Why do we feel lonely? Once we understand the reason, that is one step closer to ridding ourselves of that unpleasant feeling. For every person, the root cause of the feeling may be different. One reason we may feel alone is because we are seeking attention from others. When this becomes apparent to us we must stop and search for the “WHY.” Is it because we seek validation? Or maybe we are not comfortable with being by ourselves? Whatever the case may be, we have to come to terms with it and seek the best cure. The best cure for being lonely is… are you ready? … Yup, you guessed it! … BEING ALONE. If you think about it, we are the only thing we actually have! Let me explain; All of the materialistic things and the people in our lives will one day fade, becoming a memory. It is essential that you are comfortable with who you are. You cannot rely on people or things that are external to you for your own well being and peace of mind. Once you figure out the reason, you will not feel lonely because everything you need is within you, and you will no longer need to seek validation from that which is not within.
Entering an intimate relationship because you are lonely, is the worst possible reason you can give for being with someone. When you think you need to be with someone in order to feel complete, there is something more that needs to be explored about yourself. You cannot expect to feel complete with the help of your significant other. If you enter a relationship expecting that the other person is going to make you whole, you’re setting the relationship up for failure. You are expecting them to complete you but in a relationship you never know what to expect. When entering a relationship there is no real guarantee that it will “cure” our loneliness. Loving yourself for who you are and feeling confident about yourself is the cure to loneliness. You will not NEED another person to validate those feelings for you.
There are times in our lives when we need to be alone, and there are other times when we need to surround ourselves with people. However, being around the wrong people can be the worst feeling in the world. Loneliness does not mean you are alone, it is a feeling, no matter what your surroundings are. Sometimes when you are alone, that is when you feel the least lonely because you are free to be yourself and do not require the approval of people around you. It is always nice to have a stimulating conversation with another capable being, but if that conversation takes place with an incapable being or someone who simply who does not give an “F” then tis better to be alone that with that “Debby Downer.” There is nothing wrong with you, however the other person needs to learn not to be so damn RUDE!
When I needed to be in the company of my friends and family, they weren’t there for me. One evening, we were all enjoying one another’s company when I was flat out ignored and neglected. When I was speaking no one put the effort or interest in what I had to say. When I stopped to see how others were responding, I realized that 2 of the people were texting one another back and forth (RUDE!!!). This made me feel unimportant and unappreciated. If these people did not want to spend time with me that is fine but they did not have to drag my self esteem down as well. I would have been fine on my own, at least I would not have have felt ignored. I was more lonely around ALL these people than I would have been if they weren’t there. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” (-Maya Angelou) Those people made me feel lonely and that is what I will remember, and I know that they are not who I want to be around.
Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. You can feel lonely in a crowded room, more so, than if you were left alone. Find the reason you feel lonely and figure out why you crave the attention or company from other people to feel whole. No matter HOW you go about solving this unpleasant feeling you have to take the time to look within yourself to find the answer. Seeking comfort from the people or things around you will only cover up the loneliness for a short period, but it will come back to the surface at some point. Loving yourself and understanding WHO you are and what makes you happy will lead you to living a much healthier lifestyle, because your mind will be in harmony with how you are living your day-to-day life. So, make time for yourself, your future self will thank you. ;)
~Thank you <3
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