Showing posts with label Forgive&Forget. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgive&Forget. Show all posts

Saturday, February 21, 2015

I Am Not My Mistakes


Mistakes, we ALL make them, but how are our mistakes any worse or better than that of others? When I make a mistake and I learn from it, I will never intentionally make THAT mistake again. What gets under my skin is how others will always judge me for something that I did quite some time ago. I have learned from THAT mistake, however, THEY do not know that. For some reason people think they have the right to hold my error over my head for as long as I walk this planet. From this I have learned, that when others make mistakes, I have to remember that we are all humans striving to make a better life. A part of making that better life is to learn from our mistakes and become better people. We are forever changing and it is important that we all realize this fact not only about ourselves, but others around us as well. Along with learning from our mistakes we also have to offer others the opportunity to learn from their mistakes but we must never do it in a condescending manner.

I am not perfect! You are not perfect! So, why has society lead us to believe that our imperfections are something to hide and be ashamed of? Mistakes are one such imperfection. Imperfections make us human, it is proof that we are human. Making mistakes is an opportunity for learning and becoming a better version of yourself. If we make a mistake it is not the end of the world and if ANOTHER person makes a mistake, we need to realized that the world did not end, we are STILL here! :O The life lessons that YOU have learned not everyone has had the opportunity to learn them. Your life experiences and the lessons you learn shape your view of the world, and not everyone has the same worldview as you. When other people make a mistake, that is a part of their learning process. We should support one another’s personal development, by helping them see what is to be gained from the mistake. If we see that another person has made a mistake and we decide to stay silent, then we are apart of the problem and not the solution. Jesse Jackson once said, “Never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up.” If you are not planning on helping someone learn from their mistake, then you most definitely do not have the right to judge them for it and hold it against them forever.

We have all heard the phrase, “forgive and forget,” but what does that mean? Many people say that you are not really over a situation until you are able to forgive and forget, which is true, but I think it also has a lot to do with one’s inner peace. When people have wronged you in your life, you have the right to be angry and upset about it, however, holding on to that anger and resentment will not get you anywhere. If you hold a grudge over someone’s head for a long time it takes away at your inner peace. As my buddy, Buddha from another lifetime once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” If you preoccupy your time with what another person did in their past, you will miss out on the person they have become. I am not the same person I was yesterday, and I am most definitely not the same person I was back in high school or middle school. I have done thing in the past that I am not proud of and when I have the opportunity to make amends I do, but I do not want to be judged for the person I was and for the mistakes I have made. The people that I have wronged have the right to be mad, but how would they feel if the shoe was on the other foot? We have all done things that we are not proud of but being able to make amends with those people offers a sense of closure for both parties.

So when you have the power to give others another chance, do it! All we can do is hope that the other person has truly learned from their mistakes and move on.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Forgive but NEVER Forget





A few years back I was having a conversation with a friend about the popular phrase “forgive and forget.” She was telling me that she never forgives nor forgets, and I was arguing that you should forgive, but do not forget. I think that no matter the situation, if it is big or small, forgive. My reasoning is a purely selfish one, forgive for your own peace of mind. When it comes to forgetting, don’t, file the incident in the back of your mind.


At the end of the day what really matters is how you feel about yourself. So, if you are busy being mad at someone else, how do you think that will affect your well being? Life is short so why waste your precious time being upset at someone else, just forgive them and move on. Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” By not forgiving someone else you are holding on to something that will only hurt you in the end, if you do not get hurt physically it may be mentally. As for the other person, all you can do is hope they have learned their lesson, you cannot control how how other people think.

Never forget. If this person has wronged you, you do not want to make this mistake 2 times, by allowing them to hurt you. Some will say that you are not truly over an incident until you have forgotten, but I am here to say is not true. Going back to my post on Trust , I say that because this person betrayed me I now know that I cannot trust them in the same way again. I have made peace with what happened, it is no longer bothering me, it’s water under the bridge as they say. However If I forget that this person betrayed my trust, it will only happen again. When someone does something that causes you to rethink your relationship with them, it is hard to bounce back and act as though nothing has happened. With that being said, people do change and learn from their mistakes, it is not right to hold something against someone that happened along time ago. With time comes experience, and as we all get older we learn from our mistakes. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt, because you cannot truly forgive someone unless you can move past the situation.

Another thing that people do not do often enough is forgive themselves. The fact of the matter is that you cannot change the past. Life is SHORT! (Check out my other post in Dying) If you cannot change what happened, deal with it,learn from it and move on. If you need to say you're sorry say it and go back to living your life. You cannot put things on hold, time does not stand still for anyone. Do you want to spend your life holding a grudge? I have never met a single person on this planet who did not want to be happy, so get over it and be happy … and yes it IS that simple. We are only as happy as we allow ourselves to be. SOOOO forgive the asshole (even if that asshole happens to be YOU) and move on!

~Live, Learn. Move on.