The “Perfect Mate” … Whatever THAT Means

Tall, Dark, and Handsome … What more could a girl want? We all have our preference when it comes to the Perfect Mate. No one wants to go through life alone, and we all long for the “One” to come along, but are we looking too hard? or not hard enough? And if we are looking for that special something in a person, does it even matter? Tall. Dark. Handsome. These are all PHYSICAL attributes that most people desire, but they will one day fade. Physical attributes are not important and you will ultimately be left with what is on the inside, the character. We all have a mental list of what we want, which is ok, but we have to be willing to stray away from that list to find that Perfect someone.

Everybody has some sort of image of what the Perfect Mate LOOKS like, however looks aren’t enough to keep us interested for a lifetime. This image is holding us back and not allowing us to see what is beneath the surface. If we compare folks to this picture in our head, we are setting them up for failure before we even get to know them. The “Perfect Mate” is someone that lives in our heads, and WE are the ones who shape what they look like and who they are. We MAKE UP their personality and their physical attributes so, of course we are going think they are perfect! However, when we meet someone in the real world, we are confronted with someone who has his/her OWN thoughts. When we get to know that person, we will find that there will be differences of opinions, causing us to rethink the existence of that Perfect Mate in reality.

When I ask someone what they want in a mate they bust out with a list. Yet, when a potential mate falls short of that list we begin to look elsewhere to find a mate that fits the list. We are not willing to step away from that list, even if what is written on there is something totally unreasonable, such as a full head of hair, 6 pack abs, blue eyes, or a perfect complexion. Do those things even matter? The person’s features will not make a difference in how they treat you or the people around them. Physical attributes do not define them as a Human Being. We all gonna look ugly one day anyway. So, what DOES matter? What lies beneath: CHARACTER and PERSONALITY. Having a mate that is good looking is a plus, but that should not be the total foundation of why you choose to be with that person. We are all attracted to different people and different personality traits, so we have to become aware of what WE want. However, when it comes to that list we have to remember that no one will 100% fit EVERY SINGLE THING you have on that “list,” you have to be willing to be flexible.

Character and personality are here to say, beauty will not last no matter how hard you try. Beauty is skin deep and you have to peel the layers to get to the “Perfect Mate.” We all want to be with someone we find attractive, but beauty isn’t everything. As we get older our youthfulness will be overcome by wrinkles, lines, hair falling out and growing in places it shouldn’t. Having someone with nice abs and a tight butt is cool today, but how would you feel once that’s gone? Would you still be interested in the person beneath all of the layers? Looks will one day fade, however our character is what remains. If you fall for someone totally based on what they look like the chances of having a long lasting relationship is very slim. The “Perfect Mate” is that individual’s personality you fall in “love” with. Humans are forever changing. We will never stay the same person for too long, and in most cases we are changing into better people. Most of that change and positive development can be accredited to the people we surround ourselves with, this includes our “Perfect Mate.” So when searching for a “Perfect Mate” we should stop and reflect on how that person is going to affect us, and how we affect them. We all have things we need to improve on, we just need to find the right person to help us make that change. We are not perfect.

No one wants to walk through life alone, we all hope that the special someone is out there for us. What if that person is staring you in the face every single day and you don’t even know it because you wrote them off of your list and now you’re too busy looking at everyone else? Stop thinking that your ideal mate is “PERFECT,” there is no such thing (if there is let us know … COMMENT! We would love to hear from you) Find in people what actually matters what makes them unique. Appreciate everyone for who they are on the inside and don’t be blindsided by the eye candy. Get to know people before you make an assumption about them.

~Be YOU!

Social Media: It’s Sucking Your Soul

I recently went to a wedding and I was appalled to find that the younger generation choose to socialize at the event through social media! As I was looking around the venue, the older generation was walking around and having drinks with one another while engaging in friendly conversation. However, the younger generation was sitting at their table and taking photos for their SnapChats, Instagrams, posting status updates to Facebooks and Twittering them tweets and whatever else is cool these days. Once I arrived home I decided to check my social media, and I was able to see EVERYTHING that was being posted during the event. I do not think that there is anything wrong with this type of expression, but I began to question why people WANT to post stuff in the first place. Is it to show off? Is it to seek attention? Is it about how many “likes” you can get? Or is it the simple fact that people CAN? Whatever the case may be, I think that it is important that we limit our social media interactions. It is consuming us and is putting a stop to the amount of face-to-face interactions we are having.

When you are plugged into social media and you are cyber stalking someone (don’t even try to lie, we ALL have done it) they seem to have their lives together. The key word there is: SEEM! When people post things to social media, they are posting the “cream of the crop” so to say. Meaning they are shedding light on all of the fun things and great times that are happening in their lives. So to be a third person looking in, and to think that they have their live together is completely wrong. We are only getting one side of the story, we are getting what people choose to post, what they CHOOSE to make public. I am sure that others feel the same way when they Facebook stalk you. When people do post something negative or something bad that is happening in their life, we tend to think that they are only seeking attention. Why is it ok to show off that you went on an awesome vacation, but when you are having a rough time, people think you are seeking attention? When people post things that could be viewed as “attention seeking,” it could just be a coping mechanism for something the poster is going through, and could simply be reaching out for some support. Everyone has the right to post whatever they want to THEIR social media, and if you do not like what you are seeing you have the right to ignore, block, unfriend or whatever you see fit.

There are also those circumstances where things get posted to social media to show others up, air out the dirty laundry, or to poke at someone else without actually saying who or what they are talking about. I get that this is one way people deal with issues in their life but it is petty and immature. If you cannot say something to someone’s face or if you are trying to send a message to someone indirectly, there is a deeper issue and you need to figure out why you have trouble talking face-to-face. If you find yourself on the other end of things and think that everyone is out to get YOU and is attacking YOU …. First off get a life, the Earth, Sun, Moon and whatever else is floating out there is not spinning around YOU. Secondly, if the other person cannot say something to your face, then it is simply not important enough for you to worry your little head about it.

Focus on what is important in your life. If you are spending long hours on something that is not enriching your life, then essentially you are wasting away. What you see on your facebook news feed is not reality, we choose to believe that all of those people on there are our “friends,” but our friends are the people that are there for us when we need them. Those friends that are there for us before the Sh*t hits the fan and are there after to clean it up and deodorize, those are the people that ARE important, THEY get dirty fo’ you! The more time you spend fussing with social media you are missing out on the reality around you. Reminder: Your time is precious! You will not be getting a refund for time spent unwisely. Don’t indulge in social media to the point where you aren’t even enjoying the experience in the flesh. Ask yourself this, “Is all the time I’m spending letting the world know what I’m doing actually taking away from the actual thing they see me doing?” If the answer is yes then stop and LIVE for LIFE’S SAKE! Life is only temporary.

Many people use social media like Facebook to keep in touch with their friends and family members. My friend (actual friend in the flesh) was telling me that they were being tagged in pictures of a newborn and said to me “As time goes by I’m probably going to watch this baby grow up through a screen.” It’s not bad that we look to these means of communication as a way to stay “connected,” we must be careful and think about how we are beginning to drift from a face-to-face society to a face-to-FACELESS society. The lack of physical contact can be desensitizing, it allows us to stretch out our feelings over time therefore losing our initial reaction. We are no longer genuine in our sentiment about our initial reactions when we are sitting behind a screen, we have the choice to respond to others when we feel the time is right, even if that is 2 years later.

What about 10 years later? As we get invitations for our high school reunions, I begin to wonder what is the point. Through social media, I know who is having kids and when they are having them (literally), who got married, who got divorced, who is doing what job, who came out of what the closet, when and where people have traveled. If I can see all of that through a screen on my phone why do I need to physically go to a reunion? If I REALLY wanted to catch up with someone I can simply send them a message or write on their wall. Social media has taken the excitement out of attending a reunion. It has given us the privilege to keep in touch with one another long after we have moved on with our lives, but it stops us from enjoying these types of social events.

Everyday we are presented with the opportunities to speak to the people around us, or we can CHOOSE to look at our phone. If we put our phones down for a minute who knows who we will meet, but we will NEVER meet that person if we are busy looking at who is having what baby on Facebook.UNPLUG! Turn that Facebook-thang off, and turn yo face on! Your lips are there to talk to people and your brain is there to think and engage with others in CONVERSATION! … ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH YO’ FACE TO ANOTHER FACE.

Call of Duty: Calling All Parents!!!

Your children are a reflection of who you are. Whatever you teach them (or don’t teach them) is a direct result of what YOU think is important. A lot of folks blame video games for causing violence in our youth. Video games are not bad at all, however the neglect of teaching your kids what is ok and what is not, is unacceptable. For kids, video games are just a hobby, it should not be any more than that … unless they turn it into a career in the future. Video games do not cause violence. Parents need to stop blaming outside sources for the misguidance of their children which results in poor behavior. Our children are always learning, it starts the moment the child is born. Their first teachers are their parent, so everything the parent does is picked up on. Their minds are like a sponge, they will absorb EVERYTHING they see and hear. Video games are NOT to blame, however the lack of parental guidance IS to blame.

How young is too young? Most younger kids haven’t developed the cognitive ability to differentiate why some things are wrong or right. All they know is what you tell them. As they develop they begin to question why things are the way they are and that’s when they’ll fully understand the “why.” If they are exposed to violent video games at a young age, before they have the capacity to understand what is going on they will be desensitized to the content in the video game. They will be more likely to overlook the difference between the virtual world of videogames and reality. Too much gaming will make them think the game is their reality. If the game contains violence, for instance killing someone (COD), will they understand that it is not ok to kill in real life? Each video game has a rating, and those ratings are there to help parents make an informed decision. Children should not even have access to these kinds of games. If they do then somewhere along the line the parents failed at ensuring that these games do not reach the hands of their child. Parents have to be the filter in the home and establish what is allowed and what is punishable by Parent Law.

If kids are spending too much time playing video games, not only are they vulnerable to becoming numb to the violence but they are spending precious time on the idiot box that they could be spending outside. They could play a friendly game of basketball, learn to swim, go for a walk, play with the household pet, or even go camping where they can grow mentally, physically and work on their team building skills and develop social skills. If you don’t want your children to spend so much time on games then set time limits. Video games are not the only form of entertainment for your child, make sure to have books in the home!!! Surround your children with the things that will promote healthy development like educational books and magazines, or take them to museums and exploratoriums. Most importantly always express your love for them. They need constant family support to be able to succeed in life and live happily.  

Parents need to be the primary educator in their children’s life. The earlier YOU start to teach your kids what is acceptable and expected of them the better. Of course this won’t rule out the rebellious stage that most will eventually reach in their teens. The point is that if you teach them at a young age that violence is not good and it is never the answer, they will know when they see violence to decode it as something that is wrong. If the child receives no guidance whatsoever on violence in a video game, whatever they see in that game is going to register as the norm. It is not a valid statement to say that video games teach children to be violent, that will happen only if you failed to instill principles which indicate that violence is wrong. The parents need to teach their kids to distinguish the virtual game platforms from reality. Teach them what’s right and take responsibility for the life you have created. Your little human will thank you for it.

“The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.”

Bill Cosby

-Edith

Check Into Reality

I have heard people say over and over that they do not know what they would do without technology, but hey, guess what? There was a time when such luxuries did not exist, there is more to life than having the newest smartphone, or knowing who posted what on Facebook. Go outside, go for a walk, read a book, jog, write, breathe.

I, myself, am guilty of this. Every morning the first thing I reach for is my phone (partly because that is my alarm clock). This then leads me to check my email, and other social media, my day starts out with a BIG dose of technology when I have not even washed the crusties out of my eyes. This sets the tone for the rest of my day.

We need cut back on the amount we are checking out of reality and checking in to technology. I am not saying that technology is a bad thing. There are many benefits that we have gained from technology, but we need to check into reality more often.

We are social creatures, we need human interaction, and having a conversation with another being is the best way to get it. I have come to a realization that I need to make a change in my life, and I know I am not alone.I feel like I can only have a conversation with someone through text message, or social media. Having a face to face conversation is hard to come by these days.

I have made a change in my life to check into reality more. On the days I do not go to work I take my dog out for a walk, and the only thing I take with me is my phone (in case of an emergency). This is an hour of my day for me to take in the fresh air and unwind.There is a pond where I take my dog, and sometimes I like to sit and listen. Hearing the running water, the ducks and people walking by makes me realize how much life there is.

The other day on my walk I witnessed the moment when a father successfully taught his little girl how to ride her bike. I saw as he gave her her final push, and he just watched her ride down the sidewalk with a big grin on his face, the grin of accomplishment. He turned around and began to walk the other direction, but he was still looking back to make sure she was ok when she realized that he was not holding her bike any more.

I also got to witness a man walking with a blind woman, he was telling her about their surroundings, describing the colors in the sunset, giving imagery to the two little ducks that crossed their path. The best part was the huge smile on the woman’s face. The man was putting so much thought into what he was saying to her that she knew that the warmth that she was feeling was from the setting sun, and that the woman who just passed them was walking a small white dog.

It was truly amazing that I had the opportunity to witness these events just outside my front door. I would not have been able to be apart of those events if I was looking at my phone.

We are already so busy in our lives that we do not take time to appreciate the small things, and if we are looking at our smartphones, those small things just pass us by.

Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves. I enjoy going on walks but you could also read a good book, or go for a jog, write or talk to someone new. The point is to step out of our smartphones and into our lives.

~Check out of technology, and check into your reality.