Put Your Blinders On, and Get Sh*t Done!

Don’t let what people say get to you. Compliments and criticisms are different heads on the same coin; they are two different extremes that have the same effect on our personal and professional development. Every now and again it is nice to hear praise from those around you, this lets you know that you are doing something right, but don’t let praise get to your head because where you are in life and what you have accomplished is not over. You must continue to grow and move on to bigger and better things. Those who instead critique you on what you are doing will only create friction, don’t open a window for them to dismantle your hard work and how far you have come. There is a time and place to receive such feedback and you have to be the one that decides when and where it is received and who gives it. Listen to the compliments and listen to the criticisms, and do not let them get to you. Find the balance between them so that you can move forward in a positive light. At the end of the day it is you that has to live with how you live your life. Take what you can and keep your focus. Others have the right to express how they feel, but it is your responsibility to keep your head above the water and not drown in the criticisms or compliments.

Compliments should be taken as a congratulatory formality. They should be seen as milestones, it’s only the end of one battle in a series of battles that make up a bigger war known as LIFE. Do not become overconfident, egotistical, narcissistic, or douchebaggy when receiving compliments because the war is not over. When you let compliments get to your head you stop learning and think that you have it made. It disables you to continue to work even harder by letting your guard down. Life is not going to stop so why should you? The clock is going to tick the same way it always has. Just because someone has acknowledged your hard work does not mean it’s the end of your journey. The compliments are just the beginning of what else you have in store to offer the world. It’s rewarding when people compliment you on your hard work and your accomplishments but this only means that you are doing well and must continue to push forward on your endeavors and not give up. Don’t stop there!

If you let yourself become influenced by criticism, you are giving up your power to be who you want to be. Everyone has gone through countless insecurities in their lifetime, and many of those insecurities continue to stick with us. I am an Indian woman, as you may or may not know we tend to be quite hairy. Yet we are fixated on trying to get rid of all this hair. When I was growing up I never felt insecure about my hair however, there have been countless times in my life where I have been told to “fix it.” They have all said I need to do x, y or z to my hair so that ”it would look better.” In my mind I have never been pretty enough, so when people would point out my frizzy, puffy, untamed hair, it would bring out my insecurities. I actively chose not to let it get me down. I decided that the people I want to keep in my life are those who love me for me, and it won't matter what my hair looks like. At the end of the day, if you're doing what you need to be doing and you're content with yourself, other people's opinions don't matter unless you are looking for their opinion. You have the power to be in control at all times, never forget that.

We may not realize this but when we critique others on what they need to do or how they look, it may be a sign that we are unhappy with ourselves. We are the ones who have an issue with ourselves and see those flaws in others. The only reason we are critical of others is because we are critical of ourselves. If we want to tell someone that they need to change something about THEIR persona, we need to take a second glance at ourselves, let the other person be and find peace within ourselves. One can offer suggestions but ultimately it is up to each individual to decide for themselves what advice they apply to their life at any point. We must remember that everyday that passes is a chance for us to grow and become something new. It takes a lifetime to become the people we want to be, and it is not always a walk in the park. So when you are busy critiquing others you are not focused on your own life and getting to where you should be. You are also adding unnecessary stress and judging what is out of your control, when you should be focused on your own life goals and achievements.

Over the years I have learned that what people have to say does not offer any insight as to what kind of person I am. Never let what people say, good or bad, affect your life. Keep your eyes on the prize, and only stop to pick up the things that are going to help you.“Do not let other people’s compliments go to your head nor their criticisms to your heart.”

Question Everything

Don’t let others have power over you, be informed! Don’t become susceptible to believing what others tell you because YOU are too lazy to go find the information for yourself. There is an infinite amount of information out there, some of it is bullshit and some of it is useful. It can be used to sway people to make important decisions in life such as electing the right officials to office and deciding what life goals to pursue, and the list does not end here. You need to be informed to help make good decisions in life. So don’t take everything you hear at face value, do some research for yourself and be informed as much as possible. In the end there is more good that this will do for you, benefit from your OWN findings. You can be sure that you got the information right at the source instead of trusting that someone else has your interest in mind. When you do the work yourself, you have the power to decide what information is useful to you and the satisfaction of knowing that you went out and got it for yourself.

Voting is one example. Currently there is an extremely important election coming up in my town. Most people I have talked to are questioning the mailers and huge campaign ads that are plastered around town. It’s good to question and doubt what the media is feeding your brain, it’s HIGHLY encouraged. People who are not up to speed with what’s going on in the election have confessed to me that they frankly don’t care one way or the other how the election turns out. This is upsetting to me because, these are the people that complain and nag about how things in our community are nowhere near perfect, and yet they don’t care enough to voice their opinion. They CHOOSE not to vote and they CHOOSE not to care. The reality is that if more people were aware about what is going on in their own communities, they would take it upon themselves to encourage their fellow neighbors to get involved. When the elections are over, people think that they don’t have to do anything until the next election, NO! People need to continue to stay informed so that they know exactly what is going on and see how they can organize to come together and make a difference in the community. This would set the example for future generations. We have to be the change we wish to see so that our descendants know what it takes to change the world around them.

Likewise, people should take it upon themselves to continue to pursue their life goals. It’s not enough to want to be what you wish in terms of your dream career. You need to push through barriers and latch on to what you want for yourself. Don’t let others convince you that it won’t payoff. Prove them wrong, make it work for YOU! Hard work always pays off no matter how long it takes. QUESTION EVERYTHING, Do not leave any stone unturned. This is YOUR life, start living it … take control, because what you decide today will affect you tomorrow. The information is out there, you just need to get up and go find it! :D

In this day and age, we have an abundance of technology at our disposal. People CHOOSE to be ignorant or they CHOOSE to be aware. Dont keep a closed mind. If you want to learn something the best way to find answers is to seek them, and it goes without saying that this won’t happen without a little effort on your part. If someone is telling you one thing and someone else is saying another, who are you going to believe? Question everything; why is this person talking to me now? How do I benefit? How will they benefit? Why are they putting so much emphasis on this? etc. Ask as many questions as you see fit, ask the right questions that will get you to the answers YOU need. Like the post Hareena wrote on Best Interests, everyone is for themselves, we all want what is beneficial for us, even if we don’t realize it.

When you receive information through another person, you’re only getting what THEY want to tell you. However, if you go out and find the information at the source for yourself, you will have the whole picture, which will determine what you find most interesting. My fellow humans, we need to be more aware of our surroundings. Stop for one moment, stop texting, stop doing what you’re doing and open your eyes and ears so that when the time comes, you can open your mouth and voice with what YOU know.  

Warfare: Immortality? Mortality? Morality?

A few months ago I had the privilege to visit a retired aircraft carrier that has been converted into a museum, it was amazing to see. Many of the people working at the museum were veterans and they all had very interesting stories to tell. The aircraft carrier itself was extraordinary. Many questions came to mind, from the technology that went into making it, to the maintenance aspect that made things run smoothly during war. These are just a few of the questions that came to mind when touring the ship. However at the end of the day, in reflection, my final take away was look at how much money we throw at warfare, when our education system is suffering, and people are starving! Now, I feel that it is important to point out that I am appreciative of the people who have fought and continue to fight to keep our country safe and free. People aboard these aircraft carriers today, are simply following orders, but when will it end? We are all one in the same, so we need to stop “othering” people. We all want to be happy, so why do we inflict pain on to others? What is there to gain from killing innocent people?

I was looking online to find exactly how many wars are proceeding today. Check out the link for yourself, and I am sure this link does not mention every conflict. Wars occur when there is conflict, and that conflict is backed up by power and money which results in violent consequences. War is expensive, and it affects people’s lives. When people in power decide to launch an attack on another group of people, they do not stop to think about how this might affect bystanders in the crossfire. If they do stop to think, they do not care enough about the innocent people caught in the middle because they are only thinking about their interests. According to that link, there has been a war going on since the year 1967 … that’s a long 46 years and counting!! Can you imagine, there are generations that are born into warfare, and do not know their lives to be any different, war is their reality.

I turn on the news everyday and hear about different conflicts, where innocent children are being bombed in schools! Young kids cannot even go to school without the fear of dieing. Money SHOULD be spent on setting up the students for success, and not putting fear in their young minds. As corny as it may sound, children are our future, and if all we are teaching them is war then that is what they will pass on. The education system is only one of the countless things that are affected by war, we spend so much money and energy on harming others that we do not realize that we are only harming ourselves. Our future rides on our investments and right now we are investing in war. For example we can spend that money on feeding the hungry. There are people all around the world who go to bed hungry, or have to rummage through a garbage-can to find their next meal. Is this the image we want to invest in?

Aside from the social issues we have created, we are harming our earth. Think about the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings, EVERY living thing was destroyed because of the radiation. Even today the land still remains useless. People who survived the bombings had to live with long term effects of the radiation exposure, changing their lives for the worst. The people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki were living their lives, this was a normal day like any other, people were happy until it all changed in that split second. Their happiness was ripped away by this one bomb. The Allies had the power, and they used it. What did these innocent people have to do with the political issues between Japan and the Allies? What did the US gain from killing innocent bystanders? What did they gain from knowing that they are responsible for the suffering of thousands of people? Who is anyone to crush another’s happiness, much less toy with their lives?

War is an endless cycle, and chances are the parties involved do not even remember what they are fighting about (Shakespeare had it right … The Montagues VS.The Capulets … ringing any bells?) At the end of the day warfare is about power, everyone is trying to prove who is the bravest and the strongest, when in the end all efforts made to “win” cause irreversible damage. For as long as there have been nation-states, there has been a need to assert one’s power. The way to do that is to have control and you gain control through WAR. When will the nation-states stop and say they have enough? We need to step back and realize that we are all HUMAN first, and killing another being is never the answer. It is not about who is wrong and who is right, it is about doing what is humane.This post will not stop wars all together, but it opens up the platform to questioning why we are spending so much time and energy on war and killing our fellow humans. The year is 2014, and science has proven time and time again that we are all the same, the next time someone asks me where I am from or what my race is, my answer will always be, “I am of Earth and a member of the HUMAN race.”

~Live and let live

Words Don’t Hurt, The People Who Say Them Do

Words have power, only if you allow them to. Not everyone realizes how much their words can affect others. You do not know what someone else has been through in their lifetime, so you do not know exactly how your words will affect them. I believe that actions speak much louder than words If someone just says something to me, I do not waste my time worrying about it until I see some action, but that is just me. For example, flowers versus saying, “I missed you today,” think about the difference in the two scenarios, how would YOU feel? Read more in my post, “Words Whisper, Actions Shout.” There are those incidences when all it takes are a few words to ruin my entire day. Those words feed on my insecurities and when another person points them out it feels like someone punched me in the gut. However I soon realize that at the end of the day I am the only person that I need to worry about, I am the only person that needs to be concerned with my own happiness and not allow the negative words from others affect me in such an extreme. Think about it, do the words alone have power? Or do you give the person saying them the power? Who are the people in your life that have that power over you? Why do they have that power?

Words will have an affect on you in one way or another, depending on who they are coming from. Whether that be someone close to you or a person you rarely, if at all, speak to. I can think of many times when the words of a person close to me have been hurtful, but I have come to learn that I should not let those few words undo my whole day. I know that they have my best interest in mind and they are only saying it to help me out. However, when a person I do not really know says something nasty to me I just chalk it up to them being buttmunches (yes that is a technical term), so I let it roll off my shoulder, like water on a duck’s back.

There are also the words that come in the form of holy scriptures. Those words are relevant because we place value on them and we place value because someone at some point said that we should. I am not saying that holy scriptures are unimportant, they are very important because they help us develop our morals and tells us what is right from wrong. When it comes down to your actions and what morals you have developed as a result of those words you choose what actions to take.

So what are words really? Words are only made up of the meaning WE give them, we define them, therefore we allow them to affect us. It’s like that quote, “Don’t let people’s compliments get to your head, and don't let their criticism get to your heart.” Never let someone else’s words affect how you live your life, or how you want to live it. Be humble when someone pays you a compliment, that just means you are doing something right, and when someone criticizes you learn from it but do not fixate on it for too long. One should strive to only spread positivity, so use only kind words.

~Be kind

Jealousy; The Green Eyed-Monster.

Jealousy is a bit more complex than we may think. This is not only just an emotion, it is a reaction. There are many different situations in which jealousy can come out. It may be in a relationship, romantic and otherwise, or even in a competitive setting, the workplace, or a social gathering. Whatever the case may be I feel that it is a wasted emotion! We live in a society where we do not take the time to appreciate what we DO have in our lives, we spend too much time and energy worrying about what we want, or what others have. I always tell people that those things we want, materialistic or otherwise, are not always the things that make us happy. Once you look deep within yourself, trust me you will realize you have just wasted your time being jealous.

When it comes to competitive jealousy, it brings to light your level of self confidence. If you feel jealous because of what someone has, that means that you are wasting too much of your time thinking about other people, you really need to think about yourself for a change!!!! One could even say you are lacking self-confidence … and trust me that is not attractive. (Check out our post about confidence right -> HERE.) A person who is jealous because their co worker just bought a brand new BMW, suggests that something is wrong with their 10 year old Civic. The jealous person needs to realize that their Civic has lasted them 10 years and is still running great. This person also has a fear of what others might think of their little ol’ Civic, and last time I checked all cars serve the same purpose, get you from point A to B. So, who cares what the world thinks?!?!?!?! If you are happy and everything is working why you trippen’ for? Be grateful that you own a car, some don’t even have THAT luxury.

ROMANTIC jealousy, this one can be flattering, but still a waste. Some may think that it is cute when their significant other is jealous of another person due to the fear of loss, it shows that they care about the other person enough for this emotion to get in the way. Being jealous in this situation also shows that the other person has trust issues. They do not trust their significant other enough to believe that they will make the right decisions. With romantic jealousy we also get a mixture of other reactions such as possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation. Aside from the lack of trust, there is once again the lack of confidence, this person begins to question what is wrong with themselves; Why would my significant other do what they did? What does the other person have that I do not have? What is wrong with me?

A lot of the time jealousy can be projected by something that isn’t there, it may be your imagination running wild, but it happens if you lack trust in your partner and confidence in yourself.

What all of this boils down to is happiness, jealousy prevents you from being happy. Happiness is a choice, you can choose to be happy for someone or you can choose to be jealous of them. Learn to be happy for people and trust your significant other. Turn the feeling of jealousy into something positive and you will make your life positive.

There are so many issues in the world such as hunger, genocide, war, poverty, etc. so why waste your time and energy being envious of people? Be grateful for what you have and celebrate that with the people who are around you and care about you. You have the power to determine what your life will be like, and as time goes on the harder it will be to make that change. You have the power to determine your outcome.

~Peace

Freedom to be Independent: Through a Story of Emotional Abuse

Since we are on the topic of freedom I want to address more specifically the freedom to be independent as a necessity for a healthy and stable life.The word freedom itself carries a certain weight, and that weight varies between person to person because the idea of freedom is different for everyone. To me, the freedom to be independant means that you can be whomever you want to be, without holding back and without being apologetic for the things you do. You should always have the ability to take matters into your own hands and do as you please because as a human being you have the right to be YOU, don’t let anyone take it away.The moment you don’t have control over your life, someone or something is ruling it, and that is a form of captivity.

In this blog I want to share something that not a lot of people know about me in particular. A long time ago I used to date a guy whom I thought was the only thing missing in my life, I was young and didn’t know better. I thought he would be the prince charming that came with every fairy tale; sweet, smart, kind and everything I dreamt of. Well, he was, for a while, but then after a few months he changed and became a completely different person or I should say, his true colors were showing. He would call my house asking for me, and if I was asleep he would demand that I be woken up only to tell me that I was wasting my time and sleeping my life away. I appreciated that he was concerned for my time management and life management, but I was not okay with the way in which he showed his concern by belittling everything I did. He became very possessive and jealous. Naturally, I started to feel restrained and intimidated by his attitude and episodes of rage and discontent. There were moments where I thought I wasn’t good enough because my way of life was not up to par with his standards, leading me to fully believe that I wasn’t good enough as a person.

I started to dissect our relationship for my own understanding because I was still unsure of how we grew apart so fast. Finally I gave up trying to make things work. I realized that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way he treated me, this realization came with pain and frustration. I fled from that chapter in my life as fast as I could, I knew that if I let him continue to treat me the way he did I would not be in control of my life. The onset of his controlling personality was very real. I was trapped and I felt that every effort I made to be ME was dragged through a war zone with no way out. I didn’t know how important MY freedom to be independent was, until I was no longer in control of my life. Needless to say, that guy is out of my life and I’m out of his reach. He no longer has power over me because I know I’m worth it and I don’t need him to give me an approval for the things I do.

When you sense that you are not free in your environment, figure out what is tampering with your freedom and stop feeding it or them the power to rule over you. This life you have is entirely yours to choose what you want for yourself. Be careful of your freedom to be independent and don’t let anyone mess with it.

Best Wishes.