“Chut Yo Mouth Stupid!”

I have learned to live my life without regarding myself with other’s business. As a result it really bothers me when others feel they have the right to tell me what I have done wrong, especially when I see them doing the same thing. I have said it before, NO ONE IS PERFECT, and I understand that everyone can do better, which is why I know I do not have the right to tell someone else what they are doing wrong. I only give my opinion to others when it is clear that they want it, but even then I am careful not to make assumptions because we all live a different life.

Recently I was being lectured on my actions and how what I did was wrong. I was aware that it was wrong, and I did not need this person breathing down my neck. Now that I am looking back at the situation, I have realized that the person that was giving me grief makes the same mistakes as me.

It is ok to give others constructive feedback, but when the feedback is unwanted and not given in the the right way it can be catastrophic. I welcome feedback, because it is the only way I will learn from my mistakes and become a better person. But when someone lectures me and attacks my morals and values, that makes me feel like a little kid that has no idea what I am doing. When I make a mistake chances are I have already realized that I have made it, and will make amends in my own time.

So, at the end of the day, when someone tries to attack me for something I did, I just write it off as that person has some issues that THEY need to work out. Everyone has sh*t they need to deal with, and for some, lecturing others on their behavior will help the lecturer come to terms with their own issues. The person that is being attacked should not read too much into it, they should just think of it as helping the other person on their journey of self realization. The lecturer is only trying to make themselves feel better by trying to undo their own mistakes. Worry about yourself, you got your own issues you need to deal with, as do I, so why spend your time and energy on people who don’t even give one, two, or even three sh*ts about you.

~Ta Ta

Religion: Friend or Foe?

A controversial topic, but it does not have to be. I feel that everyone has to believe in something, that may be Jesus, Buddha, the Guru, the Creator, Allah, or the many gods of Hinduism (and I know I am missing many others). Even those who are atheist and agnostic still believe in something. I have been putting off talking about religion because I do not want to offend anyone.

I love to hear about other’s religion, you can get a general idea about a person by learning about their spiritual beliefs. I think one of the main reason Americans do not like to talk about religion is because it is embedded in our schools; we are not allowed to talk about religion. As a result, at an early age we think that there is something wrong with talking about it. We think that it will only result in conflict. We are allowing the fear of “the Other,” settle into our minds as young people because we simply do not talk about our differences. We have to learn to be more than ok with “the Other,” after all America is made up of “the Other.” We can only learn by talking about our differences, ultimately we will see that we are not all that different.

A few weeks back I was walking my dog, and I was approached by a man who wanted to talk about Jesus. I have no problem with having a friendly conversation about religion, we all have the right to believe in what we want to. The gentleman that I was talking to did not know much else other than Christianity, so I began to ask him how Christianity differs from other religions. It quickly became apparent to me that his view of religion was narrow, because he was stuttering and I could tell he was getting a bit nervous. I’m sure he regretted stopping me. There was one question that put him over the top, and that was “How is Jesus any different than Buddha?” His answer was “WELL Jesus is the SON of god.” and up until that point he was talking about respecting other’s beliefs, so naturally, I said, “Well what if I believe that Buddha is also the son of God?” This was also odd to me because I was raised with the belief that we are ALL the children of God. He did not have an answer for me, so the gentleman with him, stepped in and handed me a copy of the bible and said that I would find the answers to all of my questions in there.

The next time I run into this gentleman I would like to say to him to broaden his perspective. I was raised in a household where we respect everyone's faith, and it was encouraged to go learn about others. Whether or not you agree with religion, or a particular religion, it is a good thing to know what people believe in.

Being ignorant about different; religions, cultures, and race leaves people confused and angry. Living in a post 9/11 America some people have shown what our system has really done. Being of the Sikh religion this is a topic that is close to me, there are many stories that have impacted how I view ignorance toward religion. If you are unaware about what took place among the American Sikh community, please check out this music video my brothers have put together, “We Are All Sikhs.” This video shows that we are all the same.

There are extremists in every religion, the media picks up on those stories, this is what negatively affects our world view. I am sure there are people in the world who are making the effort to make this world a better place, but we don’t hear about that. Immediately after 9/11 I remember hearing my peers talking about how muslims were all bad, everything we saw on TV was the Taliban and that was the only view my peers had. A group of friends and I were talking about the towers and how bad the situation was when someone in the group I had known for 4 years said to me,”Hareena, Why you sad? It was your people who were responsible.” At the time I was more shocked than anything else, I was shocked at this person’s ignorance. How could my friend of 4 years say this to me? I am an American and I was put into “the Other” box in such a public way, at the moment in time I could have done or said any number of things but I simply said, “I am not a Muslim, and even if I was, what motive would I have to blow up some buildings? Not all Muslims are bad.”

Just last week I was sitting down with a co-worker (someone I only just met a few days before), and we were having a conversation about religion, how normal is this? It’s not! We were both ok talking about the subject, and we both had a broad view when it came to religion, Eastern and Western alike. We both have a passion to learn more. We never stop learning, but we cannot do that if we continue to judge others, not only judging others based on faith, but judging others period. Why can’t we have more of these moments? We need to create these moments with others, especially children so they can learn that there is nothing wrong with talking about religion.

With that being said I am going to leave you a quote by Thomas Jefferson, “I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.”

~Ta

Graduation... Now What?

Being that it's graduation/commencement season, we decided to blog about new beginnings. For many of you who are graduating, I would like to congratulate you on your hard work and accomplishments. You have come so far from where you started, I want to remind you this is not the end this is only the beginning of the rest of your life... not to sound dramatic here but it’s the truth hahaha. SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL! FAST AND HARD!

A lot of you will go on to pursue higher education, take up an internship to step foot in  your dream job, others will save up money to move out, buy a car... pay off loans! Whatever the case may be, make sure that you are happy and doing what you want to do in life. For some people, finding a job that is relevant to what they have studied throughout college will come easy, and then there’s the rest of us who are still trying to figure that out. Dont give up, if you try your best and make every effort to achieve your goals, like graduating from college, in the end everything will work itself out. However if for some reason this ends up not working for you, at least you can always say it wasn’t because you didn’t try.

The aspect of new beginnings and simply going forward in life, does not mean that everything and everyone before this point is now unimportant. Remember those who have made a difference in your life during your academic career. Give thanks to those who have been there for you. Celebrate with your loved ones for this is an exciting moment that brings joy and happiness for everyone who cares about you. New beginnings aren’t that new, this moment is only highlighted because of how far you have come. It’s a way of publicly announcing your accomplishments. Beginnings don’t start from scratch there are always strings attached and it’s imperative that you take into account everything you have experienced in your past.  

Life will always test your strength. You will go through failures, dark times, success followed by bad news. But everything happens for a reason. In this lifetime you can make things happen, make things fit into your reality. After walking the stage, shaking some seasoned hands and getting your picture taken, life takes on a different outlook. You have about 6 months to start paying off your student debt. Finding a stepping stone job may be hard for some while easy for others. Being fulfilled with what that job has to offer you in the long run will allow you to evolve. In the mean time try not to give up on your hopes and dreams, if they are meant to be then they will resolve in due time. The fact of the matter is that you never stop learning, every day is a step toward your goal, you graduate everyday.

Dream Big, Aim High

Attacked: Not Just A Woman’s Issue

This is a story about a young lady who was walking back home from a late study group on the Berkeley campus. It was about 11 pm when suddenly in the distance she saw a suspicious person, he was wearing all black and white shoes, he was lurking in the darkness behind a big tree. He popped out behind her and began to touch her inappropriately. The woman was in shock and tried to fight him off, and tried to draw attention to the situation but there was no one around this late. He didn’t want to get caught so he fled the scene. Still in shock the young woman did not know what to do or who to turn to. Should she report what just happened  to the proper authorities? Will anything ever come of what she had to say? The fact of the matter is that this could happen to anyone anywhere, male or female.

Constantly hearing about sexual assaults has got me enraged beyond belief. Just Monday, May 12th, a woman was sexually assaulted, her attacker was detained, but only to be released a few hours later. Authorities found there wasn’t enough evidence to keep him in custody. The attacker did not comply to register as a sex offender and was only ordered to stay away from the campus for seven days… This “slap on the wrist” is a poor attempt to fix the problem, in my opinion. This guy only had to stay away for 7 days, whereas the young woman has to live with what happened for the rest of her life.

There is a stigma that is attached with sexual assault, and that is placing the blame on the victim, but that is NEVER the case. Placing the blame on what the victim was wearing or how much they had to drink, how they are walking, even how they speak, does not make sexual assault okay.This makes me sick. A woman should not have to feel that she is the one to blame for being assaulted. Wearing provocative clothing does not grant permission to sexual abuse. Let’s not forget who the bad person is. The one committing the crime should be held accountable for his or her actions. Everyone should be free to wear whatever they want, drink as much as they want and dance however they want, and not feel unsafe. It’s in human nature to point the finger and blame others, and it is easier to blame the person you know (victim) than the person you don’t know(attacker).

The policies that we have in place can favor the attacker, like the one in the article. There was not enough evidence so he was free to go while the victim was left emotionally scarred. This is a terrible system to go through because the victim has to relive the pain over and over again throughout the process, only to find that it’s a waste of time and effort. It would be worse to not say anything about it regardless of the outcome. It’s important to raise awareness so that others can take safety measures to avoid or minimize being attacked. Unfortunately our society focuses on how to not get attacked instead of teaching not to attack.

The issue is that we live in a patriarchal society, formed and governed primarily by men which does not favor the needs of women. Before Women’s Rights were introduced to the table, women were treated like second class citizens and that still stands true today. The fact that this country has yet to have a female president shows that America is still stuck in the past, and the fight to bring equality for men and women is not fully resolved. Studies have shown that men have better paying salaries than women. It shows that there is room for improvement, not everything is as equal as it should be since the attempts to gain Women’s Rights. I want to stress this is a conversation is about human rights in general.

If there is someone that needs your help, don’t go blaming them for what happened. As Jesse Jackson once said, “Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.” remember that no one asks to get attacked and all we can do is to offer our friendship and support and be understanding.

If you would like to read about Monday’s Assault here is the link:

http://www.contracostatimes.com/news/ci_25757482/uc-berkeley-police-seek-publics-help-sexual-assault

Live, Love, and Let Live

Two Little Words

“I’m sorry.” a phrase that is used too much, or not used enough. This post is going to focus on people that are not saying it enough. I think one of my bigger pet peeves is when someone does something wrong and they make up excuses to justify what they did. I could really care less why you did it the fact still remains that you did it. An even bigger pet peeve is when people only say the words but it is very clear that they do not mean them. They only say it because it is what they think you want to hear to avoid further conflict, but it only makes the situation worse.

I think that one main reason why people do not mutter those two little words is because their ego gets in the way.(I wrote about pride and ego a few weeks ago, please check it out check it now!!!) Most people hate it when they are wrong, so those two little words is them admitting that they are wrong. I have met many people who think they are always right, these people are really bad at taking criticism. No harm will come from saying you are sorry from time to time, others will not look down on you for it. I believe that there is great power that comes with saying you are sorry, it means that you have accepted your mistake, and you are now willing to do something about it.

So the next time you are wrong about something, and/or you hurt someone, own up to it, say you are sorry. You have to take responsibility for your mistakes. Those two little words can make a BIG difference.

~Ta.  

The Power of a Smile

Staring … its normal, we all do it. Human beings are social animals, therefore we are naturally curious.  I am aware that in some cultures around the world looking at others is the norm and no one minds it. I don’t like when people stare at me, but I know I do it too. The breaking point for me is when the “looker” is aware that I have caught them staring and they don’t stop. Some people immediately turn away in discomfort or give a friendly smile or if they are in earshot range just say a friendly “hello.” How do you react when you catch the person glaring at you or if you’re the one to get caught? The simple hello and/or smile breaks the ice and lets you know that the other person meant no harm.

Which brings me to my recent staring encounter. I was on the BART (rapid train) this weekend and I caught a couple staring at me, they would exchange a word or two and revert their attention to me. Mind you, I am not the only person on the train so I don’t know what was so intriguing to them. I’m not one to care unless I get a bad vibe, but I wanted to see what they would do if I focused my gaze back in their direction. It seemed to do nothing and I think it was because they were engaged in conversation, making my attempts of outstaring them futile. However, in most occasions the gaze is an invitation to engage with another soul and display your energy. This can be a beautiful experience and it shouldn’t be wasted.

When you smile you automatically neutralize any misconception of your personality or mood. Smiling at somebody allows them to feel comfortable. It’s something you do when you want to show that you are happy. But how do you handle a cold response? The way I handled the situation on the BART was to not mind, in the end I know I shouldn't mind it because the person is just a stranger. Another aspect to think about is the fact that we don’t know how people are feeling. Everyone’s day is different, some might have a bad day while others might have a good one. The point in general is that you shouldn’t feel upset if you don’t get a smile in return. If you smile, at least you offer the friendly invitation for someone to smile back, if they don’t respond it’s not on you. Who knows that person could be the next president or your soulmate?

If YOU are the person that is feeling upset and giving off negative energy, most likely you won’t want to smile. However if someone smiles there is a slight chance that they may help you feel better. It’s important to let positivity into one’s life so one can carry on. Your day is only as positive as you allow it to be. Make the effort to smile even when upset. Doing so will send positive energy into your environment and will bounce back.

The next time someone makes eye contact with you, though it may be a little intimidating, try to at least acknowledge them, it really doesn’t hurt. Step out of your comfort zone a little and try to have a friendly conversation with a complete stranger. Remember, your actions toward others can set off feelings in them and you want to give off positive vibes.

With that being said I will leave you with this TED talk. Enjoy!

:D SMILE :D