Is chivalry REALLY dead? Some people believe that it is long deceased. However, the original sentiment about chivalry has changed throughout the years and WE need to change along with it. We are living in the 21st century and as a woman I would like to be treated as an equal to EVERYONE. Many people would argue that women have fought so hard to have equal rights as men, and that when women expect men to do things, such as open a door or give up a seat, is setting women back. When a man does something for a woman, is he disabling her? Are women giving up power when they yield to a man’s polite gestures? When it comes to chivalry there are those few things that a person SHOULD do for another no matter if they are a man or a woman. OK… lets back up a bit. When I use the word "chivalry" the definition I am using is: courteous behavior toward the people around you; I have tweaked the definition a bit, the original one said “esp women” at the end. The reason why I have changed it to “the people around you” is because as human beings we need to be courteous to EVERYONE, no matter age, race, sex, etc.. This is something that is deeply rooted in our society. Our parents have taught us our roles as boys and girls. However, we are constantly evolving and our current social surroundings are not what we grew up with. As we progress and find our place in the world, we will realize not everything is black and white.
Ok ok … Where does this concept come from? Chivalry originated between 1170-1220. The word itself is derived from the french word chevalerie, which translates to horse soldier and referred to knights in medieval times. In fact, chivalry or the chivalric code is essentially a code of conduct by which knights carry themselves. This code was composed of many promises a knight was supposed to keep. ONE of them being to honor women and be their helpmate, but above all they are expected to be courteous to everyone, this implies men, women and children alike. The reason why men are supposed to honor women in the chivalric code is because women are the nurturers of life. Any man that commits violence against women is a disturbance in the natural code of the universe, naturally they are supposed to protect women.
With all of that information in mind, I have a little story to tell, so grab your popcorn and a blanket … or a fan depending on the weather ... ARE YOU READY? Ok ... I was walking into my doctor's office a few weeks ago and as I was walking in, a woman was walking out along with her 2 kids, a boy and a girl. The woman then told her son that he should open the door for her and his sister because that is what boys are supposed to do. I thought that it was great that she was teaching her son such manners, however, what was she teaching her daughter? What are girls supposed to do? Wait for a MAN to open the door for her? Opening the door for anyone is a simple act of kindness. EVERYONE is obligated to make sure the door doesn’t smack the person’s face behind them, because no one wants the door hitting them when they cross the threshold. When I was growing up, my siblings and I were not taught this concept that a man needs to do something for a woman. We were all expected to treat one another equally, and help others who are in need of it.
Chivalry is looked at as a romantic gesture in today’s society that exhibits a man’s ability to care for his woman, it’s no longer the code of conduct only knights are expected to follow. Men are required to use such behavior when wooing a woman. Here is one such example, when I’m on a date, and the guy I’m with opens the car door for me, I’m going to let him. This is not backwards thinking. It is flattering when someone else does something for me even if I can do it myself. It also lets me know that this guy cares for me enough to make sure all of my limbs are in the car before moving. But seriously, it lets me know that he has the ability to be gentlemanly and caring. It also makes me feel safe because he has made sure I made it into the car without a scratch. Trust me, he gonna get some gluten free brownie points right from the beginning (Fellows… Hope you’re taking notes). Within a romantic setting or relationship, the other person will ALWAYS get a positive reaction if they do something that is unexpectedly nice for the other. Calling ahead to make reservations for a meal, shows the other person that some thought went into planning the evening. The simple task of planning ahead makes the person feel cared for because the planner took control of the situation.
Maybe it’s not even chivalry that we are talking about, maybe we are just talking about human kindness and practicing your manners. OR maybe that is EXACTLY what chivalry is. We are too consumed with our new fancy smart phones that we do not even notice the person walking out of the building behind us. Being more aware of what is going on around us, is one of the first steps to being a kinder person. The definition of chivalry is no longer what a man can do for a woman, it is however, what one human being can do for another human being. Just a few months ago the United States Congress legalized same sex marriage, it is clear we no longer have the same traditional concept of gender roles and it is time to redefine our social expectations of one another. What are the next steps to creating a better, more peaceful place for the generations to come?
~Be kind.
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