My Friend: The Living Martyr

If you don't know what a martyr is, Merriam Webster says that it is a person who suffers constantly. Now, I know I’m probably far fetched from the original definition but the word that would more closely describe this friend of mine. There are many different kinds of people, who fall into the spectrum between those who are selfish to the bone and people who think of everything but themselves. I consider the selfless people to have characteristics of martyrs. They go through so much pain and suffer through some messed up situations for others. Usually they bear the suffering for the people they consider loved ones. Although, in some cases, the people they suffer for aren’t even worth it, in my opinion. I arrive to this conclusion from my own observations where the person they suffer for does not put in the same amount of effort into the relationship. However, the selfless being believes their commitment to the relationship is worth it. I just wish I could slap some sense into them but I also find myself in that situation at times so I know exactly what it’s like. Everyone is different, all I know is that I have to respect their wishes as I hope they do mine.

The purpose of this post is to shed light on the folks who give it all and expect nothing in return. While this is the highest form of humility in my opinion, it’s easy for many to overlook the acts of selflessness, and that’s unfortunate. There is nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe is important, despite the consequences. However, I feel there is a point in time where the line needs to be drawn. The selfless person needs to figure out for themselves where that line gets placed. Hopefully they can realize when the people they support unconditionally do not meet those same standards in return. Know your limits and come to terms when you see that the other person doesn’t appreciate your commitment. They don’t see the value in all you do for them, so why waste your time if you’re getting nothing in return? Don’t forget that you are also important and deserve to be around those who appreciate you to the same extent. It’s completely fine to be a little selfish every once in a while. In making others happy you should remember that you need to come first. When you go to bed, you’re left with your own thoughts naturally you are  alone so you need to love yourself unconditionally. Ernest Hemingway once said, “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

It’s great if you go out of your way to make others happy but you must not forget that you are also very important. You should always take care of yourself first if you want to help others. You can’t expect to patch someone up if you’re hurt as well. And you must always remember that you should spend your precious time on those who are worth it, i.e. those who will equally go out of their way for you as you do for them. Treat others as you wish to be treated.