You Want Some Fries With That?!

Complaining, we all do it. We complain about the things that don't go our way, we complain because we are expected to do things we do not want to do and in the midst of bitching about life we forget about the blessings and we also forget that it could be worse. We need to be mindful about how we express our 'misfortunes' to those around us. Not everyone has the same blessings as you do. There are many material objects in our lives that we complain about either because it is too slow or is not working properly, yet there are some people in the world that do not have such luxuries. It is much easier to point out the bad things that are going on in our lives, I am one of those people and I know that I need to work on looking at the positives in my life. We all need to be more grateful and need to be more present despite what doesn't go our way. Be thankful to still be alive, every day that you’re not six feet under is a great day. Make it an effort to be more grateful for the positive things in your life and stop complaining. Appreciate more, complain less.

I was talking to a friend of mine, we were telling each other about our day and I began to complain about all of the work I had to do and how busy life is. Then, my friend stopped me and said "at least you have a job." I was stumped by how they put me in check and it was true, at least I was blessed to have a job. I was ashamed that I was ungrateful about my job when my friend has been looking for a work unsuccessfully. To my friend it seemed I as though I was looking for some pity or seeking outside gratification for the hard work load, but I should have empathetic. They pointed out that my reality could have been much worse. At least I had the means to pay for rent, food, and utilities with my job which I took for granted.

Taking things for granted, complaining about the blessings you already have and wanting MORE, can you be any more greedy?! A lot of people are fortunate enough to have the basic necessities for life, yet, they tend to worry about the things they do not have and it’s not until we lose something that we realize its value. We never really know what we have until it is gone, only then do we realize that we WERE blessed. Why is it that we become cognizant of our fortunes when it's too late? We don't have to pass up the opportunity to be grateful. We have the capability to see the good in our lives, we just need to make more of a point to see what we have. We shouldn't be retrospectively thinking about how good we once had it, we should take a moment to be grateful for what we have now, in the present moment. Aside from the basic needs for survival, everything else is a material THING that we can live without  Do not create attachment to THINGS; work on being present. When you become aware that you are missing an object, focus on the present moment. Do not lose energy on missing someTHING, use that energy on what you DO have.

People are never satisfied, they ALWAYS want fries on the side. We trick ourselves into thinking we never have enough and if things don’t go our way we believe that we are essentially ruined. We have grown to own more than we even have space for, yet in our our minds, that is STILL not enough. When you are overflowing with “stuff,” you still complain about how you can get something better. Even if you know you will be full with the main course of the meal you STILL want your fries. You overload your stomach with food, but when you finish you complain about how you ate too much. If you’re complaining about gas prices, think about the people that can’t afford to own a car. If you’re complaining about your phone and want to upgrade think about the people who do not even have a phone or a butt to wipe their toilet-paper on.

Go ahead, complain. It’s not going to get you anywhere. You may not realize it but there are many things to be grateful for instead of complaining about the small stuff. To live a positive and happy life you have to train your mind to focus on the things that are going “right” and NOT the things that are going “wrong.” Remember that materialistic things are items you can live without. The important thing is that you are alive. Be more alive and be more present. Be grateful for your fortunes, even when you are dwelling on the negatives in life.

When you find yourself complaining about life, let it out and let it go. There comes a point when you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and look at the glass as being “half full.”

When You Point One Finger, There are Always Three Pointing Back!

Play the victim, go ahead, try it. When you point a finger at others, you are too busy concerning yourself with the flaws of others, when you have flaws of your own. You gain nothing from blaming others, you are just trying to shift the blame to someone else. Don’t blame your issues on others, there are so many things that we as individuals can improve on, we should not have time to worry about what is going on with someone else. That constant, “they did this to me,” or “I am like this because..” will not help anyone. No one became rich by crying about how poor they were. There comes a point where you have to stop pitying yourself, and expecting pity from others. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, but you can choose to be the victim and cry, or you can rise above your issues and make the best of the situation. There have been so many times when I have wanted to give up and be the victim because it felt like everyone and everything was working against me. Playing the victim is not beneficial to anyone, it would not have gotten me anywhere. You could sit in the corner and wait for your knight in shining armor to come and save you, or you can make your own armor and save yourself.

We all love a good “underdog” story, because the underdog makes their own armor. These stories give us hope and faith; that we too can make it, and that the world is not that bad. Those “underdog” stories would never happen if the underdog was focusing too much on what’s wrong in their life. You can either focus on all the things going wrong or you can look to what can be done better to overcome all the negatives in your life. Playing the victim only works for a little while. What are you going to do when everyone can see right through that? It may work the first few times, but eventually people will stop responding to your call, just like The Boy Who Cried Wolf. When that time comes you are going to have to get your isht together and pave your own way. No one else can deal with YOUR problems other than you. When you point one finger at someone, what are the other three saying to you? They are asking YOU, what YOU are going to do about it? You have enough energy to blame another, now what’s your plan to do better?

Be independent, do not let what has happened to you in the past define who you are and dictate your future. All you can do is focus on being the best version of yourself, and overcome the obstacles in your path. Wasting your time focusing on negative energy is pointless, it will not get you anywhere. You have to learn not to fixate on the negative and take responsibility for your own situation. So the next time you find yourself pointing the finger, look at the many things that you could do to transform that situation into a fruitful experience. Don’t blame others for something that you have the ability to fix.

What's Your Vibe?

We have all had those days where every little thing gets on our nerves and every little thing is just irritating. I am here to tell you that acting on those impulses is a total waste of energy. There are many types of energy, we have negative and positive energies just to name a few. If you are positive and happy that is what you will get back, and if you are negative and sad that is what you will get back. If you smile, the other person will smile back, and they will pass that smile on to another person creating a domino effect. If you are having a terrible day, turn it around, you have the power to change your mood. Our moods are contagious. What you give is what you get back. Try to make the world a better place. Be kind. What do you want in your life, positive or negative energies?

A few months ago, I was driving home from work. On my way I needed to make a right turn, and in order to make a safe right turn I had to inch forward into the crosswalk. As I was inching forward a jogger came out of no where and began to yell at me for blocking “his” crosswalk. I do not understand why the jogger felt like he needed to yell at me, how much energy (not to mention negative energy) did he waste by yelling at me versus quietly jogging around my car? The way I see it is no one got hurt and he got a few extra steps in. I could have let the jogger’s rotten mood affect the rest of my day, but I just laughed it off and moved on. Perhaps the jogger had a bad day and was jogging to blow off some steam, I just happen to be at the tail end of his frustration. What did the jogger accomplish by yelling at me? My car didn't move and he went around me. Did he think about how his actions were going to affect me? I hope he felt better!

Right after that little incident, someone decided to cut me off. I could have gotten mad and honked, yelled and even flipped the bird, but I chose not to. If I got mad what would this have accomplished? I cannot go back in time and stop this person from cutting me off and no one got hurt, so why waste my energy on negative vibes? The same can be said about a simple, harmless look.

We have all been looked at up and down, mean mugged, given dirty looks, whatever you want to call it. This happened to me only a few hours ago, and I couldn't help but wonder what the other person got out of this non-verbal exchange. What satisfaction did they gain from this exchange? Were they trying to assert their superiority or intimidate me? Whatever the case may be, it does not change the fact that they sent negative vibes my way. Why couldn't the other person smile or exchange a friendly hello? This little interaction was a reflection of them, and the type of person they are. I do not pay much attention to people when they do this, but the other person does not know who I am or what I am going through or what I am capable of. What If I was having a rough day, and this non-verbal exchange set me off into the “deep-end”? There is no telling what could have happened. As Plato once said, “Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

~So spread love, smile more.

Cyber Bullying - Bet You Can't Say it to My FACE!!!

There have been countless times where I have gone on Youtube to watch a video and I’ll scroll down to see what others have thought about the video. As I am looking at the comments I almost ALWAYS encounter some type of hate. Why is it that people sitting behind a screen feel it is ok to say whatever they want to someone else, even when it is less than kind? What satisfaction do they receive from inflicting hurt onto others? I was instilled with the value that If what I have to say is not nice then I should not say anything, that value does not go out the window when I am sitting behind a computer screen. Even when giving feedback to others, you have to do it with kind words, individuals receiving the feedback are more likely to be more receptive. Keep your negative comments to yourself, they are not helping anyone and you just look like a dum-dum.  

When you are watching a video on Youtube … guess what? You can exit out of that video if you are not enjoying it. There is no law that says you NEED to leave a hateful comment or a comment at all. If you have beneficial feedback, then by all means leave a comment, however if you have nothing better to do than to hate on others go figure out what YOUR issues is. The hater has the comfort of hiding behind the computer screen, but there has to be some deeper meaning behind why the hater feels compelled to hate on someone else … Why are you spending so much energy on a negative comment? One should try to spread positivity. On top of that, more often than not, the person leaving a hate comment has nothing to offer. Being negative does not help anyone, if anything it just puts everyone in a bad mood. The internet allows people to hide behind a mask so that they do not have to confront their issues head on. They can do and say whatever they want without having to deal with the consequences of their actions. When you break things down, the hater or hate in general, is not a part of the solution, hate is not constructive at all. Edith did a post on being apart of the solution and not the problem, if you have not read it yet please check it out here.

Recently I was watching a music video that a local artist put up and someone went so far as to calling this person, “an idiot.” The artist has the right to express himself however he wants, and I am sure he was not even bothered by the comment … But me? As a third person looking in, I was completely disgusted. What makes this person feel it is ok to say these words to someone? I cannot tolerate when someone throws kindness out of the window and I often think to myself, would they have the nerve to say it to the person’s face? So I decided to go see what the name caller had to offer the world … and wouldn't you know it? This person did not even have a single video up … so what gives them the right to call another person, who is following their passion, an Idiot!?! If the hater has a problem .. then move on … watch another video … YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE A COMMENT … what a concept. :O

When it comes to hate, I do not understand why it exists because we are ALL HUMAN!!!!! We all get cut the same way, and we all bleed the same way! Granted some of us have developed “thick skin” over time, when someone says hate has never affected them they are lying! At one point or another hate has gotten to us, but we have all survived. As a result we all know how sh*ty it can feel when hateful words are used against us, (check out my post on words.) so why is it that some want others to feel just as bad as they did? If you can honestly say you have never experienced hate to the same magnitude, then just think how you would feel if you were in the other person’s shoes? And if you cannot imagine it, then talk to the person, find out how they felt.

If you feel that you absolutely HAVE to say something, then learn how to give feedback! Learning how to give feedback can be used in all aspects of your life, not just on the internet. The first step is trying to figure out exactly “what” it is you are offering your two cents on. Then second and most important is to make sure that the other person is ready and willing to receive feedback. Once that is established move to action, in the last step seek agreement, work toward common grounds or make suggestions. Giving your feedback does not always have to be mean and hateful, there are other positive ways that you can convey your message. Giving feedback using the tips that I have laid out shows the other person that you actually care about their well being and want to see them succeed, which makes them more receptive to your opinion.

So leave hate on the other side of the door …in fact chuck that sh*t in the dumpster! … Where it belongs!

~Love not hate.