Social Media: It’s Sucking Your Soul

I recently went to a wedding and I was appalled to find that the younger generation choose to socialize at the event through social media! As I was looking around the venue, the older generation was walking around and having drinks with one another while engaging in friendly conversation. However, the younger generation was sitting at their table and taking photos for their SnapChats, Instagrams, posting status updates to Facebooks and Twittering them tweets and whatever else is cool these days. Once I arrived home I decided to check my social media, and I was able to see EVERYTHING that was being posted during the event. I do not think that there is anything wrong with this type of expression, but I began to question why people WANT to post stuff in the first place. Is it to show off? Is it to seek attention? Is it about how many “likes” you can get? Or is it the simple fact that people CAN? Whatever the case may be, I think that it is important that we limit our social media interactions. It is consuming us and is putting a stop to the amount of face-to-face interactions we are having.

When you are plugged into social media and you are cyber stalking someone (don’t even try to lie, we ALL have done it) they seem to have their lives together. The key word there is: SEEM! When people post things to social media, they are posting the “cream of the crop” so to say. Meaning they are shedding light on all of the fun things and great times that are happening in their lives. So to be a third person looking in, and to think that they have their live together is completely wrong. We are only getting one side of the story, we are getting what people choose to post, what they CHOOSE to make public. I am sure that others feel the same way when they Facebook stalk you. When people do post something negative or something bad that is happening in their life, we tend to think that they are only seeking attention. Why is it ok to show off that you went on an awesome vacation, but when you are having a rough time, people think you are seeking attention? When people post things that could be viewed as “attention seeking,” it could just be a coping mechanism for something the poster is going through, and could simply be reaching out for some support. Everyone has the right to post whatever they want to THEIR social media, and if you do not like what you are seeing you have the right to ignore, block, unfriend or whatever you see fit.

There are also those circumstances where things get posted to social media to show others up, air out the dirty laundry, or to poke at someone else without actually saying who or what they are talking about. I get that this is one way people deal with issues in their life but it is petty and immature. If you cannot say something to someone’s face or if you are trying to send a message to someone indirectly, there is a deeper issue and you need to figure out why you have trouble talking face-to-face. If you find yourself on the other end of things and think that everyone is out to get YOU and is attacking YOU …. First off get a life, the Earth, Sun, Moon and whatever else is floating out there is not spinning around YOU. Secondly, if the other person cannot say something to your face, then it is simply not important enough for you to worry your little head about it.

Focus on what is important in your life. If you are spending long hours on something that is not enriching your life, then essentially you are wasting away. What you see on your facebook news feed is not reality, we choose to believe that all of those people on there are our “friends,” but our friends are the people that are there for us when we need them. Those friends that are there for us before the Sh*t hits the fan and are there after to clean it up and deodorize, those are the people that ARE important, THEY get dirty fo’ you! The more time you spend fussing with social media you are missing out on the reality around you. Reminder: Your time is precious! You will not be getting a refund for time spent unwisely. Don’t indulge in social media to the point where you aren’t even enjoying the experience in the flesh. Ask yourself this, “Is all the time I’m spending letting the world know what I’m doing actually taking away from the actual thing they see me doing?” If the answer is yes then stop and LIVE for LIFE’S SAKE! Life is only temporary.

Many people use social media like Facebook to keep in touch with their friends and family members. My friend (actual friend in the flesh) was telling me that they were being tagged in pictures of a newborn and said to me “As time goes by I’m probably going to watch this baby grow up through a screen.” It’s not bad that we look to these means of communication as a way to stay “connected,” we must be careful and think about how we are beginning to drift from a face-to-face society to a face-to-FACELESS society. The lack of physical contact can be desensitizing, it allows us to stretch out our feelings over time therefore losing our initial reaction. We are no longer genuine in our sentiment about our initial reactions when we are sitting behind a screen, we have the choice to respond to others when we feel the time is right, even if that is 2 years later.

What about 10 years later? As we get invitations for our high school reunions, I begin to wonder what is the point. Through social media, I know who is having kids and when they are having them (literally), who got married, who got divorced, who is doing what job, who came out of what the closet, when and where people have traveled. If I can see all of that through a screen on my phone why do I need to physically go to a reunion? If I REALLY wanted to catch up with someone I can simply send them a message or write on their wall. Social media has taken the excitement out of attending a reunion. It has given us the privilege to keep in touch with one another long after we have moved on with our lives, but it stops us from enjoying these types of social events.

Everyday we are presented with the opportunities to speak to the people around us, or we can CHOOSE to look at our phone. If we put our phones down for a minute who knows who we will meet, but we will NEVER meet that person if we are busy looking at who is having what baby on Facebook.UNPLUG! Turn that Facebook-thang off, and turn yo face on! Your lips are there to talk to people and your brain is there to think and engage with others in CONVERSATION! … ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH YO’ FACE TO ANOTHER FACE.

My Friend: The Living Martyr

If you don't know what a martyr is, Merriam Webster says that it is a person who suffers constantly. Now, I know I’m probably far fetched from the original definition but the word that would more closely describe this friend of mine. There are many different kinds of people, who fall into the spectrum between those who are selfish to the bone and people who think of everything but themselves. I consider the selfless people to have characteristics of martyrs. They go through so much pain and suffer through some messed up situations for others. Usually they bear the suffering for the people they consider loved ones. Although, in some cases, the people they suffer for aren’t even worth it, in my opinion. I arrive to this conclusion from my own observations where the person they suffer for does not put in the same amount of effort into the relationship. However, the selfless being believes their commitment to the relationship is worth it. I just wish I could slap some sense into them but I also find myself in that situation at times so I know exactly what it’s like. Everyone is different, all I know is that I have to respect their wishes as I hope they do mine.

The purpose of this post is to shed light on the folks who give it all and expect nothing in return. While this is the highest form of humility in my opinion, it’s easy for many to overlook the acts of selflessness, and that’s unfortunate. There is nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe is important, despite the consequences. However, I feel there is a point in time where the line needs to be drawn. The selfless person needs to figure out for themselves where that line gets placed. Hopefully they can realize when the people they support unconditionally do not meet those same standards in return. Know your limits and come to terms when you see that the other person doesn’t appreciate your commitment. They don’t see the value in all you do for them, so why waste your time if you’re getting nothing in return? Don’t forget that you are also important and deserve to be around those who appreciate you to the same extent. It’s completely fine to be a little selfish every once in a while. In making others happy you should remember that you need to come first. When you go to bed, you’re left with your own thoughts naturally you are  alone so you need to love yourself unconditionally. Ernest Hemingway once said, “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

It’s great if you go out of your way to make others happy but you must not forget that you are also very important. You should always take care of yourself first if you want to help others. You can’t expect to patch someone up if you’re hurt as well. And you must always remember that you should spend your precious time on those who are worth it, i.e. those who will equally go out of their way for you as you do for them. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

Our Paths Crossing Was No Mistake

The other night I dreamt I was having a good time catching up with a friend of mine from elementary school when suddenly I woke up. I haven’t spoken to her in years, but this dream sent me down memory lane. I began to remember moments during my childhood. I realized that it reminded me how long it’s been since I’ve seen or contacted her. It also helped me see how the relationship we had has transformed over time and how we changed as individuals. We become so busy, sometimes we don’t stop to realize how we are changing. Change takes a while and happens slowly that the currents in our lives have a way of washing away that notion of change.

Given that everyone comes from different walks of life, everyone’s experience is different and therefore their changes are unique to their experiences. We each take our own paths and those paths cross someone else’s, like Flavia Weedn says “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.” Let’s face it, Flavia has a point, people make changes in the lives of others, hopefully they are good ones, check out Hareena's post on  how we can make a difference in peoples lives.

Needless to say these changes don’t stand in the way of continuing a relationship with the people of your past. However, in some cases, the changes in either party or both are so drastic, even the attempt at a rendezvous is in vain. They say time heals all wounds, but time can also create a void that if it goes unfilled will drift both people away to the point of no return.

I have to remember that I am surrounded by people that love me and care about me NOW, and not make too much of the past. Memories only serve to remind us how we got here and can help us learn life lessons, but let’s not reminisce for too long for there is more to uncover on your path. Move it along beautiful people make your life happen.

Love always,

-Edith

I've Got A Secret

It’s a nice day out and you’re chatting with a friend when they lean in and say “Can you keep a secret?” This phrase always makes me feel eeekkkk :P I can keep secrets, I know I can, however there are some people that can’t, and I would be careful about who you think you can trust to keep your secrets. Check out our post on Trust → Here. There are different kinds of secrets, family secrets, murder secrets >:) muahaha yes, affair secrets, secret secrets. In my opinion, if someone want’s to keep a secret they should not share it with anyone! >:( I don’t care if you have to tell somebody because there is too much pressure on you in regards to keeping that secret, you keep it! It’s funny when you want to keep something from the rest of the world and the next thing you know, everybody knows your business.

Secrets are risky business, and here is why. Everything is bound to come out in one way or another (except those RARE secrets that die in the grave or crematory, congratulations on those who did, but we’ll never know). When you entrust someone outside of yourself to keep a secret, you are creating a potential bomb, mainly because you don’t know when it will set off. You will be giving that trustee the opportunity to use the information against you, in the form of blackmail and betrayal. The person that knows of the secret has power over you, that is of course if you can trust them, (please read Hareena’s post on friends, a true friend is not easy to find)

What you decide to filter and purposefully keep from others, especially if you know they can benefit from the information says a lot about your intentions. Here’s another point of view on secrets, could they be considered a lie if you say nothing at all? No, it’s not a lie, withholding information is not the same as lying. Lying is when you purposefully make a statement to deceive or mislead somebody else. I went off on the topic of lying in my older post, please read it when you are done with this one.

I want to leave you with this simple quote by Chanakya “The biggest guru-mantra is: never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.”

Much Love,

Edith

Be Picky About Who YOU Call “Friend”

“I would rather have 4 shiny quarters than 100 rusty pennies.” There are more than 7 billion people in the world, and who deserves the honor of being called your friend? You decide! The only way you are ever going to find those 4 quarters is through trial and error. You have to give everyone a chance, then you have to decide what the right decision is for YOU. It’s not hard making friends, but it is hard to say goodbye to the ones you could do without, ok that may be a bit harsh, but its the truth. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of friend is a simple one, a person who helps and supports you.

You cannot be friends with everyone you meet, you have to have the mindset that it is an honor for someone else to call you friend. Everyone is special and everyone has something to offer, and they need to realize that, but not everyone is worthy of your friendship. I know that this may sound a bit selfish but once you read my post on Best Interest you will see my point better. You have to maintain the relationship that is beneficial to you, no one has time for Bullspit. In this case it has to be an emotional benefit and the relationship HAS to go both ways if it is going to last. What do both parties have to gain from this relationship? Life is not about business transactions, but without even thinking about it we make decisions with our own benefits in mind.

If you find yourself questioning a relationship with someone then chances are that the friendship is not worth it. I talked about a friend that I had to cut off in my post on trust, you should not hold something against people if they do not give you a reason to. The lack of trust or betrayal are just a few of the many things that can go wrong in a friendship. There is also a level of respect that friends should always have for one another, but there should also be a balance of fun and jokeyness in the equation.

I have found myself in friendships where I was a wallflower. Back in college I had a friend who would talk endlessly. I could never get in a word because this person was busy telling me their problems that they did not even notice I was trying to say something. I realized that this friendship was doing me more harm than good. After spending a full day with this person and knowing that the amount of words I spoke could be counted on one hand; “hey,” “uh huh,” and “bye.” I had to stop and look at the cost and benefits. The costs were much greater, this person would unload their baggage on me only to make me feel bad for them, while they were making themselves feel better. This friend was emotionally and mentally damaging to me, and I knew that If I ever needed to talk about my problems, this person would not be there for me. So I cut my losses and said goodbye. I do not regret my decision, but I still care for this person and wish them the best.

With all that said and done, if someone is causing you more pain, than good, it is time to say goodbye no matter how hard it will be.

~Ta