OH LORD! You Getting OLD!

Another year older, another year closer to death!

For some, that is what birthdays are, however birthdays are meant to celebrate life. I was having a conversation with a woman and she was telling me that as she gets older, she feels that there is no point in celebrating her birthday. For her the excitement is no longer there as it was when she was younger ... it was just another day, another year that she did not meet her life goals. When she said this to me I got to thinking: is this true for me as well? I soon realized that it was! In the years past I have only regarded this day as just another ordinary day, but I was not going to let this happen to me again. It is a choice; I can either look at my birthday as a day closer to death or I can CHOOSE to celebrate this day as an accomplishment of surviving another year. Your birthday is the end of another great year on this Earth and the beginning of another. You have the power to choose what to make of your day EVERY SINGLE day and why should your birthday be any different? I am going to choose to celebrate my life and look to the future with excitement. After all, age is just a number!

I recently had a birthday and this birthday was by far THE best birthday I have ever had, and I think that some of that credit went to how I approached THIS new beginning  … with gratitude. I am grateful that I made it to another year, I am grateful for all of the people that are in my life, I am grateful for my health, I am grateful for EVERY SINGLE “Happy Birthday” message (even the singing message .. you know who you are), I am grateful for all my birthday cards, I am grateful for all of the people who celebrated my birthday with me. I am truly blessed! How you choose to look at things determines the power in the result. When you approach life with gratitude everything becomes more fulfilling, and worth every moment. Your birthday is such a moment where you have the opportunity to stop and reflect about the years past. Look forward to the years to come, and do not worry about your age, or the number of grey hairs you have.

Age is just a number that represents how long you have been on this planet. This number does not speak to your maturity level, your personal accomplishments, or your future goals, so why do we let this number determine what is “OLD,” and dictate how we should feel about ourselves? People mature at different rates and we all have different goals, we are not all the same, we need to stop comparing ourselves to one another. The concept of being old and young is not about a number but it is about how you treat your body, mind and soul as you age. Ultimately “old” vs “young” is about how you feel when you wake up in the morning and not the year you were born. Mind over matter, you are not old unless you think you are old. There are things in your life that you can control and things that are out of your hands. Take control of what IS in your hands: your life! One of the things out of your control is death, and it is also the only thing that is guaranteed (I have said it before check it out here if you have not read it yet). If we all know we are going to die one day and there is nothing we can do about THAT, then why don’t we celebrate life with a positive outlook?

Reaching another birthday is a major accomplishment, think about all your ups and downs in that previous year, and despite all of the bad things that have happened you are still here and standing tall! It is not about how long you have been here, but it is about your attitude toward your birthday. Yes, this is a day just like any other, but EVERYDAY is a blessing and everyday should be approached with excitement and gratitude. There are going to be times when you are in a sh*ty mood but you have to choose to look at things in a positive light, you have the power to make your life what you want. Be happy about the blessings in your life and be grateful about the good things that did happen.

So, when you have YOUR birthday, I hope that you will remember this post and not let the moment pass you by, stop and reflect and be grateful. After all, life is only a limited time offer, so take advantage of it!

~ Be grateful for another year.

Gender Neutral

Gender roles today are slowly changing, but not fast enough. For the longest time, women and men have been assigned different roles that set the precedent for society’s expectations of them. And these separations create an unequal, biased spectrum of what is socially acceptable of either sex. our social construction of assigned gender roles can be traced back to the moment we are born and it shapes our mentalities for the rest of our days. The only way to change the mold society has put us in, is to break it and make a new one.

It starts at a young age. Parents’ roles in the home are an important piece in how their children interpret what is socially expected of them based on their gender. For example, in a nuclear family if the father takes on the role as the “bread winner” and the mother takes on the role as the “homemaker,” a son will believe that it is his responsibility to provide for his family when he grows up. The same goes for a daughter in the exact same setting, she will believe that she has to take on her mother’s responsibilities in the future. Now, I know that this is not true for EVERY situation, but parents influence the roles of each sex, and it all starts in the home.

We establish gender roles even before birth, from first determining the sex of the baby, to then planning a baby shower, then preparing the child’s room … the funny thing is ... we have not even met the pre-born yet, so how do we know what they would want in their room? These standards are also reinforced once the child begins to go to school. Instead of shaping their lives for them and coloring their lenses in pink or blue, we should be conscious about how we manipulate the child’s environment. We need to find ways to NOT influence our children's decisions based on gender specific expectations that WE’VE been raised with. By doing so, we can begin to start breaking the mold.

However the the media will always perpetuate these assigned roles by having commercials that show little girls playing with barbies and little boys playing with remote controlled cars. It is our job to not let those images shape what our children think is socially correct when it comes to the toys they play with. I remember when I was very young, during my birthday or Christmas, people who didn’t know me very well would get me gender specific toys that were meant for girls. The toys I got were barbie dolls, makeup kits, a play set that simulated a kitchen, it EVEN came with miniature plastic pots, pans, cooking utensils all the homemaker galore!!!.... yay… Those toys were atrocious, they represent conformity and I was  born a REBEL >:) … hence this blog post. The people who bought  those toys for me were influenced by the images in the media and they assumed that I would like these toys simply because I happen to be a girl. They didn’t even know my personality. DO NOT make the assumption that just because I’m a woman I will be cooking a man’s dinner, cleaning HIS home, raising the children that have HIS last name … well now that my spontaneous rant is over … My point is, we need to move past these pre-assigned gender roles and set a new model that will allow everyone to be themselves without the pressures that society imposes on what we SHOULD play with.

So the main idea I want you all to take from this post is to analyze how you influence specific roles in society. What are you doing that conforms to the rest? What fairytales are you telling your princess? What legends are you telling your knight before bed? Like I mentioned in my previous post, children will absorb whatever you expose their minds to. Use this as an opportunity to break the mold we have been baked into by an EZ Bake Oven. “Children must be taught HOW to think, not WHAT to think”- Margaret Mead

Cyber Bullying - Bet You Can't Say it to My FACE!!!

There have been countless times where I have gone on Youtube to watch a video and I’ll scroll down to see what others have thought about the video. As I am looking at the comments I almost ALWAYS encounter some type of hate. Why is it that people sitting behind a screen feel it is ok to say whatever they want to someone else, even when it is less than kind? What satisfaction do they receive from inflicting hurt onto others? I was instilled with the value that If what I have to say is not nice then I should not say anything, that value does not go out the window when I am sitting behind a computer screen. Even when giving feedback to others, you have to do it with kind words, individuals receiving the feedback are more likely to be more receptive. Keep your negative comments to yourself, they are not helping anyone and you just look like a dum-dum.  

When you are watching a video on Youtube … guess what? You can exit out of that video if you are not enjoying it. There is no law that says you NEED to leave a hateful comment or a comment at all. If you have beneficial feedback, then by all means leave a comment, however if you have nothing better to do than to hate on others go figure out what YOUR issues is. The hater has the comfort of hiding behind the computer screen, but there has to be some deeper meaning behind why the hater feels compelled to hate on someone else … Why are you spending so much energy on a negative comment? One should try to spread positivity. On top of that, more often than not, the person leaving a hate comment has nothing to offer. Being negative does not help anyone, if anything it just puts everyone in a bad mood. The internet allows people to hide behind a mask so that they do not have to confront their issues head on. They can do and say whatever they want without having to deal with the consequences of their actions. When you break things down, the hater or hate in general, is not a part of the solution, hate is not constructive at all. Edith did a post on being apart of the solution and not the problem, if you have not read it yet please check it out here.

Recently I was watching a music video that a local artist put up and someone went so far as to calling this person, “an idiot.” The artist has the right to express himself however he wants, and I am sure he was not even bothered by the comment … But me? As a third person looking in, I was completely disgusted. What makes this person feel it is ok to say these words to someone? I cannot tolerate when someone throws kindness out of the window and I often think to myself, would they have the nerve to say it to the person’s face? So I decided to go see what the name caller had to offer the world … and wouldn't you know it? This person did not even have a single video up … so what gives them the right to call another person, who is following their passion, an Idiot!?! If the hater has a problem .. then move on … watch another video … YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE A COMMENT … what a concept. :O

When it comes to hate, I do not understand why it exists because we are ALL HUMAN!!!!! We all get cut the same way, and we all bleed the same way! Granted some of us have developed “thick skin” over time, when someone says hate has never affected them they are lying! At one point or another hate has gotten to us, but we have all survived. As a result we all know how sh*ty it can feel when hateful words are used against us, (check out my post on words.) so why is it that some want others to feel just as bad as they did? If you can honestly say you have never experienced hate to the same magnitude, then just think how you would feel if you were in the other person’s shoes? And if you cannot imagine it, then talk to the person, find out how they felt.

If you feel that you absolutely HAVE to say something, then learn how to give feedback! Learning how to give feedback can be used in all aspects of your life, not just on the internet. The first step is trying to figure out exactly “what” it is you are offering your two cents on. Then second and most important is to make sure that the other person is ready and willing to receive feedback. Once that is established move to action, in the last step seek agreement, work toward common grounds or make suggestions. Giving your feedback does not always have to be mean and hateful, there are other positive ways that you can convey your message. Giving feedback using the tips that I have laid out shows the other person that you actually care about their well being and want to see them succeed, which makes them more receptive to your opinion.

So leave hate on the other side of the door …in fact chuck that sh*t in the dumpster! … Where it belongs!

~Love not hate.

Call of Duty: Calling All Parents!!!

Your children are a reflection of who you are. Whatever you teach them (or don’t teach them) is a direct result of what YOU think is important. A lot of folks blame video games for causing violence in our youth. Video games are not bad at all, however the neglect of teaching your kids what is ok and what is not, is unacceptable. For kids, video games are just a hobby, it should not be any more than that … unless they turn it into a career in the future. Video games do not cause violence. Parents need to stop blaming outside sources for the misguidance of their children which results in poor behavior. Our children are always learning, it starts the moment the child is born. Their first teachers are their parent, so everything the parent does is picked up on. Their minds are like a sponge, they will absorb EVERYTHING they see and hear. Video games are NOT to blame, however the lack of parental guidance IS to blame.

How young is too young? Most younger kids haven’t developed the cognitive ability to differentiate why some things are wrong or right. All they know is what you tell them. As they develop they begin to question why things are the way they are and that’s when they’ll fully understand the “why.” If they are exposed to violent video games at a young age, before they have the capacity to understand what is going on they will be desensitized to the content in the video game. They will be more likely to overlook the difference between the virtual world of videogames and reality. Too much gaming will make them think the game is their reality. If the game contains violence, for instance killing someone (COD), will they understand that it is not ok to kill in real life? Each video game has a rating, and those ratings are there to help parents make an informed decision. Children should not even have access to these kinds of games. If they do then somewhere along the line the parents failed at ensuring that these games do not reach the hands of their child. Parents have to be the filter in the home and establish what is allowed and what is punishable by Parent Law.

If kids are spending too much time playing video games, not only are they vulnerable to becoming numb to the violence but they are spending precious time on the idiot box that they could be spending outside. They could play a friendly game of basketball, learn to swim, go for a walk, play with the household pet, or even go camping where they can grow mentally, physically and work on their team building skills and develop social skills. If you don’t want your children to spend so much time on games then set time limits. Video games are not the only form of entertainment for your child, make sure to have books in the home!!! Surround your children with the things that will promote healthy development like educational books and magazines, or take them to museums and exploratoriums. Most importantly always express your love for them. They need constant family support to be able to succeed in life and live happily.  

Parents need to be the primary educator in their children’s life. The earlier YOU start to teach your kids what is acceptable and expected of them the better. Of course this won’t rule out the rebellious stage that most will eventually reach in their teens. The point is that if you teach them at a young age that violence is not good and it is never the answer, they will know when they see violence to decode it as something that is wrong. If the child receives no guidance whatsoever on violence in a video game, whatever they see in that game is going to register as the norm. It is not a valid statement to say that video games teach children to be violent, that will happen only if you failed to instill principles which indicate that violence is wrong. The parents need to teach their kids to distinguish the virtual game platforms from reality. Teach them what’s right and take responsibility for the life you have created. Your little human will thank you for it.

“The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.”

Bill Cosby

-Edith

Warfare: Immortality? Mortality? Morality?

A few months ago I had the privilege to visit a retired aircraft carrier that has been converted into a museum, it was amazing to see. Many of the people working at the museum were veterans and they all had very interesting stories to tell. The aircraft carrier itself was extraordinary. Many questions came to mind, from the technology that went into making it, to the maintenance aspect that made things run smoothly during war. These are just a few of the questions that came to mind when touring the ship. However at the end of the day, in reflection, my final take away was look at how much money we throw at warfare, when our education system is suffering, and people are starving! Now, I feel that it is important to point out that I am appreciative of the people who have fought and continue to fight to keep our country safe and free. People aboard these aircraft carriers today, are simply following orders, but when will it end? We are all one in the same, so we need to stop “othering” people. We all want to be happy, so why do we inflict pain on to others? What is there to gain from killing innocent people?

I was looking online to find exactly how many wars are proceeding today. Check out the link for yourself, and I am sure this link does not mention every conflict. Wars occur when there is conflict, and that conflict is backed up by power and money which results in violent consequences. War is expensive, and it affects people’s lives. When people in power decide to launch an attack on another group of people, they do not stop to think about how this might affect bystanders in the crossfire. If they do stop to think, they do not care enough about the innocent people caught in the middle because they are only thinking about their interests. According to that link, there has been a war going on since the year 1967 … that’s a long 46 years and counting!! Can you imagine, there are generations that are born into warfare, and do not know their lives to be any different, war is their reality.

I turn on the news everyday and hear about different conflicts, where innocent children are being bombed in schools! Young kids cannot even go to school without the fear of dieing. Money SHOULD be spent on setting up the students for success, and not putting fear in their young minds. As corny as it may sound, children are our future, and if all we are teaching them is war then that is what they will pass on. The education system is only one of the countless things that are affected by war, we spend so much money and energy on harming others that we do not realize that we are only harming ourselves. Our future rides on our investments and right now we are investing in war. For example we can spend that money on feeding the hungry. There are people all around the world who go to bed hungry, or have to rummage through a garbage-can to find their next meal. Is this the image we want to invest in?

Aside from the social issues we have created, we are harming our earth. Think about the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings, EVERY living thing was destroyed because of the radiation. Even today the land still remains useless. People who survived the bombings had to live with long term effects of the radiation exposure, changing their lives for the worst. The people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki were living their lives, this was a normal day like any other, people were happy until it all changed in that split second. Their happiness was ripped away by this one bomb. The Allies had the power, and they used it. What did these innocent people have to do with the political issues between Japan and the Allies? What did the US gain from killing innocent bystanders? What did they gain from knowing that they are responsible for the suffering of thousands of people? Who is anyone to crush another’s happiness, much less toy with their lives?

War is an endless cycle, and chances are the parties involved do not even remember what they are fighting about (Shakespeare had it right … The Montagues VS.The Capulets … ringing any bells?) At the end of the day warfare is about power, everyone is trying to prove who is the bravest and the strongest, when in the end all efforts made to “win” cause irreversible damage. For as long as there have been nation-states, there has been a need to assert one’s power. The way to do that is to have control and you gain control through WAR. When will the nation-states stop and say they have enough? We need to step back and realize that we are all HUMAN first, and killing another being is never the answer. It is not about who is wrong and who is right, it is about doing what is humane.This post will not stop wars all together, but it opens up the platform to questioning why we are spending so much time and energy on war and killing our fellow humans. The year is 2014, and science has proven time and time again that we are all the same, the next time someone asks me where I am from or what my race is, my answer will always be, “I am of Earth and a member of the HUMAN race.”

~Live and let live

Beauty is a State of Mind

In my previous post I talked about how people should not judge those who wear makeup. Makeup can be used to accentuate the features and is also used as a platform to express one’s self. While I still stand by those who are avid makeup users I want to take another perspective on that position and reach out to those who wear makeup to hide behind it. One of the reasons people wear makeup is because they want to cover up those “imperfections”. While you may think your imperfections need to be covered up to be beautiful the truth is there is nothing imperfect about you. You are unique and beautiful the way you are and you don’t NEED to hide behind makeup to FEEL beautiful.

It is important to understand why we may think the “flaws” we have are even considered flaws to begin with. Think about all of the billboards, and ads in the mall, at the train stations, on buses, in newspapers, and on television that exhibit a ridiculous, unrealistic depiction of what is widely considered “beautiful.” The illusion of beauty as the media portrays it is EVERYWHERE and it’s constantly changing. Don’t get brainwashed into thinking that you’re anything less than beautiful. If you do not look like those models in the ads it is ok, we are all unique and that needs to be celebrated. Remember that the sole purpose of those ads is to sell you the idea of what they say is beautiful, but most importantly- they want to sell you their products. It’s fine if you wear makeup, I’ve got nothing against you wearing it, but please don’t hide that beautiful face behind some absurd illusion of beauty.

If you can’t leave your home without wearing the slightest amount of makeup, you’ve got an issue on your hands. The makeup you put on is going to get washed off at the end of the day (unless you sleep with your makeup on which is NOT good for you, or your pillows!) The REAL you is exposed the moment you wash all of the artificial beauty off and what is gonna happen when you run out of that shit? What do you do? Buy more and more and more and more and more … I think you got the point. So much money is spent on these products for you to feel beautiful, why not save your money and just be beautiful the way you were born. Beauty is a state of mind, if you are constantly holding your beauty to the images you see in ads, you will always be chasing an unstable ideal. Come to terms with your natural skin and your so called “imperfections,” they’re what make you different from the rest and there’s no shame in being who you are. “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you!”- Dr. Seuss.

Love always,

Edith

Silence Speaks Volumes

When you say nothing, you are actually saying a lot. Staying silent will be interpreted into many different ways: anger, total disregard for the situation, lack of confidence, fear for making the situation even worse and the list goes on. Silence is a great way to collect and settle one’s thoughts to calm the storm of a difficult day, however in the time of conflict or a heated discussion or in the midst of a problem, THAT silence needs to be broken.

It is unsettling when you do not have a glimmer of what the other person is thinking. When I find myself in this type of situation,  I say what I need to say. If I am dealing with someone who does not voice their opinion, it makes me feel as though I am just wasting my time and nothing will get through to the other person. It makes me feel as though I am going crazy, because perhaps I am the only one imagining the entire conflict, or the other person simply does not care enough to acknowledge what is happening. It makes me feel as though I am not important enough to talk to. In a heated conversation we all say things that we do not mean, so perhaps being silent is the best thing? But once everything is all said and done, and the opportunity arises to talk it out and solve the issue at hand, being silent is not the way to go. I can understand if someone is silent, it may be because they have a fear of escalating the conflict even more, but this will only bury the issue, it is still bubbling under the surface. Nobody wishes to say something that may be potentially harmful to the other person after a massive conflict. You are on thin ice with the other person and do not know how the will react, but things left unsaid will turn into an awkward situation that can be avoided if everyone just talks it out. Talking will allow everyone in the situation to be on the same page so the issue can have a means of being solved.

Last I checked we are all human (unless you are not comment below! :)), we all have our opinions and we all react differently, being passive does not help the situation. Being passive will make things worse. There will always be an awkwardness in the air because it is not apparent what the passive person is feeling and as a result, the non-passive person does not want to say something that will upset the other. In short, nothing will be resolved if someone is silent.

We did a post on talking; speaking out when you have something to say because you may have a positive impact on someone’s life. The reason I am bringing this post up is because when we do not talk it can be interpreted as a lack of confidence. It conveys to the other person that you are unsure about what it is you have to say, and you doubt a fruitful outcome from your input. Say what you need to say, because … trust me if you don’t it will come out in a very unexpected way.

~Break the silence

MAKEUP… Good? Bad?

I’m sick and tired of people making judgments about others who wear makeup ... like its a bad thing. “That’s too much makeup!” they’ll say, “that’s not enough makeup!” “She/he looks like a confused monkey!” Personally I don’t wear a lot of makeup but, I want to stand in support of those of you who do wear it. Everyone has their reasons for wearing makeup and that could be anywhere between wanting to enhance the features of their face to hiding blemishes that may result in insecurities. Some just want to have fun, and wearing makeup is a way to express themselves, it’s an art form. No one can constitute just how much is too much or too little, because everyone's opinion is different. First of all, you have no clue why they are wearing it to begin with, they could have deeply rooted self esteem issues. Secondly, why do you care? Are they hurting you by wearing makeup? Lastly, how much of your opinions are based from what you see in the media?  If somebody feels good in the amount of makeup they choose to wear, that’s nobody’s business but their own. Unless someone is asking for YOUR opinion, keep your judgments at bay.

I understand that in different cultures, wearing makeup comes with a number of different stigmas. For instance, if the older folks in my culture were to see me wearing makeup, they would instantly label me as being promiscuous. Depending on what I’m wearing they would even go as far as to say “Take that shit off your face and put some clothes on, you look like a prostitute, is that what you want people to think you are!?" My clothes and my makeup shouldn't make viable statements about my persona no matter if first impressions are inevitable. Ultimately, lets not forget that my actions speak for me, not my makeup nor the type of my clothes I’m wearing. It is not right to judge what you don’t know. What we make of others is a reflection of what we see in ourselves because we base our judgements on personal experience. We as a people need to step back and see how WE would feel in the other person’s shoes. Be empathetic. There is a reason for everything, take the time to find out what that reason is.

Whether or not we agree, the media shapes our thoughts, and feeds our judgments. Everyday some pretty girl in an advertisement is trying to tell me what is beautiful, and thus my impressions of others are judged by these standards. I then begin to expect to see others living by those same ideals portrayed by the media. So, how much of your ideas are really YOUR’S? What is the media feeding you? THINK about it! I challenge you. The media only works as a vessel to make profit, they don’t care about you  … they want to TELL you WHAT to believe so you will shower them with money. This is where we fudge up, we shouldn't buy into these unrealistic expectations of beauty because everyone is unique in their own beautiful way. Use that that thing in your skull to see beneath the surface.

The next time you think someone is wearing too much make up or too little, STOP and think why they may be wearing it. Is it because that is what society expects? Or, is it because they are insecure about themselves? Or is it simply to express themselves? Is it hurting you? … No?...Then why do you care? Whatever it is, keep your comments to yourself. If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything.

Peace and Love,

Edith