selfless people to have characteristics of martyrs. They go through so much pain and suffer through some messed up situations for others. Usually they bear the suffering for the people they consider loved ones. Although, in some cases, the people they suffer for aren’t even worth it, in my opinion. I arrive to this conclusion from my own observations where the person they suffer for does not put in the same amount of effort into the relationship. However, the selfless being believes their commitment to the relationship is worth it. I just wish I could slap some sense into them but I also find myself in that situation at times so I know exactly what it’s like. Everyone is different, all I know is that I have to respect their wishes as I hope they do mine.

The purpose of this post is to shed light on the folks who give it all and expect nothing in return. While this is the highest form of humility in my opinion, it’s easy for many to overlook the acts of selflessness, and that’s unfortunate. There is nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe is important, despite the consequences. However, I feel there is a point in time where the line needs to be drawn. The selfless person needs to figure out for themselves where that line gets placed. Hopefully they can realize when the people they support unconditionally do not meet those same standards in return. Know your limits and come to terms when you see that the other person doesn’t appreciate your commitment. They don’t see the value in all you do for them, so why waste your time if you’re getting nothing in return? Don’t forget that you are also important and deserve to be around those who appreciate you to the same extent. It’s completely fine to be a little selfish every once in a while. In making others happy you should remember that you need to come first. When you go to bed, you’re left with your own thoughts naturally you are  alone so you need to love yourself unconditionally. Ernest Hemingway once said, “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

It’s great if you go out of your way to make others happy but you must not forget that you are also very important. You should always take care of yourself first if you want to help others. You can’t expect to patch someone up if you’re hurt as well. And you must always remember that you should spend your precious time on those who are worth it, i.e. those who will equally go out of their way for you as you do for them. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

Our Paths Crossing Was No Mistake

The other night I dreamt I was having a good time catching up with a friend of mine from elementary school when suddenly I woke up. I haven’t spoken to her in years, but this dream sent me down memory lane. I began to remember moments during my childhood. I realized that it reminded me how long it’s been since I’ve seen or contacted her. It also helped me see how the relationship we had has transformed over time and how we changed as individuals. We become so busy, sometimes we don’t stop to realize how we are changing. Change takes a while and happens slowly that the currents in our lives have a way of washing away that notion of change.

Given that everyone comes from different walks of life, everyone’s experience is different and therefore their changes are unique to their experiences. We each take our own paths and those paths cross someone else’s, like Flavia Weedn says “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.” Let’s face it, Flavia has a point, people make changes in the lives of others, hopefully they are good ones, check out Hareena's post on  how we can make a difference in peoples lives.

Needless to say these changes don’t stand in the way of continuing a relationship with the people of your past. However, in some cases, the changes in either party or both are so drastic, even the attempt at a rendezvous is in vain. They say time heals all wounds, but time can also create a void that if it goes unfilled will drift both people away to the point of no return.

I have to remember that I am surrounded by people that love me and care about me NOW, and not make too much of the past. Memories only serve to remind us how we got here and can help us learn life lessons, but let’s not reminisce for too long for there is more to uncover on your path. Move it along beautiful people make your life happen.

Love always,

-Edith