To Control, or Not Control?

There are many aspects in your life that you can control such as your own happiness, who you talk to, where you go, what you feed yourself, what you do in your day-to-day life and the list goes on. However, there are many other things that you do not have control over, such as other people’s happiness, time, death or what other people’s opinions are.The things out of our control are the ones we tend to stress about the most, we are fearful that the outcome will not be a favorable one. I have found myself on countless occasions fixating on a situation that I do not have control over, but for what? I cannot change the outcome, so, why waste my energy? If you know there is nothing in your power to impact the result then move on, there is no point in wasting your time and energy. Do not fixate on things that are out of your control, it will only affect your wellbeing and cause chaos in your life.

It is in human nature to want to be in control of all aspects of life, we want to make sure the outcome is favorable for us. Naturally, we want to “fix” things or be in control of what is happening around us. We hate feeling helpless so we gravitate toward controlling the situations in our lives. We need to realize that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome, and that nothing needs to be “fixed.” Whether it be through divine intervention, or the universe working to maintain the flow, things are as they should be and we need to accept that. Trying to be in control causes unnecessary stress and anxiety, it causes us to hurt ourselves in more ways than we realize. Stressing does not change the result, it is useless and we cannot do anything with it. Sometimes we need to trust that the universe will take care of our problems, and shift our perspective and use that energy constructively.

When I was very young I realized that people are going to judge me, no matter what. Everyone will formulate an opinion whether it be good, or bad. I cannot control what they think of me, the only thing I can do is try to be the best person possible. Ultimately, I cannot control the thoughts of others, and I do not want to burden my mind worrying about what someone else thinks of me. This is an unnecessary stress. If I am happy being me, what does it matter what another person thinks? In the end I can’t control their opinion of me, but I can control how it affects me. Take control of the things that are within your reach.

We have all wished at some point in our lives that we could control time, but we can’t. There are countless movies that build their foundation on the concept of time travel. We as an audience hope and wish that these movies will one day become our reality. Sorry to break it to you, but it will NOT happen, because if it will, it would have already happened … if that makes any sense … Well if it doesn't that’s ok it, time travel is a completely different can of worms (by worms I mean blog post). The plain and simple point is that you cannot change the past or control the future. The past has already happened and whatever you say or do will not change the effect of what has already came to pass. We cannot predict the future nor can we control it, however we can influence our future by working on our present. All you need to do is be the best person you can possibly be NOW, and hope that your actions result in the best possible outcome.

Stressing about things out of our control is a worthless use of energy. That energy can be better used on hard work, or being someone’s friend, encouraging someone, or spreading kindness. Use that energy to make the world a better place, don’t be distracted by something that is out of your control.

If Today was Your Last Day...

We all go through that phase where we think that we are invincible, no one and nothing can harm us. But we will all realize that we are all gonna die one day. So, how do you want to be remembered? How will you leave your mark on this world? Life is short! We are always hearing stories of young people losing their lives before making their mark on the world, and that they had so much to live for … but the truth is that we do not know WHEN we are going to die, and who are we to say that this person did not take full advantage of their life. Death is tragic and unexpected no matter what the case may be, old or young, how do we know what kind of life the person lived? Yes, it is unfortunate if a 16 year old loses his/her life but, it is much worse for those of us who are left to deal with the loss, because they are no longer here. However if it is a 95 year old, we do not think twice about how this person got to live a “full” life, we will still miss them but knowing they lived so many years offers us a better form of closure. The number of years that we live does not determine the quality of life we live. As Abraham Lincoln once said “In the end, it’s not about the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” So whether it be 16 amazing years on this planet or 95 long years, make it count! Tomorrow is not a promise so you have to make the best of it.

I recently found out that someone I knew a while back passed away, and naturally I began to think about how amazing this person was. This person was only in my life for a short while, but they left a mark on my life. Their kindness and positivity motivated me to strive and work for what I want out of life. This person will never know the effect they had on me, because I got the inspiration from ONE conversation we had. I can only imagine how this person affected others … this was the single memory of them that had a lasting impression on me, one memory, one encounter in a sea of people who had also been touched by this person. This has got me thinking about the mark I will leave behind. How will I be remembered? I DO NOT live my life according to what others think. People are going to judge you no matter what you do or say, so I strive to be happy, and as I have said many times before, I want to leave a positive mark on those around me. After I came to this realization, I became more self aware of my actions and of my words. I want to be remembered as a kind hearted person because as Maya Angelou once said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Emotions are powerful! Kindness is key to leaving a lasting impression on someone. If you give time out of your day to just listen and to offer some words of kindness others will remember that.

How you live your life is how people will remember you. However you should not live your life based on how people will view you, it is YOUR life and you only get one, make the most of it, be happy. We all get wrapped up in our lives and we focus on our careers so that we can build ourselves up in order to get that promotion, or to buy that new house or car.  All this is important, but we need to balance our lives. We need those things to live in our society. If you do not have money, you do not have the conventional means of survival, yet you also need to maintain your mental health, and cultivate the real meaning behind life. We need to stop and look at what really matters in life, we need to cultivate the relationships that mean the most. Quality over quantity, focus your energy on something that feeds your soul. Invest your time into parts of your life that make you enjoy living, time is precious! Don’t waste it.

Death is inevitable, you have a choice in how you live and let live, the trick is to be you, and do no harm to others. Leave a positive mark, inspire others to be the best they can be, and they will remember you for that. You never know when you are going to pass away so make sure to always create positive, fruitful memories with the ones you care about. Spend your time carefully, do not let another second pass you by and feed quality moments to your life. Live every day like it’s your last.

~Be happy and don’t dwell on the past, live in the present and welcome the future with open arms.

MAKEUP… Good? Bad?

I’m sick and tired of people making judgments about others who wear makeup ... like its a bad thing. “That’s too much makeup!” they’ll say, “that’s not enough makeup!” “She/he looks like a confused monkey!” Personally I don’t wear a lot of makeup but, I want to stand in support of those of you who do wear it. Everyone has their reasons for wearing makeup and that could be anywhere between wanting to enhance the features of their face to hiding blemishes that may result in insecurities. Some just want to have fun, and wearing makeup is a way to express themselves, it’s an art form. No one can constitute just how much is too much or too little, because everyone's opinion is different. First of all, you have no clue why they are wearing it to begin with, they could have deeply rooted self esteem issues. Secondly, why do you care? Are they hurting you by wearing makeup? Lastly, how much of your opinions are based from what you see in the media?  If somebody feels good in the amount of makeup they choose to wear, that’s nobody’s business but their own. Unless someone is asking for YOUR opinion, keep your judgments at bay.

I understand that in different cultures, wearing makeup comes with a number of different stigmas. For instance, if the older folks in my culture were to see me wearing makeup, they would instantly label me as being promiscuous. Depending on what I’m wearing they would even go as far as to say “Take that shit off your face and put some clothes on, you look like a prostitute, is that what you want people to think you are!?" My clothes and my makeup shouldn't make viable statements about my persona no matter if first impressions are inevitable. Ultimately, lets not forget that my actions speak for me, not my makeup nor the type of my clothes I’m wearing. It is not right to judge what you don’t know. What we make of others is a reflection of what we see in ourselves because we base our judgements on personal experience. We as a people need to step back and see how WE would feel in the other person’s shoes. Be empathetic. There is a reason for everything, take the time to find out what that reason is.

Whether or not we agree, the media shapes our thoughts, and feeds our judgments. Everyday some pretty girl in an advertisement is trying to tell me what is beautiful, and thus my impressions of others are judged by these standards. I then begin to expect to see others living by those same ideals portrayed by the media. So, how much of your ideas are really YOUR’S? What is the media feeding you? THINK about it! I challenge you. The media only works as a vessel to make profit, they don’t care about you  … they want to TELL you WHAT to believe so you will shower them with money. This is where we fudge up, we shouldn't buy into these unrealistic expectations of beauty because everyone is unique in their own beautiful way. Use that that thing in your skull to see beneath the surface.

The next time you think someone is wearing too much make up or too little, STOP and think why they may be wearing it. Is it because that is what society expects? Or, is it because they are insecure about themselves? Or is it simply to express themselves? Is it hurting you? … No?...Then why do you care? Whatever it is, keep your comments to yourself. If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything.

Peace and Love,

Edith

Eye Candy

How many of you clicked on this because of the picture above? SEX SELLS! Am I right or am I right?

Social experiment: Go out of the house looking like a bum; baggy clothes, no makeup, messy hair, etc. and see how people treat you. Then go out dressed up, look “fly” for lack of a better term; nice clothes, makeup, hair looking good, etc., then take note on how people treat you. Once you have done this, comment below, let me know how it goes :P.

I have done this, and when I discovered the difference I was shocked. I mostly noticed the difference when I went to the bank. The personal bankers help people that are standing in line if all of the tellers are busy. The day I was dressed like a “bum,” I was completely ignored and I had to wait in line, while the person that got there after me was helped first. The next time I went to that bank I looked “Fly,” the gentleman came up to me as I walked in, I didn't have to do anything, he took care of everything for me, he even filled out the slip. You can EVEN notice the difference walking down a busy street, more people will smile and say hello when you look nice. What does this say about our society? Are we, as a society, shallow and only care about what people look like or what they can offer us? I think YES!

Society as a whole is egotistical, shallow, and self centered. YUP I said it! …  now that I’ve got your attention. The point I am making, is this: the way we are treated is based on our appearance. Think about the classic scenario of buying a drink for a pretty stranger in a bar. What makes this person special enough for you to buy them a drink? Would you buy a drink for someone who was unattractive, but still looks like they really could use it (ruling out alcoholics)? This type of social exchange is purely based on the other person’s looks. If the other person takes the drink, it is because they find the buyer attractive and who in their right mind would turn down a free drink?!?!  

How we should look is embedded in our society, songs we listen to, the things we watch dictate how we perceive ourselves, and it is much worse for women (Guys disagree? comment!).This makes us think that we are never good enough, our hair is never straight or curly enough, we CANNOT leave the house without makeup on, and we must shave our legs, we have to be skinny etc. the list goes on forever! If we do not do these things we do not fit in and are labeled as something we are not. Take shaving for example, if a woman does not shave she is labeled as a hippie, or a feminist, but how do you know if you have not talked to the person? I think that how you look should not be a defining factor. If people look different or dress differently, this does not offer any insight into what type of person they are, give them a chance and get to know them and DO NOT make any assumptions about them. Check my post about weird here, love the “weird” EMBRACE IT O.o.

The fact of the matter is that people jump to conclusions based on your appearance, and there is nothing we can do about that. However we can be the change we wish to see, and make the difference. If you yourself do not judge others based on their appearance then you have changed your ENTIRE world, the mind is a powerful thing.

~Ta

REFLECTIONS

The other day I was playing a game on my phone called Clash of Clans and someone asked what the game was about. As I was explaining it (mind you, I was hesitant at first to share and I'll tell you why) I had a gut feeling that I sounded like a complete nerd, and a childish one at that. I figured I've already stepped foot into this conversation so now it would be awkward to step back. So, I proceeded to hype up as I explained the game in order to establish my enthusiasm and the joy that this simple game gives me.

The reason I decided to share this scenario with you all, was to shed light on my vulnerability. Now, I know for a fact that everyone has a comfort zone where they can completely be themselves, but the trick is to be able to step out of that zone and still be comfortable with who you are. This not only applies to Clash of Clans, but in other aspects of our lives as well. When people judge others on their appearance, it is a reflection of who THEY are. When you see flaws in others, try to step back and reflect why those flaws even matter. Once you find the answer you will realize it doesn't matter, so find the good in people. With that said, no one should give two, three, four or any sh*ts, for that matter about other people’s opinions over you as an individual.

The point is that you should not feel bad if something about you, happens to bug someone else. Live your life at your own beat and let others dance to their own rhythm.

Peace out, love you guys.

You're Weird!! I Like It

Being weird is the norm! EVERYONE has heard that they are weird in one way or another. I do not understand why the word "weird" has such a negative connotation. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary the definition of weird is of  strange or extraordinary character. You have to stop and ask yourself do you really want to be ordinary, or do you want to be extra-ordinary?

No matter what you do in life there will always be people there who will judge you if you do something right or if you do something wrong. I say that you should just be yourself and do what you think is right for you at that point in time, and if people think you're "weird" for being you, then take it as a compliment. Be happy being who you are, you will not find happiness in being who you think others want you to be. With that being said it figure out who you are and who you want to be, this means you will have to put down all this technology, and step away from media and popular culture, so that you are not influenced by others and really figure out who you are.

Just do what makes you happy, and be that person you want to be. Nothing should be seen as being "weird" it should be only seen as who you are. so we should change the connotation of the word. If there were not any weird people then we would all be the same so we need to embrace our weird side!

Thanks for reading!