To Control, or Not Control?

There are many aspects in your life that you can control such as your own happiness, who you talk to, where you go, what you feed yourself, what you do in your day-to-day life and the list goes on. However, there are many other things that you do not have control over, such as other people’s happiness, time, death or what other people’s opinions are.The things out of our control are the ones we tend to stress about the most, we are fearful that the outcome will not be a favorable one. I have found myself on countless occasions fixating on a situation that I do not have control over, but for what? I cannot change the outcome, so, why waste my energy? If you know there is nothing in your power to impact the result then move on, there is no point in wasting your time and energy. Do not fixate on things that are out of your control, it will only affect your wellbeing and cause chaos in your life.

It is in human nature to want to be in control of all aspects of life, we want to make sure the outcome is favorable for us. Naturally, we want to “fix” things or be in control of what is happening around us. We hate feeling helpless so we gravitate toward controlling the situations in our lives. We need to realize that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome, and that nothing needs to be “fixed.” Whether it be through divine intervention, or the universe working to maintain the flow, things are as they should be and we need to accept that. Trying to be in control causes unnecessary stress and anxiety, it causes us to hurt ourselves in more ways than we realize. Stressing does not change the result, it is useless and we cannot do anything with it. Sometimes we need to trust that the universe will take care of our problems, and shift our perspective and use that energy constructively.

When I was very young I realized that people are going to judge me, no matter what. Everyone will formulate an opinion whether it be good, or bad. I cannot control what they think of me, the only thing I can do is try to be the best person possible. Ultimately, I cannot control the thoughts of others, and I do not want to burden my mind worrying about what someone else thinks of me. This is an unnecessary stress. If I am happy being me, what does it matter what another person thinks? In the end I can’t control their opinion of me, but I can control how it affects me. Take control of the things that are within your reach.

We have all wished at some point in our lives that we could control time, but we can’t. There are countless movies that build their foundation on the concept of time travel. We as an audience hope and wish that these movies will one day become our reality. Sorry to break it to you, but it will NOT happen, because if it will, it would have already happened … if that makes any sense … Well if it doesn't that’s ok it, time travel is a completely different can of worms (by worms I mean blog post). The plain and simple point is that you cannot change the past or control the future. The past has already happened and whatever you say or do will not change the effect of what has already came to pass. We cannot predict the future nor can we control it, however we can influence our future by working on our present. All you need to do is be the best person you can possibly be NOW, and hope that your actions result in the best possible outcome.

Stressing about things out of our control is a worthless use of energy. That energy can be better used on hard work, or being someone’s friend, encouraging someone, or spreading kindness. Use that energy to make the world a better place, don’t be distracted by something that is out of your control.

When You Point One Finger, There are Always Three Pointing Back!

Play the victim, go ahead, try it. When you point a finger at others, you are too busy concerning yourself with the flaws of others, when you have flaws of your own. You gain nothing from blaming others, you are just trying to shift the blame to someone else. Don’t blame your issues on others, there are so many things that we as individuals can improve on, we should not have time to worry about what is going on with someone else. That constant, “they did this to me,” or “I am like this because..” will not help anyone. No one became rich by crying about how poor they were. There comes a point where you have to stop pitying yourself, and expecting pity from others. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, but you can choose to be the victim and cry, or you can rise above your issues and make the best of the situation. There have been so many times when I have wanted to give up and be the victim because it felt like everyone and everything was working against me. Playing the victim is not beneficial to anyone, it would not have gotten me anywhere. You could sit in the corner and wait for your knight in shining armor to come and save you, or you can make your own armor and save yourself.

We all love a good “underdog” story, because the underdog makes their own armor. These stories give us hope and faith; that we too can make it, and that the world is not that bad. Those “underdog” stories would never happen if the underdog was focusing too much on what’s wrong in their life. You can either focus on all the things going wrong or you can look to what can be done better to overcome all the negatives in your life. Playing the victim only works for a little while. What are you going to do when everyone can see right through that? It may work the first few times, but eventually people will stop responding to your call, just like The Boy Who Cried Wolf. When that time comes you are going to have to get your isht together and pave your own way. No one else can deal with YOUR problems other than you. When you point one finger at someone, what are the other three saying to you? They are asking YOU, what YOU are going to do about it? You have enough energy to blame another, now what’s your plan to do better?

Be independent, do not let what has happened to you in the past define who you are and dictate your future. All you can do is focus on being the best version of yourself, and overcome the obstacles in your path. Wasting your time focusing on negative energy is pointless, it will not get you anywhere. You have to learn not to fixate on the negative and take responsibility for your own situation. So the next time you find yourself pointing the finger, look at the many things that you could do to transform that situation into a fruitful experience. Don’t blame others for something that you have the ability to fix.

What's Your Vibe?

We have all had those days where every little thing gets on our nerves and every little thing is just irritating. I am here to tell you that acting on those impulses is a total waste of energy. There are many types of energy, we have negative and positive energies just to name a few. If you are positive and happy that is what you will get back, and if you are negative and sad that is what you will get back. If you smile, the other person will smile back, and they will pass that smile on to another person creating a domino effect. If you are having a terrible day, turn it around, you have the power to change your mood. Our moods are contagious. What you give is what you get back. Try to make the world a better place. Be kind. What do you want in your life, positive or negative energies?

A few months ago, I was driving home from work. On my way I needed to make a right turn, and in order to make a safe right turn I had to inch forward into the crosswalk. As I was inching forward a jogger came out of no where and began to yell at me for blocking “his” crosswalk. I do not understand why the jogger felt like he needed to yell at me, how much energy (not to mention negative energy) did he waste by yelling at me versus quietly jogging around my car? The way I see it is no one got hurt and he got a few extra steps in. I could have let the jogger’s rotten mood affect the rest of my day, but I just laughed it off and moved on. Perhaps the jogger had a bad day and was jogging to blow off some steam, I just happen to be at the tail end of his frustration. What did the jogger accomplish by yelling at me? My car didn't move and he went around me. Did he think about how his actions were going to affect me? I hope he felt better!

Right after that little incident, someone decided to cut me off. I could have gotten mad and honked, yelled and even flipped the bird, but I chose not to. If I got mad what would this have accomplished? I cannot go back in time and stop this person from cutting me off and no one got hurt, so why waste my energy on negative vibes? The same can be said about a simple, harmless look.

We have all been looked at up and down, mean mugged, given dirty looks, whatever you want to call it. This happened to me only a few hours ago, and I couldn't help but wonder what the other person got out of this non-verbal exchange. What satisfaction did they gain from this exchange? Were they trying to assert their superiority or intimidate me? Whatever the case may be, it does not change the fact that they sent negative vibes my way. Why couldn't the other person smile or exchange a friendly hello? This little interaction was a reflection of them, and the type of person they are. I do not pay much attention to people when they do this, but the other person does not know who I am or what I am going through or what I am capable of. What If I was having a rough day, and this non-verbal exchange set me off into the “deep-end”? There is no telling what could have happened. As Plato once said, “Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

~So spread love, smile more.