Friends With Benefits

Friends with benefits, if it isn’t clear what that means here’s my definition. Basically it's a term that is given to "special friends" from who you benefit. The benefits range from different ends of the spectrum, and the term is most commonly known for the "sexual" end of that benefits spectrum. There are the benefits which often times get overlooked such as emotional support, guidance, and educational etc.. I think we all have friends with benefits and it’s important to have them because they add to our experiences. With that being said, this blog post is about the sexual end of the benefits spectrum.

I also want to add that having friends with benefits (the sexual kinds) is risky business for many reasons. One reason is that there are two kinds of relationships at play here, friends and lovers. When you mix anything together you are bound to have a reaction and who knows if it will be a good one or bad one. I learned from a close friend that this is something you have to talk over with the other person because anything can happen even if you don’t plan for them. Well my friend told me that she and her “friend” tried to establish boundaries on the relationship they had embarked upon. The problem was that she started to fall for him and came to me for advice. I gave her my two cents worth of advice based on my experiences with love, I told her that if she didn’t come clean to him and tell him that she started to have emotional feelings beyond that of their friendship, inadvertently, she would get hurt. She decided she was strong enough to withstand any repercussions that came with the risk. A few months go by and she comes to me and tells me that her ‘friend’ was seeing someone else. The pain she was in was unbearable to stomach. I knew that this was definitely not the time to tell her “I told you so,” so I listened to what she had to tell me and it boiled down to this: She fell hard for him without confessing to him the way she felt. He was under the impression that they were not exclusive since this “friends with benefits” agreement was in place, he presumed his freedom to see other people. You can imagine how the story unfolds from this predicament.

I cringe every time I hear “friends with benefits” because I have had my own experiences of this melodramatic scene and it’s not a fun ride. The best advice I can give is to be careful and always protect your feelings. If you love a friend for who they are and you decide to experiment with the affair to see where it takes you, be prepared for a shit ton of drama. Also, the more people you involve in your business, the more your business will be up for judgement by other people you may not even know (though it shouldn’t matter to anyone but the people involved). Be cautious with your feelings and the feelings of the people around you. Don’t bother risking a good friendship over an adventure you may not be able to handle because if things down the road don’t work, there’s a high possibility that you are going to lose that friend. Stay strong.

Love you, be safe. :)