Snap Out of It!

Even though I am spending time with my family I get the feeling that I am as lonely as if I were surrounded by no one. By nature, I tend to be pretty introverted and usually keep to myself. Normally, this is not the case when I’m around family, but something is different this time around and I’m not entirely sure what. I notice myself feeling isolated from the rest of the crowd and sometimes it’s not because I’m physically distant but emotionally detached. We have all been through something like this and having a friendly ear helps a lot. Everyone needs a person they can talk to. Having someone you can trust to discuss what’s eating away at your sanity, helps tremendously. However, not everyone has that luxury and we each need to find our own means of solving the bullshit in our heads.

The main reason you are feeling alone is because your worries and your thoughts are  consuming you, not allowing you to step into your surroundings. At this point you need to look outside of yourself for help, talk to someone dear to you. When you share something with someone, chances are they can relate to troubles. At the very least someone will empathize with you. People may notice your behavior change but people don’t want to bring up touchy subjects that might make you feel uncomfortable. If you don’t say something, then no one is going to be able to help you. Contemplating something over and over creates a tub of wandering thoughts, if it stays encased within your skull, it will eventually overflow. Finding someone who you can talk to about your problems on may not come as easy but everyone needs a friend they trust. By venting to your friend you’re creating an open space of mutual trust where both people feel safe to discuss their problems without fear of judgement. There will always be someone you can count on who will lend an ear. At times it can be difficult to ask for help but talking things out will offer some clarity. The benefits of telling someone else what’s on your mind is that this person can provide advice as an outsider looking in. Having another person aware of your situation, allows you to have companionship that can offer support when you need it. As mentioned before, if you keep overthinking your situation it increases the notion of feeling lonely because you’re the only one bearing the weight. Whereas if you share the weight with someone you are no longer alone. For those who might have trouble finding that person to share your problems with, here are some tips to deal with the situation on your own.

1) Find something that will transport your mind to a better place. Go take a walk, being surrounded by nature will help you gain perspective. When you take yourself and your problems into an open space, BREATHE in and let your thoughts flow out of you so you can view the situation at a different angle. As you appreciate how vast and complex our universe really is, you will then realize that your problem isn’t as bad as you originally thought. Doing this will help you see things in a different light so you can filter out what you cannot solve from the things you can, allowing you to gain control and understand the bullshit. It’s not so much about what you can do to ”fix” the situation but the important thing is to realize how the situation affects you and your actions.

2) Keep a diary to write out all your feelings. This will help you get your worries and anger out in a physical form. By writing things down, it allows you to physically GRASP what is going on in your head. As long as those thoughts are in your head you cannot FACE them, the moment you write them down they enter your physical realm allowing you to face them head on. After all the crappy thoughts are out, you can begin to absorb good thoughts and reflect on the things that bring you happiness. Write all of the things you are happy about in your life so that you are left with your positive thoughts. The more you fill your mind with good things, the less room there will be for the bad. Begin writing a gratitude journal: write down 3 to 5 things that you are grateful for everyday so that you feel appreciative of your surroundings. You can do it before bed or in the morning or both, but in moderation, don’t over do it.

3.)  Listen to music. Music has the power to transport your state of mind into a different wavelength. Tune into music that normally makes you feel like dancing, or jumping out of happiness, so that the feeling transforms your state of mind allowing you to feel happy.

Through meditation, journal writing and music you can find your peace of mind but there is so much to gain by sharing your thoughts with someone. If you keep your thoughts to yourself, it makes the process to solve the root of your distress harder. There is no loss in expressing your thoughts, what’s the worse thing that could happen? You might even be helping the other person get through some of their bullshit, and learn something from each other in the process. Everyone wants to be happy, so why not be that support for others on their journey to happiness. Don’t let yourself stay in this lonely state for too long because you’ll miss out on the things that make you happy and fill your life with positivity. Focus on the things that make you smile and live life in the present.

Happy Thoughts :)

To Control, or Not Control?

There are many aspects in your life that you can control such as your own happiness, who you talk to, where you go, what you feed yourself, what you do in your day-to-day life and the list goes on. However, there are many other things that you do not have control over, such as other people’s happiness, time, death or what other people’s opinions are.The things out of our control are the ones we tend to stress about the most, we are fearful that the outcome will not be a favorable one. I have found myself on countless occasions fixating on a situation that I do not have control over, but for what? I cannot change the outcome, so, why waste my energy? If you know there is nothing in your power to impact the result then move on, there is no point in wasting your time and energy. Do not fixate on things that are out of your control, it will only affect your wellbeing and cause chaos in your life.

It is in human nature to want to be in control of all aspects of life, we want to make sure the outcome is favorable for us. Naturally, we want to “fix” things or be in control of what is happening around us. We hate feeling helpless so we gravitate toward controlling the situations in our lives. We need to realize that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome, and that nothing needs to be “fixed.” Whether it be through divine intervention, or the universe working to maintain the flow, things are as they should be and we need to accept that. Trying to be in control causes unnecessary stress and anxiety, it causes us to hurt ourselves in more ways than we realize. Stressing does not change the result, it is useless and we cannot do anything with it. Sometimes we need to trust that the universe will take care of our problems, and shift our perspective and use that energy constructively.

When I was very young I realized that people are going to judge me, no matter what. Everyone will formulate an opinion whether it be good, or bad. I cannot control what they think of me, the only thing I can do is try to be the best person possible. Ultimately, I cannot control the thoughts of others, and I do not want to burden my mind worrying about what someone else thinks of me. This is an unnecessary stress. If I am happy being me, what does it matter what another person thinks? In the end I can’t control their opinion of me, but I can control how it affects me. Take control of the things that are within your reach.

We have all wished at some point in our lives that we could control time, but we can’t. There are countless movies that build their foundation on the concept of time travel. We as an audience hope and wish that these movies will one day become our reality. Sorry to break it to you, but it will NOT happen, because if it will, it would have already happened … if that makes any sense … Well if it doesn't that’s ok it, time travel is a completely different can of worms (by worms I mean blog post). The plain and simple point is that you cannot change the past or control the future. The past has already happened and whatever you say or do will not change the effect of what has already came to pass. We cannot predict the future nor can we control it, however we can influence our future by working on our present. All you need to do is be the best person you can possibly be NOW, and hope that your actions result in the best possible outcome.

Stressing about things out of our control is a worthless use of energy. That energy can be better used on hard work, or being someone’s friend, encouraging someone, or spreading kindness. Use that energy to make the world a better place, don’t be distracted by something that is out of your control.

Call of Duty: Calling All Parents!!!

Your children are a reflection of who you are. Whatever you teach them (or don’t teach them) is a direct result of what YOU think is important. A lot of folks blame video games for causing violence in our youth. Video games are not bad at all, however the neglect of teaching your kids what is ok and what is not, is unacceptable. For kids, video games are just a hobby, it should not be any more than that … unless they turn it into a career in the future. Video games do not cause violence. Parents need to stop blaming outside sources for the misguidance of their children which results in poor behavior. Our children are always learning, it starts the moment the child is born. Their first teachers are their parent, so everything the parent does is picked up on. Their minds are like a sponge, they will absorb EVERYTHING they see and hear. Video games are NOT to blame, however the lack of parental guidance IS to blame.

How young is too young? Most younger kids haven’t developed the cognitive ability to differentiate why some things are wrong or right. All they know is what you tell them. As they develop they begin to question why things are the way they are and that’s when they’ll fully understand the “why.” If they are exposed to violent video games at a young age, before they have the capacity to understand what is going on they will be desensitized to the content in the video game. They will be more likely to overlook the difference between the virtual world of videogames and reality. Too much gaming will make them think the game is their reality. If the game contains violence, for instance killing someone (COD), will they understand that it is not ok to kill in real life? Each video game has a rating, and those ratings are there to help parents make an informed decision. Children should not even have access to these kinds of games. If they do then somewhere along the line the parents failed at ensuring that these games do not reach the hands of their child. Parents have to be the filter in the home and establish what is allowed and what is punishable by Parent Law.

If kids are spending too much time playing video games, not only are they vulnerable to becoming numb to the violence but they are spending precious time on the idiot box that they could be spending outside. They could play a friendly game of basketball, learn to swim, go for a walk, play with the household pet, or even go camping where they can grow mentally, physically and work on their team building skills and develop social skills. If you don’t want your children to spend so much time on games then set time limits. Video games are not the only form of entertainment for your child, make sure to have books in the home!!! Surround your children with the things that will promote healthy development like educational books and magazines, or take them to museums and exploratoriums. Most importantly always express your love for them. They need constant family support to be able to succeed in life and live happily.  

Parents need to be the primary educator in their children’s life. The earlier YOU start to teach your kids what is acceptable and expected of them the better. Of course this won’t rule out the rebellious stage that most will eventually reach in their teens. The point is that if you teach them at a young age that violence is not good and it is never the answer, they will know when they see violence to decode it as something that is wrong. If the child receives no guidance whatsoever on violence in a video game, whatever they see in that game is going to register as the norm. It is not a valid statement to say that video games teach children to be violent, that will happen only if you failed to instill principles which indicate that violence is wrong. The parents need to teach their kids to distinguish the virtual game platforms from reality. Teach them what’s right and take responsibility for the life you have created. Your little human will thank you for it.

“The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.”

Bill Cosby

-Edith