I was having a conversation with a good friend from college, and it had me thinking for a while about my life. They asked me “Do you still live with your parents?” I responded, “Yes, I do.” After I got off the phone with my friend I began to think; “I am not really on my own.” When I was in college, I lived on my own and I had the freedom to do as I pleased. Now that I moved back home with my parents it’s much harder to do whatever I want. As much as I’d like to think that I’m an adult who can fend for myself, I still have to abide by the rules of my parents which limits my freedom.
There are times where I feel trapped in my own home. I can’t stay out as long as I please or stay the night at a friend’s place without getting into an extensively pointless argument with my parents, whereas when I was in college I had the freedom to do so. In the past I have dealt with this in different ways, one way would entail me doing whatever I please and pissing off my mom and dad, (yes, I am rebellious). I would come home and get berated over three hours and still get shit for my “behavior” throughout the rest of the day, week, month or even the rest of the year…(yeah not even kidding you). Anyways, the other way to “deal” with the situation is to avoid confrontation altogether or choose to back down and keep my parents happy. The word deal is in quotations because it’s not really “dealing” with the issue it’s simply choosing to avoid it in order to diffuse any altercation at the cost of my freedom. I have tried both methods and both have left either party unsatisfied.
My freedom suffers when the best interests of others get in the way of mine. In this case I’m looking out for my parents, I love to see them happy and if it means that I stay indoors because they feel I will be safe, I’ll do it. However, it hurts me socially because this takes a toll on my relationships outside the home. To me, it’s worth it because I want them to be happy as much as possible. When you love someone you sacrifice things for them and they have sacrificed being overprotective at times to respect me as an adult.
The only true freedom I have is in my thoughts and in my dreams, no one can restrain me in my own thoughts, I’m in control. Thinking the undoable and imagining the unreal is when I am free to apply my thoughts to something more tangible. I know there will be a time where eventually my actions will speak for me and not my parents. My parents influence my life right now but maybe in the future my freedom will be restrained by another variable for example, my marriage partner, children, or work. Freedom is an illusion, it all depends on how you look at it and what restrains it. Just make sure that if you sacrifice something it is worth it.
Love and peace,
Edith
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