My Way is THE Right Way

Who gets to decide what is right and what is wrong? … NO ONE and EVERYONE! We all have our own opinions and we have our own ways of accomplishing a task. There is no right or wrong way and there is always time to listen and learn to use that knowledge constructively. There are those few people in our lives that insist on being difficult and we wish we could knock some sense into them. These people tend to think they know EVERYTHING and they have a strong will power to be stubborn and always HAVE to be right. These people never even try to meet you half way, even if they let you state your opinion, it’s like talking to a wall. You know they are going to do whatever it is they want to do anyway. Change can be difficult and if we are used to doing things our own way, it is harder to learn to let go of our norm. If we do not succeed, we will draw a wedge between ourselves and the people around us. No matter how young, old, green, or blue we owe it to one another to really listen. We need to take the input from others when we can, so that our perspective on life becomes more complete. If we are too intent on looking through our own lens all the time, we will never see the complete picture. We must listen to others so we can get a glimpse through their lens.  

Whenever I come across people who do not take the time to look through others’ lens, I tend to think of these people as people with “BIG HEADS.” Let me make this clear, they do not physically have big heads. They have big heads in the sense that they think they are too important and too smart to listen to us common folks, their pride gets in the way. They believe that they do not HAVE to listen to what other people have to say. When I find myself in this type of situation I tend to shut down, and I try to limit my interactions with this person because I do not feel they value me or our relationship. They push me away, making me feel unimportant. People like to feel important, the moment they feel any different is when respect walks out of the door. Others will not stick around if they feel they are getting any less than what they deserve. When the BIG HEAD gets in the way, they cannot see beyond their own scope. They can only see the black and white, they do not see all of the shades of grey. If they ever stopped to listen (and I mean REALLY listen) to the people around them, they may gain another perspective. Hopefully they will begin to see the other shades of grey… and maybe even some color.

Everything is evolving, ideas evolve, technologies evolve and people evolve. New “discoveries” are always challenging the status quo and changing how we view the world. With anything that’s “new” people might have difficulty accepting it as a part of their reality. In medieval times when people used to believe that the Earth was flat, the concept of Earth actually taking a spherical form was unbelievable. Many people did not agree nor did they accept this reality. There are even people TODAY that still believe the Earth is flat, don’t take our word for it, go look it up for yourselves!! We all have our beliefs and whenever someone tries to challenge them, we shut down and refuse to listen to the nonsense that others are throwing our way. However, we need to be able to step away from those beliefs, even if it is for a moment, so that we can see something beyond ourselves. When it came to the shape of our world, it was hard for people to see past what they had been taught their entire lives. Whether or not you believe the world is flat is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, what is relevant is if you took the time to educate yourself on the subject matter before shutting down the idea entirely. Today, it is widely accepted that the earth is round and we do not challenge this sentiment, but I am sure that many of you do not know the other side of the argument, or even knew that the other side existed. So, step outside of your bubble, do research and learn as much as you can, if it is one thing that no one can ever take away from you it is your knowledge.

Willingness to listen to others and to change will make for more opportunities to engage with others and broaden your perspectives to add your pool of knowledge. You have your own opinions about the world but being a hard wall to talk to will most definitely bring about unproductive encounters with those around you. I do not like to engage in conversation with someone who doesn’t grasp anything other than what they know. If they are unwilling to open up their mind to the world around them and listen to others, they will lose the opportunity to learn. Whereas if they open up their minds and try to learn new things they will be able to contribute to society in a more functional way. Imagine how much more productive of a society we could be if more people were willing to try new things, think outside the box and actually take risks in order to better their situation. If everyone were WILLING to listen, the possibility of more people working together to find common ground and working on issues that matter would be significantly greater. Sometimes we need to set aside our beliefs of the things we know to understand something we have no idea about. We can’t always know everything and it’s ok to not know everything. We always have room for improvement but it starts with the willingness to take on the attitude that you CAN learn and continue to expand your knowledge.

Be OF this world, not just in it.

Unconditional Kindness

Every once in a while it is nice to receive recognition for your hard work, but it is especially nice when you receive something without even expecting it. There have been countless times where I have witness someone doing something and they EXPECT a reward for doing whatever it is that they did. We live in a culture where positive reinforcement is used too often and being kind for the mere fact of being kind is not taught enough. From a young age, if we do something good or something that is favored we will receive some type of reward. For example if you make good grades in school your parents will do something nice for you like buy you that one item you have always wanted, or take you to that one place you have always wanted to go. When that happens people begin to only do things if a reward is already in place. On the other hand, when someone does something nice for us we question the other person’s motives.We question what the other person wants from us and why. With all of that in mind ask yourself this: How do you treat people who have nothing to offer you in return?

We all say that we should treat others how we want to be treated, but do we ACTUALLY do it? I remember a situation at my Junior College, I was walking to lecture on a windy day when I dropped my folder and my papers flew every which way. There were too many people to count walking where I dropped my folder, and not a single person stopped to help me pick up the scattered papers. I remember feeling so small and insignificant, then anger took a hold of me, I began to question how others would feel if they were in my shoes, I am sure THEY would have appreciated the help. Now just to be clear I did not EXPECT anyone to help me but I could not wrap my head around the fact that out of ALL of the people there not a single soul could spare a few seconds to help the girl on the floor picking up her papers. Everyone may have been rushing to their next lecture or to work, or some other obligation, the heart of the reason no one stopped to help me was because no one could see what there was to gain by helping me, they only saw what they would lose: their time. My time was lost, because I had to pick up  ALL of the papers on my own, if I had a helping hand I would have spent half of the time picking up the papers. Had someone stopped to help me there would have been gains on both sides. I would have had help with my papers as well as a friendly conversation. The other person would have gone the rest of their day with the satisfaction that they helped someone who really needed it and they would have gained a friend in the process.

You shouldn’t need someone to tell you to do something, if you know that you can play a role in a task that requires attention, do it, and don’t expect a round of applause. If you and a room full of lazies are complaining about the awful stench coming from the garbage can, then take the trash OUT! Doesn’t matter who does it, everyone will benefit. You won’t always be handed a nice reward for taking the trash out, sometimes you won’t even get any thank you’s. However, being proactive when no one else is, sets you apart. If you know there is work to be done, give it your best and hope for the best without relying on shiny badges or gifts to validate your hard work. Humble yourself in all that you do because you can’t say that your work is honest and fulfilling if you’re in it for some kind of formal reward. When you do something without expecting anything in return, your true self shines through. On the other hand when you expect someone to do something in return, it will never be good enough because you will have your heart set on something much bigger and better. When you don’t expect anything, EVERY LITTLE THING someone does for you will fill you with gratitude.

Be kind for the main reason that you CAN BE KIND, it takes more energy to be mean to someone anyway. When you feel yourself thinking about what it is you have to GAIN from someone, stop and try to see what it is that you can OFFER to the other person. How can you make THEIR life better? When you are helping someone that has nothing to offer you it shows the person you are. It shows that you are willing to go that extra mile to make someone else's day. Try it some time you will see that it too, will also offer some fulfillment from knowing that you have done something positive for someone else. Break the mentality of “if-you-have-nothing-to-gain-you-are-wasting-your-time,” I hope that you will see that you actually have more to gain than you know: satisfaction, satisfaction of knowing that you were able to help another living being.

~“No one has ever become poor by giving.” ~Anne Frank