Are you happy? What makes you happy? Is it the big things or small things? Or perhaps they are not things at all, but moments. Moments with the ones that you love. Happiness is defined as the state of being happy, and happy is defined as feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Both of these definitions are set in the present tense, the NOW. However, people often times think about their happiness as something to be achieved in the future, “If I do this I will be happy.” I too am guilty of this. I find myself saying that once I reach a goal I will be happy, but the truth is once I reach that goal there will be another goal to chase. We will never be happy if we are stuck chasing that happiness. Happiness is something to be felt in the present moment.
There are lots of people in my life who I would like to see happy, but their happiness is not the center of my happiness. I know people that weight their happiness heavily on that of others, but you cannot control if another person is happy. There are many other factors in people’s lives that we do not have knowledge or control over. We all have our own idea of what happiness looks and feels like, so whatever makes us feel good is not the same thing for another person. Happiness is relative not universal, it is not a “one size fits all” type of deal. Everyone’s mind arrives at the idea is happiness differently. What makes me happy is not necessarily the same thing for you. Happiness is so simple yet we make it complex. I love how Aristotle put it, “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” WE have the power to be happy or not, Happiness is a choice and we must CHOOSE to wake up every morning and be happy.
I have always said that you should do whatever makes you happy, but this statement is not entirely true. One should do what makes them happy, as long as they do not bring harm to those around them. A lot of our own happiness is a direct result from the environment that we come from. So if the people in your life are not happy then you are not, you too are being exposed to their unhappiness. Chances are that the people you keep in your life are people you care about, and you show compassion toward these people. Your actions or the lack there of will always affect those around you whether you intend to or not. I have been around so many people that do what is right for them, but they do not stop to think about how their actions will affect the people they love. While they themselves have a favorable outcome, they do not take into account how it will affect others around them. If the people in your life are negatively affected by a decision that YOU have made, this will affect YOUR level of happiness, and lets face it, moods are contagious, so what do you want in your life? I am not saying that you should completely sacrifice your happiness for that of those around you, that is counterproductive, but you do need to weigh your options and ask yourself if the outcome is favorable for everyone. You have to be an active participant when it comes to your own happiness, do not just idly stand there waiting for something to happen, you have to make life happen and take charge. The Dalai Lama once said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” You have to make sure that your actions do not bring harm to the ones you love, because their happiness is connected to your’s.
For many people losing weight is tied to their happiness, but guess what? If we never learn to accept ourselves the way we are, we will never be skinny enough. People have a misconception of how to gain happiness, it is a state of mind. Losing weight is external, and being genuinely happy comes from within. You have to learn to be happy with the skin you are in, and realize that what we LOOK like on the outside is not the same as how we feel on the inside. Happiness is something that we feel, and we arrive at the feeling through our mind set. Ever hear of “mind over matter?” Well happiness is the same concept. Objects outside of us do not get to decide what happiness is, our minds have to arrive at that conclusion all on its own. Our minds are more powerful than we give them credit for. It is important to work towards a realistic goal, but all that work will have been for not if you do not know how to love yourself today. Imagine waking up every morning being happy and loving the skin you are in, and being grateful to live another day. You will one day accomplish that weight goal, but imagine the level of satisfaction you will achieve if you feel good while you are working toward that goal. You may even reach that goal faster. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” When you are working toward a goal and you want to reach it with every fiber of your being, every little progress will make you feel happy causing all of the pieces to naturally fall into place.
I know you must be thinking that is easier said than done … which is true, but there is no way you can change your mindset in the snap of a finger. It will take time and you will have to work hard at it. You have to make it a point to be happy NOW. There are techniques that you can learn to train your mind to become what you want it to be. In his TED talk, Matthieu Ricard, talks about “The Habits of Happiness.” Ricard mentions that there are studies that have been done in regards to happiness, and they have found that the same parts of the brain are active when a person is expressing kindness and compassion. Expressing kindness and compassion is key when it comes to being happy, knowing that you have had a positive impact on someone else’s life will make you feel fulfilled. Furthermore, not expecting or seeking a reward in return for being kind and compassionate, leads to a deep feeling of serenity and satisfaction. Being a better person goes hand-in-hand with your level of happiness, almost everything we do is dependent on our own happiness or the happiness of the people we care for in our lives the most. Ricard also talks about the Buddhist view of happiness as being the same as “well being,” it is not just a “pleasurable sensation” as defined above, it is a deep sense of serenity and fulfillment. This concept takes the idea of happiness to another level. Happiness then has a sense of peacefulness, longevity, and is infinite, it is no longer just a moment in time but it is a series of moments that you can look back on and know that you have experienced a sense of fulfilment. 
The next time you are finding it difficult to be happy, I hope that you will remember this post. When all seems lost and feels hopeless, just remember that you and only you alone have control over your thoughts. Think of all to positives in your life, and list all of the things you are grateful for, reach out to a friend. Edith talked about all of these things and more in her last post, Snap Out of it! Most importantly remember that you are not alone, everyone is on this journey to finding happiness.
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