Our Paths Crossing Was No Mistake

The other night I dreamt I was having a good time catching up with a friend of mine from elementary school when suddenly I woke up. I haven’t spoken to her in years, but this dream sent me down memory lane. I began to remember moments during my childhood. I realized that it reminded me how long it’s been since I’ve seen or contacted her. It also helped me see how the relationship we had has transformed over time and how we changed as individuals. We become so busy, sometimes we don’t stop to realize how we are changing. Change takes a while and happens slowly that the currents in our lives have a way of washing away that notion of change.

Given that everyone comes from different walks of life, everyone’s experience is different and therefore their changes are unique to their experiences. We each take our own paths and those paths cross someone else’s, like Flavia Weedn says “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.” Let’s face it, Flavia has a point, people make changes in the lives of others, hopefully they are good ones, check out Hareena's post on  how we can make a difference in peoples lives.

Needless to say these changes don’t stand in the way of continuing a relationship with the people of your past. However, in some cases, the changes in either party or both are so drastic, even the attempt at a rendezvous is in vain. They say time heals all wounds, but time can also create a void that if it goes unfilled will drift both people away to the point of no return.

I have to remember that I am surrounded by people that love me and care about me NOW, and not make too much of the past. Memories only serve to remind us how we got here and can help us learn life lessons, but let’s not reminisce for too long for there is more to uncover on your path. Move it along beautiful people make your life happen.

Love always,

-Edith

Someone Needs to Hear YOU!

When I was younger, no one ever took the time to listen to me. Naturally, I did not place value on myself. I did not feel that what I had to say was important enough to say it, but as time went on I learned how to break out of my shell and I found my voice. I have also learned that one should use their voice to leave a positive mark on the world. As Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

The first time I remember making a difference in someone’s life was when I was in middle school, and it was actually one of my teachers! At the time I did not realize how this moment would impact the rest of his life. This teacher was in his first year of teaching, and we were a difficult group of kids to work with, and that’s putting it lightly. We used to throw paper across the room and never did the work that was assigned to us. One day after class my teacher was walking around the room picking up all of the trash the students had thrown every which way. I stopped him and asked why he was picking up everyone’s trash and why he did not make everyone else pitch in to clean it up. He proceeded to tell me that we (students) were all “fools” and we cannot even do a simple task such as clean up. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being called a fool. So my response to him was, “We are only fools, because teachers like you do not teach us.” After I said those potentially damaging words to my teacher, I left the room.

I did not understand the gravity of my words, I was just being a “sassy” preteen. The next day the teacher came to me before class, and said, “Hareena, you were right,” and from that day forward the class was run very differently. But all that aside, my teacher, someone I am supposed to look up to as a role model, was telling me that I was right. At the time I still did not understand the weight my words brought to this educator, but all these years later I am aware of how I made a difference. I made him rethink his job, his livelihood.

Many years later I have come to learn that I have a voice, I maybe the youngest in my family, but I too have value, I CAN make a difference. When I became a student at UC Berkeley, I kind of “stumbled” into the Leadership Institute. By the time I got to UC Berkeley, I became the stereotypical quiet Indian girl in the corner of the classroom, but through my leadership experience I found my voice. This new voice was not the same voice of the “sassy” preteen, this voice had a little more understanding, but it still lacked value. I always like to hear what others have to say before I speak up, but I still felt that what I had to say was not helpful. By the time I graduated, I realized that if I do not place value on what I have to say then no one else will either.

When I moved back home after college it was hard. I felt that I was losing that voice that I was so proud of. I am always going to be the youngest in my family, and my voice is always going to be belittled, only because I am still seen as the little girl I was many years ago. This was a test for my voice. I realized that I have the right to express my opinions and if no one is listening to ME that is THEIR loss. Writing blog posts for you all is another way I keep my voice, and I wanna hear your voice … down below!!! You know the DRILL!!!

The main take away is this, TALK!!! You do not know what kind of impression you will leave on someone else, so make it a positive one! Back in the Valentine's day post we wrote about a TED talk by Drew Dudley, on leadership. Dudley talks about how we as people are leaders without even knowing it, and we need to let the people around us know that they have made a positive impact on our lives. Dudley calls this point in time the “Lollipop moment,” this is the exact moment in time when the other person made the impact. My teacher back in middle school had this “Lollipop moment” with me. I encourage you … no, no, I challenge you to give someone a “Lollipop moment” within the next week! Good luck and let me know how It goes.

~The Voice be with you, Always!

Jealousy; The Green Eyed-Monster.

Jealousy is a bit more complex than we may think. This is not only just an emotion, it is a reaction. There are many different situations in which jealousy can come out. It may be in a relationship, romantic and otherwise, or even in a competitive setting, the workplace, or a social gathering. Whatever the case may be I feel that it is a wasted emotion! We live in a society where we do not take the time to appreciate what we DO have in our lives, we spend too much time and energy worrying about what we want, or what others have. I always tell people that those things we want, materialistic or otherwise, are not always the things that make us happy. Once you look deep within yourself, trust me you will realize you have just wasted your time being jealous.

When it comes to competitive jealousy, it brings to light your level of self confidence. If you feel jealous because of what someone has, that means that you are wasting too much of your time thinking about other people, you really need to think about yourself for a change!!!! One could even say you are lacking self-confidence … and trust me that is not attractive. (Check out our post about confidence right -> HERE.) A person who is jealous because their co worker just bought a brand new BMW, suggests that something is wrong with their 10 year old Civic. The jealous person needs to realize that their Civic has lasted them 10 years and is still running great. This person also has a fear of what others might think of their little ol’ Civic, and last time I checked all cars serve the same purpose, get you from point A to B. So, who cares what the world thinks?!?!?!?! If you are happy and everything is working why you trippen’ for? Be grateful that you own a car, some don’t even have THAT luxury.

ROMANTIC jealousy, this one can be flattering, but still a waste. Some may think that it is cute when their significant other is jealous of another person due to the fear of loss, it shows that they care about the other person enough for this emotion to get in the way. Being jealous in this situation also shows that the other person has trust issues. They do not trust their significant other enough to believe that they will make the right decisions. With romantic jealousy we also get a mixture of other reactions such as possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation. Aside from the lack of trust, there is once again the lack of confidence, this person begins to question what is wrong with themselves; Why would my significant other do what they did? What does the other person have that I do not have? What is wrong with me?

A lot of the time jealousy can be projected by something that isn’t there, it may be your imagination running wild, but it happens if you lack trust in your partner and confidence in yourself.

What all of this boils down to is happiness, jealousy prevents you from being happy. Happiness is a choice, you can choose to be happy for someone or you can choose to be jealous of them. Learn to be happy for people and trust your significant other. Turn the feeling of jealousy into something positive and you will make your life positive.

There are so many issues in the world such as hunger, genocide, war, poverty, etc. so why waste your time and energy being envious of people? Be grateful for what you have and celebrate that with the people who are around you and care about you. You have the power to determine what your life will be like, and as time goes on the harder it will be to make that change. You have the power to determine your outcome.

~Peace

I've Got A Secret

It’s a nice day out and you’re chatting with a friend when they lean in and say “Can you keep a secret?” This phrase always makes me feel eeekkkk :P I can keep secrets, I know I can, however there are some people that can’t, and I would be careful about who you think you can trust to keep your secrets. Check out our post on Trust → Here. There are different kinds of secrets, family secrets, murder secrets >:) muahaha yes, affair secrets, secret secrets. In my opinion, if someone want’s to keep a secret they should not share it with anyone! >:( I don’t care if you have to tell somebody because there is too much pressure on you in regards to keeping that secret, you keep it! It’s funny when you want to keep something from the rest of the world and the next thing you know, everybody knows your business.

Secrets are risky business, and here is why. Everything is bound to come out in one way or another (except those RARE secrets that die in the grave or crematory, congratulations on those who did, but we’ll never know). When you entrust someone outside of yourself to keep a secret, you are creating a potential bomb, mainly because you don’t know when it will set off. You will be giving that trustee the opportunity to use the information against you, in the form of blackmail and betrayal. The person that knows of the secret has power over you, that is of course if you can trust them, (please read Hareena’s post on friends, a true friend is not easy to find)

What you decide to filter and purposefully keep from others, especially if you know they can benefit from the information says a lot about your intentions. Here’s another point of view on secrets, could they be considered a lie if you say nothing at all? No, it’s not a lie, withholding information is not the same as lying. Lying is when you purposefully make a statement to deceive or mislead somebody else. I went off on the topic of lying in my older post, please read it when you are done with this one.

I want to leave you with this simple quote by Chanakya “The biggest guru-mantra is: never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.”

Much Love,

Edith

Be Picky About Who YOU Call “Friend”

“I would rather have 4 shiny quarters than 100 rusty pennies.” There are more than 7 billion people in the world, and who deserves the honor of being called your friend? You decide! The only way you are ever going to find those 4 quarters is through trial and error. You have to give everyone a chance, then you have to decide what the right decision is for YOU. It’s not hard making friends, but it is hard to say goodbye to the ones you could do without, ok that may be a bit harsh, but its the truth. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of friend is a simple one, a person who helps and supports you.

You cannot be friends with everyone you meet, you have to have the mindset that it is an honor for someone else to call you friend. Everyone is special and everyone has something to offer, and they need to realize that, but not everyone is worthy of your friendship. I know that this may sound a bit selfish but once you read my post on Best Interest you will see my point better. You have to maintain the relationship that is beneficial to you, no one has time for Bullspit. In this case it has to be an emotional benefit and the relationship HAS to go both ways if it is going to last. What do both parties have to gain from this relationship? Life is not about business transactions, but without even thinking about it we make decisions with our own benefits in mind.

If you find yourself questioning a relationship with someone then chances are that the friendship is not worth it. I talked about a friend that I had to cut off in my post on trust, you should not hold something against people if they do not give you a reason to. The lack of trust or betrayal are just a few of the many things that can go wrong in a friendship. There is also a level of respect that friends should always have for one another, but there should also be a balance of fun and jokeyness in the equation.

I have found myself in friendships where I was a wallflower. Back in college I had a friend who would talk endlessly. I could never get in a word because this person was busy telling me their problems that they did not even notice I was trying to say something. I realized that this friendship was doing me more harm than good. After spending a full day with this person and knowing that the amount of words I spoke could be counted on one hand; “hey,” “uh huh,” and “bye.” I had to stop and look at the cost and benefits. The costs were much greater, this person would unload their baggage on me only to make me feel bad for them, while they were making themselves feel better. This friend was emotionally and mentally damaging to me, and I knew that If I ever needed to talk about my problems, this person would not be there for me. So I cut my losses and said goodbye. I do not regret my decision, but I still care for this person and wish them the best.

With all that said and done, if someone is causing you more pain, than good, it is time to say goodbye no matter how hard it will be.

~Ta

Eye Candy

How many of you clicked on this because of the picture above? SEX SELLS! Am I right or am I right?

Social experiment: Go out of the house looking like a bum; baggy clothes, no makeup, messy hair, etc. and see how people treat you. Then go out dressed up, look “fly” for lack of a better term; nice clothes, makeup, hair looking good, etc., then take note on how people treat you. Once you have done this, comment below, let me know how it goes :P.

I have done this, and when I discovered the difference I was shocked. I mostly noticed the difference when I went to the bank. The personal bankers help people that are standing in line if all of the tellers are busy. The day I was dressed like a “bum,” I was completely ignored and I had to wait in line, while the person that got there after me was helped first. The next time I went to that bank I looked “Fly,” the gentleman came up to me as I walked in, I didn't have to do anything, he took care of everything for me, he even filled out the slip. You can EVEN notice the difference walking down a busy street, more people will smile and say hello when you look nice. What does this say about our society? Are we, as a society, shallow and only care about what people look like or what they can offer us? I think YES!

Society as a whole is egotistical, shallow, and self centered. YUP I said it! …  now that I’ve got your attention. The point I am making, is this: the way we are treated is based on our appearance. Think about the classic scenario of buying a drink for a pretty stranger in a bar. What makes this person special enough for you to buy them a drink? Would you buy a drink for someone who was unattractive, but still looks like they really could use it (ruling out alcoholics)? This type of social exchange is purely based on the other person’s looks. If the other person takes the drink, it is because they find the buyer attractive and who in their right mind would turn down a free drink?!?!  

How we should look is embedded in our society, songs we listen to, the things we watch dictate how we perceive ourselves, and it is much worse for women (Guys disagree? comment!).This makes us think that we are never good enough, our hair is never straight or curly enough, we CANNOT leave the house without makeup on, and we must shave our legs, we have to be skinny etc. the list goes on forever! If we do not do these things we do not fit in and are labeled as something we are not. Take shaving for example, if a woman does not shave she is labeled as a hippie, or a feminist, but how do you know if you have not talked to the person? I think that how you look should not be a defining factor. If people look different or dress differently, this does not offer any insight into what type of person they are, give them a chance and get to know them and DO NOT make any assumptions about them. Check my post about weird here, love the “weird” EMBRACE IT O.o.

The fact of the matter is that people jump to conclusions based on your appearance, and there is nothing we can do about that. However we can be the change we wish to see, and make the difference. If you yourself do not judge others based on their appearance then you have changed your ENTIRE world, the mind is a powerful thing.

~Ta

Achieving Goals: Endurance

I am currently going to the gym to get in a triangular shape opposed to the square I am in right now, its a bit cramped, and build a stronger version of myself. I have come across many different issues that keep me from getting where I want to be. If you’re anything like me (or human in general) TEMPTATION is so fucking hard to avoid and overcome. I love food, I love to have a few beers here and there followed by some smokes and I know that those things set me back from performing to my fullest potential. That’s just something I need to keep in mind when working on my mission. There will be bumps along the way, but it is your job to find those bumps and smooth them out. This is key in getting anything that you want; know what’s stopping you, figure out how you can resolve it so it doesn't get in your path to success. Don’t stop, for you are as strong as you can persist. Endurance doesn’t only apply to working out and maintaining physical activity, it can also be applied to different aspects of life such as educational or personal goals.

I find that I often set myself up for failure before I even feel remotely satisfied with my outcome. This happens to everybody; unless you are a well programmed robot that has the ability to fulfill any given task (and if you are a robot please leave a comment below, I would love to hear from you). The biggest problem is when people set themselves up for failure by trying to achieve goals that are unattainable. Always make sure that your goals are realistic and have a timeline to help stay on track. You also need to make sure you have accountability for the goals you set, without this, it makes it easier to just give up than to keep “training.” Most importantly, your goals should be set according to you as an individual because at the end of the day, who are you doing this for? Yourself? Your family? Friends? Make your goal worth it so you hold yourself accountable and you are less likely to slack off and stick with your goal.

The best way to set a goal is to follow the SMART goal method, this enables you to follow through with your goals. The cool thing about this is that you can visually process your goal by putting it on paper.

I am going to do an example of one of my personal goals. I am planning a road trip and I would like to make this goal a SMART one. Here is how I would set it up: SPECIFIC: I want to drive up to Alaska this summer in mid August to whale-watch. MEASURABLE: Yes, I have a working car and will save up enough money for the trip, as well as for food. I also have a valid passport. ATTAINABLE: This goal is in my power and ability to achieve. REALISTIC: It’s realistic considering the job I have and the reliability of my car. TIMELY: By mid August I will have saved up enough money and supplies for the trip and will have a week of vacation to enjoy the whales. Bam that is SMART!

Like anything in life, you have to put in work to receive an outcome and depending on how much you push through, you will then see results. There will always be obstacles in the way that will impede you from achieving your ultimate endeavors but don’t give up. Just when you feel that you are done and you want to stop and rest but you know internally that your will power can still endure, keep going. Just keep swimming.

Love you all, Stay strong

$Money$

What does it mean to have lots of money? Happiness? Success? How do we view money? I fear that people have forgotten the value of other things in life, and have made everything about what is in their bank accounts. It is hard to live in this world without worrying about money, because money is so essential for our well being. Some young people only worry about how they are going to make more money, but they do not worry so much about how they are going to keep their family together, how they can become a better person, or how they can be happy.

We talked about appreciating the people around us in our post about family, you should value those who love you. If you are working too much and finding that you are not valuing the people around you, you have to stop and think if it is worth it. I have watched the families of those who work too much fall apart simply because they do not make time between their job and family. Is all of that money worth it if you do not have anyone to spend it with?

I feel that everyone’s financial goals should be to live comfortably, so that their families never have a “need.” Living in poverty can lead to unnecessary stress, and a whole number of things that I will not get into (that’s a whole ‘nother post), and having too much money can (but not always) lead to greed. The question is, will you ever have enough money? Then the question becomes, why should I stop making money? A few weeks back there was a person that was going around San Francisco, leaving envelopes of cash, and leaving clues on twitter. You don't believe me? Well check out this article from the Huffington Post. This one person started a nationwide trend, people have begun to do the same thing in different cities around the U.S. These “random acts of kindness,” as the media is calling it, has gotten a lot of attention because who does not like free money? (if you hate it comment below and tell me about your issues with free money) This one person in SF has so much money that they had no clue what to do with it, so they are just giving it away. Perhaps this person in SF got to a point where he/she realized that all of the money they had was not making them happy, so why not give it to people who could use it? (or some great media stunt … we will never know!)

I’m not trying to say that money is bad, I am saying that it is important to not let it control your life. There are many more important things in our lives like being a happy person. We also talked about doing whatever makes you happy in our graduation post, you can read about it here. If you are letting money control your life, then it will be difficult to be in the state of happiness; you are living for your money and you stop living for yourself. If you are not happy now what is the point? We are all going to die one day soon, and we cannot take any of our worldly possessions with us and that includes money (unless you are an Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh, and if you are comment below, I would love to hear about your rise from the dead!).

With all this swimming in my head, I have been facing the question of what job will be fulfilling to me in the long run. I will be satisfied when I know that I am helping people and making a difference in the world. I do not want to be tied down to a regular 9-5 job, where I am only there for the moollah. I want to live a comfortable life, but not at the expense of my happiness and the happiness of those around me. Take time out and think about what makes you happy, other than money, and make THAT your priority. In doing this you can ensure that money is not controlling you.

~Ta Ta

KARMA: Just Sit Back & Watch

“What goes around, comes around,” but what does that really mean? We hear people talking about Karma all the time, this is a more simple definition. When looking at the origins of Karma we must look at Indian Philosophy. Karma differs a little in each one of the eastern religions, but the word itself means “action,” or “deed.” Your actions now determine what will happen to you in the future. Karma gets more complex when you start talking about rebirth, because the concept of time is not linear as we know it in the western world. The basic idea is enough for our purposes.

With a little background out of the way, I am here to say that when someone does bad to you take the high road, do nothing. Whenever someone makes me upset because of their actions, I can choose to get mad and seek revenge, or I can think nothing of it and move on because I believe that one day they will get what is coming to them. Yes I have a story, of some instant Karma, are you ready? Well back in highschool there was a vicious rumor going around that I was a bit of a bully :O … I know right? But there was a staff member that thought he was going to do something about it, so he kept me after everyone else. I was not scared, I just wanted to see what was going to happen next. So he and I began to walk down a long flight of stairs, and he said to me, “I heard that you are a bully?” and my response was, “Really?” Then he said, “what are you going to do if I do this?” as he gave me a small push, and at the exact same point in time he almost fell down the stairs. I looked at him, and said, “absolutely nothing” as I gave him a smile. The story does not end there. He then asked me one more time what I was going to do if he pushed me yet again, and once again, he almost fell down the stairs. This time I said nothing and let him do it a third time, and yes you guessed it he almost fell again. After the third time, he looked at my face and said, “why?” My response? you might ask, it was simply, “Because, I believe in Karma.” needless to say, this guy NEVER messed with me again. This is a perfect example of where I could have gotten mad and all defensive but I chose not to because in the end he was going to get what was coming to him even if I did nothing.

Another great example of karma can be seen in  … are you ready for it? …  “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets!” If you have not seen the movie or read the books, shame on you! .. haha just kidding. If you know what I am talking about, you get EXTRA brownie points (***To cash in your points leave a comment below ;-)***) and if not here is a little summary just for you! One of the Professors at the school, Gilderoy Lockhart, is a famous author that has written many books about his extraordinary adventures. Later on in the story we find out that Lockhart is a fake, he used a spell to make the other wizards lose their memories so that they couldn’t tell his secrets. His bad karma decided to kick in toward the end of the story, when he uses a broken wand to wipe Harry and Ron’s memory, but it backfires and wipes his own. KARMA!!!

My point is you do not always have to be the one to seek revenge, the universe, or greater power (whatever you believe) will figure it out in the end. If someone does something wrong to you just learn from it and move on, you do not need to put your mind through any unnecessary stress. (I did a post on forgiveness, check it out  here.) Just think good and do good, and you will get just that in return. It is not about what people think of you, what it IS however, the way you feel about you. If you put a positive energy out, you will get a positive energy in return.

~Ta Ta