CUT THE BULL, Stop Lying to Me!

One of my major pet peeves is when someone gives me some lame, bullsh*t, half-truthed excuse, like I am too dumb to see through the lies. When people do that, it is an insult to my intelligence, and it speaks to their character and what values they hold close to them. I do not and I will never understand people’s need to lie impulsively. What do they gain from lying or telling half-truths? Do they have a fear of what the outcome may be? If so they cannot control it anyways, so why lie? The truth always has a way of coming to the surface, whether we know it or not.

There have been countless times where I have been lied to and I know that I am being lied to, but I choose to say nothing. I cannot control what people say or do, but I can control my reaction. However, there is still that little voice in the back of my head that is still wondering why that person lied, what are they afraid of? What are they hiding? Did I do something to offend them?  When it comes to understanding liars, it is not about what can be gained, but it is about what is being covered up out of fear for the truth. I have been lied to about tiny things such as the texture of one’s hair, or whether or not they use deodorant, one way or another it doesn't change the person standing before me and when they lie they are actually relieving a part of who they are whether they mean to or not. The fact that they lied about something so insignificant tells me that this person is insecure about who they are, and simply cannot face the truth. No matter what the reason is for the lie it tells me that they simply cannot be trusted. They may be hiding so much more that I do not know about. I do not let these lies get to me simply because this person does not hold a significant role in my life, but I just cannot get my head around the “WHY.”

Many people tell lies to spare other’s feelings, but they are just excuses so that they do not have to face the truth. When it boils down to it, are you actually sparring the other person’s feelings or are you just prolonging and amplifying the hurt? The truth is that when it comes out, (and I say “when” because it will happen eventually) the other person will also have to deal with the fact that someone dear to them has lied. Honesty is respected, I would rather hear the harsh truth than beautiful lies. I will appreciate the fact that the other person respects me enough to tell me the truth, and the respect will be returned. Whereas if someone told me a lie I would not hold them to any value in my life, I would even go as far as to say they do not hold a PLACE in my life. The aftermath of a lie is much more harsh than that of the truth.

What harm comes from simply telling the truth? We have all heard girls say they cannot go somewhere because they have “to wash their hair.” Sorry ladies, but that is just an EXCUSE they use because they do not want to do something, and to me that is an extension of a lie. How hard is it to simply say that they do not wish to do whatever it is they are trying to get out of? Is it out of fear for conflict? As I mentioned before, is lying better than dealing with the fallout of the truth? For as long as I have been a girl, I have NEVER used that excuse because it is not very honest. One needs to reevaluate their life if they let something as insignificant as their HAIR prevent them from doing something. Just be honest with yourself and the people around you. Being anything but honest is pointless, and the person that is being lied to will begin to question EVERYTHING the liar has ever said leading them to wonder who the person really IS. Being dishonest adds extra stress to one’s life, as Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

When someone lies they are not only labeled as a liar but they will also be seen as being sneaky, dishonest, two-faced, untrustworthy … just to name a few … try getting a job with those words on your resume! It is not about what other’s think of you. You should never live your life according to what others think, being an honest person is something that lives within us and it dictates how we feel on the outside. In order to be a good person one needs to practice honesty, even in the simplest of settings in one’s life. Being honest with the people in your life shows your character, and it speaks to your values.

“The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.” ~Zig Ziglar

Thanksgiving: Revealed

Thanksgiving is a great holiday, it gives us a reason to reflect on our lives. We have a chance to see all of the positives the past year has brought and it allows us to give thanks alongside the ones we love. In grade school, we as a nation were taught that the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock and the Native Americans came together to have a peaceful meal and gave thanks. As time went on, I have heard about many different stories that tell us otherwise, and the evidence is convincing. Even as a child, in grade school I never fully grasped what my teachers were telling us, something just did not add up. I decided to do my own research about Thanksgiving and now things are beginning to make more sense.  

As a child I was well aware that I was different; my name was different, my hair was different, my skin was different, my family was different. As a result, I felt that the whites, (Pilgrims) and the colored, (Native Americans) having a meal together was very hard to believe. However, learning more about the context during that “First Thanksgiving,” helped to make more sense of the real story. Before I continue, this was not the “First” Thanksgiving, as we were told. There is evidence that shows that these types of gatherings took place more than once a year, and actually involved fasting to give thanks to the Almighty. Don’t take my word for it go look it up. In 1621, the Pilgrims were outnumbered by the Native Americans, 50 to 90. The personal accounts during the 1621 Thanksgiving, did not show any signs that would affect how we celebrate Thanksgiving today. The Pilgrims were celebrating their harvest, and the Native Americans did the hunting for the 3 day feast. The Pilgrims clearly did not have the upper hand over the Native Americans, they were higher in numbers, and they knew the land much better. After finding these answers, I was only left with more questions.

Despite this friendly exchange between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans, there was still a genocide, known as the Indian Massacre of 1622. Why is it that in grade school this fact was conveniently left out? I also found that the Native Americans were the ones to blame when it came to the cause of the genocide. They say that the Natives came to sell goods and they were UNARMED, but they grabbed anything they could find and started to kill the English settlers. 347 settlers were killed on this day. This does not make any sense to me, what could they possibly be selling goods in exchange for? The Native Americans have been on this land for hundreds of years and did not need the assistance of the English settlers. If they came with the intent to kill, why did they come unarmed? Furthermore, how do you kill 347 people if you are UNARMED? If the “First Thanksgiving” was as peaceful as they were telling us in school, why was it that less than 6 months later the English settlers felt the need to kill the Native Americans? This story was clearly written by the English settlers to justify their actions.

To complicate things even more, (You are quite welcome) what about slavery, scientific racism, and the Jim Crow laws? This history is much more recent and cannot be questioned to the same extent as Thanksgiving. If people in the 1950’s, only 70 years ago, had a problem with drinking from the same water fountain as a colored person, then how does it make sense that the Pilgrims, 393 years ago, had no issues sharing an ENTIRE 3 day feast with a group of colored Native Americans? Does the story of the Pilgrims and Indians suggest we got dumber? No, it does not, it’s just a story, that’s all it is, a story that does not make sense. We MAKE-UP stories to keep everyone entertained. We throw in a few moralistic attributes to make the listener feel as though they are gaining something from the story. In the case of the Thanksgiving story, we are gaining the virtue of being thankful and learning how to coexist with people from different backgrounds. The events of 1621 may be true, but where is the evidence? The Indian Massacre of 1622 does not offer such evidence, nor does the hundreds of years of slavery and segregation that followed.

Looking at these events does not change anything. Generations to come will continue to celebrate thanksgiving no matter what is said about it. We weren’t there and we will never really know what happened in the past. There is a difference between the “past” and “history.” The past is what actually happened, while history is the story that the winner wants you to believe. History gets manifested by whoever has the money to commision the writers to write what “the money” wants. Money talks. Our history books and the teachers that HAVE to teach us these events, are being paid by that same money. They should teach the students both sides of the story so that they can come to their own conclusion, simply supply the facts. Thanksgiving has nothing to do with the Native Americans. The celebration was derived from a religious holiday that has morphed into what we know today. The idea of this “peaceful” exchange between the Pilgrims and Native Americans, is just the means by which “the money” tries to cover up their mistakes. The Thanksgiving story is one such method to cover something up. The Pilgrims invited the Natives to the feast, this shows the reader that the Pilgrims were the nice ones. Killing hundreds if not thousands of Natives, for no reason was what “the money” wanted to cover up. “The money” was able to turn the reason for the massacre back on to the Natives by saying the reason they killed all of them was because THEY attacked first.

Despite the lies that surround Thanksgiving day, it is our job to unravel the stories and remember what this day has come to mean for us and our families. Whatever story “the money” is telling to save THEIR a$$, does not get to dictate the reason we celebrate Thanksgiving. There are Native American groups around the U.S. that honor and remember the many lives that were lost during this time in “American” history. Knowing this past is important, but there is nothing we can do to “fix” it, all we can do is learn from it, and hope for a better future. So be grateful for what you have now, be merry, and enjoy a meal with those you love and love you back.

~Go get you some Churkey!

Between the Liars and Their Lies

Why do people lie? What is a lie? A lie is basically an intentional false statement. There are different types of lies that one could research on the net. The type of lie that I think is most common is the one that covers something up, a secret. I have heard of the “white lie” where supposedly the lie protects the well being of an individual. There may be other forms of using a lie but the bottom line is that a lie is a lie. I’ll admit to lying at different points in my life and I’m not happy about doing that but I will fully admit to it.

I don’t want to justify lying period, I’m just explaining the difference between the functionality of these lies so I can introduce the lie I call the pointless lie. The pointless lie is the one that is told with no reasoning behind it. In my experience dealing with people who lie, do it out of boredom to see what they can stir up. Hypothetically, if you and I are the only ones in the kitchen and you ask me “Did you finish the dish soap, Edith?” after I have just washed the dishes, and I say “No” (not being sarcastic). Given that I used dish soap for dish washing, I clearly just lied to your face! How would that make you feel? Personally, I’d be pissed off because the other person is challenging my intelligence. This gets me mad because in this situation there is no bad consequence for telling the truth, so why lie?

Lying in general will not get you very far because sooner or later the truth is bound to come out somewhere. Like Twain said “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” People who lie have to keep track of the lies they say and they wouldn’t have to keep lying if the truth was there to begin with. Every time you think about telling a white lie think about how you would feel if you were the person being lied to, wouldn’t you prefer your friends to be honest with you? Once you find out the truth your relationship won’t be the same, you wouldn’t be able to trust that person anymore and you could lose the people you love.

The next time you feel compelled to protect someone by telling a white lie, or just lie in general, think about the future effort you have to make to cover up the lies. It’s best to tell the truth even if it hurts and hope that the other person values your honesty, it will also be beneficial to you because your conscience will be clear.

Thanks for listening, happy Monday :)