Put Your Blinders On, and Get Sh*t Done!

Don’t let what people say get to you. Compliments and criticisms are different heads on the same coin; they are two different extremes that have the same effect on our personal and professional development. Every now and again it is nice to hear praise from those around you, this lets you know that you are doing something right, but don’t let praise get to your head because where you are in life and what you have accomplished is not over. You must continue to grow and move on to bigger and better things. Those who instead critique you on what you are doing will only create friction, don’t open a window for them to dismantle your hard work and how far you have come. There is a time and place to receive such feedback and you have to be the one that decides when and where it is received and who gives it. Listen to the compliments and listen to the criticisms, and do not let them get to you. Find the balance between them so that you can move forward in a positive light. At the end of the day it is you that has to live with how you live your life. Take what you can and keep your focus. Others have the right to express how they feel, but it is your responsibility to keep your head above the water and not drown in the criticisms or compliments.

Compliments should be taken as a congratulatory formality. They should be seen as milestones, it’s only the end of one battle in a series of battles that make up a bigger war known as LIFE. Do not become overconfident, egotistical, narcissistic, or douchebaggy when receiving compliments because the war is not over. When you let compliments get to your head you stop learning and think that you have it made. It disables you to continue to work even harder by letting your guard down. Life is not going to stop so why should you? The clock is going to tick the same way it always has. Just because someone has acknowledged your hard work does not mean it’s the end of your journey. The compliments are just the beginning of what else you have in store to offer the world. It’s rewarding when people compliment you on your hard work and your accomplishments but this only means that you are doing well and must continue to push forward on your endeavors and not give up. Don’t stop there!

If you let yourself become influenced by criticism, you are giving up your power to be who you want to be. Everyone has gone through countless insecurities in their lifetime, and many of those insecurities continue to stick with us. I am an Indian woman, as you may or may not know we tend to be quite hairy. Yet we are fixated on trying to get rid of all this hair. When I was growing up I never felt insecure about my hair however, there have been countless times in my life where I have been told to “fix it.” They have all said I need to do x, y or z to my hair so that ”it would look better.” In my mind I have never been pretty enough, so when people would point out my frizzy, puffy, untamed hair, it would bring out my insecurities. I actively chose not to let it get me down. I decided that the people I want to keep in my life are those who love me for me, and it won't matter what my hair looks like. At the end of the day, if you're doing what you need to be doing and you're content with yourself, other people's opinions don't matter unless you are looking for their opinion. You have the power to be in control at all times, never forget that.

We may not realize this but when we critique others on what they need to do or how they look, it may be a sign that we are unhappy with ourselves. We are the ones who have an issue with ourselves and see those flaws in others. The only reason we are critical of others is because we are critical of ourselves. If we want to tell someone that they need to change something about THEIR persona, we need to take a second glance at ourselves, let the other person be and find peace within ourselves. One can offer suggestions but ultimately it is up to each individual to decide for themselves what advice they apply to their life at any point. We must remember that everyday that passes is a chance for us to grow and become something new. It takes a lifetime to become the people we want to be, and it is not always a walk in the park. So when you are busy critiquing others you are not focused on your own life and getting to where you should be. You are also adding unnecessary stress and judging what is out of your control, when you should be focused on your own life goals and achievements.

Over the years I have learned that what people have to say does not offer any insight as to what kind of person I am. Never let what people say, good or bad, affect your life. Keep your eyes on the prize, and only stop to pick up the things that are going to help you.“Do not let other people’s compliments go to your head nor their criticisms to your heart.”

Chivalry is NOT Dead!

Is chivalry REALLY dead? Some people believe that it is long deceased. However, the original sentiment about chivalry has changed throughout the years and WE need to change along with it. We are living in the 21st century and as a woman I would like to be treated as an equal to EVERYONE. Many people would argue that women have fought so hard to have equal rights as men, and that when women expect men to do things, such as open a door or give up a seat, is setting women back. When a man does something for a woman, is he disabling her? Are women giving up power when they yield to a man’s polite gestures? When it comes to chivalry there are those few things that a person SHOULD do for another no matter if they are a man or a woman. OK… lets back up a bit. When I use the word "chivalry" the definition I am using is: courteous behavior toward the people around you; I have tweaked the definition a bit, the original one said “esp women” at the end. The reason why I have changed it to “the people around you” is because as human beings we need to be courteous to EVERYONE, no matter age, race, sex, etc.. This is something that is deeply rooted in our society. Our parents have taught us our roles as boys and girls. However, we are constantly evolving and our current social surroundings are not what we grew up with. As we progress and find our place in the world, we will realize not everything is black and white.

Ok ok … Where does this concept come from?  Chivalry originated between 1170-1220. The word itself is derived from the french word chevalerie, which translates to horse soldier and referred to knights in medieval times. In fact, chivalry or the chivalric code is essentially a code of conduct by which knights carry themselves. This code was composed of many promises a knight was supposed to keep. ONE of them being to honor women and be their helpmate, but above all they are expected to be courteous to everyone, this implies men, women and children alike. The reason why men are supposed to honor women in the chivalric code is because women are the nurturers of life. Any man that commits violence against women is a disturbance in the natural code of the universe, naturally they are supposed to protect women.

With all of that information in mind, I have a little story to tell, so grab your popcorn and a blanket … or a fan depending on the weather ...  ARE YOU READY? Ok ... I was walking into my doctor's office a few weeks ago and as I was walking in, a woman was walking out along with her 2 kids, a boy and a girl. The woman then told her son that he should open the door for her and his sister because that is what boys are supposed to do. I thought that it was great that she was teaching her son such manners, however, what was she teaching her daughter? What are girls supposed to do? Wait for a MAN to open the door for her? Opening the door for anyone is a simple act of kindness. EVERYONE is obligated to make sure the door doesn’t smack the person’s face behind them, because no one wants the door hitting them when they cross the threshold. When I was growing up, my siblings and I were not taught this concept that a man needs to do something for a woman. We were all expected to treat one another equally, and help others who are in need of it.

Chivalry is looked at as a romantic gesture in today’s society that exhibits a man’s ability to care for his woman, it’s no longer the code of conduct only knights are expected to follow. Men are required to use such behavior when wooing a woman. Here is one such example, when I’m on a date, and the guy I’m with opens the car door for me, I’m going to let him. This is not backwards thinking. It is flattering when someone else does something for me even if I can do it myself. It also lets me know that this guy cares for me enough to make sure all of my limbs are in the car before moving. But seriously, it lets me know that he has the ability to be gentlemanly and caring. It also makes me feel safe because he has made sure I made it into the car without a scratch. Trust me, he gonna get some gluten free brownie points right from the beginning (Fellows… Hope you’re taking notes). Within a romantic setting or relationship, the other person will ALWAYS get a positive reaction if they do something that is unexpectedly nice for the other. Calling ahead to make reservations for a meal, shows the other person that some thought went into planning the evening. The simple task of planning ahead makes the person feel cared for because the planner took control of the situation.  

Maybe it’s not even chivalry that we are talking about, maybe we are just talking about human kindness and practicing your manners. OR maybe that is EXACTLY what chivalry is. We are too consumed with our new fancy smart phones that we do not even notice the person walking out of the building behind us. Being more aware of what is going on around us, is one of the first steps to being a kinder person. The definition of chivalry is no longer what a man can do for a woman, it is however, what one human being can do for another human being. Just a few months ago the United States Congress legalized same sex marriage, it is clear we no longer have the same traditional concept of gender roles and it is time to redefine our social expectations of one another. What are the next steps to creating a better, more peaceful place for the generations to come?

~Be kind.

Failure OR Success? Who Decides?

We all want to succeed in life and that means something different to everyone. The dictionary definition of the word failure is the lack of success. So what does success mean? I thought you would never ask ... Success is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. With all of this in mind, why is it that in human nature we think that our success is measured by the people around us? We look at people that are in similar situations as us and we think that we have failed somehow because we do not have our sh*t as together as it would SEEM. The truth is that we all need to NOT worry about other people because they have an idea of success that is much different than our own. We are unique individuals and we are on our own unique path, looking at others will not help us. Success is relative. Only YOU truly know what your aim and purpose are therefore, only YOU can determine if you have succeeded or not. People will always formulate an opinion but your opinion is the only one that matters. Keep your eyes on the prize, do not let yourself be bothered by outsiders. If you are too busy looking at others it will do more harm than good. When you compare yourself to others you will always find the ways in which they are better than you. We fixate on their success and do not take into consideration what the person has overcome. Don’t focus on others, if you do, you are spending less time working on your own SH*TUFF.

We have adopted a misconception of what success actually means and our notion of success has also shaped what we believe failure is. Our notion is socially constructed and has trickled into our educational system, making it extremely difficult for people to truly explore their passions. This stops people from walking on their own path because they have a fear of failing, they take the “safest” path because it guarantees success or they are too busy doing what is expected of them. If you are walking down a path that is not meant for you, that will affect your level of happiness which is directly connected to how successful you will become. We want to make the people in our lives happy, but we have to keep our own happiness in mind when we are walking our path. Our parents have influenced how we think and we always want to make the people who raised us proud, as a result we will define our own success based on what THEY want for us. Take time to figure out what it is that YOU want and not what others want for you.

Many people think that success is defined by the amount of money you got in the bank. However, if we treat money as the ONLY component to our success we will learn that it is not everything. Having money is great, but if you are not happy with your life, have you truly succeeded? There is more to life than what kind of car you drive or how big your house is, all of that is nothing if you are not living a fulfilling life. Measuring your success according to your bank account, will result in a depressing existence. You will constantly be trying to get more and never be satisfied. Nothing in life is guaranteed including success and ESPECIALLY the number in your bank account. Do not make “money” your main focus when you are trying to measure your level of success.

When do we fail? When we give up. There is nothing worse than setting out on a journey and not crossing the finish line. Nothing is impossible to accomplish. We make our own restrictions and convince ourselves that we cannot do something. As long as we are still actively working towards our goal we are succeeding, but the moment we stop BELIEVING that we can do it, we have failed. There are moments in life where we may fail at our goals regardless of how hard we have worked but there is a lot to gain from the experience altogether. We need to look at the glass as half full, focus on what you have and where you need to go. At the end of the day your accomplishments are always much greater than your failures. When working towards your goal, stick to it, achieve your full potential and figure out where you need to improve. Always try your best, so that at the end of the day you can say with full confidence that you gave it all that you had.

~Go be a success.

What Good Am I If I Do Not Help?

What is the value of one's life if they cannot see beyond their own pathetic little lives. Our lives are so small and insignificant that we do not have the option of being self centered. People who do not touch the lives of others are forgotten because they are too busy thinking about themselves. Had Martin Luther King Jr. only thought about himself, we would still be living in segregation. Had Mahatma Gandhi not stood up against injustices, we would still be fighting our oppressors with sticks and ammunition. Had Cesar Chavez not spoken out for workers’ rights, we would still be working for dirt. Had Sophia Auld not taken the time and risked her reputation to teach Frederick Douglass how to read, we would not have a narrative of a slave in American history. Where would we be without all of these amazing people? We could be here all day... year... if I continue to name more. One thing these people have in common is that they all were looking beyond their own lives and worked to make life better for everyone around them. King knew the dangers of what he was doing, but he stuck with it because he knew he could make a difference in the world. Gandhi knew how powerful the British were and he could have easily moved to another country, but he stood his ground and fought. Chavez knew that it was going to be a long and hard road to gaining basic human rights for farm workers, but he stuck with it and fought to the end. Auld knew that no one would approve of her affection for a slave, but she taught Douglas how to read and write anyway.

Human kindness. What does it mean? It means helping whomever, whenever you can. I am at a point in my life where I am trying to figure out what I can do to make it a fulfilling one, and I know that in order to make it a fulfilling one I need to help people. If I knew that I could do something to make someone else’s life better and I chose not to take action to help, I would constantly be wondering if I could have made a difference. Whenever I witness someone turning a blind eye when I know they are fully capable of helping someone, I feel disgusted in humanity. What is our purpose if we are not here to help those who are in need? Yes, it is true that we need to help ourselves before we can help others, but where does it end and where does it begin? Together we are much stronger than we will ever be alone. It takes a village to raise a child and we need to apply the same mentality when it comes to helping those around us.

Do something nice for someone. It doesn’t cost you an arm and a leg to make someone else's day. The main idea behind being truly kind to someone is to better their day without expecting a reward. Acts of true kindness build your character, it shows that you want to do something out of the honesty of your own heart and nothing more. Do what you can to help; if there is a sink full of dishes, wash them, if there is a person about to cross the street wait for for them, if there is a person asking for help, help them however you can. If anyone is in need of a little help, you could be the difference in their lives. Don’t worry about what they do with it, if you know you did what you could then you did your part, and you will know it wasn’t for lack of human kindness.

Not too long ago I was on my way to buy myself a mop, (cuz lord knows I needed it!) and I came across a little old lady who dropped her canned goods out of her shopping bag. We were walking in 95 degree weather and it was extremely windy, as a result she was having trouble controlling her shopping cart. I saw her struggling so naturally, I stopped to help her For me helping her was a no brainer. I was on a time crunch I need to get my mop and go, but I knew that if I helped her it would only take up 2 minutes of my time, and she too would be on her way much quicker. Once I was done helping her she looked at me and simply said, “Thank you, you just made my day.” Her 7 little words at the end made my day as well. When I stopped to help her I did not stop to seek some type of reward, but it was satisfying that my presence and helping hand was enough to turn someone’s day around. I then began to think what good am I if I cannot help the people around me? What kind of person would I be if I turned my back on another being in need?

~Do what you can no matter who is watching. Every little bit counts.

If I Knew Then What I Know Now: A Letter to Edith's Past Self

Dear,

You... Me... Us …

I know you think you don’t have your life together. News flash kiddo, at 25 you will still be trying to piece it together! Ten years into your future you will have learned a lot, but I want to use the opportunity to share some important life lessons that if applied sooner will come in handy.

Not knowing everything is not a bad thing. Life is about making mistakes and figuring out how to cope. Whenever you have doubt, you should ask questions even if you think you sound  stupid. Chances are that a lot of people around you feel the same way and have the same questions. When you choose to keep quiet, you deprive yourself from learning something new and sharing the knowledge with those around you.

You are young and smart, you shouldn’t be wasting your time on pointless things. You have so much to look forward to... you have no idea. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you can’t make decisions for yourself. That guy that made you feel like you were HIS property, is still an asshole. But who cares about his A$$!? I know you were afraid to lose him, but guess what? There are plenty of people in your life to love and who will love you back. These people will support you and help you become more independent. When you realize that your life is in YOUR hands, you can make decisions for yourself to create your own path. Don’t waste time with bittersweet people, you won’t get that time back. You have much learning to do and no time fo’ mahfuck@s. It is worth your while to spend time thinking about more important things such as school and your artistic and spiritual development; focus on these aspects of your life and you will continue to add more meaning to it.

You don’t realize it now but when you place your self-worth in the hands of someone who doesn’t appreciate and love you for who you are, it really wounds your self esteem. Don’t worry about what others will think, you don’t owe them anything. Just remember that you have to love yourself for who you are and don’t be ashamed of what you need and what makes you happy. It’s not up to anyone to determine what happiness is for you. Happiness is relative to each person. If you take care of yourself and work to keep YOU happy, you’ll be much more grateful and at peace with yourself. Don’t create an inner war with yourself to the point of no return, learn to cope with your surroundings. Afterall life is a game of push and pull. There will always be things to learn and unlearn. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Dream BIG. Dreams don’t cost you anything. You don’t have a lot of people who expect much of you other than your teachers and your parents. YOUR life is about YOU. You have the opportunity to dream big and work hard towards making those dreams come true. It’s ok if right now you don’t have the funds to travel, you don’t need it. Get lost in a new culture, visit a temple you’ve never been to before, eat food from another origin, follow the sunset until the edge of the world. Write down a list of places you want to go to and things you want to accomplish. It is especially important to write things down so that you can visualize what you want to do and you can work towards that goal. Once you’ve seen those goals through, crossing them off your bucket-list will feel satisfying! You will have the feeling of accomplishment and will want to work towards more goals and challenge yourself along the way!

Yo, get your isht together. You have a whole life ahead of you, don’t let the moment pass you by and live!

Much love and best wishes,

Edith P.

If I Knew Then What I Know Now: A Letter to Hareena’s Past Self

Dear, Me (5 years younger)

There are SO many things I could tell you about your future and how things turn out, but everything happens as it should. When things do not go as planned it is critical to learn how to pick yourself back up and learn to go with the flow. No matter what I tell you, from the future, it will not change the events of your life that will lead you to where I am today. You will have smoother transitions in life if you realize the changes that need to be made sooner.

Family, they will always be there, but they are not the ones living your life. Your family will support you in whatever it is that you want to do and your actions will affect them. However, your happiness is most important. You have to live with yourself and if you are not happy about what you have decided, then it is YOU that has to face yourself in the mirror everyday. So, listen to everyone, take their advice, but in the end do what you want to do. Listen to what your heart and mind are saying to you, it will make the difference and you will be more at peace with yourself.

Do not be afraid of change. There will be a point where you will have to leave everything behind; your childhood, your friends, your neighborhood. You will have to learn how to adjust to the change and you will have to learn how to figure things out for yourself. Learn how to break away from the comfort of your normal everyday life, learn to welcome the change and look at it as a new beginning, a new opportunity to learn.  

Figure out what you want to do and DO IT! The sky's the limit and do not let ANYONE tell you, “you can’t.” If you waste your time listening to people who tell you this, you will begin to believe it. You will be stuck with nowhere to go and stray away from your purpose. Essentially, you will be wasting your valuable time. The feeling of being lost will overcome you causing you to lose purpose. The only way you will figure out what you want to do is to try new things! Do not stop yourself from trying new things, that next thing you try, just may be what you were meant to do. Do not settle for less than what you deserve.

A part of living is dying. People will come and go, but it's especially hard to lose someone that is close to you. It is even harder to lose someone that you NEVER got a chance to know. Never miss out on the opportunity to speak to anyone, no matter how close or distant the relationship is. You never know when your conversation will be the last one.

This next piece of advice that I am about to share with you may sound a bit odd, given our history, but try to care less. There will be people that come into your life that you will care too much about, and it will seem as though they do not even care whether or not you are even breathing regularly. Be kind to everyone, and do not show any one any negative feelings.There will be those few people that will be there for you when you need them and those are the people you need to care for. Put the effort in showing them that you care. A Mark Twain quote comes to mind, “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” So, if you care less about the people that do not blink an eye for you, you will have more time to focus on yourself and the people who deserve your attention, you will endure less suffering.

Sincerly,

Hareena (from the future)

My Way is THE Right Way

Who gets to decide what is right and what is wrong? … NO ONE and EVERYONE! We all have our own opinions and we have our own ways of accomplishing a task. There is no right or wrong way and there is always time to listen and learn to use that knowledge constructively. There are those few people in our lives that insist on being difficult and we wish we could knock some sense into them. These people tend to think they know EVERYTHING and they have a strong will power to be stubborn and always HAVE to be right. These people never even try to meet you half way, even if they let you state your opinion, it’s like talking to a wall. You know they are going to do whatever it is they want to do anyway. Change can be difficult and if we are used to doing things our own way, it is harder to learn to let go of our norm. If we do not succeed, we will draw a wedge between ourselves and the people around us. No matter how young, old, green, or blue we owe it to one another to really listen. We need to take the input from others when we can, so that our perspective on life becomes more complete. If we are too intent on looking through our own lens all the time, we will never see the complete picture. We must listen to others so we can get a glimpse through their lens.  

Whenever I come across people who do not take the time to look through others’ lens, I tend to think of these people as people with “BIG HEADS.” Let me make this clear, they do not physically have big heads. They have big heads in the sense that they think they are too important and too smart to listen to us common folks, their pride gets in the way. They believe that they do not HAVE to listen to what other people have to say. When I find myself in this type of situation I tend to shut down, and I try to limit my interactions with this person because I do not feel they value me or our relationship. They push me away, making me feel unimportant. People like to feel important, the moment they feel any different is when respect walks out of the door. Others will not stick around if they feel they are getting any less than what they deserve. When the BIG HEAD gets in the way, they cannot see beyond their own scope. They can only see the black and white, they do not see all of the shades of grey. If they ever stopped to listen (and I mean REALLY listen) to the people around them, they may gain another perspective. Hopefully they will begin to see the other shades of grey… and maybe even some color.

Everything is evolving, ideas evolve, technologies evolve and people evolve. New “discoveries” are always challenging the status quo and changing how we view the world. With anything that’s “new” people might have difficulty accepting it as a part of their reality. In medieval times when people used to believe that the Earth was flat, the concept of Earth actually taking a spherical form was unbelievable. Many people did not agree nor did they accept this reality. There are even people TODAY that still believe the Earth is flat, don’t take our word for it, go look it up for yourselves!! We all have our beliefs and whenever someone tries to challenge them, we shut down and refuse to listen to the nonsense that others are throwing our way. However, we need to be able to step away from those beliefs, even if it is for a moment, so that we can see something beyond ourselves. When it came to the shape of our world, it was hard for people to see past what they had been taught their entire lives. Whether or not you believe the world is flat is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, what is relevant is if you took the time to educate yourself on the subject matter before shutting down the idea entirely. Today, it is widely accepted that the earth is round and we do not challenge this sentiment, but I am sure that many of you do not know the other side of the argument, or even knew that the other side existed. So, step outside of your bubble, do research and learn as much as you can, if it is one thing that no one can ever take away from you it is your knowledge.

Willingness to listen to others and to change will make for more opportunities to engage with others and broaden your perspectives to add your pool of knowledge. You have your own opinions about the world but being a hard wall to talk to will most definitely bring about unproductive encounters with those around you. I do not like to engage in conversation with someone who doesn’t grasp anything other than what they know. If they are unwilling to open up their mind to the world around them and listen to others, they will lose the opportunity to learn. Whereas if they open up their minds and try to learn new things they will be able to contribute to society in a more functional way. Imagine how much more productive of a society we could be if more people were willing to try new things, think outside the box and actually take risks in order to better their situation. If everyone were WILLING to listen, the possibility of more people working together to find common ground and working on issues that matter would be significantly greater. Sometimes we need to set aside our beliefs of the things we know to understand something we have no idea about. We can’t always know everything and it’s ok to not know everything. We always have room for improvement but it starts with the willingness to take on the attitude that you CAN learn and continue to expand your knowledge.

Be OF this world, not just in it.

Unconditional Kindness

Every once in a while it is nice to receive recognition for your hard work, but it is especially nice when you receive something without even expecting it. There have been countless times where I have witness someone doing something and they EXPECT a reward for doing whatever it is that they did. We live in a culture where positive reinforcement is used too often and being kind for the mere fact of being kind is not taught enough. From a young age, if we do something good or something that is favored we will receive some type of reward. For example if you make good grades in school your parents will do something nice for you like buy you that one item you have always wanted, or take you to that one place you have always wanted to go. When that happens people begin to only do things if a reward is already in place. On the other hand, when someone does something nice for us we question the other person’s motives.We question what the other person wants from us and why. With all of that in mind ask yourself this: How do you treat people who have nothing to offer you in return?

We all say that we should treat others how we want to be treated, but do we ACTUALLY do it? I remember a situation at my Junior College, I was walking to lecture on a windy day when I dropped my folder and my papers flew every which way. There were too many people to count walking where I dropped my folder, and not a single person stopped to help me pick up the scattered papers. I remember feeling so small and insignificant, then anger took a hold of me, I began to question how others would feel if they were in my shoes, I am sure THEY would have appreciated the help. Now just to be clear I did not EXPECT anyone to help me but I could not wrap my head around the fact that out of ALL of the people there not a single soul could spare a few seconds to help the girl on the floor picking up her papers. Everyone may have been rushing to their next lecture or to work, or some other obligation, the heart of the reason no one stopped to help me was because no one could see what there was to gain by helping me, they only saw what they would lose: their time. My time was lost, because I had to pick up  ALL of the papers on my own, if I had a helping hand I would have spent half of the time picking up the papers. Had someone stopped to help me there would have been gains on both sides. I would have had help with my papers as well as a friendly conversation. The other person would have gone the rest of their day with the satisfaction that they helped someone who really needed it and they would have gained a friend in the process.

You shouldn’t need someone to tell you to do something, if you know that you can play a role in a task that requires attention, do it, and don’t expect a round of applause. If you and a room full of lazies are complaining about the awful stench coming from the garbage can, then take the trash OUT! Doesn’t matter who does it, everyone will benefit. You won’t always be handed a nice reward for taking the trash out, sometimes you won’t even get any thank you’s. However, being proactive when no one else is, sets you apart. If you know there is work to be done, give it your best and hope for the best without relying on shiny badges or gifts to validate your hard work. Humble yourself in all that you do because you can’t say that your work is honest and fulfilling if you’re in it for some kind of formal reward. When you do something without expecting anything in return, your true self shines through. On the other hand when you expect someone to do something in return, it will never be good enough because you will have your heart set on something much bigger and better. When you don’t expect anything, EVERY LITTLE THING someone does for you will fill you with gratitude.

Be kind for the main reason that you CAN BE KIND, it takes more energy to be mean to someone anyway. When you feel yourself thinking about what it is you have to GAIN from someone, stop and try to see what it is that you can OFFER to the other person. How can you make THEIR life better? When you are helping someone that has nothing to offer you it shows the person you are. It shows that you are willing to go that extra mile to make someone else's day. Try it some time you will see that it too, will also offer some fulfillment from knowing that you have done something positive for someone else. Break the mentality of “if-you-have-nothing-to-gain-you-are-wasting-your-time,” I hope that you will see that you actually have more to gain than you know: satisfaction, satisfaction of knowing that you were able to help another living being.

~“No one has ever become poor by giving.” ~Anne Frank

Keeping Company or None At All

Why do we feel lonely? Once we understand the reason, that is one step closer to ridding ourselves of that unpleasant feeling. For every person, the root cause of the feeling may be different. One reason we may feel alone is because we are seeking attention from others. When this becomes apparent to us we must stop and search for the “WHY.” Is it because we seek validation? Or maybe we are not comfortable with being by ourselves? Whatever the case may be, we have to come to terms with it and seek the best cure. The best cure for being lonely is… are you ready? … Yup, you guessed it! … BEING ALONE. If you think about it, we are the only thing we actually have! Let me explain; All of the materialistic things and the people in our lives will one day fade, becoming a memory. It is essential that you are comfortable with who you are. You cannot rely on people or things that are external to you for your own well being and peace of mind. Once you figure out the reason, you will not feel lonely because everything you need is within you, and you will no longer need to seek validation from that which is not within.

Entering an intimate relationship because you are lonely, is the worst possible reason you can give for being with someone. When you think you need to be with someone in order to feel complete, there is something more that needs to be explored about yourself. You cannot expect to feel complete with the help of your significant other. If you enter a relationship expecting that the other person is going to make you whole, you’re setting the relationship up for failure. You are expecting them to complete you but in a relationship you never know what to expect. When entering a relationship there is no real guarantee that it will “cure” our loneliness. Loving yourself for who you are and feeling confident about yourself is the cure to loneliness. You will not NEED another person to validate those feelings for you.

There are times in our lives when we need to be alone, and there are other times when we need to surround ourselves with people. However, being around the wrong people can be the worst feeling in the world. Loneliness does not mean you are alone, it is a feeling, no matter what your surroundings are. Sometimes when you are alone, that is when you feel the least lonely because you are free to be yourself and do not require the approval of people around you. It is always nice to have a stimulating conversation with another capable being, but if that conversation takes place with an incapable being or someone who simply who does not give an “F” then tis better to be alone that with that “Debby Downer.” There is nothing wrong with you, however the other person needs to learn not to be so damn RUDE!

When I needed to be in the company of my friends and family, they weren’t there for me. One evening, we were all enjoying one another’s company when I was flat out ignored and neglected. When I was speaking no one put the effort or interest in what I had to say. When I stopped to see how others were responding, I realized that 2 of the people were texting one another back and forth (RUDE!!!). This made me feel unimportant and unappreciated. If these people did not want to spend time with me that is fine but they did not have to drag my self esteem down as well. I would have been fine on my own, at least I would not have have felt ignored. I was more lonely around ALL these people than I would have been if they weren’t there. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” (-Maya Angelou) Those people made me feel lonely and that is what I will remember, and I know that they are not who I want to be around.

Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. You can feel lonely in a crowded room, more so, than if you were left alone. Find the reason you feel lonely and figure out why you crave the attention or company from other people to feel whole. No matter HOW you go about solving this unpleasant feeling you have to take the time to look within yourself to find the answer. Seeking comfort from the people or things around you will only cover up the loneliness for a short period, but it will come back to the surface at some point. Loving yourself and understanding WHO you are and what makes you happy will lead you to living a much healthier lifestyle, because your mind will be in harmony with how you are living your day-to-day life. So, make time for yourself, your future self will thank you. ;)

~Thank you <3

H O P E

A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. If you have air in your lungs and blood in your veins you have hope. Hope is what drives the human mind to move forward in life. When faced with a rather grim situation, hope is that agent that brings positivity to it, making us believe that things HAVE to get better. Hope is ALL we have, without it we have no reason… we have nothing. Humans have a limited time on this planet and we have to make the best of what we have and look to the positives in our lives. We do not know what tomorrow holds, but we hope that whatever is in store for us will be favorable. Hope is making the best of what you have, so that you can have a better outcome for tomorrow. When life gives you lemons, you make a lemon drop and plant the seeds so you can get more lemons in the future. ;)  ... It takes YEARS for a lemon tree to begin to produce lemons ...  hope is the same way. You should never give up on the tree because you do not know when that tree will bless you with the fruits of your labor (hard work)... When you have hope you should never lose it because once it pays off it will be all the more fulfilling.

Hope can be difficult to hold on to when all things seem lost. When people go through depression or a traumatic experience, it may seem that there is no way you can recover from it. However, somewhere in the back of one’s mind we have to believe that things will change for the better. BELIEVING that you will overcome the obstacle is half the battle. Once you have the mindset that things will get better, they HAVE to. If you hit rock bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up. Having hope will allow you to see beyond your current predicament into the future. One’s mind set can be the difference between one’s failure and one’s success, when you think you cannot do something chances are you will not reach that goal. When you reach this crossroads say to yourself, “Try, try again, and NEVER say ‘I can’t.”  Simply saying these words to yourself will affect your mentality toward the situation. It will make all the difference in your outcome and stops you from throwing in the towel.

Who remembers all of the controversy surrounding the Winter Solstice of 2012? The end to the Maya Calendar, or in other words the end of the WORLD? How many of us stopped our lives because we were betting on the fact that we were going to die? The Maya Calendar ended and some INTELLIGENT people took this as the world was going to end … but the majority of us, “normal” people still went about our lives and prepared for our futures. … we had hope. Granted not everyone believed that the world was going to end, but if everyone had, things would have been very different. Had we lost that hope, everyone's lives would have been in chaos, no one would have prepared for the day after. What we hope for tomorrow determines what our actions will be today. During this event I was finishing up my LAST semester at university, had I believed the world was going to end, I would not have bothered to get my education. However I had hope that the world was not going to end, as a result I secured my future by earning my degree.

We do not know what our future holds, and when we begin to think about our future we make a choice about how to pursue that life path. We think about what career will make us feel fulfilled. Once we begin to pursue that career path we hope that it works out for us. The reason we form ideas and construct dreams is because we have hope. We hope that they will one day come true, and that the future will be better than the present moment. There are no simple roads to success and when we hit a brick wall we look to the power of HOPE to see us through that rough patch. Without having hope, we would give up LONG before reaching or even realizing our potential. Some say babies are a blank slates and we learn basic things in life from walking to learning, and how to communicate, but if we gave up every time we fell no one would know how to walk. Throughout our life we WILL fall down, and having hope is what helps us get back up. If you fall 6 times you HAVE to get up 7 times, those 6 falls do not matter, it is the seventh rise that matters the most! Don’t nobody wanna stay down!   

Even when we hope with every fiber of our being, there will be times where all of our hope will be for nothing, and disappointment settles in where that hope once stood. That disappointment is not the “end,” but it is an opportunity to LEARN. We are not perfect human beings, there are many things that are in our control and if we have made the wrong decisions it is up to us to learn from our actions. Hope keeps us motivated, and it give us a reason for living. Our very existence is not based on a promise, but it is based on having hope for tomorrow and living for the future.

~Dream. HOPE. Future.

The “Perfect Mate” … Whatever THAT Means

Tall, Dark, and Handsome … What more could a girl want? We all have our preference when it comes to the Perfect Mate. No one wants to go through life alone, and we all long for the “One” to come along, but are we looking too hard? or not hard enough? And if we are looking for that special something in a person, does it even matter? Tall. Dark. Handsome. These are all PHYSICAL attributes that most people desire, but they will one day fade. Physical attributes are not important and you will ultimately be left with what is on the inside, the character. We all have a mental list of what we want, which is ok, but we have to be willing to stray away from that list to find that Perfect someone.

Everybody has some sort of image of what the Perfect Mate LOOKS like, however looks aren’t enough to keep us interested for a lifetime. This image is holding us back and not allowing us to see what is beneath the surface. If we compare folks to this picture in our head, we are setting them up for failure before we even get to know them. The “Perfect Mate” is someone that lives in our heads, and WE are the ones who shape what they look like and who they are. We MAKE UP their personality and their physical attributes so, of course we are going think they are perfect! However, when we meet someone in the real world, we are confronted with someone who has his/her OWN thoughts. When we get to know that person, we will find that there will be differences of opinions, causing us to rethink the existence of that Perfect Mate in reality.

When I ask someone what they want in a mate they bust out with a list. Yet, when a potential mate falls short of that list we begin to look elsewhere to find a mate that fits the list. We are not willing to step away from that list, even if what is written on there is something totally unreasonable, such as a full head of hair, 6 pack abs, blue eyes, or a perfect complexion. Do those things even matter? The person’s features will not make a difference in how they treat you or the people around them. Physical attributes do not define them as a Human Being. We all gonna look ugly one day anyway. So, what DOES matter? What lies beneath: CHARACTER and PERSONALITY. Having a mate that is good looking is a plus, but that should not be the total foundation of why you choose to be with that person. We are all attracted to different people and different personality traits, so we have to become aware of what WE want. However, when it comes to that list we have to remember that no one will 100% fit EVERY SINGLE THING you have on that “list,” you have to be willing to be flexible.

Character and personality are here to say, beauty will not last no matter how hard you try. Beauty is skin deep and you have to peel the layers to get to the “Perfect Mate.” We all want to be with someone we find attractive, but beauty isn’t everything. As we get older our youthfulness will be overcome by wrinkles, lines, hair falling out and growing in places it shouldn’t. Having someone with nice abs and a tight butt is cool today, but how would you feel once that’s gone? Would you still be interested in the person beneath all of the layers? Looks will one day fade, however our character is what remains. If you fall for someone totally based on what they look like the chances of having a long lasting relationship is very slim. The “Perfect Mate” is that individual’s personality you fall in “love” with. Humans are forever changing. We will never stay the same person for too long, and in most cases we are changing into better people. Most of that change and positive development can be accredited to the people we surround ourselves with, this includes our “Perfect Mate.” So when searching for a “Perfect Mate” we should stop and reflect on how that person is going to affect us, and how we affect them. We all have things we need to improve on, we just need to find the right person to help us make that change. We are not perfect.

No one wants to walk through life alone, we all hope that the special someone is out there for us. What if that person is staring you in the face every single day and you don’t even know it because you wrote them off of your list and now you’re too busy looking at everyone else? Stop thinking that your ideal mate is “PERFECT,” there is no such thing (if there is let us know … COMMENT! We would love to hear from you) Find in people what actually matters what makes them unique. Appreciate everyone for who they are on the inside and don’t be blindsided by the eye candy. Get to know people before you make an assumption about them.

~Be YOU!