When You Point One Finger, There are Always Three Pointing Back!

Play the victim, go ahead, try it. When you point a finger at others, you are too busy concerning yourself with the flaws of others, when you have flaws of your own. You gain nothing from blaming others, you are just trying to shift the blame to someone else. Don’t blame your issues on others, there are so many things that we as individuals can improve on, we should not have time to worry about what is going on with someone else. That constant, “they did this to me,” or “I am like this because..” will not help anyone. No one became rich by crying about how poor they were. There comes a point where you have to stop pitying yourself, and expecting pity from others. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, but you can choose to be the victim and cry, or you can rise above your issues and make the best of the situation. There have been so many times when I have wanted to give up and be the victim because it felt like everyone and everything was working against me. Playing the victim is not beneficial to anyone, it would not have gotten me anywhere. You could sit in the corner and wait for your knight in shining armor to come and save you, or you can make your own armor and save yourself.

We all love a good “underdog” story, because the underdog makes their own armor. These stories give us hope and faith; that we too can make it, and that the world is not that bad. Those “underdog” stories would never happen if the underdog was focusing too much on what’s wrong in their life. You can either focus on all the things going wrong or you can look to what can be done better to overcome all the negatives in your life. Playing the victim only works for a little while. What are you going to do when everyone can see right through that? It may work the first few times, but eventually people will stop responding to your call, just like The Boy Who Cried Wolf. When that time comes you are going to have to get your isht together and pave your own way. No one else can deal with YOUR problems other than you. When you point one finger at someone, what are the other three saying to you? They are asking YOU, what YOU are going to do about it? You have enough energy to blame another, now what’s your plan to do better?

Be independent, do not let what has happened to you in the past define who you are and dictate your future. All you can do is focus on being the best version of yourself, and overcome the obstacles in your path. Wasting your time focusing on negative energy is pointless, it will not get you anywhere. You have to learn not to fixate on the negative and take responsibility for your own situation. So the next time you find yourself pointing the finger, look at the many things that you could do to transform that situation into a fruitful experience. Don’t blame others for something that you have the ability to fix.

Depression is Not a Sign of Weakness

PREFACE: I have been dealing with depression, but there are times when something offsets my emotional stability and I spin out of control. I recently went through a state of massive emotional turmoil due to a conversation I had with a friend. This was not intentional and I told myself that I wouldn't let it get to me, but it did. This is a reminder that depression never really goes away, it is something that I have dealt with on and off for the past 17 years. Depression has no timing, I do not know when to expect it or when it will pass, it can affect me anywhere at anytime. More importantly it prevents me from living my life how I want to live it; happily. I want to shed light onto the stigmas behind depression and also to offer some comfort to those of you dealing with depression, you are not alone.    

Life is like an emotional rollercoaster, there will be ups and downs along the way and there will be bumps that hurt you, unless you become numb to your emotions. But I’m here to tell you, it’s okay. Everyone at one point or another will suffer from depression  but the severity of the depression can vary from person to person. The bottom line is that depression is real and it’s a constant battle that keeps one from living life to the fullest. The worst part about depression is that during these “downs” it’s difficult to ask for help and this leads to being in a state of solitude, which generally doesn't help the situation. In my experience, when I am left alone with my own thoughts, I feel that the situation can turn into a recipe for disaster. There is a moment when being alone can help but if I’m thinking negative thoughts and creating a dark void of sadness, it turns into a downward spiral that becomes impossible to escape. There comes a point where you just need to reach out for help, and that is okay. It’s okay to feel depressed there’s nothing wrong with that it’s an emotion that all living creatures have the capability to feel.

I’ve always lived my life by Friedrich Nietzsche’s quote “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Even when there is a wound so deep, so difficult to heal, trust that it will get better. The scar that is left behind, will be there to remind you of your journey and your victory of overcoming that battle in your life. That being said, for some people, overcoming the battle of depression may be more difficult, they will require guidance to help the transition from being in a “hurt place” to getting to a “better place.” They need assistance so that they can re-jump-start into the rhythm of life. We as a society need to recognize depression as an illness and we should find means of treating depression without the use of drugs. This only fuels the pharmaceutical companies and the drug business, yet they only offer temporary relief and does not solve the problem. The stigma behind depression still exists because we haven’t accepted it as normal. If someone breaks their arm in an accident, everybody wants to sign the cast and send “Get Well” cards, balloons, etc. but If someone is internally hurt and suffering from pain or an injury we can’t see, we tend to steer clear. We as a society are more likely to label that person “crazy” and we do not take the time to understand their story.

If you find yourself down and you think you are alone, know that you’re not. There are multiple outlets you have access to in order to get help. I know you do if you’re reading this, just do a Google search when you are done reading this, look for hotlines, and get the help you need from online chats for depression. You could even talk to a friend or a teacher you trust, there are many resources available. You just have to speak up, chances are you will be helping someone else as well. Life is short, so don’t let your depression take control of your life, control your depression!

If you know someone who is suffering from depression and you want to help, there is lots you can do. Someone who is in emotional pain will simply appreciate the time you give them. You can make a positive change in someone’s life, don’t just turn a blind eye when you sense that there is something wrong. Like I mentioned before, it can be difficult to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with offering to help and making yourself accessible. When someone is going through a rough time in their life they will appreciate a simple “Hey, you doing okay there? Is there anything I can do for you?” Trust me I know, I've been there and just hearing those words of  someone else’s interest in my well being makes me feel as though SOMEONE cares. We can get so busy with other things in our lives that we don’t want to get involved but honestly if you can help someone in their darkest hour whether it be by getting them to laugh, or smile, you will have made such an impact in that persons life. Even a friendly gesture such as a hug will physically reassure that the person is not alone and everything will be alright.

So, laugh, make others laugh, and love.

-Edith

Cyber Bullying - Bet You Can't Say it to My FACE!!!

There have been countless times where I have gone on Youtube to watch a video and I’ll scroll down to see what others have thought about the video. As I am looking at the comments I almost ALWAYS encounter some type of hate. Why is it that people sitting behind a screen feel it is ok to say whatever they want to someone else, even when it is less than kind? What satisfaction do they receive from inflicting hurt onto others? I was instilled with the value that If what I have to say is not nice then I should not say anything, that value does not go out the window when I am sitting behind a computer screen. Even when giving feedback to others, you have to do it with kind words, individuals receiving the feedback are more likely to be more receptive. Keep your negative comments to yourself, they are not helping anyone and you just look like a dum-dum.  

When you are watching a video on Youtube … guess what? You can exit out of that video if you are not enjoying it. There is no law that says you NEED to leave a hateful comment or a comment at all. If you have beneficial feedback, then by all means leave a comment, however if you have nothing better to do than to hate on others go figure out what YOUR issues is. The hater has the comfort of hiding behind the computer screen, but there has to be some deeper meaning behind why the hater feels compelled to hate on someone else … Why are you spending so much energy on a negative comment? One should try to spread positivity. On top of that, more often than not, the person leaving a hate comment has nothing to offer. Being negative does not help anyone, if anything it just puts everyone in a bad mood. The internet allows people to hide behind a mask so that they do not have to confront their issues head on. They can do and say whatever they want without having to deal with the consequences of their actions. When you break things down, the hater or hate in general, is not a part of the solution, hate is not constructive at all. Edith did a post on being apart of the solution and not the problem, if you have not read it yet please check it out here.

Recently I was watching a music video that a local artist put up and someone went so far as to calling this person, “an idiot.” The artist has the right to express himself however he wants, and I am sure he was not even bothered by the comment … But me? As a third person looking in, I was completely disgusted. What makes this person feel it is ok to say these words to someone? I cannot tolerate when someone throws kindness out of the window and I often think to myself, would they have the nerve to say it to the person’s face? So I decided to go see what the name caller had to offer the world … and wouldn't you know it? This person did not even have a single video up … so what gives them the right to call another person, who is following their passion, an Idiot!?! If the hater has a problem .. then move on … watch another video … YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE A COMMENT … what a concept. :O

When it comes to hate, I do not understand why it exists because we are ALL HUMAN!!!!! We all get cut the same way, and we all bleed the same way! Granted some of us have developed “thick skin” over time, when someone says hate has never affected them they are lying! At one point or another hate has gotten to us, but we have all survived. As a result we all know how sh*ty it can feel when hateful words are used against us, (check out my post on words.) so why is it that some want others to feel just as bad as they did? If you can honestly say you have never experienced hate to the same magnitude, then just think how you would feel if you were in the other person’s shoes? And if you cannot imagine it, then talk to the person, find out how they felt.

If you feel that you absolutely HAVE to say something, then learn how to give feedback! Learning how to give feedback can be used in all aspects of your life, not just on the internet. The first step is trying to figure out exactly “what” it is you are offering your two cents on. Then second and most important is to make sure that the other person is ready and willing to receive feedback. Once that is established move to action, in the last step seek agreement, work toward common grounds or make suggestions. Giving your feedback does not always have to be mean and hateful, there are other positive ways that you can convey your message. Giving feedback using the tips that I have laid out shows the other person that you actually care about their well being and want to see them succeed, which makes them more receptive to your opinion.

So leave hate on the other side of the door …in fact chuck that sh*t in the dumpster! … Where it belongs!

~Love not hate.

If You Aren’t Part of the Solution, You’re Part of the Problem

We live in a world where arguments arise over who is right and who is wrong. Some people stand up for what they believe in, while some turn a blind eye depending on the topic. It’s probably no surprise that whenever there is a massive issue or problem to be solved nothing seems to get done. I have witnessed when people constantly fail to be part of the solution by not acting or participating to find answers. This passivity leads to the prolonging of the issue itself. In this particular post I want to talk about the lack of participation in general as being part of the issue.

Take voting in the US for example. When elections come around it is crucial to participate. Despite people losing hope by saying that their vote does not matter, the fact still remains that their vote in deed does count. There are always groups of people with similar missions to better the world around them who are actively seeking solutions, and then there are people who are making it difficult to progress. To those who say that “one vote will not make a difference,” just think, if the rest of us say the same thing, how will this affect everyone? What progress will be made? NONE!!! And at the end of the day the conclusion affects everyone.

Your voice and participation is important, don’t let others trick you into thinking it’s not. Never give up your chance to speak up about anything in life because it’s best to contribute positively than to sit back and watch everything unfold without your say. If you say nothing you are not helping anyone, not even yourself! Do not just sit there and let life happen to you, take control of your life! You determine your outcome! So get up off your lazy arse!  

So, as my good friend David Berry would say, “If you’re not part of the solution, get your useless ass out the way!”

XenaWarrior

A.K.A Edith

A.K.A Former Mosquito