Keeping Company or None At All

Why do we feel lonely? Once we understand the reason, that is one step closer to ridding ourselves of that unpleasant feeling. For every person, the root cause of the feeling may be different. One reason we may feel alone is because we are seeking attention from others. When this becomes apparent to us we must stop and search for the “WHY.” Is it because we seek validation? Or maybe we are not comfortable with being by ourselves? Whatever the case may be, we have to come to terms with it and seek the best cure. The best cure for being lonely is… are you ready? … Yup, you guessed it! … BEING ALONE. If you think about it, we are the only thing we actually have! Let me explain; All of the materialistic things and the people in our lives will one day fade, becoming a memory. It is essential that you are comfortable with who you are. You cannot rely on people or things that are external to you for your own well being and peace of mind. Once you figure out the reason, you will not feel lonely because everything you need is within you, and you will no longer need to seek validation from that which is not within.

Entering an intimate relationship because you are lonely, is the worst possible reason you can give for being with someone. When you think you need to be with someone in order to feel complete, there is something more that needs to be explored about yourself. You cannot expect to feel complete with the help of your significant other. If you enter a relationship expecting that the other person is going to make you whole, you’re setting the relationship up for failure. You are expecting them to complete you but in a relationship you never know what to expect. When entering a relationship there is no real guarantee that it will “cure” our loneliness. Loving yourself for who you are and feeling confident about yourself is the cure to loneliness. You will not NEED another person to validate those feelings for you.

There are times in our lives when we need to be alone, and there are other times when we need to surround ourselves with people. However, being around the wrong people can be the worst feeling in the world. Loneliness does not mean you are alone, it is a feeling, no matter what your surroundings are. Sometimes when you are alone, that is when you feel the least lonely because you are free to be yourself and do not require the approval of people around you. It is always nice to have a stimulating conversation with another capable being, but if that conversation takes place with an incapable being or someone who simply who does not give an “F” then tis better to be alone that with that “Debby Downer.” There is nothing wrong with you, however the other person needs to learn not to be so damn RUDE!

When I needed to be in the company of my friends and family, they weren’t there for me. One evening, we were all enjoying one another’s company when I was flat out ignored and neglected. When I was speaking no one put the effort or interest in what I had to say. When I stopped to see how others were responding, I realized that 2 of the people were texting one another back and forth (RUDE!!!). This made me feel unimportant and unappreciated. If these people did not want to spend time with me that is fine but they did not have to drag my self esteem down as well. I would have been fine on my own, at least I would not have have felt ignored. I was more lonely around ALL these people than I would have been if they weren’t there. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” (-Maya Angelou) Those people made me feel lonely and that is what I will remember, and I know that they are not who I want to be around.

Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. You can feel lonely in a crowded room, more so, than if you were left alone. Find the reason you feel lonely and figure out why you crave the attention or company from other people to feel whole. No matter HOW you go about solving this unpleasant feeling you have to take the time to look within yourself to find the answer. Seeking comfort from the people or things around you will only cover up the loneliness for a short period, but it will come back to the surface at some point. Loving yourself and understanding WHO you are and what makes you happy will lead you to living a much healthier lifestyle, because your mind will be in harmony with how you are living your day-to-day life. So, make time for yourself, your future self will thank you. ;)

~Thank you <3

Treat Others How You Want to be Treated

If there is one thing I know that sucks, it is being ignored. Everyone matters and everyone is important. Don’t ignore people, that’s flat out rude and shows the content of your character. When you ignore someone you are literally looking past them and dismissing their very existence. Sometimes this may be what you do when you don’t want to speak to someone for a specific reason. However, if you are in a conversation or in a room and don’t address someone with a simple “Hello” or even a smile, you can come off as being arrogant and rude. How would you feel if the person being ignored was you or someone you love and care about? The worse thing you can do to someone is make them feel like they don’t belong or like they are not important. The feeling of being ignored is a blow to a person’s self esteem, this type of pain is worse than any physical pain one could experience, which can lead to feeling unimportant. Your act of ignoring this person has the ability to affect them without you even knowing it, that’s why it’s important to pay attention to those around you. Think for the moment what effect ignoring a child would do to them in the long run. If this child was ignored, they would not think of themselves as being important and they would more than likely feel it is difficult to find their voice in a larger group. Everyone’s opinions are valuable, we need to promote unity and not exclude anyone no matter who they are.

I have been in situations where I’ve been ignored and it did not make me feel welcomed, or confident in my ability to engage in conversation. I’m not very outspoken, so when I am ignored I curl up within my own thoughts and I begin to think that there’s no point in voicing my opinion. I was hanging out with a group of people and there was this one person in the group who was taking up the entire conversation not allowing ANYONE else to contribute. When I decided to voice my opinion, no one acknowledged the fact that I had even said anything. This made me feel like what I had to say wasn’t very important. I removed myself from the group because they obviously didn’t care enough to hear me, which made my self esteem plummet and it’s moments like this that discourage me from voicing what I have to say. If someone in the group acknowledged me, I would have felt included and it would have given me the courage to continue engaging with the group. But no, instead I felt like an outcast and removed myself from everyone and the conversation taking place. Everyone is important and no one should feel like they are excluded. If you notice that someone is being ignored or their opinion is being overlooked, be the catalyst that brings about their voice and includes them in the conversation.

Treat others how you want to be treated. If YOU do not like to be ignored then chances are that everyone around you doesn’t want to be ignored either. Everyone is important and everyone has a voice, don’t be the one to tune them out, instead encourage them to speak up. When you walk out of a room, how do you want to be remembered? As the person who equally listened to everyone and encourage others to join in? Or the person who took up all the attention and ignored those around you? Ignoring people shows others who you are beneath the surface. Think about how your actions affect others’ self esteem and self worth. Spread positivity and inspire others to be heard.

Notice people

Confidence: Your Best Accessory; Use it, It's Free!

To me being confident is when you do not need to worry about anything or anyone else, and you know that you ultimately have the power to control your outcomes. This is what people pick up on the most, it is when someone can walk into a room and command the attention of the entire room. There was a time in my life when I lacked a lot of confidence, I was a socially awkward, freakishly tall, frizzy hair, and I would wear really weird shoes that were a size too big for my feet, and lets just say that people are not nice about anything that is different to them. Once I got a little older I realized that people’s words only hurt you when you are insecure, so I knew that I needed to gain confidence. If there is something about myself that is less than perfect, and it is in my power to change it I will. As the years went by I realized that in order to move forward with my life I had to become confident in who I am and embrace the person I have become. Once I became happy with who I was people no longer made these comments, because they could not pick up on my insecurities. I realized that the only thing that mattered was my happiness, and if I am happy with who I have become no one can change that.

My sister and I went to the store the other day, and both of us are tall people, as a result it is hard for us to find long clothes that fit us, lucky for us we walked into the right store. The woman that was working at the store was a fellow tall person, and we got to talking about how there simply are not decent clothes for us to wear, then the conversation shifted to how others react to us being tall. Our friends and family are constantly talking about how we need to lower ourselves in photos so that we can “fit in”, or the fact the everyone tells us that we should not wear heels because we are tall enough without them and make them feel short. At the end of the conversation it was not about being “tall” it was about one’s level of confidence, I do not mind when people point out the fact that I’m tall. I love being tall, and I show it when I take pictures, and If I feel like wearing heels I will, deal with it. I am comfortable with my height and in some ways my height has shaped who I am and I will be confident no matter how much I stand out. One quote by Dr. Seuss comes to mind, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” … in my case literally!

I tend to stand out more than others because of my height, but that is not all people will see, there is more to me than being a tall person. People can smell confidence a mile away, it is all about how one carries one’s self. Others are able to pick up on how you feel about yourself just by looking at your self-presentation. Confidence is sexy ;)

Confidence is not something that grows on trees (unfortunately) it is something that each person needs to develop. Every person has different struggles that they need to overcome. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is your personality, and people cannot get to know you unless you let yourself shine through, the only way you can do that is to develop your confidence and allow others to get to know the “real” you.

~Be you.