What Good Am I If I Do Not Help?

What is the value of one's life if they cannot see beyond their own pathetic little lives. Our lives are so small and insignificant that we do not have the option of being self centered. People who do not touch the lives of others are forgotten because they are too busy thinking about themselves. Had Martin Luther King Jr. only thought about himself, we would still be living in segregation. Had Mahatma Gandhi not stood up against injustices, we would still be fighting our oppressors with sticks and ammunition. Had Cesar Chavez not spoken out for workers’ rights, we would still be working for dirt. Had Sophia Auld not taken the time and risked her reputation to teach Frederick Douglass how to read, we would not have a narrative of a slave in American history. Where would we be without all of these amazing people? We could be here all day... year... if I continue to name more. One thing these people have in common is that they all were looking beyond their own lives and worked to make life better for everyone around them. King knew the dangers of what he was doing, but he stuck with it because he knew he could make a difference in the world. Gandhi knew how powerful the British were and he could have easily moved to another country, but he stood his ground and fought. Chavez knew that it was going to be a long and hard road to gaining basic human rights for farm workers, but he stuck with it and fought to the end. Auld knew that no one would approve of her affection for a slave, but she taught Douglas how to read and write anyway.

Human kindness. What does it mean? It means helping whomever, whenever you can. I am at a point in my life where I am trying to figure out what I can do to make it a fulfilling one, and I know that in order to make it a fulfilling one I need to help people. If I knew that I could do something to make someone else’s life better and I chose not to take action to help, I would constantly be wondering if I could have made a difference. Whenever I witness someone turning a blind eye when I know they are fully capable of helping someone, I feel disgusted in humanity. What is our purpose if we are not here to help those who are in need? Yes, it is true that we need to help ourselves before we can help others, but where does it end and where does it begin? Together we are much stronger than we will ever be alone. It takes a village to raise a child and we need to apply the same mentality when it comes to helping those around us.

Do something nice for someone. It doesn’t cost you an arm and a leg to make someone else's day. The main idea behind being truly kind to someone is to better their day without expecting a reward. Acts of true kindness build your character, it shows that you want to do something out of the honesty of your own heart and nothing more. Do what you can to help; if there is a sink full of dishes, wash them, if there is a person about to cross the street wait for for them, if there is a person asking for help, help them however you can. If anyone is in need of a little help, you could be the difference in their lives. Don’t worry about what they do with it, if you know you did what you could then you did your part, and you will know it wasn’t for lack of human kindness.

Not too long ago I was on my way to buy myself a mop, (cuz lord knows I needed it!) and I came across a little old lady who dropped her canned goods out of her shopping bag. We were walking in 95 degree weather and it was extremely windy, as a result she was having trouble controlling her shopping cart. I saw her struggling so naturally, I stopped to help her For me helping her was a no brainer. I was on a time crunch I need to get my mop and go, but I knew that if I helped her it would only take up 2 minutes of my time, and she too would be on her way much quicker. Once I was done helping her she looked at me and simply said, “Thank you, you just made my day.” Her 7 little words at the end made my day as well. When I stopped to help her I did not stop to seek some type of reward, but it was satisfying that my presence and helping hand was enough to turn someone’s day around. I then began to think what good am I if I cannot help the people around me? What kind of person would I be if I turned my back on another being in need?

~Do what you can no matter who is watching. Every little bit counts.

To Control, or Not Control?

There are many aspects in your life that you can control such as your own happiness, who you talk to, where you go, what you feed yourself, what you do in your day-to-day life and the list goes on. However, there are many other things that you do not have control over, such as other people’s happiness, time, death or what other people’s opinions are.The things out of our control are the ones we tend to stress about the most, we are fearful that the outcome will not be a favorable one. I have found myself on countless occasions fixating on a situation that I do not have control over, but for what? I cannot change the outcome, so, why waste my energy? If you know there is nothing in your power to impact the result then move on, there is no point in wasting your time and energy. Do not fixate on things that are out of your control, it will only affect your wellbeing and cause chaos in your life.

It is in human nature to want to be in control of all aspects of life, we want to make sure the outcome is favorable for us. Naturally, we want to “fix” things or be in control of what is happening around us. We hate feeling helpless so we gravitate toward controlling the situations in our lives. We need to realize that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome, and that nothing needs to be “fixed.” Whether it be through divine intervention, or the universe working to maintain the flow, things are as they should be and we need to accept that. Trying to be in control causes unnecessary stress and anxiety, it causes us to hurt ourselves in more ways than we realize. Stressing does not change the result, it is useless and we cannot do anything with it. Sometimes we need to trust that the universe will take care of our problems, and shift our perspective and use that energy constructively.

When I was very young I realized that people are going to judge me, no matter what. Everyone will formulate an opinion whether it be good, or bad. I cannot control what they think of me, the only thing I can do is try to be the best person possible. Ultimately, I cannot control the thoughts of others, and I do not want to burden my mind worrying about what someone else thinks of me. This is an unnecessary stress. If I am happy being me, what does it matter what another person thinks? In the end I can’t control their opinion of me, but I can control how it affects me. Take control of the things that are within your reach.

We have all wished at some point in our lives that we could control time, but we can’t. There are countless movies that build their foundation on the concept of time travel. We as an audience hope and wish that these movies will one day become our reality. Sorry to break it to you, but it will NOT happen, because if it will, it would have already happened … if that makes any sense … Well if it doesn't that’s ok it, time travel is a completely different can of worms (by worms I mean blog post). The plain and simple point is that you cannot change the past or control the future. The past has already happened and whatever you say or do will not change the effect of what has already came to pass. We cannot predict the future nor can we control it, however we can influence our future by working on our present. All you need to do is be the best person you can possibly be NOW, and hope that your actions result in the best possible outcome.

Stressing about things out of our control is a worthless use of energy. That energy can be better used on hard work, or being someone’s friend, encouraging someone, or spreading kindness. Use that energy to make the world a better place, don’t be distracted by something that is out of your control.

Silence Speaks Volumes

When you say nothing, you are actually saying a lot. Staying silent will be interpreted into many different ways: anger, total disregard for the situation, lack of confidence, fear for making the situation even worse and the list goes on. Silence is a great way to collect and settle one’s thoughts to calm the storm of a difficult day, however in the time of conflict or a heated discussion or in the midst of a problem, THAT silence needs to be broken.

It is unsettling when you do not have a glimmer of what the other person is thinking. When I find myself in this type of situation,  I say what I need to say. If I am dealing with someone who does not voice their opinion, it makes me feel as though I am just wasting my time and nothing will get through to the other person. It makes me feel as though I am going crazy, because perhaps I am the only one imagining the entire conflict, or the other person simply does not care enough to acknowledge what is happening. It makes me feel as though I am not important enough to talk to. In a heated conversation we all say things that we do not mean, so perhaps being silent is the best thing? But once everything is all said and done, and the opportunity arises to talk it out and solve the issue at hand, being silent is not the way to go. I can understand if someone is silent, it may be because they have a fear of escalating the conflict even more, but this will only bury the issue, it is still bubbling under the surface. Nobody wishes to say something that may be potentially harmful to the other person after a massive conflict. You are on thin ice with the other person and do not know how the will react, but things left unsaid will turn into an awkward situation that can be avoided if everyone just talks it out. Talking will allow everyone in the situation to be on the same page so the issue can have a means of being solved.

Last I checked we are all human (unless you are not comment below! :)), we all have our opinions and we all react differently, being passive does not help the situation. Being passive will make things worse. There will always be an awkwardness in the air because it is not apparent what the passive person is feeling and as a result, the non-passive person does not want to say something that will upset the other. In short, nothing will be resolved if someone is silent.

We did a post on talking; speaking out when you have something to say because you may have a positive impact on someone’s life. The reason I am bringing this post up is because when we do not talk it can be interpreted as a lack of confidence. It conveys to the other person that you are unsure about what it is you have to say, and you doubt a fruitful outcome from your input. Say what you need to say, because … trust me if you don’t it will come out in a very unexpected way.

~Break the silence

Achieving Goals: Endurance

I am currently going to the gym to get in a triangular shape opposed to the square I am in right now, its a bit cramped, and build a stronger version of myself. I have come across many different issues that keep me from getting where I want to be. If you’re anything like me (or human in general) TEMPTATION is so fucking hard to avoid and overcome. I love food, I love to have a few beers here and there followed by some smokes and I know that those things set me back from performing to my fullest potential. That’s just something I need to keep in mind when working on my mission. There will be bumps along the way, but it is your job to find those bumps and smooth them out. This is key in getting anything that you want; know what’s stopping you, figure out how you can resolve it so it doesn't get in your path to success. Don’t stop, for you are as strong as you can persist. Endurance doesn’t only apply to working out and maintaining physical activity, it can also be applied to different aspects of life such as educational or personal goals.

I find that I often set myself up for failure before I even feel remotely satisfied with my outcome. This happens to everybody; unless you are a well programmed robot that has the ability to fulfill any given task (and if you are a robot please leave a comment below, I would love to hear from you). The biggest problem is when people set themselves up for failure by trying to achieve goals that are unattainable. Always make sure that your goals are realistic and have a timeline to help stay on track. You also need to make sure you have accountability for the goals you set, without this, it makes it easier to just give up than to keep “training.” Most importantly, your goals should be set according to you as an individual because at the end of the day, who are you doing this for? Yourself? Your family? Friends? Make your goal worth it so you hold yourself accountable and you are less likely to slack off and stick with your goal.

The best way to set a goal is to follow the SMART goal method, this enables you to follow through with your goals. The cool thing about this is that you can visually process your goal by putting it on paper.

I am going to do an example of one of my personal goals. I am planning a road trip and I would like to make this goal a SMART one. Here is how I would set it up: SPECIFIC: I want to drive up to Alaska this summer in mid August to whale-watch. MEASURABLE: Yes, I have a working car and will save up enough money for the trip, as well as for food. I also have a valid passport. ATTAINABLE: This goal is in my power and ability to achieve. REALISTIC: It’s realistic considering the job I have and the reliability of my car. TIMELY: By mid August I will have saved up enough money and supplies for the trip and will have a week of vacation to enjoy the whales. Bam that is SMART!

Like anything in life, you have to put in work to receive an outcome and depending on how much you push through, you will then see results. There will always be obstacles in the way that will impede you from achieving your ultimate endeavors but don’t give up. Just when you feel that you are done and you want to stop and rest but you know internally that your will power can still endure, keep going. Just keep swimming.

Love you all, Stay strong

The Power of a Smile

Staring … its normal, we all do it. Human beings are social animals, therefore we are naturally curious.  I am aware that in some cultures around the world looking at others is the norm and no one minds it. I don’t like when people stare at me, but I know I do it too. The breaking point for me is when the “looker” is aware that I have caught them staring and they don’t stop. Some people immediately turn away in discomfort or give a friendly smile or if they are in earshot range just say a friendly “hello.” How do you react when you catch the person glaring at you or if you’re the one to get caught? The simple hello and/or smile breaks the ice and lets you know that the other person meant no harm.

Which brings me to my recent staring encounter. I was on the BART (rapid train) this weekend and I caught a couple staring at me, they would exchange a word or two and revert their attention to me. Mind you, I am not the only person on the train so I don’t know what was so intriguing to them. I’m not one to care unless I get a bad vibe, but I wanted to see what they would do if I focused my gaze back in their direction. It seemed to do nothing and I think it was because they were engaged in conversation, making my attempts of outstaring them futile. However, in most occasions the gaze is an invitation to engage with another soul and display your energy. This can be a beautiful experience and it shouldn’t be wasted.

When you smile you automatically neutralize any misconception of your personality or mood. Smiling at somebody allows them to feel comfortable. It’s something you do when you want to show that you are happy. But how do you handle a cold response? The way I handled the situation on the BART was to not mind, in the end I know I shouldn't mind it because the person is just a stranger. Another aspect to think about is the fact that we don’t know how people are feeling. Everyone’s day is different, some might have a bad day while others might have a good one. The point in general is that you shouldn’t feel upset if you don’t get a smile in return. If you smile, at least you offer the friendly invitation for someone to smile back, if they don’t respond it’s not on you. Who knows that person could be the next president or your soulmate?

If YOU are the person that is feeling upset and giving off negative energy, most likely you won’t want to smile. However if someone smiles there is a slight chance that they may help you feel better. It’s important to let positivity into one’s life so one can carry on. Your day is only as positive as you allow it to be. Make the effort to smile even when upset. Doing so will send positive energy into your environment and will bounce back.

The next time someone makes eye contact with you, though it may be a little intimidating, try to at least acknowledge them, it really doesn’t hurt. Step out of your comfort zone a little and try to have a friendly conversation with a complete stranger. Remember, your actions toward others can set off feelings in them and you want to give off positive vibes.

With that being said I will leave you with this TED talk. Enjoy!

:D SMILE :D

Be NICE

“Treat others how you want to be treated.” I grew up hearing a phrase that is very similar to this one. In my experience I have seen that many people are treated like sh*t!!! It may be someone you go to school with, someone in the workplace, or even someone you see while walking down the street. The fact of the matter is that there will always be insensitive people, but how we treat people says a lot about who we are as individuals.

Regardless of age and status you are obligated to treat everyone with kindness and respect. The Egyptian philosopher, Philo said it best, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” We are all human and we all have human emotions, as a result we do not know what people around us are going through. With that being said we should also not over analyze what other people do to us, because we simply do not know what provoked the other person’s actions.

If you ever find yourself in the position where you feel that someone is not treating you right ,you have the right to ask them why that is. When you ask the other person it is very important that you stop and realize that your words and actions will carry weight, and you must really think about your delivery. Be kind and think about how YOU would want to be approached in this situation. Chances are they did not even realize what they were doing and will not know how their actions are effecting you unless you say something. I think that the most important thing is to realize that we are all human and we ALL make mistakes, what matters is not those mistakes, but the fact that we learn from those mistakes, and we become better people for it.

Treating others the way you would like to be treated can be an extension to the idea of being the change you would like to see in the world. Becoming a kind and more understanding person can effect other people because our moods are also contagious, be nice and nice is what you will get back.

I would like to leave you with the words of Maya Angelou, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

~Be Nice :D