I Am Not My Mistakes

Mistakes, we ALL make them, but how are our mistakes any worse or better than that of others? When I make a mistake and I learn from it, I will never intentionally make THAT mistake again. What gets under my skin is how others will always judge me for something that I did quite some time ago. I have learned from THAT mistake, however, THEY do not know that. For some reason people think they have the right to hold my error over my head for as long as I walk this planet. From this I have learned, that when others make mistakes, I have to remember that we are all humans striving to make a better life. A part of making that better life is to learn from our mistakes and become better people. We are forever changing and it is important that we all realize this fact not only about ourselves, but others around us as well. Along with learning from our mistakes we also have to offer others the opportunity to learn from their mistakes but we must never do it in a condescending manner.

I am not perfect! You are not perfect! So, why has society lead us to believe that our imperfections are something to hide and be ashamed of? Mistakes are one such imperfection. Imperfections make us human, it is proof that we are human. Making mistakes is an opportunity for learning and becoming a better version of yourself. If we make a mistake it is not the end of the world and if ANOTHER person makes a mistake, we need to realized that the world did not end, we are STILL here! :O The life lessons that YOU have learned not everyone has had the opportunity to learn them. Your life experiences and the lessons you learn shape your view of the world, and not everyone has the same worldview as you. When other people make a mistake, that is a part of their learning process. We should support one another’s personal development, by helping them see what is to be gained from the mistake. If we see that another person has made a mistake and we decide to stay silent, then we are apart of the problem and not the solution. Jesse Jackson once said, “Never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up.” If you are not planning on helping someone learn from their mistake, then you most definitely do not have the right to judge them for it and hold it against them forever.

We have all heard the phrase, “forgive and forget,” but what does that mean? Many people say that you are not really over a situation until you are able to forgive and forget, which is true, but I think it also has a lot to do with one’s inner peace. When people have wronged you in your life, you have the right to be angry and upset about it, however, holding on to that anger and resentment will not get you anywhere. If you hold a grudge over someone’s head for a long time it takes away at your inner peace. As my buddy, Buddha from another lifetime once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” If you preoccupy your time with what another person did in their past, you will miss out on the person they have become. I am not the same person I was yesterday, and I am most definitely not the same person I was back in high school or middle school. I have done thing in the past that I am not proud of and when I have the opportunity to make amends I do, but I do not want to be judged for the person I was and for the mistakes I have made. The people that I have wronged have the right to be mad, but how would they feel if the shoe was on the other foot? We have all done things that we are not proud of but being able to make amends with those people offers a sense of closure for both parties.

So when you have the power to give others another chance, do it! All we can do is hope that the other person has truly learned from their mistakes and move on.

L o V 3

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, no mo’! Hahaha

There are four different types of love. First we have Storge, which is affection for someone within your family, such as a brother. The next type is Philia, which is the type of love you express for a friend, someone you see as your equal. Eros, the more common one, romantic love. Lastly we have Agape, which is unconditional love, the love that a parent feels for their child. With all of that in mind, how often do you say, “I love you,” to the ones you love? Those three little words can make a difference in someone’s life. However, it is not always about what is SAID to one another but how that expression is SHOWN. The truth is we “say” it all the time without even saying it. Actions speak louder than words and we say “I love you” through our actions. When we show people that we care for them it goes a long way, because as Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

How do you know when someone loves you?

Whenever you leave the house and your mom says to you, “drive safe!” Well of course, no one intends to get hurt or to hurt others while on the road. We try to be as safe as we possibly can, we do not NEED another person to tell us to be safe but the road is an unpredictable place and no one can perceive what will happen. Mom knows that whatever happens on the road is out of everyone's hands but that is her way of saying those three little words, I love you. When people in your life ask you if you have eaten or even ask the details of your day, this shows an interest in your life and that they hope you do not have stress. When a friend knows that you are having a crummy day, they will show you that they care and want to see you happy by listening, offering their advice and encouragement to resolve the situation at hand. Only someone who truly loves you will show an interest in your life and care for your well being.

When you were younger and you were sitting in the front seat of your parent’s car chances are you were not paying any attention to the road when all of a sudden your parent slams on his/her breaks. They impulsively throw their hand in front of you to keep you from hurting yourself. Their hand does not actually DO anything, if you are going to fly out the windshield, you WILL fly out whether the arm is there or not. The arm isn’t going to save you, but the fact that they put their arm there in the first place is a gesture that they care about you and your well being. Again, you flying out of the window is out of your parent’s control, but they do what they can to protect you. Putting the arm in front of you is the act of love.  

How do you express your love for someone?

It’s inevitable to feel love for the people in your life whether you call it love or not. The truth is that those feelings are indeed there and they are indicators of how much other people mean to you. Your appreciation and love for someone is expressed through the interactions you have with that person and how you celebrate them. There are many ways to express your love for someone and it doesn’t necessarily have to be by buying them cheesy-ass cards, chocolates, dinner and teddybears one day out of the entire year. What about the other 364 days? You can show your love and appreciation any day of the year by simply being physically and mentally present. If you really wanna buy someone something, then do it! Why do you NEED a “Hallmark Holiday” to buy a  gift for a  loved one?

To read more about our thoughts on Valentine’s day check out our post from last year here.

~L<3VE

“Adulthood.” Fake it 'Till You Make it.

Do we actually “grow up” or are we just trying to fool everyone around us into believing that we are functioning adults? Unfortunately, life did not come with a user’s manual. Society makes everything up and it is society that shapes the way we act according to our age. As we get older we gain responsibility and we gain maturity, but we are all different and we will all change at different rates. When we grow older we become mature, without even knowing it, but when it comes to how we feel about ourselves we never FEEL any different. (We did a post a while back on birthdays, and getting older if you want to read more on that subject just click here … do it now … but read it after you finish this!) Society, parents, aunts, and uncles tell us that we are supposed to act a certain way because of our age. There have been many times in my life where loved ones have approached me with questions to try and validate my “adulthood.” I have graduated university, and have supposedly entered the “real world,” but I am still that little kid, walking into a classroom full of other kids and not knowing what to expect. Yup I said it I do not have a single clue as to what I am doing, no matter how put together I seem.

When I was attending university, I was taken aback by something my mentor said to me. We were working through some grueling material that seemed next to impossible, but when we asked our mentor why she was making things so difficult for us, her answer was a simple one. She began to explain that if she set the bar higher than was expected, we will work as hard as we can, getting as close to that bar as humanly possible. If we did not make it there, it’s ok because chances are we made it higher than she expected us to. This made total sense to me because I have always looked to this quote by Les Brown in times for inspiration, “Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.” Now, you must be wondering why I am bringing up this story .. well the reason is, reaching adulthood is the exact same thing. When life throws us different responsibilities, we must rise to the occasion. The reason we do not feel the full extent of being an “adult” is simply because the waves of responsibility are generously spaced out. We are forever changing, eventually we will be fully assimilated into adulthood, reaching the bar … whether we realize it or not. When those waves are hitting us, we do not think of it as becoming an “adult,” it is simply doing what we need to do in order to survive. When my mentor set the bar high, she did so, knowing that we would do whatever was in our power to reach that bar.

For many, age is a major milestone in one’s life. Reaching 18, 21 or 65, just to name a few, is something that many people celebrate with great pride, and I agree it should be! However, age is just a number, it does not speak to your maturity level and the amount of responsibility you have. When you reach adulthood you have to become mature, and you will inevitably accumulate responsibility, whether it be a mortgage, or parenthood or something as small as paying your cell phone bill. However, the things that we enjoy doing for fun will not change so easily. I have always enjoyed sitting down with my sketch book and seeing what I could come up with, or playing the occasional video game, or just acting stupid with my friends. These things may seem immature and childish to some but we are who we are, and we do what we need to do in order to make it in this game we call “life”. Growing older is out of our control, but what we make of our lives from day to day is completely and totally in our control.

Time is out of our hands, it will move forward no matter what we do or say, but do not lose the current moment, because you will never be who you are in this current moment again. You cannot stop the “growing-up” from happening, so you have to take the best out of it.

~With all of that, and a box of chocolates … NEVER forget what it is like to be a kid!

CUT THE BULL, Stop Lying to Me!

One of my major pet peeves is when someone gives me some lame, bullsh*t, half-truthed excuse, like I am too dumb to see through the lies. When people do that, it is an insult to my intelligence, and it speaks to their character and what values they hold close to them. I do not and I will never understand people’s need to lie impulsively. What do they gain from lying or telling half-truths? Do they have a fear of what the outcome may be? If so they cannot control it anyways, so why lie? The truth always has a way of coming to the surface, whether we know it or not.

There have been countless times where I have been lied to and I know that I am being lied to, but I choose to say nothing. I cannot control what people say or do, but I can control my reaction. However, there is still that little voice in the back of my head that is still wondering why that person lied, what are they afraid of? What are they hiding? Did I do something to offend them?  When it comes to understanding liars, it is not about what can be gained, but it is about what is being covered up out of fear for the truth. I have been lied to about tiny things such as the texture of one’s hair, or whether or not they use deodorant, one way or another it doesn't change the person standing before me and when they lie they are actually relieving a part of who they are whether they mean to or not. The fact that they lied about something so insignificant tells me that this person is insecure about who they are, and simply cannot face the truth. No matter what the reason is for the lie it tells me that they simply cannot be trusted. They may be hiding so much more that I do not know about. I do not let these lies get to me simply because this person does not hold a significant role in my life, but I just cannot get my head around the “WHY.”

Many people tell lies to spare other’s feelings, but they are just excuses so that they do not have to face the truth. When it boils down to it, are you actually sparring the other person’s feelings or are you just prolonging and amplifying the hurt? The truth is that when it comes out, (and I say “when” because it will happen eventually) the other person will also have to deal with the fact that someone dear to them has lied. Honesty is respected, I would rather hear the harsh truth than beautiful lies. I will appreciate the fact that the other person respects me enough to tell me the truth, and the respect will be returned. Whereas if someone told me a lie I would not hold them to any value in my life, I would even go as far as to say they do not hold a PLACE in my life. The aftermath of a lie is much more harsh than that of the truth.

What harm comes from simply telling the truth? We have all heard girls say they cannot go somewhere because they have “to wash their hair.” Sorry ladies, but that is just an EXCUSE they use because they do not want to do something, and to me that is an extension of a lie. How hard is it to simply say that they do not wish to do whatever it is they are trying to get out of? Is it out of fear for conflict? As I mentioned before, is lying better than dealing with the fallout of the truth? For as long as I have been a girl, I have NEVER used that excuse because it is not very honest. One needs to reevaluate their life if they let something as insignificant as their HAIR prevent them from doing something. Just be honest with yourself and the people around you. Being anything but honest is pointless, and the person that is being lied to will begin to question EVERYTHING the liar has ever said leading them to wonder who the person really IS. Being dishonest adds extra stress to one’s life, as Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

When someone lies they are not only labeled as a liar but they will also be seen as being sneaky, dishonest, two-faced, untrustworthy … just to name a few … try getting a job with those words on your resume! It is not about what other’s think of you. You should never live your life according to what others think, being an honest person is something that lives within us and it dictates how we feel on the outside. In order to be a good person one needs to practice honesty, even in the simplest of settings in one’s life. Being honest with the people in your life shows your character, and it speaks to your values.

“The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.” ~Zig Ziglar

It’s About: TIME

There are 365 days in a year, that is 8760 hours, or 525,600 minutes, or 31,536,000 seconds… in whatever terms you wish to think of it. How will you spend that time? Time is a valuable concept, once it is gone you can NEVER get it back, you have to make the best of it while you can. Many people, including myself, take time for granted. We put things off until tomorrow, but why put things off when they can be conquered today? We do not realize how valuable time is until it has run out. Lets face it, we are all going to die one day and we do not know when, so lets make the best of it. We all get busy in our lives because we have schedules that we need to keep and we lose sight of what matters most, we forget how to LIVE! With the schedules that we keep we become creatures of habit. We develop a routine and with each passing day breaking that routine becomes harder. We need to step away from our schedules once in a while to create new experiences and spend time with the people we love and care about. Time is not a promise, you do not know how much you actually have. So don’t waste it and do not waste that of others’. Life is too short to be wasted by sitting on your a$$ for too long, get up and go DO something! After all we are only here for a short time.

Cut the crap! Start doing what you want to do life is too short to be making excuses all the time. You have to live the experiences you want to have, because before you know it your window of opportunity will be nailed shut. New responsibilities will arise and doing things on a whim will be much harder. Responsibilities and excuses are not the same, responsibilities are the things in life that you HAVE to do and have no control over whereas excuses are things you intentionally put in your way. We cannot run from time nor can we run from our responsibilities, but we can make the most of it. Why sit idle when there is something more fulfilling that you could be doing? Where there is a will there is a way, all of those excuses will no longer matter and will fade away.

When we give people our time, we are giving them a part of ourselves that we will never get back. When there is a friend in need or we decide to go to a family gathering we are saying that those people are worth a portion of our life, we are willing to give up that time for these people. I always feel grateful when someone takes time out of their day to simply say, “hello,” because they do not HAVE to but it lets me know that I am worth the time and effort. However, there have been many moments in my life where I have felt that MY time has not been valued by others. There was one incident where I was waiting for someone for about an hour. There was not a single text message, or a mere phone call to let me know they were running late. Once the person did show up, I was astonished to see that they did not even show a single thread of remorse about wasting my valuable time. My time did not matter to them, the only thing that mattered to them was themselves and THEIR own time. I was angry beyond words and I realized that if I was not worth this person’s time, why should I bother wasting more time on this person? From that day forward, I limit my interactions with this person and do not rely on them for anything, because they simply do not value me. Remember, when someone takes their time out for you they do not have to, they do not owe you anything. I can only hope that the person who took my time for granted learns from what happened, because I learned that I cannot rely on them.

The only thing we have is time, but we never have enough simply because we are spending our lives doing things we do not want to do. The power of choice is an amazing thing. We can choose to do what we want with our time, so why not CHOOSE to do what makes us happy and fulfilled and count our blessings for the people in our lives? As Benjamin Franklin said, “Lost time is never found again.” Use your time doing what makes you happy, and spend your time with people that matter and show those people they matter.

~Value time.

New Beginnings

The new year approaching! There are so many things racing through my mind and so many things that I wanted to accomplish this year. Time is constant, life continues regardless if you finish a task or not. While it is important to try and reach your “finish line” you must understand that not everything will go as planned and you should make room for adjustments otherwise you will only be focusing on the failures. New Years is a perfect time to focus on new beginnings and start fresh. Don’t worry about what you did not accomplish instead learn from it. Those things are not within your reach and you can’t go back in time to change anything. The best thing you can do is look on the bright side and appreciate the goodness in your life.

Look at the past year and all that you have accomplished, and set new goals as you move forward. It’s important to reflect on the past, but don’t get stuck in it. There is a lot you can learn from studying the past, it doesn’t hurt to look back and accept the things you weren’t so proud of, they will help you make better decisions in the future. At the same time, there isn’t much you can do to change it either so you must accept it as it is and keep on keepin on. The only way to move forward is to come to terms with what’s happened and understand that it’s okay to fail. Reflecting on the past allows you to separate the good from the bad, now it’s up to you to decide what to do with this information. You can either dwell on the negative and feel bad or you can absorb the positive and be happy for what you DO have, feed off that energy to help you create more positive moments in your life.

Come the new year, goals will be the first things you write down so don’t forget to make them SMART ones! You remember what those are right? Of course you do. But just to recap, a SMART goal is one that is much easier to achieve because it is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely. That’s not to say if your goal isn’t SMART you won’t achieve it, it will be much harder. Even after you’ve made your goal a SMART one, you may be wondering, “what if I fail to follow through with one of my goals?” If you are already doubting yourself, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. There will already be plenty of things working against you, don’t add yourself on the list of things that hold you back. Learn from where you failed and see how you could improve this time around. And remember, if you learned something valuable even when you didn’t reach your finish line, your hard work wasn’t in vain.  

Start this new year with positivity. You do not know what the new year will bring, so welcome it with a positive attitude. It’s ok to feel uncertain and afraid of uncharted territory, if you live life everyday thinking negatively, you’re only calling upon more negativity into your life. You don’t know how tomorrow will turn out so it’s important to receive the day with open arms, an open mind and the kind of attitude that will bring you positivity. Take one day at a time and view this year as a new beginning, as a chance to do better than yesteryear.  

Don’t worry about how you ended the year, you can’t change what’s happened, you can only learn from it. Stay positive as you look forward to achieving every goal you have set for yourself. Worry about what you are doing NOW to reach your goals. Your “new beginning” starts whenever you make it happen not when the clock hits 12. Don’t stand idly and hope that the new year will bring what you want, you have to be willing to put in the effort to begin the year with a new positive outlook and work to attain your dreams. Make it your task to bring good, positive things to yourself.

Learn from the past, live in the present, hope for the future.

Why Give Gifts?

There have been countless times where I have been asked what I would like for Christmas, or my birthday and my answer is always the same, “nothing.” As a child this question was much easier to answer, I wanted it ALL, the Sun, the Moon, the stars, the entire Universe at my disposal. However, over the years I have discovered that what I want cannot be bought. I already have the Sun, the Moon, the stars, and the Universe is within me, yet I will never grasp them. “Things,” “objects,” everything external to us will never be a part of us, our minds arrive at the conclusion of how we feel about a particular object, our minds attach a value to the object, the object itself does not have value on it’s own. As children we are unable to supply things for ourselves, we are under the care of our parents, therefore it is a lot easier to answer the question. Once we get older we become more self sufficient, and we do not look to others to purchase things that we can get ourselves. Gifts that you receive from people you care about are priceless. As cliche as it sounds, it really is the thought that goes into the gift, even a $5 gift can mean the world to someone, if given with love and the right intentions. It is always nice to receive a gift from someone unexpectedly, it is the thought that overwhelms the receiver with gratitude. I have come to realize that I cannot put value on material things over, friendship, kindness, and love. I cherish the relationships with the people I care about in my life because I cannot receive friendship, kindness, and love from mere objects.

During the holiday season we can hope and wish that we get that cool new tablet, that cool new TV and whatever else it is people want these days. We need to learn how to be happy with whatever we receive this holiday season. The person that got you something, took the time out and made the effort to purchase YOU something, they didn’t HAVE to get you anything. Simply thinking about getting a gift for someone, shows that the person plays a significant role in one’s life. So do not dwell in WHAT is given, but think about WHY it was given, you will walk away feeling loved.  

The price of a gift is irrelevant. Just think back to when you were a child in grade school, remember the countless items you made for your mom, and she actually kept EVERYTHING? That is the power of a gift. My mom was going through some of her things recently and she showed me some pins I made out of clay in the first grade. Now, I don’t even remember what I was trying to make on the pins, but she kept them, as poor and messed up as they looked to ME, she kept them. Those pins had no value whatsoever, and truth be told I didn’t think my mom would keep them for longer than a month or two but all these years later she still has them. Even if they were the ugliest pins in the world she kept them because they came from me, her daughter. Making those pins did not cost me a single penny, but my mom still loved them, because they were a handmade gift from someone she loves and cares about. A gift can mean so much more when there is a shared experienced between the person receiving it and the person giving it. If there is a valuable shared moment represented within the object regardless of the price, the value it holds is what’s most important.

I go through life getting to know people and looking to share experiences and I expect nothing in return, so when I do receive something from someone I am always in shock even if it happens to be my birthday. I do not even need to open the gift to see what is inside, just the thought that someone put in the time to buy something for me gives me an amazing feeling of being loved and cared for. I am always grateful of the people in my life who are willing to got that extra mile just to put a smile on my face. People who expect too much are the ones that walk away disappointed, if you are not expecting anything the surprise always makes you feel better. If you want something for yourself, you should work hard to get it on your own. Do not rely on or expect someone else to get you what you want. If someone gets you something you really wanted without you hinting at it, you will be overwhelmed with joy because that person knows you THAT well and cares enough about you to gift you something you actually wanted.

Some may ACT happy when receiving a gift, only to spare the other person’s feelings, but that goes against the spirit of gift giving. When you give a gift, you give it because you want to give it, not because you HAVE to. When you shop for a gift, you have to put thought into it, you cannot simply expect the other person to fall head-over-heels in love with whatever you put before them. Whatever thought went into a gift it will not go unnoticed. When I give a gift to someone I love to sit and watch their reaction. That moment when they open up the package to reveal it’s contents is what is engrained in my mind, seeing a smile lets me know that this person appreciates what they got. Understanding that it is not about WHAT they got but it is about the THOUGHT that went into giving the gift, is all the more rewarding to both the giver and receiver.

Giving and receiving a gift, is NEVER about the gift itself, but it is about the gesture behind the gift. Whenever I look at and object that someone gave me, I think about the person EVERYTIME I look at it. I am overcome with gratitude and a deep sense of love from the other person.The object itself is irrelevant. The pins I gave my mom were irrelevant, she never wore them but she kept them with care all of these years only because it was given with love. So the next time you give a gift to someone, actually think about the person and put an effort on the gift, your efforts will not go unnoticed. The real gift is the moment shared by two people.

~Happy Hollidays!