The “Perfect Mate” … Whatever THAT Means

Tall, Dark, and Handsome … What more could a girl want? We all have our preference when it comes to the Perfect Mate. No one wants to go through life alone, and we all long for the “One” to come along, but are we looking too hard? or not hard enough? And if we are looking for that special something in a person, does it even matter? Tall. Dark. Handsome. These are all PHYSICAL attributes that most people desire, but they will one day fade. Physical attributes are not important and you will ultimately be left with what is on the inside, the character. We all have a mental list of what we want, which is ok, but we have to be willing to stray away from that list to find that Perfect someone.

Everybody has some sort of image of what the Perfect Mate LOOKS like, however looks aren’t enough to keep us interested for a lifetime. This image is holding us back and not allowing us to see what is beneath the surface. If we compare folks to this picture in our head, we are setting them up for failure before we even get to know them. The “Perfect Mate” is someone that lives in our heads, and WE are the ones who shape what they look like and who they are. We MAKE UP their personality and their physical attributes so, of course we are going think they are perfect! However, when we meet someone in the real world, we are confronted with someone who has his/her OWN thoughts. When we get to know that person, we will find that there will be differences of opinions, causing us to rethink the existence of that Perfect Mate in reality.

When I ask someone what they want in a mate they bust out with a list. Yet, when a potential mate falls short of that list we begin to look elsewhere to find a mate that fits the list. We are not willing to step away from that list, even if what is written on there is something totally unreasonable, such as a full head of hair, 6 pack abs, blue eyes, or a perfect complexion. Do those things even matter? The person’s features will not make a difference in how they treat you or the people around them. Physical attributes do not define them as a Human Being. We all gonna look ugly one day anyway. So, what DOES matter? What lies beneath: CHARACTER and PERSONALITY. Having a mate that is good looking is a plus, but that should not be the total foundation of why you choose to be with that person. We are all attracted to different people and different personality traits, so we have to become aware of what WE want. However, when it comes to that list we have to remember that no one will 100% fit EVERY SINGLE THING you have on that “list,” you have to be willing to be flexible.

Character and personality are here to say, beauty will not last no matter how hard you try. Beauty is skin deep and you have to peel the layers to get to the “Perfect Mate.” We all want to be with someone we find attractive, but beauty isn’t everything. As we get older our youthfulness will be overcome by wrinkles, lines, hair falling out and growing in places it shouldn’t. Having someone with nice abs and a tight butt is cool today, but how would you feel once that’s gone? Would you still be interested in the person beneath all of the layers? Looks will one day fade, however our character is what remains. If you fall for someone totally based on what they look like the chances of having a long lasting relationship is very slim. The “Perfect Mate” is that individual’s personality you fall in “love” with. Humans are forever changing. We will never stay the same person for too long, and in most cases we are changing into better people. Most of that change and positive development can be accredited to the people we surround ourselves with, this includes our “Perfect Mate.” So when searching for a “Perfect Mate” we should stop and reflect on how that person is going to affect us, and how we affect them. We all have things we need to improve on, we just need to find the right person to help us make that change. We are not perfect.

No one wants to walk through life alone, we all hope that the special someone is out there for us. What if that person is staring you in the face every single day and you don’t even know it because you wrote them off of your list and now you’re too busy looking at everyone else? Stop thinking that your ideal mate is “PERFECT,” there is no such thing (if there is let us know … COMMENT! We would love to hear from you) Find in people what actually matters what makes them unique. Appreciate everyone for who they are on the inside and don’t be blindsided by the eye candy. Get to know people before you make an assumption about them.

~Be YOU!

Beauty For Sale: Pageants

How many of us look in the mirror each morning and are happy with every inch of who we are? I can honestly say that I do not, and I know why; the media is always telling us that we are not skinny or pretty enough or our skin is not the right tone … but let me tell you this -> no one is perfect, yet knowing this we still let the media cloud our judgement. At the end of EVERY summer we Americans turn on the TV to watch the Miss America Beauty Pageant (it came on this past weekend). I personally do not watch it, but I know that there are people out there that plan out their day to make sure they can, but what for? What purpose does this beauty pageant serve? I know that this particular pageant is to help the girls further their education by offering them a scholarship and they must also do community service. I am sure that the pageant opens up many doors of opportunity for the contestants as well, but how do they even pick Miss America? It should not be about how you look! If anyone wants to further their education they should be offered the opportunity! Beauty is only skin deep, you will only get to know someone if you dig beneath the surface. You do not know someone’s story unless you take the time to ask AND take the time to listen.

That is NOT what an average woman looks like! Those women in the pageants are a misrepresentation of who the American woman is. Granted that there are variations among women, we all come in different shapes and sizes but that is not reflected in the pageant’s contestants. There comes a point when all the contestants LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME, they all have that SAME “cookie cutter” body. What message do these images send to our children? I'll tell you: to some degree the young girls watching this will start to internalize those images and start to believe that they too need to look like that. We should be telling our kids to celebrate who they are and to love their uniqueness. Beauty is what WE make it!

So how in the world do they actually pick the pageant winner?!?! Well I decided to take a look at how they score the girls. The composite score is 30%. Next we have a whole 20% in the “Lifestyle and fitness in swimsuit” and a 20% in “evening wear,” sorry to break it to you but … how you look in a swimsuit does not tell me much about your lifestyle or fitness, and ANYONE looks good in an evening gown, so what does this prove? Then there is a whole 30% for the “Talent” portion, now looking at the talents that the girls decide to display are mostly singing or some form of dancing, but occasionally you will get the out of the norm talent. However I fail to see how this shows that the contestant deserves the scholarship or is capable of serving the community.

I want to make it clear that I am not hating on the girls that are competing in these types of competitions. I am well aware that there is more to a person than meets the eye, if you have not read my past post about Eye Candy check it out. Which brings me to my next point, the girls are asked one question on stage… only ONE question. Most of the time these questions are generic, and do not allow the contestant to display the full extent of their intelligence. This scholarship is for the women to further their education. How are we supposed to learn about the contestant if the question does not challenge them? Not to mention that the onstage question is not even a part of the final score, so what is the point?!?! Please tell me because I don’t have a clue!

The only reason these types of competitions exists is because they need money to do whatever it is they do, so they put on a big show. Why is it that we have to put on a “show” to raise the funds for a scholarship, and community service? Everyone has the obligation to go out and do something for their town. Companies should be willing to donate money to help out their community, unfortunately this is not the case and sex sells! The companies that give the money up want something in return, so they get a show. Furthermore, is beauty something that can be measured and defined? Who decides? You decide, every morning when YOU wake up you have the choice to love what you see or hate it.

I have learned to love myself no matter what. I may not be happy with every inch of myself when I wake up, but I make it a point to love myself before I go to bed. Beauty is not about what you can change about yourself, however, it is about how you embrace the person you are in the inside as well as the outside.

~Be beautiful.

Beauty is a State of Mind

In my previous post I talked about how people should not judge those who wear makeup. Makeup can be used to accentuate the features and is also used as a platform to express one’s self. While I still stand by those who are avid makeup users I want to take another perspective on that position and reach out to those who wear makeup to hide behind it. One of the reasons people wear makeup is because they want to cover up those “imperfections”. While you may think your imperfections need to be covered up to be beautiful the truth is there is nothing imperfect about you. You are unique and beautiful the way you are and you don’t NEED to hide behind makeup to FEEL beautiful.

It is important to understand why we may think the “flaws” we have are even considered flaws to begin with. Think about all of the billboards, and ads in the mall, at the train stations, on buses, in newspapers, and on television that exhibit a ridiculous, unrealistic depiction of what is widely considered “beautiful.” The illusion of beauty as the media portrays it is EVERYWHERE and it’s constantly changing. Don’t get brainwashed into thinking that you’re anything less than beautiful. If you do not look like those models in the ads it is ok, we are all unique and that needs to be celebrated. Remember that the sole purpose of those ads is to sell you the idea of what they say is beautiful, but most importantly- they want to sell you their products. It’s fine if you wear makeup, I’ve got nothing against you wearing it, but please don’t hide that beautiful face behind some absurd illusion of beauty.

If you can’t leave your home without wearing the slightest amount of makeup, you’ve got an issue on your hands. The makeup you put on is going to get washed off at the end of the day (unless you sleep with your makeup on which is NOT good for you, or your pillows!) The REAL you is exposed the moment you wash all of the artificial beauty off and what is gonna happen when you run out of that shit? What do you do? Buy more and more and more and more and more … I think you got the point. So much money is spent on these products for you to feel beautiful, why not save your money and just be beautiful the way you were born. Beauty is a state of mind, if you are constantly holding your beauty to the images you see in ads, you will always be chasing an unstable ideal. Come to terms with your natural skin and your so called “imperfections,” they’re what make you different from the rest and there’s no shame in being who you are. “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you!”- Dr. Seuss.

Love always,

Edith

MAKEUP… Good? Bad?

I’m sick and tired of people making judgments about others who wear makeup ... like its a bad thing. “That’s too much makeup!” they’ll say, “that’s not enough makeup!” “She/he looks like a confused monkey!” Personally I don’t wear a lot of makeup but, I want to stand in support of those of you who do wear it. Everyone has their reasons for wearing makeup and that could be anywhere between wanting to enhance the features of their face to hiding blemishes that may result in insecurities. Some just want to have fun, and wearing makeup is a way to express themselves, it’s an art form. No one can constitute just how much is too much or too little, because everyone's opinion is different. First of all, you have no clue why they are wearing it to begin with, they could have deeply rooted self esteem issues. Secondly, why do you care? Are they hurting you by wearing makeup? Lastly, how much of your opinions are based from what you see in the media?  If somebody feels good in the amount of makeup they choose to wear, that’s nobody’s business but their own. Unless someone is asking for YOUR opinion, keep your judgments at bay.

I understand that in different cultures, wearing makeup comes with a number of different stigmas. For instance, if the older folks in my culture were to see me wearing makeup, they would instantly label me as being promiscuous. Depending on what I’m wearing they would even go as far as to say “Take that shit off your face and put some clothes on, you look like a prostitute, is that what you want people to think you are!?" My clothes and my makeup shouldn't make viable statements about my persona no matter if first impressions are inevitable. Ultimately, lets not forget that my actions speak for me, not my makeup nor the type of my clothes I’m wearing. It is not right to judge what you don’t know. What we make of others is a reflection of what we see in ourselves because we base our judgements on personal experience. We as a people need to step back and see how WE would feel in the other person’s shoes. Be empathetic. There is a reason for everything, take the time to find out what that reason is.

Whether or not we agree, the media shapes our thoughts, and feeds our judgments. Everyday some pretty girl in an advertisement is trying to tell me what is beautiful, and thus my impressions of others are judged by these standards. I then begin to expect to see others living by those same ideals portrayed by the media. So, how much of your ideas are really YOUR’S? What is the media feeding you? THINK about it! I challenge you. The media only works as a vessel to make profit, they don’t care about you  … they want to TELL you WHAT to believe so you will shower them with money. This is where we fudge up, we shouldn't buy into these unrealistic expectations of beauty because everyone is unique in their own beautiful way. Use that that thing in your skull to see beneath the surface.

The next time you think someone is wearing too much make up or too little, STOP and think why they may be wearing it. Is it because that is what society expects? Or, is it because they are insecure about themselves? Or is it simply to express themselves? Is it hurting you? … No?...Then why do you care? Whatever it is, keep your comments to yourself. If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything.

Peace and Love,

Edith

Eye Candy

How many of you clicked on this because of the picture above? SEX SELLS! Am I right or am I right?

Social experiment: Go out of the house looking like a bum; baggy clothes, no makeup, messy hair, etc. and see how people treat you. Then go out dressed up, look “fly” for lack of a better term; nice clothes, makeup, hair looking good, etc., then take note on how people treat you. Once you have done this, comment below, let me know how it goes :P.

I have done this, and when I discovered the difference I was shocked. I mostly noticed the difference when I went to the bank. The personal bankers help people that are standing in line if all of the tellers are busy. The day I was dressed like a “bum,” I was completely ignored and I had to wait in line, while the person that got there after me was helped first. The next time I went to that bank I looked “Fly,” the gentleman came up to me as I walked in, I didn't have to do anything, he took care of everything for me, he even filled out the slip. You can EVEN notice the difference walking down a busy street, more people will smile and say hello when you look nice. What does this say about our society? Are we, as a society, shallow and only care about what people look like or what they can offer us? I think YES!

Society as a whole is egotistical, shallow, and self centered. YUP I said it! …  now that I’ve got your attention. The point I am making, is this: the way we are treated is based on our appearance. Think about the classic scenario of buying a drink for a pretty stranger in a bar. What makes this person special enough for you to buy them a drink? Would you buy a drink for someone who was unattractive, but still looks like they really could use it (ruling out alcoholics)? This type of social exchange is purely based on the other person’s looks. If the other person takes the drink, it is because they find the buyer attractive and who in their right mind would turn down a free drink?!?!  

How we should look is embedded in our society, songs we listen to, the things we watch dictate how we perceive ourselves, and it is much worse for women (Guys disagree? comment!).This makes us think that we are never good enough, our hair is never straight or curly enough, we CANNOT leave the house without makeup on, and we must shave our legs, we have to be skinny etc. the list goes on forever! If we do not do these things we do not fit in and are labeled as something we are not. Take shaving for example, if a woman does not shave she is labeled as a hippie, or a feminist, but how do you know if you have not talked to the person? I think that how you look should not be a defining factor. If people look different or dress differently, this does not offer any insight into what type of person they are, give them a chance and get to know them and DO NOT make any assumptions about them. Check my post about weird here, love the “weird” EMBRACE IT O.o.

The fact of the matter is that people jump to conclusions based on your appearance, and there is nothing we can do about that. However we can be the change we wish to see, and make the difference. If you yourself do not judge others based on their appearance then you have changed your ENTIRE world, the mind is a powerful thing.

~Ta