Snap Out of It!

Even though I am spending time with my family I get the feeling that I am as lonely as if I were surrounded by no one. By nature, I tend to be pretty introverted and usually keep to myself. Normally, this is not the case when I’m around family, but something is different this time around and I’m not entirely sure what. I notice myself feeling isolated from the rest of the crowd and sometimes it’s not because I’m physically distant but emotionally detached. We have all been through something like this and having a friendly ear helps a lot. Everyone needs a person they can talk to. Having someone you can trust to discuss what’s eating away at your sanity, helps tremendously. However, not everyone has that luxury and we each need to find our own means of solving the bullshit in our heads.

The main reason you are feeling alone is because your worries and your thoughts are  consuming you, not allowing you to step into your surroundings. At this point you need to look outside of yourself for help, talk to someone dear to you. When you share something with someone, chances are they can relate to troubles. At the very least someone will empathize with you. People may notice your behavior change but people don’t want to bring up touchy subjects that might make you feel uncomfortable. If you don’t say something, then no one is going to be able to help you. Contemplating something over and over creates a tub of wandering thoughts, if it stays encased within your skull, it will eventually overflow. Finding someone who you can talk to about your problems on may not come as easy but everyone needs a friend they trust. By venting to your friend you’re creating an open space of mutual trust where both people feel safe to discuss their problems without fear of judgement. There will always be someone you can count on who will lend an ear. At times it can be difficult to ask for help but talking things out will offer some clarity. The benefits of telling someone else what’s on your mind is that this person can provide advice as an outsider looking in. Having another person aware of your situation, allows you to have companionship that can offer support when you need it. As mentioned before, if you keep overthinking your situation it increases the notion of feeling lonely because you’re the only one bearing the weight. Whereas if you share the weight with someone you are no longer alone. For those who might have trouble finding that person to share your problems with, here are some tips to deal with the situation on your own.

1) Find something that will transport your mind to a better place. Go take a walk, being surrounded by nature will help you gain perspective. When you take yourself and your problems into an open space, BREATHE in and let your thoughts flow out of you so you can view the situation at a different angle. As you appreciate how vast and complex our universe really is, you will then realize that your problem isn’t as bad as you originally thought. Doing this will help you see things in a different light so you can filter out what you cannot solve from the things you can, allowing you to gain control and understand the bullshit. It’s not so much about what you can do to ”fix” the situation but the important thing is to realize how the situation affects you and your actions.

2) Keep a diary to write out all your feelings. This will help you get your worries and anger out in a physical form. By writing things down, it allows you to physically GRASP what is going on in your head. As long as those thoughts are in your head you cannot FACE them, the moment you write them down they enter your physical realm allowing you to face them head on. After all the crappy thoughts are out, you can begin to absorb good thoughts and reflect on the things that bring you happiness. Write all of the things you are happy about in your life so that you are left with your positive thoughts. The more you fill your mind with good things, the less room there will be for the bad. Begin writing a gratitude journal: write down 3 to 5 things that you are grateful for everyday so that you feel appreciative of your surroundings. You can do it before bed or in the morning or both, but in moderation, don’t over do it.

3.)  Listen to music. Music has the power to transport your state of mind into a different wavelength. Tune into music that normally makes you feel like dancing, or jumping out of happiness, so that the feeling transforms your state of mind allowing you to feel happy.

Through meditation, journal writing and music you can find your peace of mind but there is so much to gain by sharing your thoughts with someone. If you keep your thoughts to yourself, it makes the process to solve the root of your distress harder. There is no loss in expressing your thoughts, what’s the worse thing that could happen? You might even be helping the other person get through some of their bullshit, and learn something from each other in the process. Everyone wants to be happy, so why not be that support for others on their journey to happiness. Don’t let yourself stay in this lonely state for too long because you’ll miss out on the things that make you happy and fill your life with positivity. Focus on the things that make you smile and live life in the present.

Happy Thoughts :)

How to be a Better Person: Stop Lying to Yourself!

No one is perfect. We all can improve in one way or another, but the only way we can begin to think about being a better person is becoming more self aware. We must learn how we react in different situations, what our strengths and weakness are and look at how our actions affect those around us. Once we do that, we have to think about what we can change to become a better person. We are forever changing and there will always be room for improvement. Being a better person is a goal that I am constantly striving toward but there are always hiccups along the way that make it seem difficult to accomplish this goal. I have come across so many people who are not ready to accept the fact that they are not perfect, they have trouble coming to terms with not being right. We live in a culture that when we are less than perfect we are shunned and looked down upon. Accepting your flaws, and realizing that you are not perfect is the highest form of humility that anyone could express and there is nothing wrong with that. When we are put into the category of being a “good” or a “bad” person, that is based on what others think of us. We cannot control what others think, but we can work on being the best person we can be. No matter your age or your walk of life, you can always learn something from someone no matter how young or how old they are. You can only learn something when you are humbled enough to realize that you have room for improvement and listen to those around you.

What are some characteristics that make a person “bad”? Anger? Jealousy? Impatience? Gossip? Being mean? Just being plain RUDE? These characteristics live in all of us, we need to take notice of these characteristics in our lives so that we can address them and become better people. The trick is not to ignore them but we need to learn how to control these emotions. Do not suppress them, they will find another way to get out when you least expect it. To address these emotions in a constructive way you need to find another outlet. For some, the perfect outlet is meditation, journaling, going for a walking or working out. Everyone has their own way of coping with things and your job is to figure out what your coping mechanism is. Channel that energy into something productive. In order to be a good person you need to make it a priority to spread positive energy to everyone, (even people you don’t like) because what you put out in the world is what you get back.

What are some characteristics that make a  person “good”? Kindness? Compassion? Empathy? Helping others? Trustworthiness? Humility? All of these also live within each and everyone of us, but what matters is what we chose to cultivate and feed. The only thing we can do is to offer the world and those in it the very best version of ourselves, and hope that the life choices we make force us to become better people. In order to do this we need to identify where there is room to improve and listen with our whole heart to those around us. For me, I know that I could show more kindness to people that are complete strangers. When I am out, I usually do not talk to folks around me, I keep to myself and do what I have to do. Recently I tried something different, I struck up a conversation with a woman I did not know. We did not talk about anything important, but I hope I made a difference in her day, because I know she made a difference in mine.

Another major component in becoming a better person is listening to others, and be willing to make changes in your life. Granted, people do not always tell us what we want to hear, but it is what we make of the information that is important. When I am confronted in this situation, I reflect and I take the positives and learn from what the other person had to say. When I am approached by a fellow peer about something they find concerning, I sometimes get upset but I remind myself that they are only saying it to better the situation at hand. Once I accept what the other person is saying to me, the next step is to work on my personal development to become better. This personal development can only happen if people around you are willing to give you feedback in a constructive way, and it is crucial that you yourself are willing to receive it. If you are not willing and ready for that feedback it may not end well, causing the process to take much longer.

Being a better person is a never-ending process. You have to listen to yourself through self reflection, journaling, meditation etc.. You will also have to think about the people around you because when you are around positive, happy people, you too will be positive and happy. They feed off of your positivity and happiness, making it a win-win situation for all. When we have this positivity and happiness in our lives it makes it easier to to confront our flaws head on. We are not perfect people, we need to stop lying to ourselves and thinking that we can be. Once we accept this fact, we are able to open our minds to the feedback of those around us and begin to reinvent ourselves for the better.

So if you want to be a better person, listen to your peers with an open mind and the understanding that they want to help you. Reevaluate your person and find where you can improve.

~Be the best.