New Beginnings

The new year approaching! There are so many things racing through my mind and so many things that I wanted to accomplish this year. Time is constant, life continues regardless if you finish a task or not. While it is important to try and reach your “finish line” you must understand that not everything will go as planned and you should make room for adjustments otherwise you will only be focusing on the failures. New Years is a perfect time to focus on new beginnings and start fresh. Don’t worry about what you did not accomplish instead learn from it. Those things are not within your reach and you can’t go back in time to change anything. The best thing you can do is look on the bright side and appreciate the goodness in your life.

Look at the past year and all that you have accomplished, and set new goals as you move forward. It’s important to reflect on the past, but don’t get stuck in it. There is a lot you can learn from studying the past, it doesn’t hurt to look back and accept the things you weren’t so proud of, they will help you make better decisions in the future. At the same time, there isn’t much you can do to change it either so you must accept it as it is and keep on keepin on. The only way to move forward is to come to terms with what’s happened and understand that it’s okay to fail. Reflecting on the past allows you to separate the good from the bad, now it’s up to you to decide what to do with this information. You can either dwell on the negative and feel bad or you can absorb the positive and be happy for what you DO have, feed off that energy to help you create more positive moments in your life.

Come the new year, goals will be the first things you write down so don’t forget to make them SMART ones! You remember what those are right? Of course you do. But just to recap, a SMART goal is one that is much easier to achieve because it is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely. That’s not to say if your goal isn’t SMART you won’t achieve it, it will be much harder. Even after you’ve made your goal a SMART one, you may be wondering, “what if I fail to follow through with one of my goals?” If you are already doubting yourself, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. There will already be plenty of things working against you, don’t add yourself on the list of things that hold you back. Learn from where you failed and see how you could improve this time around. And remember, if you learned something valuable even when you didn’t reach your finish line, your hard work wasn’t in vain.  

Start this new year with positivity. You do not know what the new year will bring, so welcome it with a positive attitude. It’s ok to feel uncertain and afraid of uncharted territory, if you live life everyday thinking negatively, you’re only calling upon more negativity into your life. You don’t know how tomorrow will turn out so it’s important to receive the day with open arms, an open mind and the kind of attitude that will bring you positivity. Take one day at a time and view this year as a new beginning, as a chance to do better than yesteryear.  

Don’t worry about how you ended the year, you can’t change what’s happened, you can only learn from it. Stay positive as you look forward to achieving every goal you have set for yourself. Worry about what you are doing NOW to reach your goals. Your “new beginning” starts whenever you make it happen not when the clock hits 12. Don’t stand idly and hope that the new year will bring what you want, you have to be willing to put in the effort to begin the year with a new positive outlook and work to attain your dreams. Make it your task to bring good, positive things to yourself.

Learn from the past, live in the present, hope for the future.

Why Give Gifts?

There have been countless times where I have been asked what I would like for Christmas, or my birthday and my answer is always the same, “nothing.” As a child this question was much easier to answer, I wanted it ALL, the Sun, the Moon, the stars, the entire Universe at my disposal. However, over the years I have discovered that what I want cannot be bought. I already have the Sun, the Moon, the stars, and the Universe is within me, yet I will never grasp them. “Things,” “objects,” everything external to us will never be a part of us, our minds arrive at the conclusion of how we feel about a particular object, our minds attach a value to the object, the object itself does not have value on it’s own. As children we are unable to supply things for ourselves, we are under the care of our parents, therefore it is a lot easier to answer the question. Once we get older we become more self sufficient, and we do not look to others to purchase things that we can get ourselves. Gifts that you receive from people you care about are priceless. As cliche as it sounds, it really is the thought that goes into the gift, even a $5 gift can mean the world to someone, if given with love and the right intentions. It is always nice to receive a gift from someone unexpectedly, it is the thought that overwhelms the receiver with gratitude. I have come to realize that I cannot put value on material things over, friendship, kindness, and love. I cherish the relationships with the people I care about in my life because I cannot receive friendship, kindness, and love from mere objects.

During the holiday season we can hope and wish that we get that cool new tablet, that cool new TV and whatever else it is people want these days. We need to learn how to be happy with whatever we receive this holiday season. The person that got you something, took the time out and made the effort to purchase YOU something, they didn’t HAVE to get you anything. Simply thinking about getting a gift for someone, shows that the person plays a significant role in one’s life. So do not dwell in WHAT is given, but think about WHY it was given, you will walk away feeling loved.  

The price of a gift is irrelevant. Just think back to when you were a child in grade school, remember the countless items you made for your mom, and she actually kept EVERYTHING? That is the power of a gift. My mom was going through some of her things recently and she showed me some pins I made out of clay in the first grade. Now, I don’t even remember what I was trying to make on the pins, but she kept them, as poor and messed up as they looked to ME, she kept them. Those pins had no value whatsoever, and truth be told I didn’t think my mom would keep them for longer than a month or two but all these years later she still has them. Even if they were the ugliest pins in the world she kept them because they came from me, her daughter. Making those pins did not cost me a single penny, but my mom still loved them, because they were a handmade gift from someone she loves and cares about. A gift can mean so much more when there is a shared experienced between the person receiving it and the person giving it. If there is a valuable shared moment represented within the object regardless of the price, the value it holds is what’s most important.

I go through life getting to know people and looking to share experiences and I expect nothing in return, so when I do receive something from someone I am always in shock even if it happens to be my birthday. I do not even need to open the gift to see what is inside, just the thought that someone put in the time to buy something for me gives me an amazing feeling of being loved and cared for. I am always grateful of the people in my life who are willing to got that extra mile just to put a smile on my face. People who expect too much are the ones that walk away disappointed, if you are not expecting anything the surprise always makes you feel better. If you want something for yourself, you should work hard to get it on your own. Do not rely on or expect someone else to get you what you want. If someone gets you something you really wanted without you hinting at it, you will be overwhelmed with joy because that person knows you THAT well and cares enough about you to gift you something you actually wanted.

Some may ACT happy when receiving a gift, only to spare the other person’s feelings, but that goes against the spirit of gift giving. When you give a gift, you give it because you want to give it, not because you HAVE to. When you shop for a gift, you have to put thought into it, you cannot simply expect the other person to fall head-over-heels in love with whatever you put before them. Whatever thought went into a gift it will not go unnoticed. When I give a gift to someone I love to sit and watch their reaction. That moment when they open up the package to reveal it’s contents is what is engrained in my mind, seeing a smile lets me know that this person appreciates what they got. Understanding that it is not about WHAT they got but it is about the THOUGHT that went into giving the gift, is all the more rewarding to both the giver and receiver.

Giving and receiving a gift, is NEVER about the gift itself, but it is about the gesture behind the gift. Whenever I look at and object that someone gave me, I think about the person EVERYTIME I look at it. I am overcome with gratitude and a deep sense of love from the other person.The object itself is irrelevant. The pins I gave my mom were irrelevant, she never wore them but she kept them with care all of these years only because it was given with love. So the next time you give a gift to someone, actually think about the person and put an effort on the gift, your efforts will not go unnoticed. The real gift is the moment shared by two people.

~Happy Hollidays!

Treat Others How You Want to be Treated

If there is one thing I know that sucks, it is being ignored. Everyone matters and everyone is important. Don’t ignore people, that’s flat out rude and shows the content of your character. When you ignore someone you are literally looking past them and dismissing their very existence. Sometimes this may be what you do when you don’t want to speak to someone for a specific reason. However, if you are in a conversation or in a room and don’t address someone with a simple “Hello” or even a smile, you can come off as being arrogant and rude. How would you feel if the person being ignored was you or someone you love and care about? The worse thing you can do to someone is make them feel like they don’t belong or like they are not important. The feeling of being ignored is a blow to a person’s self esteem, this type of pain is worse than any physical pain one could experience, which can lead to feeling unimportant. Your act of ignoring this person has the ability to affect them without you even knowing it, that’s why it’s important to pay attention to those around you. Think for the moment what effect ignoring a child would do to them in the long run. If this child was ignored, they would not think of themselves as being important and they would more than likely feel it is difficult to find their voice in a larger group. Everyone’s opinions are valuable, we need to promote unity and not exclude anyone no matter who they are.

I have been in situations where I’ve been ignored and it did not make me feel welcomed, or confident in my ability to engage in conversation. I’m not very outspoken, so when I am ignored I curl up within my own thoughts and I begin to think that there’s no point in voicing my opinion. I was hanging out with a group of people and there was this one person in the group who was taking up the entire conversation not allowing ANYONE else to contribute. When I decided to voice my opinion, no one acknowledged the fact that I had even said anything. This made me feel like what I had to say wasn’t very important. I removed myself from the group because they obviously didn’t care enough to hear me, which made my self esteem plummet and it’s moments like this that discourage me from voicing what I have to say. If someone in the group acknowledged me, I would have felt included and it would have given me the courage to continue engaging with the group. But no, instead I felt like an outcast and removed myself from everyone and the conversation taking place. Everyone is important and no one should feel like they are excluded. If you notice that someone is being ignored or their opinion is being overlooked, be the catalyst that brings about their voice and includes them in the conversation.

Treat others how you want to be treated. If YOU do not like to be ignored then chances are that everyone around you doesn’t want to be ignored either. Everyone is important and everyone has a voice, don’t be the one to tune them out, instead encourage them to speak up. When you walk out of a room, how do you want to be remembered? As the person who equally listened to everyone and encourage others to join in? Or the person who took up all the attention and ignored those around you? Ignoring people shows others who you are beneath the surface. Think about how your actions affect others’ self esteem and self worth. Spread positivity and inspire others to be heard.

Notice people

Happiness From Within

Are you happy? What makes you happy? Is it the big things or small things? Or perhaps they are not things at all, but moments. Moments with the ones that you love. Happiness is defined as the state of being happy, and happy is defined as feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Both of these definitions are set in the present tense, the NOW. However, people often times think about their happiness as something to be achieved in the future, “If I do this I will be happy.” I too am guilty of this. I find myself saying that once I reach a goal I will be happy, but the truth is once I reach that goal there will be another goal to chase. We will never be happy if we are stuck chasing that happiness. Happiness is something to be felt in the present moment.

There are lots of people in my life who I would like to see happy, but their happiness is not the center of my happiness. I know people that weight their happiness heavily on that of others, but you cannot control if another person is happy. There are many other factors in people’s lives that we do not have knowledge or control over. We all have our own idea of what happiness looks and feels like, so whatever makes us feel good is not the same thing for another person. Happiness is relative not universal, it is not a “one size fits all” type of deal. Everyone’s mind arrives at the idea is happiness differently. What makes me happy is not necessarily the same thing for you. Happiness is so simple yet we make it complex. I love how Aristotle put it, “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” WE have the power to be happy or not, Happiness is a choice and we must CHOOSE to wake up every morning and be happy.

I have always said that you should do whatever makes you happy, but this statement is not entirely true. One should do what makes them happy, as long as they do not bring harm to those around them. A lot of our own happiness is a direct result from the environment that we come from. So if the people in your life are not happy then you are not, you too are being exposed to their unhappiness. Chances are that the people you keep in your life are people you care about, and you show compassion toward these people. Your actions or the lack there of will always affect those around you whether you intend to or not. I have been around so many people that do what is right for them, but they do not stop to think about how their actions will affect the people they love. While they themselves have a favorable outcome, they do not take into account how it will affect others around them. If the people in your life are negatively affected by a decision that YOU have made, this will affect YOUR level of happiness, and lets face it, moods are contagious, so what do you want in your life? I am not saying that you should completely sacrifice your happiness for that of those around you, that is counterproductive, but you do need to weigh your options and ask yourself if the outcome is favorable for everyone. You have to be an active participant when it comes to your own happiness, do not just idly stand there waiting for something to happen, you have to make life happen and take charge. The Dalai Lama once said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” You have to make sure that your actions do not bring harm to the ones you love, because their happiness is connected to your’s.

For many people losing weight is tied to their happiness, but guess what? If we never learn to accept ourselves the way we are, we will never be skinny enough. People have a misconception of how to gain happiness, it is a state of mind. Losing weight is external, and being genuinely happy comes from within. You have to learn to be happy with the skin you are in, and realize that what we LOOK like on the outside is not the same as how we feel on the inside. Happiness is something that we feel, and we arrive at the feeling through our mind set. Ever hear of “mind over matter?” Well happiness is the same concept. Objects outside of us do not get to decide what happiness is, our minds have to arrive at that conclusion all on its own. Our minds are more powerful than we give them credit for. It is important to work towards a realistic goal, but all that work will have been for not if you do not know how to love yourself today. Imagine waking up every morning being happy and loving the skin you are in, and being grateful to live another day. You will one day accomplish that weight goal, but imagine the level of satisfaction you will achieve if you feel good while you are working toward that goal. You may even reach that goal faster. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” When you are working toward a goal and you want to reach it with every fiber of your being, every little progress will make you feel happy causing all of the pieces to naturally fall into place.

I know you must be thinking that is easier said than done … which is true, but there is no way you can change your mindset in the snap of a finger. It will take time and you will have to work hard at it. You have to make it a point to be happy NOW. There are techniques that you can learn to train your mind to become what you want it to be. In his TED talk, Matthieu Ricard, talks about “The Habits of Happiness.” Ricard mentions that there are studies that have been done in regards to happiness, and they have found that the same parts of the brain are active when a person is expressing kindness and compassion. Expressing kindness and compassion is key when it comes to being happy, knowing that you have had a positive impact on someone else’s life will make you feel fulfilled. Furthermore, not expecting or seeking a reward in return for being kind and compassionate, leads to a deep feeling of serenity and satisfaction. Being a better person goes hand-in-hand with your level of happiness, almost everything we do is dependent on our own happiness or the happiness of the people we care for in our lives the most. Ricard also talks about the Buddhist view of happiness as being the same as “well being,” it is not just a “pleasurable sensation” as defined above, it is a deep sense of serenity and fulfillment. This concept takes the idea of happiness to another level. Happiness then has a sense of peacefulness, longevity, and is infinite, it is no longer just a moment in time but it is a series of moments that you can look back on and know that you have experienced a sense of fulfilment.  

The next time you are finding it difficult to be happy, I hope that you will remember this post. When all seems lost and feels hopeless, just remember that you and only you alone have control over your thoughts. Think of all to positives in your life, and list all of the things you are grateful for, reach out to a friend. Edith talked about all of these things and more in her last post, Snap Out of it! Most importantly remember that you are not alone, everyone is on this journey to finding happiness.

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Snap Out of It!

Even though I am spending time with my family I get the feeling that I am as lonely as if I were surrounded by no one. By nature, I tend to be pretty introverted and usually keep to myself. Normally, this is not the case when I’m around family, but something is different this time around and I’m not entirely sure what. I notice myself feeling isolated from the rest of the crowd and sometimes it’s not because I’m physically distant but emotionally detached. We have all been through something like this and having a friendly ear helps a lot. Everyone needs a person they can talk to. Having someone you can trust to discuss what’s eating away at your sanity, helps tremendously. However, not everyone has that luxury and we each need to find our own means of solving the bullshit in our heads.

The main reason you are feeling alone is because your worries and your thoughts are  consuming you, not allowing you to step into your surroundings. At this point you need to look outside of yourself for help, talk to someone dear to you. When you share something with someone, chances are they can relate to troubles. At the very least someone will empathize with you. People may notice your behavior change but people don’t want to bring up touchy subjects that might make you feel uncomfortable. If you don’t say something, then no one is going to be able to help you. Contemplating something over and over creates a tub of wandering thoughts, if it stays encased within your skull, it will eventually overflow. Finding someone who you can talk to about your problems on may not come as easy but everyone needs a friend they trust. By venting to your friend you’re creating an open space of mutual trust where both people feel safe to discuss their problems without fear of judgement. There will always be someone you can count on who will lend an ear. At times it can be difficult to ask for help but talking things out will offer some clarity. The benefits of telling someone else what’s on your mind is that this person can provide advice as an outsider looking in. Having another person aware of your situation, allows you to have companionship that can offer support when you need it. As mentioned before, if you keep overthinking your situation it increases the notion of feeling lonely because you’re the only one bearing the weight. Whereas if you share the weight with someone you are no longer alone. For those who might have trouble finding that person to share your problems with, here are some tips to deal with the situation on your own.

1) Find something that will transport your mind to a better place. Go take a walk, being surrounded by nature will help you gain perspective. When you take yourself and your problems into an open space, BREATHE in and let your thoughts flow out of you so you can view the situation at a different angle. As you appreciate how vast and complex our universe really is, you will then realize that your problem isn’t as bad as you originally thought. Doing this will help you see things in a different light so you can filter out what you cannot solve from the things you can, allowing you to gain control and understand the bullshit. It’s not so much about what you can do to ”fix” the situation but the important thing is to realize how the situation affects you and your actions.

2) Keep a diary to write out all your feelings. This will help you get your worries and anger out in a physical form. By writing things down, it allows you to physically GRASP what is going on in your head. As long as those thoughts are in your head you cannot FACE them, the moment you write them down they enter your physical realm allowing you to face them head on. After all the crappy thoughts are out, you can begin to absorb good thoughts and reflect on the things that bring you happiness. Write all of the things you are happy about in your life so that you are left with your positive thoughts. The more you fill your mind with good things, the less room there will be for the bad. Begin writing a gratitude journal: write down 3 to 5 things that you are grateful for everyday so that you feel appreciative of your surroundings. You can do it before bed or in the morning or both, but in moderation, don’t over do it.

3.)  Listen to music. Music has the power to transport your state of mind into a different wavelength. Tune into music that normally makes you feel like dancing, or jumping out of happiness, so that the feeling transforms your state of mind allowing you to feel happy.

Through meditation, journal writing and music you can find your peace of mind but there is so much to gain by sharing your thoughts with someone. If you keep your thoughts to yourself, it makes the process to solve the root of your distress harder. There is no loss in expressing your thoughts, what’s the worse thing that could happen? You might even be helping the other person get through some of their bullshit, and learn something from each other in the process. Everyone wants to be happy, so why not be that support for others on their journey to happiness. Don’t let yourself stay in this lonely state for too long because you’ll miss out on the things that make you happy and fill your life with positivity. Focus on the things that make you smile and live life in the present.

Happy Thoughts :)

How to be a Better Person: Stop Lying to Yourself!

No one is perfect. We all can improve in one way or another, but the only way we can begin to think about being a better person is becoming more self aware. We must learn how we react in different situations, what our strengths and weakness are and look at how our actions affect those around us. Once we do that, we have to think about what we can change to become a better person. We are forever changing and there will always be room for improvement. Being a better person is a goal that I am constantly striving toward but there are always hiccups along the way that make it seem difficult to accomplish this goal. I have come across so many people who are not ready to accept the fact that they are not perfect, they have trouble coming to terms with not being right. We live in a culture that when we are less than perfect we are shunned and looked down upon. Accepting your flaws, and realizing that you are not perfect is the highest form of humility that anyone could express and there is nothing wrong with that. When we are put into the category of being a “good” or a “bad” person, that is based on what others think of us. We cannot control what others think, but we can work on being the best person we can be. No matter your age or your walk of life, you can always learn something from someone no matter how young or how old they are. You can only learn something when you are humbled enough to realize that you have room for improvement and listen to those around you.

What are some characteristics that make a person “bad”? Anger? Jealousy? Impatience? Gossip? Being mean? Just being plain RUDE? These characteristics live in all of us, we need to take notice of these characteristics in our lives so that we can address them and become better people. The trick is not to ignore them but we need to learn how to control these emotions. Do not suppress them, they will find another way to get out when you least expect it. To address these emotions in a constructive way you need to find another outlet. For some, the perfect outlet is meditation, journaling, going for a walking or working out. Everyone has their own way of coping with things and your job is to figure out what your coping mechanism is. Channel that energy into something productive. In order to be a good person you need to make it a priority to spread positive energy to everyone, (even people you don’t like) because what you put out in the world is what you get back.

What are some characteristics that make a  person “good”? Kindness? Compassion? Empathy? Helping others? Trustworthiness? Humility? All of these also live within each and everyone of us, but what matters is what we chose to cultivate and feed. The only thing we can do is to offer the world and those in it the very best version of ourselves, and hope that the life choices we make force us to become better people. In order to do this we need to identify where there is room to improve and listen with our whole heart to those around us. For me, I know that I could show more kindness to people that are complete strangers. When I am out, I usually do not talk to folks around me, I keep to myself and do what I have to do. Recently I tried something different, I struck up a conversation with a woman I did not know. We did not talk about anything important, but I hope I made a difference in her day, because I know she made a difference in mine.

Another major component in becoming a better person is listening to others, and be willing to make changes in your life. Granted, people do not always tell us what we want to hear, but it is what we make of the information that is important. When I am confronted in this situation, I reflect and I take the positives and learn from what the other person had to say. When I am approached by a fellow peer about something they find concerning, I sometimes get upset but I remind myself that they are only saying it to better the situation at hand. Once I accept what the other person is saying to me, the next step is to work on my personal development to become better. This personal development can only happen if people around you are willing to give you feedback in a constructive way, and it is crucial that you yourself are willing to receive it. If you are not willing and ready for that feedback it may not end well, causing the process to take much longer.

Being a better person is a never-ending process. You have to listen to yourself through self reflection, journaling, meditation etc.. You will also have to think about the people around you because when you are around positive, happy people, you too will be positive and happy. They feed off of your positivity and happiness, making it a win-win situation for all. When we have this positivity and happiness in our lives it makes it easier to to confront our flaws head on. We are not perfect people, we need to stop lying to ourselves and thinking that we can be. Once we accept this fact, we are able to open our minds to the feedback of those around us and begin to reinvent ourselves for the better.

So if you want to be a better person, listen to your peers with an open mind and the understanding that they want to help you. Reevaluate your person and find where you can improve.

~Be the best.