Freedom to be Independent: Through a Story of Emotional Abuse

Since we are on the topic of freedom I want to address more specifically the freedom to be independent as a necessity for a healthy and stable life.The word freedom itself carries a certain weight, and that weight varies between person to person because the idea of freedom is different for everyone. To me, the freedom to be independant means that you can be whomever you want to be, without holding back and without being apologetic for the things you do. You should always have the ability to take matters into your own hands and do as you please because as a human being you have the right to be YOU, don’t let anyone take it away.The moment you don’t have control over your life, someone or something is ruling it, and that is a form of captivity.

In this blog I want to share something that not a lot of people know about me in particular. A long time ago I used to date a guy whom I thought was the only thing missing in my life, I was young and didn’t know better. I thought he would be the prince charming that came with every fairy tale; sweet, smart, kind and everything I dreamt of. Well, he was, for a while, but then after a few months he changed and became a completely different person or I should say, his true colors were showing. He would call my house asking for me, and if I was asleep he would demand that I be woken up only to tell me that I was wasting my time and sleeping my life away. I appreciated that he was concerned for my time management and life management, but I was not okay with the way in which he showed his concern by belittling everything I did. He became very possessive and jealous. Naturally, I started to feel restrained and intimidated by his attitude and episodes of rage and discontent. There were moments where I thought I wasn’t good enough because my way of life was not up to par with his standards, leading me to fully believe that I wasn’t good enough as a person.

I started to dissect our relationship for my own understanding because I was still unsure of how we grew apart so fast. Finally I gave up trying to make things work. I realized that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way he treated me, this realization came with pain and frustration. I fled from that chapter in my life as fast as I could, I knew that if I let him continue to treat me the way he did I would not be in control of my life. The onset of his controlling personality was very real. I was trapped and I felt that every effort I made to be ME was dragged through a war zone with no way out. I didn’t know how important MY freedom to be independent was, until I was no longer in control of my life. Needless to say, that guy is out of my life and I’m out of his reach. He no longer has power over me because I know I’m worth it and I don’t need him to give me an approval for the things I do.

When you sense that you are not free in your environment, figure out what is tampering with your freedom and stop feeding it or them the power to rule over you. This life you have is entirely yours to choose what you want for yourself. Be careful of your freedom to be independent and don’t let anyone mess with it.

Best Wishes.

Freedom: Mind Over Matter

I was having a conversation with a good friend from college, and it had me thinking for a while about my life. They asked me “Do you still live with your parents?” I responded, “Yes, I do.” After I got off the phone with my friend I began to think; “I am not really on my own.” When I was in college, I lived on my own and I had the freedom to do as I pleased. Now that I moved back home with my parents it’s much harder to do whatever I want. As much as I’d like to think that I’m an adult who can fend for myself, I still have to abide by the rules of my parents which limits my freedom.

There are times where I feel trapped in my own home. I can’t stay out as long as I please or stay the night at a friend’s place without getting into an extensively pointless argument with my parents, whereas when I was in college I had the freedom to do so. In the past I have dealt with this in different ways, one way would entail me doing whatever I please and pissing off my mom and dad, (yes, I am rebellious). I would come home and get berated over three hours and still get shit for my “behavior” throughout the rest of the day, week, month or even the rest of the year…(yeah not even kidding you). Anyways, the other way to “deal” with the situation is to avoid confrontation altogether or choose to back down and keep my parents happy. The word deal is in quotations because it’s not really “dealing” with the issue it’s simply choosing to avoid it in order to diffuse any altercation at the cost of my freedom. I have tried both methods and both have left either party unsatisfied.

My freedom suffers when the best interests of others get in the way of mine. In this case I’m looking out for my parents, I love to see them happy and if it means that I stay indoors because they feel I will be safe, I’ll do it. However, it hurts me socially because this takes a toll on my relationships outside the home. To me, it’s worth it because I want them to be happy as much as possible. When you love someone you sacrifice things for them and they have sacrificed being overprotective at times to respect me as an adult.

The only true freedom I have is in my thoughts and in my dreams, no one can restrain me in my own thoughts, I’m in control. Thinking the undoable and imagining the unreal is when I am free to apply my thoughts to something more tangible. I know there will be a time where eventually my actions will speak for me and not my parents. My parents influence my life right now but maybe in the future my freedom will be restrained by another variable for example, my marriage partner, children, or work. Freedom is an illusion, it all depends on how you look at it and what restrains it. Just make sure that if you sacrifice something it is worth it.

Love and peace,

Edith